Back To Basics
by
C. "Sparky" Read

Chapter Eight

The deliveryman checked his watch again. He frowned at it. "Them secret-agent-types is always late," he grunted to himself, lighting another cigarette. How much longer were they going to keep him waiting?

He perked up at the sound of a car's tires crunching on the gravel around the corner. "It's about time." He pulled an envelope from his pocket and waited expectantly.

"All right, you ready?" he heard someone whisper after the engine had been cut.

"Yeah, yeah," answered a second voice irritably. "Let's get this thing and go, already."

The deliveryman watched as a duck wearing a dark suit, as well as a fedora over a jester's cap, stepped around the corner. He was followed by a ratlike man wearing a similar suit as well as a fedora, out of which sprouted what looked like the prongs of an electrical plug. Both wore dark glasses.

"You the agents?"

Quackerjack and Megavolt nodded emphatically at the deliveryman. "That's us!" confirmed Megavolt.

"Then," said the deliveryman, pulling the envelope from his pocket, "yous two are the lucky winners of our grand prize here." But before Quackerjack could take the offered item, something large and gleaming rolled down the alleyway.

"Hey!" yelled Steelbeak from the F.O.W.L. armored tank. "Dat's my grand prize! Boys!"

About two dozen Eggmen scuttled out of the tank and headed for Megavolt and Quackerjack, guns drawn.

"Not so fast!" shouted someone from another direction. Everyone stopped to look. It was about thirty people in conservative suits and sunglasses. The SHUSH logo was emblazoned on the fronts of their suits. "That envelope belongs in our custody," went on the woman who had spoken. "We submitted the proper forms first. We will be claiming our property now." And at her command the agents drew guns from their suits.

"Um...uh oh," said Mr. Banana Brain (who was also wearing a dark suit, fedora, and sunglasses).

"Great plan, Quacky," muttered Megavolt.

"Time to go," said Quackerjack, grabbing the envelope. He and Megavolt ran back to the car, which Megavolt started quickly.

"Hey! Come back here wit' my goods!" yelled Steelbeak.

"Halt!" cried the SHUSH woman. "You neglected to sign for that!"

"Go now, and go fast," instructed Quackerjack, putting on his seat belt this time.

Megavolt plowed through the crowd of SHUSH agents on his way back to the freeway. The SHUSH agents quickly piled into a series of identical black cars and sped after them. On Steelbeak's order the Eggmen clambered back into their tank and they followed as well.

"Oh, it will be no problem, hm?" scoffed Megavolt, merging mercilessly onto the freeway. "We can leave the others behind after all for this one, hm?"

"Don't snap at me," snapped Quackerjack. "Hey, we got the thing, didn't we?"

Megavolt changed lanes. "We haven't exactly gotten away yet," he reminded the clown. "We still have to" here he successfully managed to squeeze between two big rigs"shake them! Move it, Grandma!" he yelled, leaning on the horn.

"Grandma, eh?" replied the elderly woman in the car Megavolt had honked at. She switched on her siren.

"A cop!" exclaimed Quackerjack. "Nice going!"

"Clam up," growled Megavolt. He stamped on the gas and swerved expertly around a Beemer. The yuppie inside barely had time to shake his fist before he was run off the road by the first of the SHUSH cars. The policewoman was joined by about a dozen more black-and-whites, which streamed out from behind billboards.

"Argh!" fretted Quackerjack. "Megavolt..?"

"Quiet, I'm working." Megavolt cut off a minivan full of nuns and claimed the carpool lane.

Across the freeway, a Grand Opening banner flapped noisily over a new Hamburger Hippo stand.

"And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for!" announced Gizmoduck. A robotic arm wielding a pair of scissors telescoped out of a plate in his chest and prepared to slice the banner in two.

Gizmoduck paused as Megavolt's car whizzed past.

"Hm," mused the superhero, "that vehicle seems familiar..."

The SHUSH cars zoomed by.

"My, there sure are a lot of hearses on the road today."

The police cars wailed by.

"The police!" Gizmoduck's scissors vanished back into his suit, and his wheel was replaced by a rocket. "Sorry, loyal citizens," Gizmo told the crowd, who drooped in disappointment, "but there is some justice in sore need of doing!" He fired up the rocket and flew off after the F.O.W.L. tank, which brought up the rear of the procession.

"Don't look in the rear view mirror," Quackerjack warned when he saw the newest addition to their pursuers.

"I'm a little busy," his companion remarked. The car began making a horrible grinding sound. "Come on!" yelled Megavolt, hitting the floor between himself and Quackerjack with the Club. The gears shifted and the car shot forward.

Someone knocked on the window.

Megavolt unrolled it. "What?" he asked Gizmoduck.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you two," replied Gizmo, cruising along beside the car. "You're going rather fast, you know."

"You want me to pull over?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Megavolt swerved violently, sending sparks flying as he hit the railing. The sparks startled Gizmoduck, who failed to notice the bend in the road. He rocketed off into a brick wall and slid down into a canal.

"Wow," breathed Quackerjack. "Do you know how many points that was worth?"

"There's a Road Menace score grid in the glove compartment."

The squadron of SHUSH cars began to catch up, and a few of them attempted to pin the electric car to the side of the freeway. No amount of swerving would deter them.

"They're gonna cut us off!" cried Megavolt. "And we can't go any faster!"

Quackerjack was rifling through the glove compartment. "Don't you ever clean this thing?" he wanted to know. He pulled out a double handful of maps. "Are you afraid of getting lost or something?"

"Quackerjack!" yelled Megavolt, "I don't care about the stuff in my glove compartment right now!"

"You don't?" Quackerjack brightened. "Good! I'll just get rid of it, then." He rolled down the window. "Hey!" he shouted at the SHUSH cars, "anyone need Triple-A?" He tossed the maps out the window, and they promptly scattered all over the road, and especially all over the windshields of the SHUSH vehicles. The drivers panicked, hit their brakes, and managed to slam into one another.

"That was a close one," sighed Megavolt, but was immediately cut off by a barrage of sirens. The police cars were gaining.

"Pull over!" the elderly cop was announcing over a bullhorn.

"Get off of the freeway!" suggested Quackerjack. "Maybe we can lose them on surface streets."

Megavolt glowered. "We can't get off of the freeway, we're in the freaking carpool lane," he snapped.

"There!" Quackerjack pointed up ahead. "There's a Carpool Only Exit Lane up ahead."

So Megavolt took it. None of the police cars were in the carpool lane, and could not follow. It was about that time that the cops noticed the F.O.W.L. tank behind them.

"Uh oh," said Steelbeak. He looked over his shoulder. "Reverse!" he yelled. The tank pivoted and fled back the other way, the police cars hot on their tailpipe.

"About time," breathed Megavolt. He maneuvered the streets to hide in an alleyway. "I think it's time to regroup."

Quackerjack had to agree.