Episode Seventy Seven
Part One
Now, Gwen had only to wait.
It was a matter of time before he appeared again. He always did it when she least expected. He would come charging up the lawns for whatever reason and Gwen would stare at him as if she were seeing a ghost. Even though she knew now that it was impossible for him to be a ghost. He'd have to be dead.
She figured Graves was a smart boy. He wouldn't come so soon after the initial shock. No, because then she'd definitely arrange that ghost thing for him. She was angry enough to kill him.
"I'll choke the ever loving life out of him." She snarled at the picture of him in the Daily Prophet (the living one of course).
She had been overjoyed at first that he was alive. He was her best friend in the whole world and she had thought him dead for two weeks. And then she was nervous. If he had faked his death, which he obviously had, then something had to be terribly wrong. And then as the gears began to turn the nervousness morphed into anger.
He hadn't kept her in the loop. He didn't bother to tell her that it was a hoax. The good sense Gwen was starting to develop had disappeared all together. She was in a furor.
Even though she was in a vehement mood regarding Graves she told no one about his reappearance. She didn't think it safe just yet to reveal that he was alive to anyone besides Harry. And even he was a calculated risk on her part.
It seemed like everything was adding up, adding to a pile of emotional flotsam and jetsam that would take far too long to sort through. As she walked towards her office she felt a war waging in her head. She was fighting to keep all the emotions she had been bottling about her father inside her head. Before she knew what was happening her body was sagging against the wall, the battle in her head had taken precedence over walking.
Gwen was swooning.
"Hey there." Anthony said, catching her gently. "What's goin' on with you?" He added good naturedly.
"I've been having bad dreams. That's all."
"That's all? You look like death paid you a visit last night."
"It's just fatigue. It's nothing time and a good nap can't cure." She said with a winning smile. But that winning smile was set under two very deep purple circles under eyes that looked bleaker still in the dim light of the candles.
"Come on G-g-gwen, we've been colleagues for long enough that we can share our personal problems."
"As an adult, do you think I'll be wading through my parent's problems for the rest of my life?"
Anthony laughed. He patted her amiably on the shoulder. "I know exactly how you feel."
"Is that so?" She said, lightened by his humor.
"My dad was in some trouble a while back, asked if I c-c-could magically erase some of his records. I told him those records are the one thing that might level his head and that I wouldn't dare. If he already has trouble on paper, perhaps he won't c-c-cause more."
Gwen had to admit, Tony was pretty cool about stuff like that. And he seemed to stutter a whole lot more when in private. She had never mentioned his speech impediment before because she thought it would be rude, but then she realized that he didn't care.
"You seem to stutter more when you're not in front of students." She said.
"Yeah. It's because I'm more c-c-comfortable around you."
"Huh?"
"Well, I'm c-c-comfortable enough that I don't have to concentrate on sounding like an idiot. So the stutter k-k-kind of goes into over-drive."
She laughed and he smiled brightly. After a pause she continued. "But the thing is Tone, your parent's are living still. Mine are dead."
Anthony looked concerned for the briefest of moments. If she was having dreams about her parents there could be dark magic at work. Then again they could just be bad dreams. "What kind of dreams?"
"Like nightmares but not so scary. Just queer. They've all been dreams, definitely. But it seems odd just now. Why would I be having recurring dreams about my dad all of a sudden?"
Part Two
A long talk with Anthony didn't resolve any of her issues. She went to bed knowing full well that at some point her father would be sitting with her, talking her late into the night with vague, confusing messages that her sleep deprived mind could no longer understand. Pairing that with the knowledge (for now she was certain) that Graves would return to her left her feeling completely empty after having been completely full.
After a long day of teaching classes on her own she stumbled into her office, closing the door. She dropped her books on the edge of her desk and was about to settle into her chair before she realized someone was sitting there.
And there he was, lounging in her chair as if he belonged there.
"Long time no see." She said bitterly.
"I had to hide Gwen." Graves replied softly. "It was getting too hard."
"What do you mean?" She spat searching his face for the truth. It was haunted, as it had been in the picture. His eyes were dead looking, the blue fading to grey. He didn't smile, he couldn't. He could only look away from her anger.
"I can't be what I'm not. I only did it because I loved you."
"Did what and what kind of a reason is that to do anything?"
"Did what I did for the Order. And it's not a good reason. That's why I tried to get out. You don't know what it's like on the other side Gwen. Once you're in you can't get out. It's not as easy as Snape made it seem. I couldn't play the double operative anymore. And there's only one way to get out, that's to be dead."
"You faked your death because it was too hard?"
"It's so easy for you to say that. You've been afforded the opportunity to hide behind a desk."
"You fucking bastard." She said heatedly. "You think I'm happy with this situation?"
"Then why don't you do something about it?"
She looked away from him. Even when he was being mean he was being honest. She looked back at him, her eyes shaded. "Do you know how I felt about your death?"
His fierceness faded instantly. It was replaced with guilt and shame, mixed in with a bit of melancholy. "I am sorry about that." He said quietly.
"Sometimes I feel like you don't respect me. You don't care enough to tell me something like this."
"Don't you even play that card again."
"It's the truth. Why didn't you think to tell me?"
"I couldn't tell anyone." He said plainly. "I couldn't risk anyone else knowing that I was still alive."
After a moment of heavy silence Gwen spoke, much quieter. "What did they do to you?"
"I'd rather not go into detail just yet." He said, the pain visible in the deep lines around his jaw and brow.
"You're risking a lot by coming here." She said.
"It's worth it this time."
"Why this time?"
"Because I love you." He rushed. He continued on a much quieter note, "I've always loved you."
She paused. Something was wrong, she could tell. "What am I in danger again?" She said, trying to lighten the mood with a wry smile. She plopped into one of the oak chairs across from him. He looked at her, fully taking in every little detail of hair and skin.
Her anger had subsided enough that he wasn't afraid of her backhand anymore. Her hair had grown since he'd last seen her, it was skimming her shoulders now and fell a little wavier than usual. She looked worn and tired. He noticed how her eyes had a fire to them, a leaping dancing flame, but she didn't seem to notice. She was halfway between humor and frustration, the two fighting for dominance. She wanted to laugh out loud and then she wanted to break something, back and forth.
"You're always in danger Gwen. But so is Hogwarts with you. They're planning a raid."
"Of the school?" She said, her incredulousness getting the better of her.
"Indeed." He said.
"We need to tell Dumbledore."
"I already have. He's working on tighter security as we speak."
The room had grown colder and she shivered. Graves couldn't feel it, he was almost numb to the chill after all he'd been through. She reached her hand out slowly, resting it over his, palm to palm. "I couldn't stand losing you Graves. You've been my best friend since before you can remember." She smiled deadly. "If you ever dare do that to me again, I'll kill you."
He laughed out loud this time, cracking away at some of the fear and premature aging.
