I LIVE!
Okay, so it's been longer than forever between this chappy and the last. *Hides* I'm sorry! I know! I know! But it's the end of the school year and those stupid teachers want us to dedicate our very BEING to school. So I'm sorry, the next one will be out sooner, I swear!
I didn't even edit it... not that I ever do...
Disclaimer: I don't even own myself. Go away.
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No force in heaven or hell could make me forget what happened to Trunks last week. Honestly, it was the strangest most off-center moment I think the poor man has even had the unfortunate luck to encounter to partake in. I mean, *luck* in general is not really something Trunks has ever had an abundance of to begin with... but that not really much of a point in this part of the festival, now is it?
Besides, if any of the Saiya-jin men had some wonderful found of luck in their back yards there wouldn't really be a festival, now would there be? See? Other than the occasional mysterious power-up in the middle of a battle, and the sudden spark in my grandfather's brain to ignite that cell that reminds him- 'oh yeah! I have that one technique that would work GREAT, and I've been simply dying to use it!'
Anyway, the other day Trunks came home from work with his hair all rumpled and his shirt undone. His wedding band was in his pocket, and there was lipstick all over his face and neck. He walked in with a dazed look on his face, and he stumbled a little as he stepped. "Hi dear," he said, stepping across the dinning room floor and sitting in the chair across from me. He had a dopey grin in his face... he looked so stupid. "How was your day?"
I lifted an eyebrow over the letter I was reading. I knew what he was trying to do, and I know what he was trying to get. He wanted it to look like he got laid at work, and he wanted me to prove that I would make him look like a bigger moron. "That's not going to work Trunks," I said, picking a video cassette off the table that had been lying next to the mail, "Your mother dropped this off about an hour before you got home. She said I should watch it right away. Imagine my shock to see the security camera view of my own husband sitting there, rubbing lipstick on his face and then putting some on and kissing it onto his shirt. That's just sick Trunks."
"Damn you mother," Trunks said, rubbing his cheek to remove the lipstick as best he could without it being wiped off with a rag, which of course only made it worse. "I should have known she'd tell you. The traitor. I KNOW she wants this festival to end as much as I do. Goten wants it to, Goku, Dad. All of us. What CAN'T YOU GUYS?"
I completely ignored him, "Here Trunks," I said, handing the letter I'd been reading to him, "This came in the mail for you. Apparently some big charity wants you to go and play basketball with some other big companies to raise money. Sounds like one of those times you can go make a big ass out of yourself for the benefit of others. Sounds like a good way to spend your time. I mean, now at least someone's getting paid for it."
"Very funny Panny," Trunks responded, moving his mouth to mock me and rolling his eyes in every direction. "Maybe you should be a comedian instead of working for your dad. You could be so much more fulfilled that way. You could put that wise-cracking brain to use."
Okay mister, you wanna be a smart-ass?
"Fine," I said, "But you're going to the game anyway."
HA! Bite THAT!
***
My uncle waved to Trunks and me from the booth in which he and his wife were occupying, signaling for us to sit with them. I ran right over to them, while Trunks trotted slowly behind me. His basketball game was a about half hour from then, and he really wasn't looking forward to it. We'd made a sort of bet. If he could win the game for his team, I'd lay off the festival early. He wouldn't win. I had a plan.
That's why we were meeting with Goten and Bra.
"Hey Grandma!" I called, waving to the woman behind the window to the kitchen. My Grandmother's face grew sour as she slammed the pot she'd been holding onto the burner of the stove, and nodded angrily in my direction, "Grandma!" I called, "Be careful! You keep slamming stuff around like that and you'll break down half the restaurant!"
She grumbled in return. I really haven't been able to understand her behavior lately. She seems so much more grouchy since I recommended to Grandpa he make her head cook to have her do something extra with her time. She didn't seem to be enjoying herself. Grandpa said she'd been having fun...
"I'm going to go to the bathroom," Trunks said, leaving to the co-ed restroom that held no urinal, and no toilet paper. Gee, I sure wish he didn't have to go number two... that'd sure suck. I heard my grandma laugh evilly from behind the counter, and seemingly do a small victory dance.
"So," I said, turning to my uncle, "Do you have a plan? I mean, I need Trunks to lose this game!"
"I'd ask why," Goten said, shaking his head with his eyes closed, "but what you two do is far beyond my business. Judging by your past escapades... I'd say it was something dangerous..." he stopped his head movement and looked at me, "Am I right?"
"For once," I said, resting my chin in my hand, "Trunks and I made a bet, and so I need him to lose this game to win. I know you know how to get Trunks to lose, and I know you brought the materials to be sure. So, let's hear it. How do I beat Trunks?"
Bra smirked evilly, "Do you have his water bottle?"
"Yes," I said, opening my purse and pulling out the silver colored jug. It was empty, because Trunks and wanted to get it filled here by my Grandma. She usually gave him blue ice cubes. Though now that I've seen her really mad I'm not so sure she'd do it this time, "What are you going to do?"
Goten looked from side to side in the diner. He reached behind him, pulling out a small brown bag and placing it on the table. He put the water bottle in front of him, opening it and grinning to himself. He stuck his hand into the brown bag, and pulled out a glass bottle filled with a clear liquid. He put the cap back on the bottle, and on Trunks' water bottle, and handed it back to me. I stared at him in amazement.
He'd put Vodka in Trunks' water bottle.
How genius!
Now I know what you're thinking. Trunks could smell or taste it. Not true, because Trunks came down with a cold, and his nose was totally stuffed. I was so HAPPY! This was not only the most ironic moment of my life, but the joy I had knowing that Trunks would have to wait until the end of the festival was far beyond worth it!
Trunks came walking out of the bathroom, soaked from head to foot with water, with the distinct sound of gushing water flooding from the toilet behind him as he shut the door, "ChiChi!" he said, squishing across the room, "You have a problem in the co-ed bathroom!"
My grandma came walking out of the room, trudging angrily and mumbling words that sounded like, "Death," "Burning," and, "Dumb-Ass Husband."
I looked Trunks over quickly, then stated in a matter-of-fact tone, "It's a good thing you dry quickly. We have to go to the game soon, you're not going to have time to change your clothes. Sorry!" My eyes twinkled at him, and he frowned black at me. He wasn't happy, I was. I win.
"Whatever," he said, sniffling his nose, "Let's just get out of here. I want to walk past the huge building-sized picture of dad a few times and throw apples. I didn't get to do that all week. Stupid mom. Holding me up at the office. STUPID!"
I shook my head, and left with him. Who was the stupid one?
***
I'm not going to tell you I was proud of the game Trunks played. The guys on his team knew he was strong, and they believed he would do a wonderful job. He stepped out onto the court in a traditional Saiya-jin form. Proud, strong... and I could tell he hadn't had his water yet.
The game started out well. Really, it did. He scored several times, running getting passes. He was quickly becoming the star of the team. He had a stupid grin on his face like he thought he was going to get something out of this. I sat back in my seat and returned to grin. I knew he wasn't.
By half-time the game started looking totally down. Trunks was starting to lag behind his team, and every-so-often when one of the player would call his name to pass to him, he'd stop and say, "What?" and the ball would hit him in the head. I had to cover my mouth so as not to laugh.
By the last quarter Trunks was drunk. It surprised me that he'd gotten that smashed in one bottle of Vodka. But then again, this was Trunks... I'd never thought it would happen to him. Now he'd get hit in the head with the ball every time someone passed to him, ever shot in the right direction, and at one point even stopped to ask the ref what to do with the ball. I almost died I was laughing so hard.
I ended up dragging him to the car, where Bra and Goten waited impatiently. Goten was smiling brightly, "Wow Trunks! That Vodka in your water bottle got you SMASHED!" He laughed, covering his mouth, "I've never seen a greater show in all my life!"
"Vodka?" Trunks asked looking up at him, obviously sobering up, "What Vodka?"
"We put Vodka in your water bottle so you'd lose the game!" Goten said, crossing his arms and showing his inability to keep a secret in wondrous glory. "And we did. So you lost the bet with Pan. She's a really smart girl you know, take after Goha-"
"THE BET WAS TO GET US OUT OF THE FESTIVAL YOU DUMB FUCK!" Trunks screamed, hurling himself at Goten and tackling him to the ground. They started rolling around and yelling at each other in nasty fits of rage.
Bra and I watched from the side lines, eyebrows arched on our forehead, "So," Bra finally said, as the men continued to roll around, "How about a burger?"
"Sure."
That's this chapter. In the words of that psycho kid I used to sit in front of in history: "Peace and Prosperity!"
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