Episode Thirty Three

            By the end of the week Harry still hadn't explained his frightening dream to her. He felt that if he did it would entirely change the nature of their relationship. He felt like he was finally getting a grip on it and he didn't want that to weaken and slip.

            "Harry?" Gwen questioned him quietly one night in the common room. She was dressed in a silky nightgown and her hair was down in waves over her shoulders. Harry wanted to run to her, take her in his arms and ravish her that instant. When he turned sixteen, it was as if someone had turned on the hormonal switch. He couldn't get the sexy thoughts of Gwen out of his head and the clingy material of her nightgown wasn't helping any.

            "Yes." He replied after a moment's hesitation filled with irresistible thoughts.

            "I wanted to ask you what your dream was about."

            "Oh."

            "You don't have to tell me. I just wanted to know what would make you fly cross-country to Hogwarts. Just for me."

            "It wasn't just that, but trust me even it was I still would've come; it was awful." He said simply.

            "What else is it?"

            "My godfather." Harry looked at her with haunted eyes, darkened by something devastating. "It was on the muggle news. The local authorities a little north from Little Winghing  found the body of Sirius Black."

            "He's dead?" She took his hand in hers.

            Harry nodded somberly. "I have to speak with Dumbledore about it, but I think so." He looked for all the world like a man standing still on thin ice he knows will break. Gwen couldn't say anything; she didn't know what to say. She had faced loss like this, but there was little anyone could say to console Harry. His godfather, his last true connection to his father and mother was dead. She simply held his hand, looking down into her lap. She waited, waited until he felt safe to speak again.

            "This only confirms to me that Voldemort is out for me again. And perhaps because of our relationship, you."

            "I'm fine Harry." Gwen said with a humorless laugh. She didn't fear the Dark Lord and Harry's concern seemed like dark comedy to her.

            "I know and I'm very glad Gwen, but something's different about you. You've taken cavalier to the next level."

            Gwen grimaced a forced smile. She shook her head not sure how to respond. She needn't have bothered spending the next moments scrambling for something witty to remark because Harry spoke again, interrupting all of her best comebacks.

            "Something's different about you all right; something's different about us."

            "Us?" She asked quietly.

            "Can't you feel it?" He asked with passion. "I'm in love with you Gwen."

            She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "I know that Harry."

            "But you don't know. You think you know. I can't get you out of my head Gwen. I know so much about you. I know you've been to see Gemma again. You always seem different after a visit with her. I know this was a big visit."

            "It was." She said amazed that Harry knew her almost as well as her mother did.

            "Listen, I know you chose Corwin. I resigned myself to that. It will be easier with him and I understand all of the reasons why you did it. But you can't deny that we have something."

            Gwen looked at him startled. Of course there was an intense chemistry between them and it was building every day that they spent together. Since Corwin had graduated he would not be returning to distract her from Harry again. However he sent owls every day with pages and pages of love letters, enough so that she could ignore the aching sensation that Harry left in her belly.

            "Harry, I can't. I don't know what to do."

            "If you're going to be with him then be with him. Don't let me stop you."

            "Harry, please."

            "Damnit Gwen, what do you want from me?"

"Harry, I am Guenivere. You're my Lancelot and Corwin is my King Arthur."

            He looked at her deeply for a moment. She was sobbing uncontrollably now and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to comfort her with an arm wrapped around her shoulder, but he thought that it would only complicate matters more. He was right in his assumption, but his lack of physical contact with her did not stop the emotional damage.

            Both of them were hurting and Gwen had never been so confused in her entire confusing life.