No Devils
A companion fic to No Angels.
By : Elvaron 'sf' Starfire-Ithilwaya. Since they're going for long and unwieldy handles, I'll use my full handle too! 'sides, it's a legitimate callsign _. It has a history. *gasp* *shock* *pffft*.
Begun : Dec 23 2002.
*Knowledge of the disclaimers binding 'No Angels' required. Some knowledge of the fic would be good too.*
Summary : An all powerful not-so-moronic original female character who detests Sanzo falls in love with him.
Disclaimer :
We make no pretenses. This is a *MARY-SUE*. Scream and run away NOW. For those of you brave enough to venture forth, beware of extreme cheesiness, fangirl japanese and all other elements characteristic of a Mary-Sue, self insert, Sanzo + original character fic. Don't say that we didn't warn you.
Mary Sue (MS) -- The original female character, who has no place in the fiction, but ends up taking over the entire plot. For some reason, every viable male will instantly fall for her attractions, becoming grossly out of character (OOC) in the process. Some Mary Sues have supernatural powers (come on, getting Sanzo to bed you must be a supernatural power in itself...), no tangible personality, and is perfect in every way.
Foreword :
Do you know what's the sad thing? When I need to find an MS or stupid fic to reference, I just pop by ff.net and click around. I can always find one on the first page of the Saiyuki section.
No Devils, like No Angels, exists as a practical joke. While not intended to be hurtful, it does have its own Morals (MORALS! MY GOD!), that usually have nothing to do with the plot whatsoever. (What plot?) Most of the time, though, these fics, fondly termed 'Bad fics', or, if slightly better, 'Stupid Fics', or, if really bad, 'Trash', are written as a totally inane form of humor. It serves as a platform for me to belt words out by the hundreds on the keyboard in between my normal fics, to go begging for reviews like a review slut, and generally, write complete crap.
Sounds familiar? Bad-fics breed other bad-fics.
Shameless, unabashed self-promotion :
Do not proceed beyond this point without reading No Angels!
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=950586
The Cast :
Genjo Sanzo, sf's love interest. ^______^
sf : The Fanfic Author, or the Power that Is.
sf's Muse : The Other Fanfic Author, or the Power that Are.
fs : The Angel who falls in love with Genjo Sanzo in 'No Angels'. sf's self-insert, later disowned.
Evilfs, hence forth known as eefs *snicker* : fs' evil twin, who hates Sanzo's guts.
Warnings : Characterization? What characterization? Original female character. Could be viewed as the sequel to 'No Angels', if anything remotely resembling a 'plot' existed in 'No Angels'. As it is, accept it as an On-crack-side-plot/omake thing.
sf : *plucking Sanzo out from somewhere in the middle of No Angels* A moment of your time, Sanzo-sama.
Sanzo : Thank Kanzeon Bosatsu that you got me out of there!
sf : ...Honto?
Sanzo : Actually, maybe not. I don't like that gleam in your eyes.
sf : I'm sorry.
Sanzo : No, you're not! Or you wouldn't be doing this.
sf : Blame the fic bunnies ^_^. *plonks Sanzo onto the 'No Devils' alternate reality set. Good luck! And remember, I wuv you, and fs wuvs you too! *hearts*
Sanzo : I'm going to be sick.
sf works presents :
No Devils
"And you thought No Angels was bad."
Prologue : Return to the Nightmare
Real warnings : Innuendo and offensive language. I kid you not.
() -- Offstage.
It was a dark and stormy night. Lightning flashed. Thunder boomed. And cliches ran rampant through the halls.
(sf's Muse : Hey, if we'd done this tomorrow...)
(sf : Who cares about time frame? The christmas fics are already appearing!)
(Muse : Righto. Let's try again.)
T'was the night before christmas, when all through the fic, not a creature was stirring, not even a Mary Sue.
(Muse : It doesn't rhyme.)
(sf : Who cares?!)
(Muse : Nono, let's try this.)
T'was the night before christmas, when all through the fic, not a creature was stirring, not even a chick.
(sf : .......)
(Muse : What would you have me use? Prick? Dick? Hakkai and Gojyo would have to be sleeping, then!)
(sf : This is not a yaoi fic.)
(Muse : Oh. Whatever.)
[Apologies to any readers who might have suffered permanent mental damage from that.]
(sf : Alrighty, alrighty -- Sanzo-sama! You're up!)
Sanzo was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of Mary-Sues danced in his head..
Sanzo : ARGH! WHAT A NIGHTMARE!
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
He sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the luster of midday to objects below,
When what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But an oversized sleigh, and his greatest fear.
(Muse : Rhythm's out.)
(sf : Who cares?!)
Sanzo : Kami-sama! It's a _2nd_ original female character!!!
eefs : Bwahahhaahhahaa. *lightning crackles*
fs (appearing) : No!!!!! It's my evil sister!
eefs : Bwahahahhahahaa. *thunder booms*.
fs : Ahh! *leaps in front of Sanzo* I'll defend you to the end!
Sanzo : I don't need--
eefs : Bwahahhahahahah. *waves wand. fs, the all powerful angel-capable-of-defeating-Gyuumao is banished in an instant to nethernether land.*
eefs *advancing on Sanzo*. : You Are All Mine. *evil laughter*
Sanzo : sfffffffffff, I'm going to get you for this!
(Muse : Cliffhanger time?)
(sf : Aye, cliffhanger.)
--
TBC
--
sf : I don't know how they do this for every chapter of every fic...
Muse : Summon the strength and the courage, sf. It's the last chapter for today.
sf : *wearily*. oi. you. pweez r/r........ *collapses from the strain*.
Muse : Well done. *drags sf back to sanity*.
