THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!! Glad you like insanity because things are about to get very weird!

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR and it's probably a good thing that I don't.

A/N: HARRY POTTER BASHING!!! But it's oh-so-little. YEAHHH!! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. *dodges tomatoes* EEP! Calm down, please calm down… *hit by tomato* ACHPTH!

Elijah: FIRE! *tomatoes fly*

Me: ELIJAH!!!!

Elijah: Oh, uh, hi Trinity… uh heh.

Me: DIE!!!

Elijah: Hey, calm down! I'm sure we can talk, right?

*scuffle*

~~~~~~~~~

CHAPTER FIVE: Escape To The Dumpster a.k.a. The Plot Starts Coming Back

        "I don't want to play your stupid rainmaker!" John said angrily, shoving the instrument aside.

        "Dude, that was SO not nice," Pippin frowned. (DARNIT! I LEFT MY POP TARTS IN THE TOASTER! BE GRATEFUL TO GET THIS CHAPTER!)

        "BWOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Legolas screamed, strumming his air guitar wildly. (ARGH! MY POP TARTS MELTED TO THE TOASTER! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!)

        "SHUT UP!" John roared.

        "I agree," Aragorn muttered. "She annoys me. Good thing we're almost out of Pop Tarts."

        "Hey, what this in my pocket?" Karl pulled out a picture. "Wow, it's another picture of- GET THE STAMPS AND MANILLA ENVELOPES!"

        Karl and John rushed outside to Wraith Ex. "Well, there they go," Gandalf said.

        "Are here comes- another member of the band! Everybody welcome Aragorn, world's greatest air keyboarder!" Pippin yelled.

        "Gee, guys," Aragorn grinned.

        "Let's play!" Gandalf roared. "We shall play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!"

        "No, that's dorky, you stupid gray grub!" Aragorn complained.

        "Well, what does Master Tarantula recommend?" Gandalf shot back.

        Aragorn ignored him and started playing Mary Had A Little Lamb. "You're horrible!" Gandalf exclaimed, covering his ears. Aragorn lowered his voice an octave, having transformed his air keyboard into an air church organ.

        "Uh, guys?" Pippin looked at them. "We could play both."

        "Twinkle Twinkle Had A Little Star?" (A/N: My friend Tiffany accidentally said that. YEAH, TIFF, YOU'RE THE GREATEST!)

        "Okay," Gandalf and Aragorn said, both starting to play.

        Q: How do you play Twinkle Twinkle Had A Little Star?

        A: You don't!

        Legolas and Pippin held their ears and screamed. "They can't be human!" Legolas wailed.

        "Well, technically Gandalf is an Istari wizard," Pippin pointed out.

        "HE'S NOT A VERY SMART ONE!" Legolas yelled, his eyes crossing. "NO ONE HAS BEATEN ARAGORN IN AN AIR INSTRUMENT WAR FOR A GAZILLION YEARS!"

        "I'm not THAT old!" Aragorn hollered. Suddenly, the wall behind them began to crack. Dust fell on Aragorn's head.

        "What the-?" Aragorn's eyes widened. Gandalf screamed dramatically. The wall crumbled.

        "Good work guys, we're free!" Pippin praised.

        "Hah, I got us out of jail AND won air instrument war number 682!" Aragorn gloated.

        "Ahh! Guys! Karl and John are returning!" Legolas shrieked.

        The group looked around and noticed a large Dumpster. "Hey, let's hide in there," Gandalf suggested.

        "Okay."

        WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SCENES WERE PERFORMED BY PROFESSIONALS. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

        "Me first!" Legolas ran towards the Dumpster.

        "Age before beauty, elf," Gandalf said, yanking Legolas to the ground by his hair. He grabbed the rim of the Dumpster and tried to jump in.

        "Not so fast, gray sheep!" Aragorn knocked the lid of the Dumpster shut on Gandalf's fingers.

        Finally, they were all inside. "Stop poking me, Pippin!" Aragorn complained.

        "How do you know it's me?"

        "YOUR! FEET! ARE! HAIRY!"

        "It smells in here!" Gandalf griped. "I'm getting out!"

        "OH NO YOU'RE NOT!!!" the other three yelled.

        "YES I AM!" Gandalf picked up the remains of a Big Mac and chucked it at Legolas.

        "This is a McDonalds Dumpster?" Pippin wondered.

        "Cool." Aragorn grabbed some french fries and threw them at Gandalf.

        "Ar-a-gorn!" Gandalf whined. "There are fries in my beard!"

        "And that's not all!" Aragorn picked up a Coke and poured it over Gandalf's head.

        "Grab him!" Pippin and Legolas grabbed food and pinned Gandalf down.

        "This is what you get for being a traitor!"

~~~~~~~~

        Gandalf tried to wipe Coke off his face while glaring at Aragorn, Legolas, and Pippin. "I'll get you all!" he threatened.

        The other three just laughed.

        Suddenly, a Big and Tasty wrapper stirred. Everyone turned slowly and stared at it. "Are there mice in here?"

        A grotesque creature rose from the trash. It was covered with green slime and old food.

        "A ZOMBIE!" Aragorn screamed. Everyone scrambled out of the Dumpster.

        "Hey, look!" John shouted.

        "The prisoners have escaped!" Karl pointed out.

        "Really," Aragorn said.

        "GET THEM!" Karl shouted.

        Suddenly, three figures appeared at the end of the alley. "Who's there?" one of them asked.

        "Hey, it's the crew from The Lord of the Rings!" another one exclaimed.

        "Sauron? NEVER!" Legolas yelled, stamping his foot.

        "What?" the figures sounded puzzled. In fact, I'm pretty confused too, so let me straighten this out.

        "HARRY POTTER!" Karl and John screamed. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" They turned tail and ran.

        "How odd." The figures stepped forward. It was a group of students from Hogwarts, Harry, Ron, and Hermoine.

        "Hey! It's Aragorn! He's my favorite character from The Lord of the Rings!" Harry's eyes sparkled. Aragorn looked at him nervously.

        "These people commune with Sauron! We can't talk to them!" Legolas crossed his arms and stared stonily away.

        "Aren't you guys supposed to go to Amon Hen? What are you doing here?" Harry wondered. He pulled out a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring. "Uh, yes you are! Shall we help you get there?"

        "Um, if you can," Gandalf pulled a cold, soggy fry out of his beard. "Legolas, stop the blatant, erm, ignoration." (A/N: O.O Ignoration? That's not even a word for crying out loud. It should be.)

        Legolas frowned. "These people commune with-"

        "Yes, I get it Legolas!" Gandalf said impatiently, smacking his forehead.

        "Hold on, everyone!" Harry yelled, shooting spark into the air. "I'll teleport us!" The sparks came down and landed on some old cloths. "Hmm," Harry mused, looking at his wand. "This never happened before.

        Suddenly, there was a loud explosion and four LOTR characters flew into the air, along with three students from Hogwarts.

        "Guys?" Pippin called from inside the Dumpster. "Where'd you go?"

~~~~~~~~~

        "It was all part of the plan!" Harry declared proudly.

        "I'm sure it was," Aragorn grumbled.

        "Hey," Gandalf and Legolas called. "Have you seen Pippin? We can't find him anywhere."

        "Strange," Ron said. "I thought I saw FOUR of you fly away."

        "One. Two." Aragorn counted. "Two."

        "Aragorn, you forgot to count yourself," Harry pointed out.

        "Oh. Three."

        "Well, who's the fourth?"

        "THE ZOMBIE!!" Aragorn screamed at the top of his lungs as the creature dropped on his head. "HELP!"

        "It's okay," the zombie said. "It's me! Frodo!"

        "F-F-F-Frodo?" Aragorn stammered, eyes crossed. "Why are YOU here? Where's Pippin?"

        "We left him in the Dumpster," Frodo explained.

        "Oh, why are you covered in slime?"

        "Uh," Frodo scratched his head. "I don't remember."

        "Well, go and take a bath; you smell!" Hermoine said. Frodo jumped off Aragorn's head and walked away, singing "Heigh-Ho".

        Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho

        It's off to bath we go

        I am stuck in icky slime

        It's time! Bath time!

        DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THAT SONG.

        "Heavens," Gandalf said. "What a strange person."

"Really."

"So, what now?"

"Well, now we'll get attacked by Uruk-Hai!" Harry exclaimed. An arrow flew from nowhere and speared him through the head.

        "Harry!" Hermoine screamed.

        "He's dead!" Ron added.

        "Oh, how terrible." Aragorn said monotonously, not really meaning it but feeling the need to be polite.

        "You shall pay for killing Harry!" Hermoine and Ron procured a couple of tanks…

        A/N: CLIFFHANGER!! :P *raspberry* I think I shall bash Harry's dead body now. Hm. *dodges rotten vegetables*

        JUST KIDDING- OR AM I?

        "Whoaaaa!" Legolas bugged his eyes. "I want one!"

        "NO, WE ARE GOING TO AVENGE HARRY!"

        "Geez, tank-hogs," Gandalf pouted.

        "We shall give 'Harry' a ceremonial burial while you destroy these Isengard creampuffs," Aragorn smiled and bowed.

        "I leave him in your trust."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Why did you make us the funeral brigade?" Frodo wondered. "I thought you didn't like him."

        "I don't," Aragorn said. "But I couldn't resist." He walked as close to the Falls of Rauros as he dared and chucked Harry's body over the edge. "Swim with the fishes!"

        Gandalf and Legolas just stared. Frodo waded in the water when a log hit him and he got swept into the current.

        "Oh, no, Frodo is the Ringbearer! We can't lose him!" Aragorn dived into the water and reached for him.

        Frodo gagged. "I don't have it."

        Everything ground to a halt. "What?" Aragorn asked in disbelief.

        "I gave it to Tom Bombadil!" Frodo said.

        "Oh, then goodbye." Aragorn swam back to shore.

        "ARAGORN!" Frodo screamed.

        Gandalf waved a handkerchief. Legolas threw a rose.

        "Bye, Frodo!" they called.

        Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

        Frodo has to go

        Following our Harry Potter-

        "DON'T sing, Aragorn."

        Tears came to Frodo's eyes. "Farewell! I shall never forget the kindness you showed me, even in death and despaaiiiiiiiiiiirrrrr!"

A/N: I'm so sorry you had to read that. Please accept my most sincere apologies. *laugh in background* Shut UP, Aragorn! I'm trying to apologize! Please don't flame me.

NEXT TIME: Hermoine and Ron tag along with Gandalf, Aragorn, and Legolas in a trip to Rohan! Boromir discovers his true ancestry! What HP kid will fall next by the mighty annoyance-induced anger of Aragorn? The Ent Dance Troupe makes its first appearance!