[a/n: ok..my 3rd fic! yay! they all suck but this ones got to be good. yea ok its gonna be really cheesy tho so be prepared...ok after debating this isnt gonna be very serious but not too stupid...not makes-your-head-bleed stupid at least

I did it so you can get this under LOTR or HP...yea...well I couldn't decided either way so I did both.]

"Where are we?" asked Legolas. Four hobbits huddled together, Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Frodo. Gandalf was there too. So was Aragorn and Arwen, Boromir and Gimli.

"Blimey," said Pippin, "It's the whole fellowship...and Arwen."

"Really? I never would have guessed!" added Merry sarcastically.

"Hey, wat're those over there?" asked Frodo. They turned and looked. A gaggle of dazed children stood together about 100 feet away.

"We shall go investigate." said Gandalf.

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"Where are we?" asked Harry.

"Beats me" said Ron. Hermione just shook her head. They looked around. Just about every character mentioned from the Harry Potter series was there. [a/n: sorry couldnt resist] Everyone, or it seemed like it, from Hogwarts was there. Minus staff, and ghosts, and minor characters. [hee] Draco was there, along with Seamus, Neville, Ginny, Fred, George, Pansy, Parvati and Padma [oh come on, we need some hot chicks here besides an elf maiden], Cho, and Susan Bones [well we have to have the directors daughter!]. Ok minus Susan Bones. Well I don't think I forgot anyone. Ok on with the story!

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The regal [i dont kno what regal means...hee] Fellowship, and Arwen, marched over to the children. Well, most marched. Gimli and the vertically challenged hobbits scurried along at their heels like Chihuahuas. Except that Gimli was a grumpy, big ass Chihuahua with an axe. The other Chihuahuas has uncommonly large and, um, hairier feet than the rest of their Chihuahua bodies. Anyway....

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"Where the hell am I?" asked Draco. "Figures I get stuck with a bunch of useless prats like you. No offense to Slytherins. Oh, and you Padma."

Pandma nodded.

Just then a group of adults, a couple with pointy ears, and four skittish Chihuahuas, erm little people, and a grumpy Chihuahua...little man with an axe came to them.

"I am Gandalf the Grey, and this," He motioned around himself to the gathering people. He paused for dramatic effect, "This, my children, these group of people before you,"

"Get on with it!" snapped Draco.

"HUSH YOU FOOL! GANDALF THE GREY IS PAUSING AND BUILDING FOR EFFECT!!!"

"Cough. Anyway, this is, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING!"

Dramatic music came out of nowhere. Gandalf stood there with his arms dramatically outstretched.

Neville coughed.

"Well that was pointless." said Pippin."

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of-"

"We don't need to know your life story." sneered Draco.

Aragorn bowed his head in shame and walked off.

"I am Legolas Greenleaf, woodelf."

"You're not an elf!" laughed Seamus, "Elves are little neurotic house things that clean and cook and do dirty work!"

Legolas puffed up his chest and walked off with Aragorn.

"I am Gimli, son of Gloin. Dwarf."

No Hogwartian [*snicker*] said anything. The Little angry man with an axe scared them.

"Hmph." grunted Gimli, quite pleased with himself. "Score: one for the Dwarf, none for elf."

Legolas glared at Gimli.

"I am Arwen Evenstar, elf princess." she said in her deep, sexy, elven princess voice.

"Damn she's hot," murmured Ron under his breath. The other boys nodded in agreement.

Aragorn growled, "she's mine" and waved his sword around menacingly.

"I am Gandalf the Grey, as you all know, good Wizard."

"So?" asked a Weasley twin. Pfft, no one can tell them apart.

"Well, aren't you children impressed by me? I have magical powers! Wooo!"

"Big woop," said the other, let's make him Fred. I don't care for George much. Crazy punk.

"What? Well I don't suppose you can top me!" huffed Gandalf.

"Well," said Hermione, "All of us *are* wizards..."

"Well- I- uh- hmph!" Gandalf pouted and stalked off to join Aragorn and Legolas.

"HA! One for children wizards and zippo for Gandalf!" laughed Gimli.

"Oh sod off you great prune of a dwarf." said Gandalf.

"Oooo!" squealed Pansy, "What are those little hairy footed things! Positively adorable! Ooh! Do they bite?"

The hobbits blinked at her, then huddled together. "This can be fun." they whispered to each other. "Psst psst psst psst psst" "Pippin, you're not whispering secret plans into my ear. You're just saying 'psst' into my ear." "shut up Frodo"

So they plotted. Let's see what eh dirty bastards are gonna do. Just kidding. They're clean bastards. :D

"Don't be silly. They're harmless." said Seamus, "Just look at them."

Pansy rushed over to pet them and ogle at them. Pippin, Merry, and Frodo scampered around her happily. Sam sat by himself. He was not into this kind of stuff.

"Ooo! They're sooo cuuuuuute!" she squealed. They barked and laughed a little then stood around her. "What are they?" She began to pet them.

"NOW!" yelled Pippin. Merry jumped on her and knocked her to the ground. She shrieked. Pippin and Frodo ran of and began chasing the Hogwarts students. It's really funny if you picture it. Come on, picture it. OK whatever.

OK so now we have a bunch of kids running for their lives from a bunch of crazed hobbits. yay!

"Bad hobbits, bad!" yelled Legolas, squirting them with squirt bottles filled with water.

The hobbits sputtered and growled and scampered off to laugh at all the silly British Kids. "Silly British kids!"

"Hobbits aren't bad," said Legolas, "They're just playing. They're like normal people."

Draco raised him eyebrow at them and Pansy cowered. Pippin growled. Padma and Parvati squeaked. Hermione looked starry-eyed. Even Pansy had forgotten about the hobbits. Cho change walked up too.

"So, you're a wood elf?" Cho asked dreamily.

"Yes"

They oo-ed and aah-ed.

"What are we doing here?" asked Harry.

"Oh, terribly sorry." boomed a voice, "Forgot to tell you. Quite entertaining watching you all bicker and fight. So anyway. You are all here because I called you here. Do not ask who I am-"

"Who are you?" asked Pippin.

"You are a very stupid hobbit. Smack you!"

Just then a stick came out of nowhere and hit Pippin upside the head.

"You ask too many questions! Anyway, you all belong to me now! Muahahahahahahahahahaha! *cough* hack* *wheeze* You are all here for no reason. I have the power to bring you here! I am the author! Complete control! Boosh! Checkmate! Anyway.... have fun and don't expect to leave soo, there is not escaping this place. Yea. um. er. I own you!"

And that was all they got out of the Big Voice. They kept shouting at it but random things kept flying out of nowhere and hitting them.

"We must get out of here!" said Gandalf! Exclamation point? Gandalf shouldn't have an exclamation point after it!

Just then a large building popped up. It said Your New Home on it with big red letters. Below it said Wankers in a tiny off-white print that blended in with the wall.

"Well I suppose that's our new home." said Gandalf.

"Some great wizard you are." said Seamus.

"Sod off"

A young girl walked out of the building. She was average height, weight, and build and was pretty pretty.

"Follow me for a guided tour please." she said.

"And what if we don't?" asked someone in the crowd.

"YOU SHALL DIE!!!!!" she smiled pleasantly, "Right this way then."

"Who are you?"

She smiled, "Ask again and YOU SHALL DIE!!!!"

"As you can see, this first floor has been recreated to look like wood land. Legolas, I think you might feel at home here." Legolas nodded. "Down below to your right is a passage way leading to our mine tunnels. Gimli, you have your home recreated there, along with the Slytherin common room for the students who choose to use it. This way." They walked up a flight of steps. "The second floor is small. For our Chihua- erm- our vertically challenged. As you will see, everything has been made to look like Bag End. There is a section over there for Gandalf. Now up here," They went up another flight of stairs. "Is Rivendell, for Arwen, and um, Aragorn." The kids were more and more amazed and kept chattering amongst themselves. "There is also a house for Boromir. Here we go, up another flight of stairs. This fourth floor is modeled exactly of Hogwarts, but all concentrated on one floor. Up are a few more floors. The 5th has regular dorms, like colleges have. The 6th floor has fancier rooms to be used on *cough* special occasions only. The 7th floor has random pools, ponds, Jacuzzis, and all that water stuff. The 8th has an extensive library," Hermione gasped. "And other learning materials. Level nine contains all material items you would ever need-"

"How about-" began Seamus

"Have it"

"Do you have-" asked Legolas

"Yes"

"I know you don't have this-"

"Full in stock"

This went on for a while. Crazy people. Thinking they can out smart me. pfft!

"Level ten has all sanitary utilities, showers, whatnot. Level eleven is the cafeteria. Every food. Don't try to think of one we don't have. We have it. Then there are several more floors to meet your every whim. Yea. Do it on your own time. Don't kill each others and don't make babies. Other than that I think you're OK. Have fun."

Then she vanished.

"Well, we're off to level eleven. Ta." and the Hobbits Rushed off. That's right, rushed with a capital "R."

Eventually people evaporated to random floors.

And so it began.

[a/n: muahahahahaha! no plot! no rules! boosh! OK seriously, the only faint plot there is is that they're tyring to find a way out of Box. Yes I named the place Box. Why? I've always wanted them all in a Box. natch. Yea so this is just to aid my boredom. Shopping carts, eh?

-EP//JKR]