G/N: Hi, I'm back. Exams are over and I'm free till September so updates will be a lot faster now (unless my C drive gets wiped again, grrrrr, damn computer). Also, I have a new muse. You may remember my old one, Callopera, well she doesn't do much now apart from site in her corner of the cave and hit herself on the head with blunt instruments. I found a new muse while I was away from ff.net, his name is Brogan, say hi to the nice people, Brogan.

The rock that GoT was sitting on moves and opens a blue eye.

GoT: Everyone, this is Brogan, he's a silver dragon.

Brogan: (looks at the readers) Greetings, squishy humans. (looks at GoT) Guardian, you lazy girl, you just copied that from Naz-Girls!

GoT: Well, it saves time.

Brogan: (snorts) Well, it's not very polite.

GoT: Well, I'm not polite. When was the last time I updated this anyway?

Callopera: (from her corner) 14/3/03

GoT: Wow, that long?

Brogan: G, dear, don't you think you should do review responses now?

GoT: Oh yeah, good idea. Glad I thought of it!

Brogan rolls his eyes.

GoT: Humm, only two. Oh well. First,

Space Toaster - Thank you, I'm glad you like it. So, you're two people?

Vladimirsangel - YES! MOEBIUS IS PINK, REJOICE! You got mental images? Cool! (is honoured) I gave people mental images. (looks over to where Raz and Kain are eating the pizza VA gave them)

Raziel: Hey, there are anchovies on this! OUCH! (rubs his head where Kain hit him)

Kain: Shut UP, you ungrateful little maggot!

GoT: Anyway, I hope this chapter is to your (winks) liking.

Raziel: It certainly was to mine! (grins devilishly)

Brogan rolls his eyes again.

Got: Right. (claps her hands together) That over and done with, let us get on with the fic!

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Chapter 6: Where are all these people coming from?

We here a drum roll as we enter the Chronoplast. Chairs have been arranged around a makeshift stage with heavy red velvet curtains. There are a majority of vampires occupying the seats, a few humans and a couple of demons. Everyone is eating popcorn and is anxious for the entertainment to begin. A couple had evidently got board of waiting and were making out on the back row, till the ushers turned the hose pipes on them. Since the couple were both vampires this did have the desired effect of making them stop.

Off to one side, sitting behind a set of drums, is Lupa the wolf girl (G/N: Used with full permission of VladimirsAngel. Go and read her stuff on fictionpress.net, her poems and stories are super good. And while you're at it you could also read my poems while you're there.

Turel: Coughcoughshamelesslypromotingherownstuffcough) The lights dim and everyone stops talking, the crunch of popcorn and the slurp of fizzy drinks the only sounds to be heard. A spotlight comes up on centre stage and Raziel appears from behind the curtain, he smiles at the audience.

Raziel: Welcome, one and all, to the Chronoplast Chamber this evening. Tonight's show will comprise mainly of (well, solely of) us ridiculing an old man and shaming him for all time.

Raziel smirks at this little joke as the audience cheers. Then, after a moment, he silences them with a wave of his hand.

Raziel: But not just any old man, friends, no, we shall be tormenting that manipulative, bug eyes, bald headed uber twat and all time meanie, Moebius!

The crowd go wild at this, shouting, screaming, stamping their feet, throwing confetti, you know, the usual. Raziel again silences them.

Raziel: May I also remind you that there are souvenirs for sale at the back of the room, please purchase some on the way out to remind you of this happy day in years to come.

At the back we can see Tor manning a small store where you can buy 'I Saw Moebius Dunked!' Tee-shirts, fragments of his purple orb thing that Raziel has handily smashed and sugar Moebius' that could be dipped in pink sherbet. Helping her are Dumah and Zephon, who have, for the moment, set aside their difference for the noble cause of making money.

Raziel: Lupa love? The drum roll please.

Lupa: Oki doki, Razzy babe.

She picks up her drum sticks.

Raziel: (scowling) Don't call me babe.

Lupa dose a very impressive drum roll as Levi pulls back the curtain to reveal a large vat of thick, pink liquid and a dunking machine like the ones medieval witch hunters used to use. Standing to one side, Soul Reaver in hand and a massive grin on his face, is Kain. Once the curtain is fully drawn Lupa continues her drum roll for another six minutes, finishing with a series of loud clashes from her cymbals.

Raziel: No need to go overboard Lupa honey.

Levi: (mutters) Show off. OUCH!

Levi rubs the back of his head where Lupa has thrown her drumsticks at him. Kain bows to the audience, who are now cheering and wolf whistling him.

Kain: Bring out the VICTIM!

Lupa plays a death march as Rahab and Melchiah carry the still unconscious Moebius out onto the stage.

Kain: Awaken the victim!

Rahab pulls out a small hammer and whacks Moebius in the crotch. Moebius sits bolt upright and screams in a very high pitched voice.

Moebius: EEEEAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Kain: Rise and shine, sleeping oldie.

Moebius: Ehhh...? Kain....? OH SHIT! WHERE'S MY STAFF!

Rahab: Would that be the staff that had the big orb on it? The big orb that my dearest brother Raziel smashed up and is right now using as a back scratcher?

Moebius looks over to where Raziel is standing, using a section of the staff to scratch his back.

Raziel: Oh yeah, that's the spot.

Moebius whimpers softy.

Kain: Tie the bastard to the dunky thing.

Melchiah: With pleasure dad!

Both he and Rahab drag Moebius kicking and screaming to the witch dunker wossit and tie him in. The only thing stopping the frantic guardian from getting very well aquatinted with a load of pink goo is a thick rope. Kain walks over to the afore said rope and raised the Soul Reaver. Moebius makes a bubbling noise.

Kain: Would someone be so kind as to give me a countdown?

Audience: 10!

Lupa: 9!

Raziel: 8!

Levi: 7!

Rahab: 6!

Melchiah: 5!

Tor: 4!

Dumah: 3!

Zephon: 2!

Kain: 1!

Everyone: DUNK!

Moebius: EEEEEEEE-*GLOMP!*

Moebius vanishes beneath the dye.

Everyone: HUZZAH!

The audience rise to their feet cheering, wolf whistling and clapping. Up on the stage Kain bows to the audience as some fangirls in the middle front row start throwing red roses onto the stage. Raziel is off stage grinning, partly because Moebius is pink but mainly because he has Lupa perched on his lap. He suddenly frowns.

Raziel: Hummm.... Why do I keep thinking we've forgotten something?

Hummm.... Could that be because you have, Raz?

In the meantime, over at Janos' Retreat........

Pipehead: Hee-hee! Zap!

Pipehead was amusing herself by teasing a Sentry Eye.

Janos: Piper! Be careful!

Pipehead: Okay mister Angil.

She picks up a rock and throws it at the Sentry Eye, who blows it to pieces with an energy bolt. Janos sighs and goes back to the balcony, she seems to be enjoying herself. He sits on the balcony and dangles his legs over the edge. From what he could gather Piper's baby-sitter had left her with some friends while she went out somewhere and Piper had them run away from them. It looked like he was going to have to contact the authorities himself. Janos looks around the calm snowy mountains of his home and spots a small group of people making their way up a mountain ledge covered in snow, Janos scowls.

Janos: Mist! What the hell are they doing back here? Bleedin' tourists!

Janos climbs to his feet.

Janos: OI! YOU LOT! CLEAR OFF!

The camera focuses on a small group who turn out to be the Fellowship of the Ring. (G/N: Turel puts the Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack into the CD player and turns the sound up full blast.) Legolas looks out upon hearing a fell voice in the air.

Legolas: There is a fell voice on the air. (G/N: Turel pulls a face)

Janos' Voice: (distantly) Get the hell off my mountain!

Gandalf: It's SARUMAN!

Aragorn: But, Saruman doesn't have a German accent!

Frodo: You're right, look! (points) It's that blue dude!

Boromir slaps Gandalf.

Boromir: You barmy old codger! You've led us up the wrong mountain AGAIN!

Gimli: And talking about fell, that guy looks like he's about to fell us if we don't get off his mountain sharpish!

Gandalf: About face!

Janos's Voice: (still distantly) And if I ever see any of you rabble again-!

Gandalf: Forward MARCH!

The Fellowship start to make their way slowly down the mountain. Gimli takes this opportunity to trip Legolas up with the pole of his axe while the elf is making his 'poncy way' downhill. This cause Legolas to slide in a rather undignified fashion down the mountain's side and off the top of a cliff. The rest of the Fellowship watch this in a horrified silence then they all stare at Gimli.

Gimli: What? Oh come on, he's an elf, immortal! He can only be killed by fire, steel, or grief. He'll have a broken nail at best and a broken leg at worst.

Janos is getting a bit impatient with the groups slow progress and decides to speed things up. With a wave of his hand and a mischievous grin Janos summons twelve Thralls and cause them to appear out of the ground just behind the Fellowship. After the initial moment of blind panic they make good their escape on shield, axe and hobbit used as sledges. When they reach the bottom they make their way back across the ice. From Janos' point of view we can see a dark shape moving after them under the ice that looks like a denizen of the deep but turns out to be a vengeful elf, which is much, mush worse.

Janos sighs happily to himself as the sounds of a large piece of ice being brought down repetitively on someone's head drift up to him and gets out his phone book.

Back at the Sarafan Fortress.....

Kain and his own fellowship are standing outside, having left Moebius screaming denial and at the crowds mercy inside. From the other side of the fortress we can hear the water based battleship game raging on, the sounds of rocks, furniture and the occasional bovine being hurled through the air at seventy miles a hour float over to is.

Kain: Right! Anyone have any idea which direction we should be heading?

Rahab: How about left.

Kain: Why left?

Rahab: Because of that.

Rahab points behind Kain and he turns. Behind him is a neon pink flashing sign saying 'Piper Autumn Archer (Pipehead) went left Kain'.

Kain: (looking a little nonplussed) Ah, Right. Well, one direction is as good as another.

Tor: Mister Kain, sir? Raziel isn't here.

Kain: Huh?

Kain counts his group and see that yes, he is missing a first born son.

Kain: Where is that air headed narcissit?

We the quickly change scene to the room with the scrying pool and the doors that lead to the time streaming chambers. If we listen to the door of the chamber of arrival (the one without the pink crystal) we can hear whooping and cheering as the crowd torment the now shocking pink Moebius. If we listen to the door of the chamber of departure (the one with the pink crystal) we can hear a lot of moaning and the occasional howl.

We now return to Kain's group.

Kain: Oh well, Raz is a big boy. He can look after himself. Lets go.

And so they set off. They walk for a brisk half a hour till they reach the Pillars. Chained to the Pillars for some reason is a red haired hunchback. After a double take they all silently agree to move on without comment. They keep going until they reach Termogent Swamp. Well, what should be Termogent Swamp. What they find is the smoking remains of the swamp (Rahab: How in the name of seven hells can a swamp burn down?), a somewhat peeved Vorador doing some sort of deranged war dance of annoyance while screaming gibberish (the only understandable word being 'tangerine'). They also find a young man doing handstands with a little goblin thing on his feet lifting rocks with his mind next to a crashed starfighter. After getting their autographs they group try to decide which way to go next. Levi is volunteered to go and ask for directions and he approaches a large man with a bushy black bearded.

Levi: Excuse me?

Hagrid: What? Eh? Oh, hello there. What can I do yer fer?

Levi: Umm? Have you seen a little girl? Blond hair, pigtails, about so high, dressed in pink?

Hagrid: Humm, oh her! Yeah, I seen 'er. She was headin' towards that village in the north with the funny church and name...... I shouldn't have said that!

Levi: Really? Okay, thanks!

Hagrid: I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have said that, I should not have said that!

Levi runs back to the group and tells them what he's learnt.

Rahab: Before we move on, is anyone else worried that all these random people are turning up in Nosgoth

Zephon: Not really, at some point the faculty of Unseen University will turn up and we can blame them sine it always comes down to being their fault.

Melchiah: He's got a point.

Kain: Very well. In the meantime let us make way to Ulshen...... Ulstentin-ten....... Ulcertintanterry-to-to-mine........ That small village in the northern mountains!

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Kain: I don't get it, I could say it in Blood Omen.

GoT: (pats him on the shoulder) Don't worry, I only did it because it's funny.

Kain: (sighs) What have I done to deserve this?

Brogan: Where's Raziel?

GoT: Still in the time thingie with Lupa, don't think we'll see him till next chapter. Now can I, Brogan?

Brogan: (sighs for a third time) Yes, all right.

GoT: Squee!!! (starts to type the next chapter of Jail Break)

Brogan: I suppose it's up to me then? Right. (turns to the readers) Review or I'll eat you, okay? Happy? Good! See you in Jail Break on fictionpress.