a Beetlejuice fanfic
by
C. "Sparky" Read
Chapter Seven
"Lydia is going to be in such trouble," smirked Clare to her friends at lunch. "Disappearing like that. I'll bet she like, went to the prom or something with that worm."
Her friends giggled.
"That party tonight is going to be such a freakshow," commented Jennifer, twirling her brown hair. "Maybe we should like, call the circus."
"Or like, maybe the dogcatchers," added Brenda.
"Wait a minute," interrupted Clare. She smiled wickedly. "We should go to her party."
Brenda stiffened. "Go? To the Deetz house?"
"What about Corey's party?" Jennifer protested.
Clare held up a hand. "We'll go there first," she said. "And we'll tell the boys all about Lydia's primitive little get-together. When they go and see what a loser Lydia is..."
"She'll never get a date in this town!" Jennifer and Brenda finished together.
"Clare, you're such a genius," said Jennifer.
Clare produced a mirror from somewhere and examined her hair. "I know," she said.
"That's it," said Lydia at last. "Only one picture left."
Beetlejuice glanced over at her. "That's all?" he asked, disappointed. He knew that once Lydia was done taking pictures, she'd want to go home. And, he hadn't had this much fun in ages. Besides, the girl was providing a very good reason not to go home and face the music - a predicament about which, by the way, he had confided in her. There didn't seem to be much harm in that.
"I'd better get home soon," Lydia voiced the ghost's fear. "It must be getting late, and I'll have some explaining to do." She looked around. "I need to take one more picture..."
Beetlejuice leaned dejectedly on the railing of the terrace overlooking the Neitherworld Ocean.
"I know, how about one of you?"
"Huh?" Beetlejuice looked up in surprise.
"Yeah," said Lydia, advancing the film. "I guess I'd like to have a picture of the weirdest tour guide in the Neitherworld."
The ghost peered at Lydia curiously. "You mean it?"
Lydia shrugged. "I guess you're an okay guy," she answered, "when you're not trying to force me to take your last name."
"Oh!" said Beetlejuice. He had clean forgotten about apologizing, which he hated doing but really felt he should in this case. "Listen, Lydia - " he began, but was rudely interrupted by a tremendous roar.
"Beetlejuice!" screamed Lydia. "Behind you!"
Beetlejuice turned around - and immediately wished he hadn't.
The Sandworm coiled in the water opened its fearsome jaws and roared again.
"Do something!" cried Lydia, grabbing onto Beetlejuice's arm. "Fly us out of here! Zap that thing! Anything!"
But the ghost seemed frozen with terror. He feebly made a few weak noises.
The Sandworm licked its enormous chops greedily, dripping saliva into the ocean.
Lydia was at a loss. The monster was huge and, without Beetlejuice's magic, there seemed to be no hope.
Suddenly, the Sandworm lunged forward, obviously intending to make a meal out of the odd-looking pair.
Almost instinctively, Lydia snapped a picture of the attacking beast.
Blinded by the flash, the Sandworm squealed and retreated into the ocean.
Beetlejuice shakily leaned on the railing.
Lydia tugged on his lapels. "Are you all right?" she asked, concerned. "That was a ...a Sandworm, wasn't it?" Barbara and Adam had showed her the chapter in the Handbook For the Recently Deceased that dealt with Sandworms. Sandworms were infernal beasts that roamed the outer reaches of the Neitherworld looking for stray souls to feast on. Beetlejuice obviously was very disturbed by them.
"Uh...yeah, sure I'm..." The ghost shook himself. "I'm swell." He looked at Lydia. "You'd better get going."
Lydia lowered her eyes. "Oh," she said. "Yeah."
"Just uh...do the spell until everything is straightened out," the ghost told her, turning away. He was no longer in the mood to go scheme-chasing in the Outerworld. He would have to fess up to Jacques.
Lydia nodded, and said the words.
With a flash, they were both standing in the Deetzs' own back yard.
"I guess I should try again, to send you back," said Lydia.
But before she could, they heard a voice:
"Lydiaaaa! Is that you, dear?"
Lydia jumped. "It's Delia!" she cried. "Um...hide!"
Beetlejuice blinked, then turned into a striped squirrel and climbed swiftly into a tree.
Delia rounded the corner of the house. "Lydia!" she gasped. "There you are! I've been so worried! I - where did you get those clothes?"
"Well, I - "
"I just love them! They're so...unique!"
Lydia sighed. At least they were off to a good start.
"Lydia, when Miss Shannon called and told me that - "
"Miss Shannon called?" Lydia became worried again.
"Yes, to tell me that you had vanished!"
Oh no, thought Lydia, here it comes...
Delia clasped her hands together. "I've been agonizing over this all afternoon!" she went on. "Just thinking of what your father would say when he found out that you had run off..."
Lydia swallowed. Her father! This could devastate him. He might blame himself. Something like this could send him straight back to the psychiatrist.
"Then I decided not to tell him at all."
"Um...Beg pardon?"
Delia bobbed her head. "That's right dear," she said. "We'll just make this our little secret. Now, get on inside, your party will be starting any minute!"
Lydia nodded numbly and walked past Delia to the front door. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the striped squirrel jump to an open window and out of sight. She decided to trust him for now and went inside.
She stared.
Delia appeared behind her. "Aren't the decorations marvelous?" she twittered. "I'm especially proud of the pink fog! Very surreal!"
Lydia sighed. "I'm going to be in the basement," she said, and went downstairs.
"I'll call you when your little guests arrive!" Delia chirped after her.
Beetlejuice, who was hiding in a particularly bizarre sculpture, watched Delia get back to fussing over the decorations and party snacks. She flitted back and forth like some kind of red-crested hummingbird. The ghost shook his head.
Just then, Charles got home.
"I'm home!" he announced himself. "I - Good heavens what happened in here?"
"Isn't it wonderful?" Delia asked him, dancing by with some streamer. "Why, people will be talking about this party for years to come!"
"I wouldn't be surprised," muttered Charles. "I'm going to go relax." He went into the study and shut the door.
Beetlejuice teleported out of the room.
There was a muffled scream, followed by a thump.
"Well he's relaxed now," commented Beetlejuice to no one in particular, teleporting back into the living room. This time he posed as the punchcup carousel on the buffet table.
The doorbell rang.
"Lydiaaa!" called Delia, skipping to the door, "your first guests are here!"
"I'll be up in a minute!" Lydia called back from the basement.
Delia opened the door and greeted Bertha and Prudence.
"Come in, girls!" chirped Delia. "You're the first to arrive, but I'm sure there will be many more shortly."
Bertha and Prudence glanced at eachother as they entered the house. They both hoped Delia was right - they didn't want to see Lydia stood up by the whole school.
"Help yourselves to punch," Delia went on, closing the door. "Lydia will be up soon."
"Thank you, Mrs. Deetz," said Prudence politely. She picked up a cup.
"Hey!" yelled the striped carousel. "Don't get so grabby!" Then, having an idea, he teleported away.
Prudence screamed and clung to Bertha.
"What is it?" asked Bertha, irritated at being interrupted from her busy task of eating potato chips.
"It - It - " Prudence pointed at the now-normal carousel. "It talked to me!"
Bertha became much more interested. "Cool! Animatronics! This must be a pretty high-tech house!"
The doorbell rang again. It was some of the girls from school. A few minutes later, more arrived, then more. It seemed that no one really minded going to a party at Lydia's house after all. Even Miss Shannon came, bearing a bottle of wine.
"For the aftermath," she confided to Delia.
"Lydiaaa!" Delia shouted through the basement door. "Hurry up! Everyone's asking for you!"
Lydia emerged from the basement with a stack of photographs. "Here I am," she said. She looked around at the crowd. "Wow."
"Hi Lydia!" chorused two voices.
Lydia smiled. "Hi Prudence. Hi Bertha," she said. "Is - " she glanced around. "Is Clare here?"
Bertha shook her head. "Nope," she said.
"I'm sure she's much too busy trying to disengage her nose from the sky to come," was Prudence's answer.
"Helloooo, Lydia," said an all-too-familiar smug voice.
"Oh no..." Lydia turned around to see Delia letting Clare and her friends in. "Did the mall get too boring for you, Clare?" she asked.
"No," answered the blonde girl. "We just were wondering how the poorer people of Peaceful Pines lived."
Jennifer and Brenda burst into laughter.
"And," went on Clare, "we like, brought some of our friends. I knew you wouldn't mind."
"Oh dear," fretted Delia. "I hope there's enough canapés." She disappeared into the kitchen, presumably to make more.
Several boys Lydia's age wandered through the front door. "So Clare," one said. "Where's this like, total loser girl you were talking about?"
Lydia was indignant.
"Right there," said Clare, pointing.
"Woah," said another boy. "Cool clothes."
All the boys marveled at how cool Lydia's outfit was.
Clare's jaw dropped. "Oh yeah?" she said. "Well then, look at this lame-o party! I mean, silver lame, gag me."
"Hey!" shouted a boy. "Canapés!"
The boys rushed the buffet table.
Lydia smiled at Clare, who only planted her hands on her hips and pouted. "Have a nice time, Clare," said Lydia, and she walked away.
As soon as Lydia had disengaged herself from the crowd, she began searching. Where had that ghost gotten to?
The doorbell rang.
Delia frowned. "That's odd, she said, counting the invitations. "Everyone seems to be here..." She opened the door.
"Hello Mrs. Deetz," said the blonde girl on the doorstep. "I hope I'm not late?" She held out an invitation.
Delia took it. Had she miscounted? "No...Come right in - " She read the invitation. "Betty."
The blonde girl stepped inside and waved cheerfully at Lydia.
Lydia stared in shock.
"Miss Shannon?" said Bertha to the headmistress. "Have you ever seen her before?"
"No," replied Miss Shannon, adjusting her glasses. "But she is wearing one of our school uniforms."
'Betty' sidled up to Lydia. "It wouldn't be a party," 'she' said secretively, "without Betty Juice, now would it?"
Lydia exhaled, then she smiled. "No," she said at length, "I guess not. Bertha, Prudence," she called, "come meet Betty."
"I'm new in town," said Beetlejuice, shaking hands with the girls.
"Hey! A new girl!" shouted a boy, and all the boys came over.
"This is Betty," said Lydia.
"Woah, Betty," remarked one of the boys. "You know, 'Betty' is slang for a hot chick."
"Oh, I know," said Beetlejuice. "Speaking of hot, I shouldn't have eaten those Ragin' Cajun Stinkbugs for lunch." And he belched a tongue of flame which melted the punchcup carousel.
"Woah!" shouted a boy. "She's totally gross!"
The boys congratulated Lydia on having such a cool friend before going back to devouring the hors d'ouvres.
"Well I have to admit," said Lydia, "it's not such a bad party."
"Psst," said Beetlejuice, leaning in close, "I really need you to send me back to the Neitherworld. I have some...stuff I gotta do."
"Hey Lydia," said Bertha suddenly. "What have you got there?"
Lydia looked down. "Oh," she said, "just some photographs I took today."
"You mean," intoned Miss Shannon, striding over, "when you were playing hooky from my class?"
Lydia fidgeted. "Well..." she faltered.
"Give them to me," said Miss Shannon. "I want to see what you find so much more interesting than my lectures." Lydia handed over the stack.
Miss Shannon began flipping through them. "Oh my," she said at one. "Oh...my goodness," she said to another. "Oh my goodness gracious."
Beetlejuice elbowed Lydia. "They're a hit," he enthused.
"Oh!" Miss Shannon exclaimed suddenly upon reaching the last photo. "Oh!" She clutched her necklace and leaned on the back of a chair. Everyone in the room stopped talking to look at her curiously.
"Miss Shannon?" asked Delia, coming out of the kitchen. "Is everything all right?"
"This - This - " Miss Shannon seemed incapable of speech.
"Can I get you anything?" Delia went on. "A glass of water?"
Miss Shannon shook her head. "This...This is...incredible!" she managed at last. "Lydia Deetz, you are a genius!"
Lydia staggered.
Delia looked at the photograph, which Lydia could now see was the one of the attacking Sandworm. "Oh my," she said. "It certainly is lifelike."
"Yes!" exclaimed Miss Shannon. "Why, it's just the sort of thing the school needs in the Art Department! Lydia, would you consider parting with this?"
Lydia didn't have to consider. "Of course, Miss Shannon," she said.
"Here." Miss Shannon reached into her purse and pulled out a wad of cash. "I never use a bank account," she hastily explained to the room. "Take this," she said, pressing a substantial amount of money into Lydia's palm. "I hope you feel it is enough."
Delia beamed. "Oh, Lydia!" she cried. "You are a professional artist now!"
"Thank you mother," said Lydia.
Delia beamed again at being called 'mother'.
"Now," said Miss Shannon. "Let us get back to the party!"
The attention once again away from them, Lydia turned back to Beetlejuice. "Well," she said. "Your tour has made me some money."
"Well that's great, babes."
"I want you to have it."
Beetlejuice blinked. "Come again?"
Lydia stuffed the money into the ghost's uniform pocket. "Thanks for showing me around," she said. "Next time I need an escort, I'll call you."
Beetlejuice let himself be guided around a corner into the hallway. "Lydia," he said, "I've been meaning to uh...to say that I'm..."
Lydia just smiled. "I know," she said, then whispered, "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice."
The ghost vanished.
And Lydia went back to her party.
