ARGH! Work is killing my brain cells! I can't write proper fic at the moment!
So since people actually want this fic updated, I'll sit here and write crap, since my And Time Again fic bunny ran away.
Ashtoreth -- I am a slow writer, because, unlike other writers here, I am old enough to have a life that keeps me away from the computer for 90% of the day... -_-. Besides, the best writers are all the slow ones. XD
I also have a lot of fics.
jashuang -- sf stands for 'Stupendously Fabulous'. No, actually it doesn't.
So here we have eefs advancing on Sanzo, sf-sama with no clue how to continue the fic, and they arrive at the famous pass of Impasse.
(Muse : *holding a map*. It says : This way to MS-land.)
(sf : *Looks at map. Frowns*. Alright, let's just do a stupid plot twist.)
(Muse : Right.)
(sf : Left.)
No Devils Mission Statement
Shamelessly stolen from 'No Angels'.
For those who've missed the point.
'No Devils' is not a fic. 'No Devils' is a fic parody -- a spoof of all the Mary Sue fics I've read. It's a gross exaggeration of many of them, posed to be deliberately derogatory and deliberately stupid. If it actually discourages future stupid fics along this line, if it actually points out to authors that sTuPiD cApItAlIzAtIoN, weepy!Sanzo, all-powerful-self-inserts, and other elements that I've slammed throughout the fic are not generally what makes a good fic, then my mission is accomplished.
Chapter 1 : The Nightmare Strikes Back!
Or : The Cheesy Chapter titles strike back!
Sanzo : *whips out Smith and Wesson* *shoots*
eefs : *dodges bullets* Ha! Every half-baked martial artist can dodge bullets these days!
Sanzo : But you're not a martial artist, no matter how half baked.
eefs : But I'm All Powerful Self-Insert (albeit disowned), Original Female Character 13th grade, Order of the Mary Sue, grand high goddess of the land, and ... *frowns*. Betrothed at birth to one Genjo Sanzo.
Sanzo : Uh-oh. This is where the trouble begins.
eefs : So since it is my Destiny(!), I guess we should both get married.
Sanzo : WTF? But... *gestures helplessly*.
eefs : My evil sister has been eliminated. So that particular marriage is annulled.
sf : *ahem*.
eefs : What?
sf : Sanzo is mine. So therefore, as my disowned self-insert, you are allowed to cohabit and procreate with the high priest, but not marry him. Procreation via artificial insemination only.
eefs : Begone, thou--
sf : *zaps eefs*. Remember : Fanfic-author = God.
eefs : Damn you!
sf : *snickers*
Sanzo : Honestly, I don't know which of them is worse.. *snorts in disgust*.
eefs : Alright, alright. But my internal programming makes me hate you. So I'll just kill you first and then live happily ever after with you.
Sanzo : Riiiiight. Don't you have to do some quest or other before you get married the Highest Priest in the Land, who, incidently, bond by the rules of his faith, is not supposed to marry?
sf : Overruled by the rules of stupid fics, which state that the High Priest of the Land must Mary. Mary Sue.
Sanzo : But I'm not interested in females! (Or males too, for that matter.)
sf : Since when did your opinion matter a smidgen in romance [1] fics -- het or yaoi or otherwise?
Sanzo : Damnit.
[1] Inclusive of *coughs* non-con fics *coughs*.
eefs : So what am I supposed to do with my internal programming? *screeches*.
sf : I don't know. Your sister was easier to write. Maybe you shouldn't have killed her off.
eefs : I hate you all, because I am a xenophobe with a bad case of vocabulary!
sf : *wanders off, humming the lyrics to 'Forever Young'* Let us die young or let us live forever..
Sanzo : I opt for 'Die young!' Preferably, 'Die now!'.
At this point, young Sanzofs (Sanzo and fs' kid from No Angels), saved the fic by running in.
Sanzofs : Daddy~!
(Muse : sf? We underwent a slight time warp, and the kid kind of grew up in the mean time... so he's in the brattish stage at the moment.)
(sf : Of course, this throws all continuity with No-N-sense out of the window...)
(Muse : Whoever cared about continuity in stupid fics?)
Sanzo : Argh! Get this brat away from me!
sf : *tsk*! You're supposed to be nice! *pulls out Wand-of-OOCness*.
Sanzo : awwwwww.... darling, come to daddy.... daddy wuvs you!
Sanzofs : Daddy! Where's mummy?
Sanzo experiences a moment of heart-wrenching angst.
Sanzo : *thinking* She's gone. She's gone forever. Why? Why? Why on earth didn't she die earlier?!
And because sf has hang-ups about family matters, we shall turn off the 'logic' inhibitors and rush through this part...
eefs : Awwwwwww, what an adorable baby!
(sf : Now you see why I disowned you. I hate kids. *shudders*)
eefs : Come to mummy... I am your mummy... join me, and we shall rule the universe and the multiverse together!
Sanzofs : No! You're not my father! You cannot be! I refuse to believe it! Ahhhhhh!
eefs : Of course I'm not your father. I'm your evil step-mother. I am....... the Phantom of the Opera!
Sanzo : Get your hands off my darling!
eefs : He's mine! Mine! *grabs Sanzofs and disappears in a flash of light.*
(Muse : Whoa, that was unexpected.)
(sf : The crap generator has warmed up.)
Sanzo : Oh no! My darling! And my darling fs, who is probably in Hell but is probably still alive... I have to rescue both of them!
Sanzo runs off after his (new) wife and kid, nevermind that when someone disappears in a flash of light, you don't usually know which way they went in.
Sometime later, a map floated down from the Heavens into Sanzo's hands. There was a large, red arrow stating : This way to MS-land. And our gallant High Priest set off once again on the Quest of his Life...
***
TBC
***
