Raziel: These were the Pillars familiar to my blighted eyes, yadda yadda yadda. And there, hovering around the pillars, I could discern the spirit of Ariel.

(Ariel is floating around, and a ghostly, shimmering squarish object is sitting on the ground. Raziel walks forward toward her. She turns to him)

Raziel: Ariel!

Ariel: (In a wierd voice reminiscent of Terry Jones' old woman impression from Monty Python) (She is irritated) What is it? Do you have to interrupt me?

Raziel: Yes! This is important! Are you busy or something?

Ariel: Well, hon, I'm bakin' a casserole. I don't want to overcook it!

Raziel: (Taken aback) a CASSEROLE?

Ariel: Yes, dearie. A casserole. It gives me something to do with my time. It's boring here, you know, being damned to the Pillas for all eternity. I have to occupy my time somehow.

Raziel: (Trying to break the ice) Uh....what kind of....uh...casserole are you baking?

Ariel: Soul casserole, dearie.

Raziel (His eyes light up) Really? You devour souls too? Can I have some?

Ariel: Actually darlin', it's for the Sluaghs.

Raziel: (Suddenly pissed) For the SLUAGHS!?! Are you INSANE? I eat those things for dinner! You should let ME have that casserole! (He lunges for the ghostly oven Ariel is baking with, but goes through it and knocks his head on what's left of the Balance Pillar).

Ariel: Sorry, dear, but it's for the Sluaghie-Waughies--

Raziel (raging) SLUAGHIE WAUGHIES!?!?! *$%$#!! Whoever killed you was on the right track! RRRRRR!

Ariel: (staying calm and floating above Raziel) Well, you know, hon, those Sluaghies need their nourishment. I may as well give it to them in a good, homecooked dish. And besides, if I feed them, it stops them from trying to devour me.

Raziel: (bouncing off the remains of the pillars) I can't believe this! I'm chasing Kain through history to kill him, for WHAT?! So this dump can be pretty again and you can leave? Well you know what, I think you can STAY HERE! I won't kill Kain and that's that. So there! You're going to be here forever and I'll LAUGH at you! Hahahahahahaah (breaks down into helpless laughter)

Ariel: (raising the eyebrow that still exists) Well darlin, I think you need to sit down and take a few deep breaths. Anyway, my casserole's done. (She pulls a spectral casserole out of the oven and vanishes into the Spiritual Realm)

Raziel: (Sees her vanish and stops raging for a minute to catch his breath, then abandons his physical form and follows her into Spectral)

(In the Spectral Realm, Ariel is serving the casserole to three Sluaghs. They stick their faces in and eat it, and Ariel poofs back into the Physical Realm. Raziel then charges at the Sluaghs, Soul Reaver waving)

Sluaghs: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Raziel: I'll GET YOU FOR THAT! (He lunges at the closest one. It suddenly looms up way above his head and grins. It tries to stomp him, and he runs for the nearest Planar Portal. Finally making it there he manifests himself in the Physical Realm just as the Gigasluagh's foot comes crashing down. Ariel is smiling pleasantly at him)

Ariel: Did you have a good time?

Raziel: Ahhhh! There was this huge Sluagh and it tried to stomp me! It was THIS big! Help! Help! (He runs past the Pillars)

Ariel: I told you that casserole nourished my little Sluaghies!

(Raziel runs right into the path of a Fire Demon behind the Pillars and is knocked back into the Spectral Realm by the shock. Ariel turns back to her oven.)

Ariel: Soul Pie...Soul Pie...let me see..three souls, mix with flour....