First of all, THANKIES to everybody who reviewed! You guys rule! *hands out Elijah plushies*

Elijah: -_- Stop… giving… away… MY FRIENDS!!

Me: O.O() I don't think there's any more HP bashing. Um, maybe. OH, I don't know. This chapter has not been written yet!!

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR, HP, or Bored of the Rings! Hehehe.

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CHAPTER SIX: Party on the Fields of Rohan!!

        "Goodbye, Frodo!" Legolas called as the hobbit crashed over the waterfall.

        "Farewell, furry-footed friend!" Aragorn added.

        "See ya, jerk," Gandalf muttered.

        "What did you say, Gandalf?"

        "Huh? Oh, nothing!" Gandalf smiled pleasantly.

        "Let's go!" Legolas said. "Let's scram before the Sauron-followers catch up!"

        "Right," Gandalf rolled his eyes. "They're going to come up to us and start saying why we should team up with Sauron. Then they'll give us T-shirts or something."

        "How'd you know?" Legolas exclaimed. "Do you read Sauron Followers Today?"

        "Erm, no," Gandalf said. "WAIT A MINUTE! YOU READ THAT SUBVERSIVE MAGAZINE?!"

        "Uh," Legolas murmured nervously. "I skim."

        Gandalf arched his brows and shook his finger at Legolas. "Shame, shame!"

        "Good Gravy," Aragorn rolled his eyes.

        "Hey, guys!" someone yelled. Hermoine and Ron ran up to the rest of the Fellowship. "We thought we lost you!"

        "You know," Ron said. "You should really consider joining up with Sorhead. Their side has more manpower and they look cooler."

        "What?!" Gandalf shrieked.

        "Here you can have a baseball hat, old timer," Hermoine said, handing Gandalf a blue cap. "You other two can have T-shirts."

        Legolas looked absolutely livid.

        "Who did you say we join up with?" Gandalf wondered.

        Ron looked at him like he was stupid. "Sorhead, moron. Now let's go!"

        "Go? Go where?"

        "One of the dead Uruks gave us a flyer for a party held not too far from here! We want to go!"

        Aragorn grabbed the flyer. "Come enjoy Saruman's 300th birthday party! Come to the Gap of Rohan between February 27th and March 2nd for a Fun Time! Entertainment is a fun Surprise!!! What to Bring: Yourselves and A Present for Saruman (If deemed necessary). How strange!"

        "Should we go?" Gandalf asked. "I have the perfect gift for him."

        "Fine! We'll go! But the Gap is-"

        "-In the mall!" Legolas interrupted.

        "NO, Legolas! Not THAT Gap! Idiot." Aragorn glared at the elf. "Ahem. It's days away!"

        "We can teleport you!" Hermoine declared.

        "No! Not that again!" Legolas turned to run. Ron turned him into a turtle.

        "Fine, we won't teleport you. We'll try something more fun!" Ron waved his wand and turned Legolas into a green carpet. "Flying carpet!"

        "I don't fly," Legolas said peevishly.

        "You will when we're done with you!"

        Legolas rolled away.

        "Hey, sit still, you dumb carpet!"

        Legolas kept rolling. Aragorn and Gandalf simply stared, blinking.

        "Come on, old timers! Help us catch this carpet!"

        "Hm, if we help them-" Aragorn started.

        "-Legolas will be angry with us," Gandalf finished.

        "But if we help Legolas-"

        "-He may be stuck as a carpet forever!"

        "No I mean the kids might turn us into carpets!"

        "Oh."

        Hermoine and Ron succeeded in capturing Legolas and carried him over to Aragorn and Gandalf.

        "Hi, Rugolas," Aragorn snorted.

        "Legoless!" Gandalf laughed.

        "Alright, carpet! Fly!" Hermoine commanded. Legolas suddenly rose into the air.

        "Heeey! I'm flying! Now I'm a flying, talking carpet!"

        Legolas fell to the ground as Gandalf tried to sit on him.

        "Darnit. It didn't work. Old timer is too heavy!" Legolas turned back into an elf.

        "I can teleport us!" Gandalf said. "Watch! As I smash my staff to the ground, we'll be at Rohan! On three! One! Two! Three!" Gandalf thrust his staff down.

        "OW!" Aragorn screamed, grabbing his foot and jumping around.

        "Stop jumping around, you'll hurt yourself!" Ron said.      

        "Idiot!" Aragorn grabbed Gandalf's staff and smashed it down to the ground. Suddenly, a bright light surrounded everyone and they appeared at the entrance to the birthday party.

        "We made it! You're the best, Aragorn!" Hermoine said. Aragorn smiled sheepishly and handed Gandalf's staff to the wizard.

        "Thank you, Elessar," he glared.

        "You're welcome, gray sheep," Aragorn said politely.

~~~~~~~

        "Welcome to Saruman's Birthday Bash!" an Orc at the door said, proudly wearing a "Sorhead Rules" jacket. "Want a jacket?"

        "Ooh! I do!" Legolas squealed. Gandalf bashed him on the head.

        "Stupid! Wear your T-shirt if you like "Sorhead" so much!"

        "I refuse to be associated with Sauron!" Aragorn crossed his arms. The orcs grabbed him by his tunic and flung him into some bushes.

        "THEN GET OUT OF SARUMAN'S PARTY! Oh, you folks may come in."

        "Yaayyyy!" Hermoine and Ron yelled, running off.

        "Hey, is that King Théoden?" Legolas pointed. Sure enough, it was the king, falling over drunk.

        "It's rude to point, elfy!" he yelled, thrusting his finger into Legolas's face.

        "Erm, yes." Legolas tried to remove Théoden's finger from his nose.

        "Why are you here? I thought you and Saruman were bitter enemies!" Gandalf said.

        "Well, we thought we'd be good neighbors and come wish ole Saurie a happy birthday!" Théoden slurred.

        Suddenly, a tall man strode up to Théoden's side. He looked similar to Aragorn, but he had a familiar trash can lid- uh, I mean shield- strapped to his back.    

        "Boromir?" Gandalf squinted.

        Boromir hugged Théoden. "It's me! And guess what, guys! Where's Aragorn?"

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Look, fella," the orc said firmly. "You can't come in because you dissed Sauron."

        Aragorn adjusted his Groucho Marx glasses, nose, and moustache set. "I never dissed Sauron."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Aragorn's having problems at the entrance," Legolas said.

        "I'm Théoden's nephew!" Boromir smiled.

        "Oh, okay- PARDON ME?" Gandalf raised his eyebrows in an alarming fashion. "You're NOT Denethor's son? Why, Boromir? You were heir to the Stewardship of-"

        Boromir cut him off. "But NOW I am heir to Snowmane!"

        "Théoden's horse?" Legolas asked dully.

        "YES, UNCLE'S HORSE!"

~~~~~~~~~~

        The orc consulted his clipboard. "We didn't hire Pyro the Flamethower," he said.

        "Of course not! The entertainment is a SURPRISE!" Aragorn said, wearing a fire-print T-shirt and blue jeans. He held two flaming sticks.

        "You throw fire?" the orc asked.

        "Erm, YES! I am the greatest fire thrower ever!"

        "Could you give us a demonstration?"

~~~~~~~~~~

        Hermoine and Ron ran up to Gandalf, each wearing a tiny Ringwraith costume. "Look, old timer!"

        Gandalf screamed and jumped onto Legolas's head.

        "Get off, slug!" Legolas wailed.

        Suddenly, Hermoine burst into flame and ran off, screaming.

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Wow," the orc said. "You burned a Nazgul."

        "Ah, heh," Aragorn grinned nervously.

~~~~~~~~~~

        "So, what's the entertainment?" Legolas asked Théoden. The king shrugged.

        "Dunno, go ask him," Théoden said, pointing and passing out.

        Legolas raised an eyebrow. "A tree?"

        "No," Gandalf grinned. "An Ent!"

        "Hey, Mr. Ent," Legolas said. "Do you know what the entertainment is?"

        The Ent didn't move. "Do… you… know… what… the… en-ter-tain-ment… is?" Legolas repeated.

        "Wait, the Ent is over there," Gandalf pointed out. "That's a tree."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "No, I don't CARE if you're John Travolta!" the orc yelled.

        "I didn't say that," Aragorn squeaked. "I said I was George Clooney! I mean, I'm Viggo Mortensen!!"

        "Oh, really?" the orcs whispered to each other. "You may come in."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "And now we present our special guests!" someone announced. "It's- The Ent Dance Troupe!"

        "What?" Legolas squeaked. Six trees shuffled onstage. "What on earth-?"

        Suddenly, loud music began to play from a hidden speaker. The Ents started swaying. "Hoom, hoom," they said slowly.

        Gandalf scratched his head. "I don't believe it."

        "Hoom, hoom, we are Ents," they sang. Ghan-buri-ghan jumped out in front and started doing Riverdance.

        "Whoa, the foliage is rocking out," Aragorn commented.

        "YIPE! Aragorn! How'd you get in?" Legolas was becoming more and more alarmed.

        "Wait a minute," Gandalf said, squinting at Ghan-buri-ghan. "That looks a touch like-" He strode up to the stage and grabbed the little stump-like man, ripping off it's head.

        "Gandalf!" Legolas shrieked. "You killed him!"

        "Meriadoc!" Gandalf thundered. Merry grinned.

        "Hi there, Gandalf," he squeaked.

        "Why are you impersonating woodsmen?" Gandalf demanded.

        "Well, after Frodo blew us all to kingdom come, I accidentally burned down half of Fangorn Forest trying to make a fire and the Ents got a teensy bit angry. One accidentally smushed Sam-"

        "Darn," Aragorn said. "We lose those things like hotcakes."

        "-then I had do this Riverdance routine until I paid off the estimated amount of money that the trees were worth…" Merry trailed off.

        "Stupid hobbit," Gandalf muttered.

        "Come, now is the time to open my presents!" Saruman announced. Everyone turned.

        "What did you give him, sheep?" Aragorn wondered. Gandalf shot him a dirty look.

        "This first one is from Gandalf, ah my old friend," Saruman opened the box.

        Suddenly, the box blasted Saruman square in the face. He dropped the box and covered his nose, screaming. Gandalf was also screaming- with laughter.

        The beings near Saruman held their noses and ran. Gandalf snorted. 

        "Gandalf!" Legolas said sharply. "WHAT IS THAT?"

        "EEP! IT'S A SKUNK!" a random Uruk-Hai wailed. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

        "You gave Saruman a SKUNK?" Aragorn asked in disbelief.

        "'cause he's such a STINKER!" Gandalf roared with laughter.

        Saruman jumped on the skunk, smashing it. "Nooooooo!" Gandalf screamed. "You killed Peanut!"

        "You NAMED the SKUNK? Istari are weird!" Legolas pointed out.

        "Now I shall stomp you!" Saruman roared.

        "RUN!"

A/N: O.o Did I just write that?

Saruman: Grr.

Me: *hands Saruman grape juice* Heheh

Saruman: *walks off*

Me: Oops, wrong juice!

Saruman: IT'S NOT COMING OUT! I'M PURPLE!

NEXT TIME: The chase! Ron's new home! Refurbishing Fangorn Forest! Tom Bombadil decides to play hide-and-go-seek in an extreme way!