Bearly Getting It
by
Cynthia "Sparky" Read

Chapter Three

"I hate cases like this," muttered Darkwing as he maneuvered a sharp curve.

"Cases like what, DW?"

"Cases with no clues."

"I still think this bear is a clue," said Launchpad, pulling the bear out and waving it.

Gosalyn grabbed it. "Why would a stupid teddy bear be a clue?" she demanded squinting at the bear's face. Suddenly, she plunged her hand into Darkwing's pocket and grabbed his wallet. She jumped out of the Ratcatcher's sidecar, still clutching the wallet and the bear.

"Gosalyn!" yelled Darkwing, Launchpad, and Honker in surprise as Gosalyn rounded a corner.

Darkwing brought the Ratcatcher to a screeching halt. "What made her do that?" Darkwing was frantic. "We have to go after her!"

So the three abandoned the motorcycle. They peeked around the corner and saw Gosalyn enter an abandoned deli.

"Everyone keep quiet," Darkwing cautioned the others, and they followed him slowly around the corner to look in an open window.

"Of course!" hissed Darkwing as he took note of the occupants of the place. "Quackerjack is behind all this!"

"I told you the bear was a clue."

Darkwing tried to ignore his sidekick. "There's Gosalyn!" he whispered.

Sure enough, Gosalyn was running straight for Quackerjack, who was standing near a teenaged tern who held a duffel bag.

"WhHey!" yelled Quackerjack as Gosalyn reached into a pocket of his costume and pulled out the clown's wallet. Then, to everyone's surprise, she presented the two wallets to Evelyn.

"Um, thanks," said the tern, accepting the gifts.

"Wait a minute..." mused Darkwing, staring at the wallet Gosalyn had confiscated from him, "that's Drake Mallard's wallet! I took the wrong one with me!" He began to panic. If Quackerjack realized that that wallet belonged to him, he could use the information inside to incriminate him. Sure, it was a stretch, but it was possible. He decided not to risk it.

"Freeze, fiends!" he shouted, jumping through the open window. He dashed to Gosalyn's side, all the while keeping an eye on Quackerjack and the tern, who both blinked at him in surprise. He gave Gosalyn's shoulders a shake.

"Huh? What?" Gosalyn looked around. "What are we doing here?"

Darkwing whipped out his Gas-Gun. "Nobody move!" Then he paused. That tern looked familiar...

"Hey that's Evelyn!" Gosalyn jabbed a finger accusingly at the tern. "She's a villain!"

Evelyn suddenly felt a tinge of pride. Someone thought she was a villain!

"Children, attack!" cried Quackerjack.

Darkwing looked aroundand shrieked in terror as he caught sight of a tidal wave of unruly-looking children descending upon him. "Run!" he yelled, and he, Launchpad, Gosalyn, and Honker fled from the deli and around the corner. They pounced on the Ratcatcher.

"Hurry, Dad!" begged Gosalyn.

Darkwing struggled with the engine. "I...got it!" he shouted triumphantly as he sped away from the mob.

"What was all that about?" Launchpad wanted to know.

"I don't know," said Darkwing, "but we have to go back! Although," he mused, "that clown isn't likely to stay in the same place for long."

Gosalyn realized then that she was still carrying the Hypno-Bear. "Ew, this thing freaks me out!" she shouted, throwing the bear at Honker.

Honker examined the bear, careful not to look at its face. "This bear seems to be capable of emitting subliminal messages of some sort," he theorized. "Perhaps we can follow the signal of the other bears to find Quackerjack."

"That's it, Honker!" enthused Darkwing, steering towards the Audobon Bay Bridge.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"Quackerjack! Hey!"

It was no use; the clown was gone.

Evelyn grumped. Some first experience as a villain this was turning out to be. Of course, I don't even have a costume. The tern glanced down at her hands, which still held the two wallets. If she wanted to have any chance of rejoining Quackerjack for this scheme, she had to find him. She opened the multicolored wallet and flipped through its contents. Finally, she found an annual pass to a major theme park which had his home address printed on it. She deduced from the address that Quackerjack must live in the apartment complex just across the street from the one she lived in with her mom. It didn't take her long to decide on a plan: run home, find a costume, then intercept the clown at his apartment.

So that's what she did. Once in her bedroom, she pulled her diving wetsuit and goggles from her duffel and put them on (after actually putting her contacts in). She braided her loose hair and found a water pistol in her dresser which she filled with chlorine from the complex's pool supply closet.

Yeah, it's a kind of dumb costume, she mused, looking down at herself, but it will have to do.

When she got to the outside of Quackerjack's apartment complex, she looked up at the outside of the building. By counting windows, she found the balcony that she was sure belonged to the clown. A moment's thought rewarded her with the conclusion that this was as good a time as any to exhibit true villainous behavior and she decided to break in. So she climbed up a tree which reached to the balcony and hopped down onto it. She saw an open window nearby and edged across a beam to enter through it into a bathroom.

Evelyn walked down the hall to the living room, where the balcony was. Quackerjack was clearly not at home. So, resolving to wait, Evelyn sat on the room's red couch.

There was an ominous growl on her right. Evelyn was surprised to find that the object she had previously mistaken for a grey throwpillow was in actuality a huge grey cat, which swished its tail in agitation, and growled again at the intrusion. "Gee whiz, keep your fur on," said Evelyn, grabbing up a real throw pillow to fend off the spitting feline.

Just then, a key rattled in the front door's lock.

Evelyn, not willing to be caught in a lose-win situation with a small furry animal, covered the surprised cat with the pillow and attempted to act as if she really belonged in the living room of a known supervillain.

Quackerjack hauled himself through the door, pulling off his cap. An orange cat appeared out of nowhere to pounce on his knees, miaowing piteously.

"Do you mind?" Quackerjack pushed the orange cat away with his foot as he shut the door behind him. Then he turned around.

"Ack!" he cried, seeing Evelyn. He yanked his cap back onoffcenter. "What are you doing here?" he yelled, attempting to realign his mask's eyeholes.

"I, um...ah..." Evelyn floundered. "I...wanted to see the rest of your giraffe collection?"

"My gir!" Quackerjack was visibly upset. "How did you find me here?" he demanded.

Evelyn took out the clown's wallet and waved it.

Quackerjack's eyes widened and he snatched the wallet away from the tern. "Give me that!" he shouted. He tossed the wallet onto a coffee table and placed one hand on the kitchen wallphone. "Now get out!"

Evelyn raised an eyebrow. "What are you going to do?" she asked. "Call the police?"

"Well I!" Quackerjack got a bewildered look on his face and fell silent. Then he took his hand off the phone. "You're not going to leave, are you?"

Evelyn shook her head.

Quackerjack frowned. "Nice outfit," he said, nodding at her wetsuit. "Going to the Olympics?"

Evelyn glanced down. "Oh, um, no!" she said. "It's um...it's my costume."

Quick as a flash, Quackerjack had pulled what looked like a .45 from his sleeve and had it pointed straight at Evelyn's head. "A superhero are you?" he demanded, becoming hostile.

"No no no no!" screamed Evelyn, jumping up. "I'm a villain! A villain! Really!"

"Ohwell, that's okay then." Quackerjack tossed the gun over his shoulder, narrowly missing the orange cat, which yowled and leapt into Evelyn's arms. "So...what do you call yourself?"

Uh oh.

"Um...you mean my uh...my villain name, right?" Evelyn stalled, putting the cat down.

"No your political preferenceYes your villain name!"

Evelyn searched desperately for a name...A name...something to do with diving, or water, or something...

"Torpedo!" shouted Evelyn before Quackerjack could even utter a prompting "Well?" Then she cringed. Oh God that's stupid...

"Nice to meet you, Playmate!" enthused the clown, pumping her hand up and down vigorously. "Do you have any neat superpowers?"

"Um...uh-uh."

"That's good," said Quackerjack. "I don't either. This city could use some more non-superpowered villains. It's not so bad, reallyJust look at Negaduck, he's got no powers, and he's one of the biggest villains around!"

"Um, yeah, well, I'm kinda...new," replied Evelyn, releasing herself from the clown's friendly grasp. She was relievedthis was going pretty well.

"Do you want some cappuccino?" asked Quackerjack, retreating into the kitchen.

"Yeah that'd be great," said Torpedo, sinking back down onto the couch. Doing so brought the second wallet the little girl had given her to her attention, and she reached around to pull it out. She opened it and scanned its contents as things rattled and clanked in the kitchen. The wallet belonged to some poor sap named Drake Mallard...too bad for him. She idly transferred all the cash to her pocket and set the wallet on a coffee table.

"Hey!" Quackerjack poked his head out of the kitchen, which was full of smoke. He had to yell over the sudden, deafening roar of machinery. "Do you want sugar or substitute?"