Eponine: Alright then, M. Fauchelevent, just wait here and I--M. Fauchelevent? *shakes Valjean* M. Fauchelevent?
Valjean: *hugs Cosette's old clothes, crying and periodically blowing his nose into them* Oh, how wretched I am! My only child has deserted me! Now I shall surely die, alone with my misery! Oh, woe! And all because this little player has seen fit to seduce my poor innocent little girl away from--
Eponine: Keep it down--do you want them to hear us? *sigh* You know, my boyfriend likes to make long self-pitying monologues too. Why can't you just give him a chance?
Valjean: *quirks an eyebrow* Boyfriend?
Eponine: *sniffle* Alright, fine, so he's not my boyfriend yet…*her lips trembles* You don't have to rub it in! *begins to cry into his sleeve*
Valjean: *looks awkward* Uh, no offense intended. Stop that!
Eponine: *can't hear him over her own bawling* I looooove him, but every day I'm le-e-earning---all my life, I've only been pretending!
Policeman #1: *bangs at the gate* Hello? This is the Paris Police, now open up!
Eponine: Gah! They're after me! *jumps under the bench*
Valjean: Gah! They're after me! *dives for the bench* Get out of there--that's my hiding place!
Policeman #2: Open up in there!
Valjean: Uh-oh, they've seen me *turns several odd colors* Is there a problem officers?
Policeman #1: We're with the Paris Stalker Patrol--we have an arrest warrant here for a Monsieur Marius Pontmercy.
Valjean: *brightens* Oh! *unlocks the gate* Well, in that case, come on in.
Policeman #1: We got a call from a Monsieur Rene Courfeyrac earlier this evening, and he told us--*studies Valjean closely* Wait a minute…Valjean?
Valjean: *scrutinizes the cop's face* Javert!
Javert: It is you! *to his partner* This is the one I told you about, Pierre! Haha! I've finally cornered him! *cuffs Valjean*
Valjean: NOOOOOOO!
Pierre: *looks Valjean over* This is the big deal? It took you ten years to catch this poor old grandpa?
Javert: Don't be fooled! He's probably been doing all sorts of depraved things while he's been in hiding.
Valjean: Actually, I've spent most of the past few years tending the gardens in a convent.
Pierre: *sarcastically* Wow. And to think, if not for us, this guy could be running loose on the streets.
Javert: *defensively* Well, what about all that money he got from conning the innocent townspeople?
Valjean: Actually, I've been using it to fund the upbringing of an orphan girl I rescued from an abusive foster home.
Javert: *stuffs a gag in his mouth* Tell it to the judge, 24601!
Pierre: You know, you really ought to consider taking a vacation one of these days.
Javert: Why, I ought to-- *He is interrupted by a sneeze coming from under the bench* What was that? *grabs Valjean by the collar* So, you have an accomplice, huh? Pierre, get him!
Pierre: *pulls Eponine out* Hey, it's a gamine
Javert: Wait a minute, I know her! She's that Jondrette guy's daughter!
Eponine: *panicking* No! You must be mistaken. My name is--uh…Cosette Fauchelevent! The girl you're looking for is on the other side of those trees by the fence.
Javert: Ha! Nice try. Book her, Pierre. *leading Valjean away* Two arrests in one night--I might just get a promotion out of this.
Pierre: Say, if you were to get promoted, does that mean I'd get a new partner?
Javert: Yes.
Pierre: *perks up* Well, when you put it like that… *cuffs Eponine enthusiastically* You have the right to remain silent! Let's move!
Javert: *singing triumphantly* And so it must be, for so it is written, on the doorway to Paradise, that those who falter and those who fall, must pay the price!
Valjean: Ugh. This isn't going well at all.
A/N: Sorry, kind of a weird chapter. I just had minor surgery, and have been tanked out on pain killers for the past few days; maybe that has something to do with it. More to come!
