Chapter 3: The Adventures of a Travel-sized Monk
Disclaimer: Saiyuki is mine and I really am a 7-foot tap-dancing giraffe in
suspenders.
Ahhh. . . my favourite scene: a drunk little Sanzo. Provided by Gu Bak Wan. Thank you!!
***
Goku runs out happily with a tiny Sanzo tucked into his pocket to buy. . . meat buns!
Stallholder: Here you go. *hands Goku a large bag of meatbuns*
Goku: Sankyuu!!
Sanzo: *sitting on one of the buns in the bag* Come let's go, you bakazaru.
The buns disappear into Goku's mouth along with (might I add) an enraged little blond bozu.
Sanzo: *muffled* MMMfphh!!! Kono bakazaru!!! Ore o kutten ja ne!!!!! [Don't eat me you bakazaru!] *scrabbling around wildly in the recesses of Goku's mouth*
Goku: *plucks a saliva-coated Sanzo from his mouth and lets him stand on his palm* Ee, gomen, Sanzo. I thought you were a meatbun.
Sanzo: *lets out a microscopic roar* Kono bakazaru!!! Do I look like a meatbun to you!!!?!?!?!
Sanzo starts attacking Goku's fingers madly with the harisen and firing his Smith & Wesson in the air. The bullets (the size of small peas) hit Goku on the nose.
Goku: Itaaaiiii!!!! Naaaa, Sanzo, you're so mean. . .
Sanzo: *flinging saliva off his person* URUSAI!!!!!! *fires haphazardly into the air again*
***
This time, it is Hakkai's turn to take care of the grumpy little Sanzo who is almost blue from swearing after Goku almost flushed him down the toilet. Nothing much happens until. . . .
Hakkai: Hakuryu!!!
Hakuryu: Kyuu?
Hakkai: You're sitting on Sanzo! *rushes over to remove the dragon's bottom from squashing our oh-so-delicate priest*
Sanzo: @_@..Hakk-ai. . . I'm going-to-kill-you. *passes out from the stench of dragon poo. Hey, dragons breathe fire so they must have a lot of methane in their bums, right?*
***
Gojyo is now in charge of carting around Sanzo, the almightily tiny. A pretty girl saunters by. Oh dear.
Gojyo: *sidles up to the girl, turning on the charm full blast* Hey, pretty lady. Can I rock your bed tonight?
Girl: *blushes furiously* I-
Mini Sanzo jumps out from Goyjo's pocket (don't ask me how) and clambers onto his shoulder.
Sanzo: Can you quit with it already, you erogappa!?!!? It's enough that I'm stuck with you, and now I have to put up with your blundering flirting??!??!?? *points his already loaded Smith & Wesson at Gojyo's temple*
Girl: Ohhh!!! *spots the minute monk stomping on Gojyo's shoulder, screaming squeaky obscenities* Eeee, so cute! *scoops micro Sanzo from Gojyo's shoulder and starts playing with his golden hair like it was a doll's*
Sanzo: Put me down, kono BAKAonna!!!! I AM NOT CUTE!!!!! Arrrrg! What do you think you're doing, you hentai kappa!!?!?!? Korosu zo-
Gojyo: *snatches micro Sanzo from the girl and stuffs him down his pocket* Eh heh. Don't mind him. So, where were we. . . ?
{.2 hours and several cans of beer later.}
Sanzo has managed to free himself from the prison of kappa underwear (smiley boxers) and clothes that Gojyo had tossed onto him to shut him up. Now, extremely pissed and murderous, he plans his revenge.
*** {.3 hours later.}
The ikkou is having dinner and Sanzo is again cavorting around the table in a foul mood. The waitress brings their order of beer in huge tankards, courtesy of Gojyo (who seems to enjoy torturing Sanzo for as long as he can).
Sanzo whips the miniscule maten kyoumon off his shoulders and uses it as a brace to shimmy up the tankard. He sits on the rim and sips his beer through a straw (provided by Hakkai).
Goku: Itadakimasu!
Gojyo: *pinches some of Goku's springrolls and pops it in to his mouth*
Goku: That was mine, you erogappa!!!
Gojyo: *sticks out tongue at Goku, bits of springroll dangling* I didn't see your name on it, bakazaru.
Sanzo: *tiny veins start popping* Urusen dayo!!!!! *whips out his Barbie- sized harisen to deck them and--*
*SPLOOGLSH*
Sanzo: *splutters* Bluurgle. *beer floods his nostrils*
Gojyo: The namagusa bozu is drowning, eh? *lights up a cigarette*
The cigarette flares and then explodes in the kappa's face.
Gojyo: NANI!!?!!!?!? *a lightbulb goes on in his head and he looks at Sanzo, now paddling away in the tankard* Teme--*the fag explodes again*
Sanzo: *does backstroke across the beer mug* Ha ha----gotcha, ya baaaka kappa
The ikkou watches as Sanzo swims around in his drink, getting progressively sloshed. The monk starts to sing (oh, Tenkai above) and warble silly nursery rhymes about belly-dancing fighting gods and a team of gondola- paddling youkai. After 10 minutes, he's sinking like a stone to the bottom of the cup, snoring and bubbling at the same time.
Hakkai: Oh dear, Sanzo will drown! His body is so small that he gets intoxicated so quickly. *fishes out Sanzo with his chopsticks*
Gojyo: *still cleaning off all the soot from his face* Ch', his corrupt brain must be saturated with all that beer by now.
Hakkai: *uses his little finger to do CPR and a straw for artificial resuscitation on one unconscious travel-sized priest* Breathe Sanzo, breathe!!! Four minutes until his brain gets permanently damaged.
The plastered Sanzo coughs up some beer after inflating and deflating several times like a balloon at Hakkai's hands.
Sanzo: Fuuuuuuuuu. . . . *blinks sleepily* Goodnight, minna. *starts snoring like an elephant and then farts*
Hakkai: Yare yare.
Gojyo: *prodding Sanzo* He's so small yet he snores like a whale.
Goku: *happily polishes off everyone else's portion of the food*
Ahhh. . . my favourite scene: a drunk little Sanzo. Provided by Gu Bak Wan. Thank you!!
***
Goku runs out happily with a tiny Sanzo tucked into his pocket to buy. . . meat buns!
Stallholder: Here you go. *hands Goku a large bag of meatbuns*
Goku: Sankyuu!!
Sanzo: *sitting on one of the buns in the bag* Come let's go, you bakazaru.
The buns disappear into Goku's mouth along with (might I add) an enraged little blond bozu.
Sanzo: *muffled* MMMfphh!!! Kono bakazaru!!! Ore o kutten ja ne!!!!! [Don't eat me you bakazaru!] *scrabbling around wildly in the recesses of Goku's mouth*
Goku: *plucks a saliva-coated Sanzo from his mouth and lets him stand on his palm* Ee, gomen, Sanzo. I thought you were a meatbun.
Sanzo: *lets out a microscopic roar* Kono bakazaru!!! Do I look like a meatbun to you!!!?!?!?!
Sanzo starts attacking Goku's fingers madly with the harisen and firing his Smith & Wesson in the air. The bullets (the size of small peas) hit Goku on the nose.
Goku: Itaaaiiii!!!! Naaaa, Sanzo, you're so mean. . .
Sanzo: *flinging saliva off his person* URUSAI!!!!!! *fires haphazardly into the air again*
***
This time, it is Hakkai's turn to take care of the grumpy little Sanzo who is almost blue from swearing after Goku almost flushed him down the toilet. Nothing much happens until. . . .
Hakkai: Hakuryu!!!
Hakuryu: Kyuu?
Hakkai: You're sitting on Sanzo! *rushes over to remove the dragon's bottom from squashing our oh-so-delicate priest*
Sanzo: @_@..Hakk-ai. . . I'm going-to-kill-you. *passes out from the stench of dragon poo. Hey, dragons breathe fire so they must have a lot of methane in their bums, right?*
***
Gojyo is now in charge of carting around Sanzo, the almightily tiny. A pretty girl saunters by. Oh dear.
Gojyo: *sidles up to the girl, turning on the charm full blast* Hey, pretty lady. Can I rock your bed tonight?
Girl: *blushes furiously* I-
Mini Sanzo jumps out from Goyjo's pocket (don't ask me how) and clambers onto his shoulder.
Sanzo: Can you quit with it already, you erogappa!?!!? It's enough that I'm stuck with you, and now I have to put up with your blundering flirting??!??!?? *points his already loaded Smith & Wesson at Gojyo's temple*
Girl: Ohhh!!! *spots the minute monk stomping on Gojyo's shoulder, screaming squeaky obscenities* Eeee, so cute! *scoops micro Sanzo from Gojyo's shoulder and starts playing with his golden hair like it was a doll's*
Sanzo: Put me down, kono BAKAonna!!!! I AM NOT CUTE!!!!! Arrrrg! What do you think you're doing, you hentai kappa!!?!?!? Korosu zo-
Gojyo: *snatches micro Sanzo from the girl and stuffs him down his pocket* Eh heh. Don't mind him. So, where were we. . . ?
{.2 hours and several cans of beer later.}
Sanzo has managed to free himself from the prison of kappa underwear (smiley boxers) and clothes that Gojyo had tossed onto him to shut him up. Now, extremely pissed and murderous, he plans his revenge.
*** {.3 hours later.}
The ikkou is having dinner and Sanzo is again cavorting around the table in a foul mood. The waitress brings their order of beer in huge tankards, courtesy of Gojyo (who seems to enjoy torturing Sanzo for as long as he can).
Sanzo whips the miniscule maten kyoumon off his shoulders and uses it as a brace to shimmy up the tankard. He sits on the rim and sips his beer through a straw (provided by Hakkai).
Goku: Itadakimasu!
Gojyo: *pinches some of Goku's springrolls and pops it in to his mouth*
Goku: That was mine, you erogappa!!!
Gojyo: *sticks out tongue at Goku, bits of springroll dangling* I didn't see your name on it, bakazaru.
Sanzo: *tiny veins start popping* Urusen dayo!!!!! *whips out his Barbie- sized harisen to deck them and--*
*SPLOOGLSH*
Sanzo: *splutters* Bluurgle. *beer floods his nostrils*
Gojyo: The namagusa bozu is drowning, eh? *lights up a cigarette*
The cigarette flares and then explodes in the kappa's face.
Gojyo: NANI!!?!!!?!? *a lightbulb goes on in his head and he looks at Sanzo, now paddling away in the tankard* Teme--*the fag explodes again*
Sanzo: *does backstroke across the beer mug* Ha ha----gotcha, ya baaaka kappa
The ikkou watches as Sanzo swims around in his drink, getting progressively sloshed. The monk starts to sing (oh, Tenkai above) and warble silly nursery rhymes about belly-dancing fighting gods and a team of gondola- paddling youkai. After 10 minutes, he's sinking like a stone to the bottom of the cup, snoring and bubbling at the same time.
Hakkai: Oh dear, Sanzo will drown! His body is so small that he gets intoxicated so quickly. *fishes out Sanzo with his chopsticks*
Gojyo: *still cleaning off all the soot from his face* Ch', his corrupt brain must be saturated with all that beer by now.
Hakkai: *uses his little finger to do CPR and a straw for artificial resuscitation on one unconscious travel-sized priest* Breathe Sanzo, breathe!!! Four minutes until his brain gets permanently damaged.
The plastered Sanzo coughs up some beer after inflating and deflating several times like a balloon at Hakkai's hands.
Sanzo: Fuuuuuuuuu. . . . *blinks sleepily* Goodnight, minna. *starts snoring like an elephant and then farts*
Hakkai: Yare yare.
Gojyo: *prodding Sanzo* He's so small yet he snores like a whale.
Goku: *happily polishes off everyone else's portion of the food*
