a Beetlejuice fanfic
by
C. "Sparky" Read
Chapter Five
"Jacques! Ginger!" Lydia panted, bursting into the Roadhouse. "Have either of you seen - oof!"
"Pardon me, Miss Lydia," apologized the Monster Across the Street, helping the girl up after she had run into him. "I guess I shouldn't be standin' s' close ta the door."
Ginger scuttled forward. "Lydia, something terrible has happened!" she cried, wringing her thin fingers together.
Lydia dusted herself off. "What is it, what's going on? Did you see what happened to Beetlejuice?"
"It was Monseiur Musclehugger," explained Jacques, not moving from where he sat, slumped, on the couch. "He came in here slinging threats like les frisbees. Then, he kidnapped Be-etlejuice."
"Last I checked, Armhold Musclehugger worked for Chester Slime." Lydia shook her head. "I wish Slime had told me what he had done with BJ."
"Chester Slime!" exclaimed the Monster, pounding a fist into the other open palm. "Why, I'd like t' cream his corn! He tried t' pave over mah ay-bode once for a new Shockin' Mall! And he kicked mah poor little Poopsie!"
"Yap yap, rowr, yap!" agreed Poopsie vehemently.
"Poor Beetlejuice!" sniveled Ginger. "We should help him!"
"Are ya sure?" grumbled the Monster.
Lydia ignored that last comment. "But I don't know where he is..." She rubbed her chin. "Slime said that Beetlejuice is where I was." She shook her head. "In my room?"
"Maybe you should try calling him?" suggested Jacques.
"I'll try it," said Lydia hopefully. "...Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"
They all waited in anticipation, but nothing happened.
"Oh!" cried Lydia. "Slime said I was a ghost again! Of course it wouldn't work."
Ginger gasped in horror. "You're a ghost?"
"But Be-etlejuice said you were brought back to life!" said Jacques.
"Slime had it undone somehow."
"Quel terrible!" empathized Jacques. "Lydia, we are so sorry!"
Lydia sighed again. "I'm sorry too," she said, "but right now, I'm worried about Beetlejuice."
"Well, if'n you're a ghost," contemplated the Monster, taking off his hat and scratching his hairy head, "then maybe you kin talk t' Beetlejuice from here."
Jacques perked up. "That's right!" he agreed. "When Be-etlejuice talks to you, he uses the mirror, la bas!" He pointed to the mirror on the far wall.
Lydia crossed to the Neitherworld mirror and examined it skeptically. "Um...how do you...turn it on?" she wondered aloud.
"I do not think that there is a trick to it," answered Jacques. "Just think about Be-etlejuice."
So Lydia did.
"There he is!" she cried, pointing. "...Um, what's he doing?"
"It looks like he's redecorating your room," replied Ginger.
"Beetlejuice!" Lydia shouted, pressing herself against the mirror. "Over here!"
Beetlejuice looked up from where he was trying to lift the bed on top of the dresser, which was already in front of the door. "Lydia!" He dropped the end of the bed and rushed to the mirrror. "Quick - get me outta here!"
"What's going on over there?"
"It's Delia." Beetlejuice looked fearfully at the door. "She wants to have a 'woman-to-woman talk' with you, or something."
"Now, when I was your age," Delia was saying on the other side of the door, "I never snuck out of the house. Well, maybe that one time, but my parents wouldn't let me go to the New Age Museum."
"I swear, I can't listen to any more of Delia's life history," begged Beetlejuice, cringing against the mirror.
"Why don't you just teleport out of the room?"
"I can't!" cried the former ghost. "I can't do anything! My juice has gone the way of my death certificate! I'm just a living shadow of my former self."
Lydia drew back in horror. "You're alive?"
Beetlejuice nodded dejectedly. "It was Chester Slime," he explained.
"That's no surprise."
"Huh? Why not?"
Now it was Lydia's turn to shake her head. "Never mind."
"...Can you get me outta here, babes?" pleaded Beetlejuice, glancing over his shoulder.
"Well, I tried," Lydia told him, "but your name doesn't work."
"But Lydia," Ginger piped up, "you're the ghost."
"That's right!" Lydia turned back to the mirror. "Beetlejuice! Say my name - my whole name - three times!"
"Huh?" Beetlejuice had been distracted by Delia's launching into a new story about how her first sculpture in junior high had won some cheesy award. "Oh. Think that'll work?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Lydiadeetz, Lydiadeetz, Lydiadeetz!"
He popped into the Roadhouse five feet above the floor and immediately thereafter gravity took its toll. He landed face-first with a loud thump.
"Beetlejuice!" Lydia grabbed her friend's arm and pulled him to his feet. "Are you all right?"
"Ooough," groaned Beetlejuice, putting a hand to his nose. "I dink I broke by dose."
Ginger was beside herself. "This is awful!" she cried, flailing her spindly arms. "How can we ever fix things if Beetlejuice can't even fly?"
"Or do anything else?" supplied Jacques helpfully.
Lydia glared at the occupants of the room. "Thanks for your optimism," she said sarcastically.
"Well," put in the Monster, picking up Poopsie, "if'n there's one power that snake will never lose, it's the power of annoyance."
"Preach on," agreed Beetlejuice whole-heartedly, recovering instantly.
Lydia cleared her throat noisily. Everyone turned to look at her.
"Slime did this to us," she said loudly, "and we've got to get him back!"
"But how, babes?" Beetlejuice shouted, throwing his arms wide. "And with what?"
"We'll think of something." Lydia had a seat on the couch next to Jacques. "We always think of something."
"And," remarked Beetlejuice, "in usually under half an hour!"
But after three hours had passed and no one had thought of anything (except the Monster, who had thought that all this was cutting into his gardening time), Lydia began to truly worry.
"My offer's still good, you know." Beetlejuice lounged on the rug. "About teaching you everything I know about being a ghost. 'Course, it might be a bit more difficult now, with me alive and all." He rubbed his chin. "I wonder if a large, fast-moving freight train could fix that."
"Beetlejuice, no!" Lydia's shout startled everyone, and even woke up a dozing Poopsie. "We have to undo this the same way it was done...If only we knew how Slime did it."
"Well, we'll never find out sitting around this dump." Beetlejuice rolled to his feet and seized Lydia's wrist. "Come on, babes, let's go see that Armhold Whassis-hugger guy. We'll beat the answer out of him if we have to!"
"Yeah, right, Beetlejuice, like we can really do that." Lydia dragged her heels as Beetlejuice hauled her towards the door. "He'll flatten us! Besides, Slime would never tell anyone like Armhold Musclehugger about something like that. He probably only had orders to kidnap you."
"Shoot, Miss Lydia's right, Beetlejuice." The Monster blocked the door. "If'n ya wanna find out what Chester Slime's plan is, ya gotta go t' the source!"
Beetlejuice blinked. "You mean, The Handbook For Politicians, Lawyers, And Other Leeches? I love that thing. A real page-turner."
"No. Chester Slime. We have to find him." Lydia nodded to the Monster, who moved aside obligingly. "Come on, BJ."
"But Lydia, what about us?" asked Jacques.
"Yeah, Lydia, we want to help!" added Ginger.
Lydia shook her head. "Thank you all, but it might be dangerous. Beetlejuice and I will handle it."
"Well, if'n y'all insist..." The Monster frowned. "Come on, Poopsie, let's go practice our new seranade some more!"
Poopsie yapped happily and followed the Monster out the door.
"All right." Lydia turned to Beetlejuice. "It's up to us. We'll take Doomie."
Beetlejuice watched Lydia walk out of the Roadhouse. "Good thing she had a plan," he told the room, "because I was going to just suggest we throw in the towel and go get something to eat." He shrugged and followed Lydia to the garage as the others muttered in disgust.
