Bridge Over the River Winter
a Beetlejuice fanfic
by
C. "Sparky" Read

Chapter Five

At ten o'clock, Beetlejuice tried again.

It was obvious to him now what he had done wrong last time. Lydia was a female and females always wanted men to be vulnerable. So this time, he had to be more vulnerable. It was very simple really - and he couldn't afford to give up now.

When he skipped to the Outerworld, he found himself as a worm in an apple on Miss Shannon's desk. Behind him, Miss Shannon was droning on about synonyms and antonyms. In front of him, was the class, including -

Her! He'd found her! Now if he could only get her alone...

"Can anyone give me an antonym for 'sharp'?" Miss Shannon asked the class.

Clare raised her hand. "Like, how about, 'last year'?"

Miss Shannon frowned. "'Last year'?"

"Yeah, like, either your clothes are like, sharp, or they're totally last year."

The class snickered.

"Well, I suppose that's one possible answer." Miss Shannon turned back to the board. "Now, Bertha, can you give me a synonym for - Aaacckk!" she screamed as a striped worm crawled out of the apple on her desk.

Bertha frowned. "Uh, let's see...'Eeek!', 'Aaarghh!', 'Waaaagh!'..."

Miss Shannon had jumped up on her chair, which of course only brought her closer to the offending creature. "Get it away! Get it away!" she screamed. "It's slimy and disgusting!"

Beetlejuice drew himself up proudly.

Lydia, still wearing her camera around her neck, stood up. "I'll get it," she said. She stepped up to the desk, gingerly guided the worm into one hand, and went out into the yard.

"There you go," she said, putting her hand to the ground.

But instead of crawling off into the grass, as Lydia had expected, the worm turned to her and spoke.

"Hey babes!" it called in a somewhat squeaky voice. "Don't you recognize me?"

Lydia yelped in surprise and jumped backwards into a bench. She miraculously managed to sit on it rather than topple it over. Somehow, Beetlejuice remained on her palm the whole time.

"It's you!" she said at last.

"You got it, babes!" returned the ghost. "Listen, hear me out - "

"No!" shouted Lydia. "You try to kill my father, then you try to - ugh - marry me...What do you want now?"

Beetlejuice would have shrugged if he had had any shoulders. "I just want a second chance, dollface," he said. "Let me out of this crazy Neitherworld and I'll apologize properly!"

"Not a chance." Lydia started to put him down.

"Wait a minute!" cried the ghost. "You gotta let me out! I - " He remembered his plan. "I...I'm suffering in here," he moaned, lying down in Lydia's palm. "Its torture! I...I can't possibly go on!" He writhed a bit for effect.

"You're suffering?" Lydia's tone had changed. Now it was edged with pity.

Beetlejuice knew pity when he heard it. "Oh!" he cried. "The horror!" he covered his eyes with the end of his segmented tail. "You wouldn't believe what it's like in here! You've got to help me!"

Lydia sighed heavily. "Well..." How much harm could the ghost do? She knew how to send him back if he got out of hand. "I suppose...I suppose I could."

Beetlejuice had to struggle not to show his exuberance. "Oh, thank you," he simpered.

Lydia looked around. Sure there was no one nearby, she took a deep breath.

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.."

Lydia paused, wondering if she had lost her mind.

"Come on!" shrieked the ghost. "Oh, uh, I mean, please hurry! Torture, you know."

Lydia sighed.

"Beetlejuice."

There was darkness.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Lydia sat up and opened her eyes. Why did she feel so strange back there?

And more importantly, why was the sky purple?

"Oh, man," whined a voice nearby. "You know I hate when this happens."

"What's going on?" Lydia looked around. Sitting on the pavement next to her was Beetlejuice, who was frowning at their surroundings.

Their surroundings! It was completely different from anything Lydia had ever seen. It was a street, that much was clear, but the buildings were cocked at odd angles and the street itself was hillier than any even San Francisco could boast. And coming down that street, right for them, was what appeared to be a misshapen Mac truck.

Lydia screamed.

"Woah, no need to get all vocal - " Beetlejuice saw the truck. "Woah!" he said again, a bit more loudly. "One side!" He grabbed Lydia and sprang off of the street just in time. The truck roared by.

"What - Who - Where - ?"

Beetlejuice frowned at Lydia. "Is that all you can say?" he demanded. "Swell. I'm never going to get to the Outerworld now!" He turned and began floating away.

Lydia stared after him. "Out - Outerworld?" she asked.

"Yeah, you know, where you come from. Stupid stinking Neitherworld..."

Lydia had to walk to keep the ghost within earshot. "This is the Neitherworld?" she wondered aloud.

"Yeah." Beetlejuice glanced around. "It's a pit, isn't it?"

Lydia paused. "But you aren't suffering," she said.

"Huh?"

Lydia took a breath. "I was expecting something out of Dante," she said. "You said you were suffering back there."

"Oh - oh yeah, that. Nah."

"So you lied to get me to let you out?"

"Hey, I had to!" the ghost defended himself. "I tried asking."

"Asking?" Lydia was incredulous. "You call invading my room asking?"

"Well - "

"Take me out of here," Lydia demanded.

Beetlejuice stopped floating along. "Take you out?" he repeated. "Now, you know I can't get out," he reminded her.

Lydia gasped. He was right! What if she couldn't get out either?

"Try saying my name again," suggested the ghost. "Maybe that'll work."

"Maybe?"

Beetlejuice shrugged. "Hey, that whole name-summoning/banishing thing can be kinda fickle sometimes," he said. "Sometimes I get sent in or out, and sometimes its the summoner. Hey I didn't design the system. But if you're in such a hurry to leave, why don't you try it?"

Lydia considered. Perhaps she didn't want to leave so fast...

"I think," she said at last, "I think I'll stay a while. And get some pictures." She put a hand on her camera, and walked past Beetlejuice.

"Well - hey!" said the ghost, floating up alongside her. "You want to see the sights? I could show you around!"

"Forget it," said Lydia, brushing past him. "I'll show myself around." She just couldn't get over her distrust of the ghost.

"But this place can be kind of tricky to a nonlocal - "

"I'll be fine - "

Lydia was interrupted by a cry of protest: "Watch your step!"

The girl looked down. A flat disc, which appeared to actually be a man, was imbedded in the pavement.

"What's that?" she asked in wonder.

"That's a manhole," answered Beetlejuice, floating at her side once again. "You'd better - "

"Hi! Hi! Hi!" called a flaming something on the corner.

"And what's that?"

"A fire hi-drant."

Lydia gaped. "Deadly vu!" she breathed. "This place is so...literal!"

"Yeah," Beetlejuice grumped. "Literally boring."

Lydia snapped pictures. "I wish I had brought some more film," she lamented.

Beetlejuice took her arm. "Don't waste your film on this stuff," he told her. "Fly with me - I'll show you the really good parts of the Neitherworld!"

Lydia bit her lip. As much as the ghost bothered her, her photographer's eye was seeing many, many interesting subjects here. If Beetlejuice knew where there was some better stuff...

"All right," she said at last. "Let's go."