Lizzie spent the rest of the day smiling uncontrollably and running around the house wondering what would happen next. Aside from quizzical looks from her mother and Miranda's over the phone taunting of "Lizzie and Gordo sittin' in a tree . . .", Lizzie felt her life could not be more perfect. Then, sometime in the late afternoon, Lizzie sat down in her room and began to think about Gordo. Last night really hadn't given her many answers, except that Gordo has feelings for her. Still, he hadn't called her all day, and he left kind of abruptly. Also, she had now idea about what was going on in his personal life, what he was thinking and feeling or why he'd been avoiding her so long. Her hand inched closer to the phone as she hesitated, thinking about whether or not she should call him. Deciding against it, she brushed her hair, put on a nicer shirt and some strawberry lipgloss and asked her mom if she could take the car to drive over to Gordo's house. Getting permission, and the keys, she hopped in the car and headed over to Gordo's house.
Gordo was leaning back in his swivel chair at his desk, completely motionless, trying not to think about anything at all. His world was too full of stress. Even the one thing that brought him true happiness- Lizzie- was now making him miserable. Even though it was obvious, her feelings for him had been returned, he didn't feel good enough. Worthy enough, for her. Even if she came to him and said, "Gordo, I love you, stay with me forever", he'd still feel awful, constantly second guessing himself. Already he felt stupid for the bold mood he'd mad the night before. Thinking of this brought on an onslaught of other feelings. The anger and hatred he felt towards his mother. The guilt he felt for feeling like his father had become a burden. The worry and curiosity that came from his father's long nights out, where sometimes he wouldn't come home for days at a time. Then there was school. Something that had always brought balance to Gordo's life. So simple for him, because he worked hard to be a straight A student. Yet now, feeling the pressure of life come down on him, he didn't feel up for school anymore. Watching his grades slowly falter, drifting down into the ashes, stuck the last dagger through Gordo's heart. Feeling this build up inside of him, like a thousand needles trying to burst out through every part of his body, Gordo reached up to his hiding place and took down the razor. Tears began to form in the corners of his eyes as he felt even more guilt for what he was doing. He broke into heavy sobs, the razor still poised over his left arm. Regaining composure, with a determined look pressing itself onto his face, Gordo prepared himself for another cut, when suddenly he heard a loud banging at the front door. Quickly scattering to hide his tool, he sniffled back the last signs of tears and ran down to see who it could possibly be since there hadn't been a visitor in months. Dashing down the stairs, Gordo flung open the door the second he left the bottom step.
"Hey Gordo," Lizzie said with a smile, trying to look very calm and casual.
"Oh," Gordo said in surprise, "Hey. Come in." Gordo ushered her up the stairs, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to control the thoughts that were exploding in his head. Once they were inside his room, Gordo softly closed the door behind them. "Sit down," he said trying not to look at her, for fear he would completely loose all touch with reality. "So, what's up?"
"Not much, I just felt like I should come see you." Then, with realization slapping into her forehead, she noticed the scarlet that encircled his passionate blue eyes. "Gordo, have you been crying?"
Growing even more uncomfortable and awkward, he turned away from her, cautiously glancing in his mirror in an attempt to see what gave him away. "No, no. I, uh, just didn't get much sleep last night. I was up late watching a movie," he said, his voice breezily trailing off.
"Gordo, where are your parents? I mean, I can usually tell when they're here."
"Um, well, they left."
"Where?"
"On, vaccation."
"Where to?" Lizzie asked, trying not to sound too much like she was interrogating him.
"I, don't know."
"Gordo, how-"
Flinging himself around, his eyes grew a darker shade of crimson and began to leak with salty puddles that he tried to stop. "I don't know Lizzie. I don't, I, just-, " he paused slowly making his way towards her. Then, feeling all those needles burst through his skin, he fell to his knees, directly in front of her, lying his head in her lap and putting his arms clumsily around her, sobbing uncontrollably. She seemed at a loss for words, but looking up around his room, trying to figure out what was going on, she rubbed her fingers through his hair consolingly. "Lizzie, it was my mom. And s-she- . She's gone now and my dad is just gone all the time and he drinks and cries and there's- . I just- I just, I should have done something. I wasn't- a - good enough -son. I'm not right. I don't know. And now I feel so guilty and sad. She hates me and now he hates me 'cause it was, my- I don't know. I don't know. Lizzie, I just," he broke down again, his back vibrating slightly in rhythm with his tears. As he told his story, confessing all the sordid details, pouring all his feelings out in front of her, Lizzie nodded slightly, cocking her head trying to decipher the muffled words he heaved out through his sobs. And he lied there now, his head in her lap, she stroked his head and tried to piece the parts of the story she understood together. Then he looked up at her, his eyes shrink wrapped in tears, and began, "Lizzie, I'm sorry. I disappointed you. I hurt you. I'm so sorry. Don't care about me, you shouldn't care about me. I'm not good enough for you, I just-", she hushed him, putting one finger up to his lips.
She leaned forward, kissed his forehead and said, "I love you, David."
She hadn't called him David since as far back as he could remember. At those words, he smiled for the first time in years and it felt better than anything he'd ever felt. It wasn't a faked smile, which actually works in an opposite way. It wasn't a half smile to show that he recognized his life wasn't so absolutely horrible. This time, he felt happiness and utter elation surging through his body, forcing itself against every inch of his being and the only way he could release this pleasure was through a smile. Nothing in the world could have made him feel bad at that moment.
Upon saying her last sentence, Lizzie then, got up, leaving Gordo heaped upon the chair- still smiling- and left to go back home. She felt happy as she walked out his front door. Holding him there in his room, having him pour his heart out to her. She felt special. Needed. And at that moment she loved him more than she ever had before. Then, on the drive home, she thought about what she had said. Honestly, she did love him. With all her heart. She always had. Gordo- David- was her best friend ever. She wasn't lying when she said she loved him. But what did he think she meant? Did he think she meant she loved him as a friend closer than family? Or that she was IN love with him? Then the thought occurred to her. What did she mean by it? Did she truly love David Gordon? Wasn't she, at sixteen too young to love anyone? Too young to make that big of a decision? A smile crossed her face as she realized, it didn't matter. What she said, what happened last night, what happened today, made her feel truly happy and whatever the future would bring, she would meet it, possibly with Gordo by her side.
Gordo still hung on the chair, his arms draped over the seat. A broad grin still plastered across his face. Lizzie was too good for him. Nothing could convince him otherwise. Still, something in the way, she held him, spoke to him. He loved her back. Yet nothing was pushing him to fall head over heals into a deep obsession. If her mind changed, he could deal with it, as long as she was always there. All he knew was that she made him feel okay, about the world, his life and himself. If she ended up not loving him as deeply as he loved her, he would be able to handle it. Everything in his life, at that moment, felt, okay.