Back To Basics
by
C. "Sparky" Read

Chapter Five

"Well, our ranks are increasing," Megavolt remarked as he was forced to step on the brakes again.

"At least in poundage." Quackerjack frowned at the backed-up traffic and shouted over the angry honking of horns: "What do you think is blocking the road?"

Megavolt leaned out of the window and peered at the horizon. "It looks like a parade or something." He squinted. "Small parade. I wonder why they're all dressed in purple masks and capes."

"Lemmee see." Quackerjack pulled the opera glasses from his sleeve. "I don't believe it," he said.

"What?"

"Just pull off of the road and get ahead of this mess."

Megavolt wrenched the wheel to the right and stamped on the gas. When he had reached the front of the traffic, he twisted the wheel violently to the left, jumping the car back onto the street.

"A warning would be nice!" yelled Quackerjack, disengaging his bill from the glove compartment. He peered over the dashboard. "Do you see what I see?"

"Yeahand it's not a pretty sight," Megavolt commented as the Darkwing Duck Fan Club Parade inched their way across the street, amid the impatient honking of car horns and swearing of irritated commuters.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Gun it!"

Megavolt did.

"Heyheyhey!" screamed Darkwing, leaping aside just in time as the yellow, red, and blue electric car squealed past, sending his (few) fans scattering. To his dismay, it also sent his signed glossies scattering, and he scrambled frantically after them.

"Hold the phone!" Darkwing squinted after the departing vehicle, from which derisive laughter drifted. "That's Megavolt's car! Andthat's Quackerjack's doll!" he added when an orange-and-red clad arm holding Mr. Banana Brain thrust itself out of the car window and displayed the puppet in an insulting pose. "Those parade-wrecking perpetrators won't get away with this!" swore the duck furiously. "You hear me?" he shouted after the car, which promptly disappeared around a bend in the road, "You'll pay for those glossies! Every last one!..Launchpad!" he shrieked.

"What is it, DW?" asked Launchpad, hurrying out of a nearby Hamburger Hippo, his arms and bill stuffed with food.

"Bring..." Darkwing took a steadying breath, "the Ratcatcher."

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"You're not slowing down...Megavolt, you're notMegavolt!" yelped Quackerjack as Megavolt sent more airport patrons running. "Signal first, okay?"

"Where is Gate Twenty-Six, anyway?" muttered Megavolt, pointedly ignoring the jester's side-seat driving. "Darn it, I hate being late for a plane!"

"Well, take the escalator," huffed Quackerjack. "I doubt if the gate is next to the luggage check-in."

Saying nothing, Megavolt drove up the escalator, forcing dozens of people to find creative ways to avoid being run over.

"Look out for the security cartToo late. Hey Megs," said Quackerjack, suddenly brightening, "Let's play Road Menace! Twenty points for any bald guy."

"Well get the scorecard, there's a whole herd of 'em," responded Megavolt, swerving violently. In his attempt to rack up points, Megavolt steered the car through various small shops. Merchandise fell like confetti.

"You missed that last one," chided Quackerjack, then shifted as something sailed through the open passenger-side window. "Ugh, an airport bagel. I hate these things. They're as hard as rocks."

"Oh, for crying out loud," swore Megavolt, glancing at the rearview mirror. "Now that lunatic duck is following us."

"What?" Quackerjack twisted around. "Terrific. Hey! There it is! Gate Twenty-Six!"

Megavolt stamped on the breaks. "Great, we've passed it." Without saying another word, he shifted into reverse, draped his right arm over the back of his seat, and, looking over his shoulder, careened directly towards the Ratcatcher.

"So you want to play chicken, do you?" Darkwing narrowed his eyes at the oncoming car. "Well I have news for you, pal: Nobody makes a chicken out of Darkwing Duuuuuuck!" he screamed as the collision sent him flying with a great deal of indignity into a bookstand. The bookstand's proprietor rushed over immediately to shake his fist at the duck and babble something in an identifiable language.

"I'll give you my credit card number," Darkwing growled, digging his way out of the pile. "Now what are those lunatics doing?" he wondered aloud as Megavolt switched back into drive and sped right into the loading tunnel, the Ratcatcher plastered to the trunk of the car.

"Now what are you doing?" Quackerjack demanded as Megavolt screeched to a halt. "There's no room in here to even open up the car doors! How are we supposed to get onto the plane?"

"You know what?" asked Megavolt evenly as he took the bagel from where it lay on top of the parking brake, "you ask too many questions." And with that he heaved the bagel at the car's windshield.

"Halt! Stop! Desist!" Darkwing yelled futiley at the villains, who scrambled out of the car through the now-absent windshield, over the hood, and past a startled stewardess into the plane. "Swell...Launchpaaad!"

Launchpad emerged from a demolished Hamburger Hippo airport stand, wiping pie crumbs off of his bill with the back of his hand. "Yeah, DW?"

"...Bring the Thunderquack."