Disclaimer: Um, Harry Potter still belongs to J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter's
stupidity belongs to me though was probably inherited from someone in the
Potter/Evans family. And Bob the Builder belongs to someone too, though as
I DO NOT ACTUALLY WATCH IT I don't know who! Sorry! (and people who have
the good fortune not to have heard of him, he's written a song which
Voldemort seems to like. But you're not missing much. Well, actually,
Pilchard, his blue cat, is pretty cool, but apart from that).
Cbapter Two: A somewhat . . . worrying reply
A black owl swooped through the window of the Burrow in the early hours of the morning, dropped something in front of Harry Potter, and swooped back out. This 'something' was an envelope. A bright red envelope. A smoking envelope.
*Suspicious* thought our hero, who had been woken up by one of the owl's feathers tickling his nose on its way out. He leant down and saw that it was addressed to him. The sender could, in fact, spell 'Harry Potter'. But this hadn't stopped them writing 'MORON' in glowing capital letters as well. The envelope then burst into flames. And a loud voice started shouting. A high voice. A cold voice. An evil voice.
A voice that was bizarrely singing: 'Gonna get yer. Gonna eat yer.'
'OH!' said clever little Harry out loud. 'It's a HOWLER.'
Yes. It was indeed a howler. And whoever had sent it was now bellowing at the top of his or her voice.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! LESS OF THE YODELLING! I HATE YOU POTTER! AND I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! YES! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! YODEL-EH-I- OOOOOO!'
This was interrupted by several Weasleys, all in pyjamas with messy red hair, and Hermione who had entered Harry's bedroom, somewhat . . . mystified by the noise and the initial scary singing.
'Erm . . . Harry?' began Fred.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' shouted Harry, still listening to the Howler.
'Harry, what is . . . ?' began George.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'Harry, who . . . ?' began Mrs. Weasley.
But Harry was too deep in listening to the very very noisy Howler. Which was still screaming. 'I'M GOING TO GET YOU! I'M GOING TO GET YOU POTTER! AAAAAAAAAAARGH! FOOL! FOOOOOL! MWAH HA HA HA HA! I HOPE YOU LIKE THE PRESENT I'M SENDING YOU SOON! COS I'M GOING TO GET YOU HARRY! SO YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT!'
'Harry, you didn't actually send You-Know-Who a howler, did you?' asked Hermione, shouting over the noise coming from it. Voldemort had reverted to his 'Gonna get yer. Gonna eat yer!' song again. It was actually quite well sung, and in tune and everything, but no-one was exactly listening or appreciating that.
'Um . . . yeah.'
'Harry! You idiot! Why?'
'Because he ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'Uh . . . Hermione, PLEASE don't start that again!' interjected Ron, desperately.
'He really, really ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'Harry, SHUT UP!' shouted Hermione.
'OK. But he ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted Hermione.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted Ron.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted Fred.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted George.
Then all four of them looked at Ginny expectantly. However, Ginny was busy humming the tune to 'His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad' and wasn't really paying attention.
The Howler, however, was still going strong. 'I'M GOING TO KILL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! BECAUSE ODDLY ENOUGH, YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME! LEARN TO SPELL! LEARN TO WRITE! BOB THE BUILDER! CAN HE FIX IT? BOB THE BUILDER! IF IT'S HARRY'S BRAIN HE BLOODY WELL CAN'T!'
Hermione looked quite traumatized. 'You-Know-Who watches Bob the Builder?' she asked, worried.
'Apparently so,' said Fred, looking awed.
'Who IS Bob the Builder?' asked Ron, puzzled.
'Shut up, Ron,' said George, listening to the Howler, which was now yodelling quite tunefully.
'YODEL-EH-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YODEL-EH-I-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WHAT DOES HARRY KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW? NOT AS MUCH AS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YODEL-EH-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
'He's a poet and he didn't know it!' said Ron, impressed.
'Hey, Ron, lets speak in rhyme all the time!' said Hermione, suddenly.
'All right . . .' said Ron, looking worried.
'That doesn't rhyme, or even chime!' said Hermione.
'Well, Ron is mad and rather sad,' said Fred, who seemed to have got the hang of the rhyming thing.
'Oh no I'm not, you stupid . . . pot?' replied Ron, disturbed.
'What? What? What? I'm not a pot!'
'Shut up Fred, you're a bastard instead!'
'Now, Ron, be nice, or you'll get lice.' Said Hermione, trying to make peace.
Meanwhile, Harry was still listening to the Howler. Lord Voldemort, terror of the wizarding world, was still going strong. 'I HATE YOU! YOU'RE NASTY! YOU'RE STUUUUUUUUUUPID! YOU'RE SILLY! I'M GOING TO GET YOU SOON! VERY SOON! SOONER THAN YOU EXPECT! AND THEN YOU'LL DIE! DIE DIE DIE! I HOPE YOU LIKE MY PRESENT STUPID BOY! IF YOU GET IT BEFORE I KILL YOU THAT IS! DIE! YODEL- EH-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
And with a final shriek, the Howler stopped shouting, and the envelope crumpled into ash and disappeared.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' said Harry, jogging up and down as if he needed the loo. 'He really really ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'We know he does, Harry!' said Hermione, exasperated. Then she feebly added, 'You don't look like Larry,' as she remembered about the rhymes.
'What? Who's Larry?' asked Harry confused.
'Er . . . we have to speak in rhyme all the time,' said Ron, then turning to Hermione. 'Who is Larry, stop talking to Harry!'
'He isn't real, he's just a . . . seal.'
'You know a seal called Larry?' asked Harry (see, even I'm rhyming now).
'No, Po.'
'Who's Po?' asked Ron, immediately, then feebly added, 'Ho ho.'
'There is no Po, he had to go.' Said Hermione.
'Where?' asked Harry. 'Where did Po go? Is he friends with Larry?'
'No! Larry and Po, they're both made of snow!'
'Oh! Snow!'
'No snow! Po and Larry, they don't exist, Harry!' said Hermione.
Harry looked very confused. Ron looked at Hermione. 'Perhaps we shouldn't speak in rhyme all the time. Harry won't understand, it's the law of the land.'
'What, I have to speak in rhyme all the time?'
'No Harry. You don't.' said Ron.
'But . . . that's illegal unless you're Smeagol.'
Hermione looked very impressed. 'You've read 'Lord of the Rings' Harry? It's a very long book for you.'
'No. What's a book?' asked Harry, bemused.
Ron and Hermione rolled their eyes and Hermione opened her mouth to answer him, but was prevented by a big black owl swooped down to Harry again, dropped a rectangular, and rather heavy object on his head, and swooped off.
'Ouch!' said Harry, rubbing his head. He then looked down at it. On the front was a label, which read: 'Your present, with the compliments of Lord Voldemort.' Harry lifted the label. Underneath was a Concise Oxford English Dictionary.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' Harry said.
A/N: Hope you liked this chapter! I will update soon, probably, cos Harry will have to reply to Voldemort! You never know, he might even find out what pink letters are for! Anyway, please review! And sorry about the poetry, it really isn't my forte.
Cbapter Two: A somewhat . . . worrying reply
A black owl swooped through the window of the Burrow in the early hours of the morning, dropped something in front of Harry Potter, and swooped back out. This 'something' was an envelope. A bright red envelope. A smoking envelope.
*Suspicious* thought our hero, who had been woken up by one of the owl's feathers tickling his nose on its way out. He leant down and saw that it was addressed to him. The sender could, in fact, spell 'Harry Potter'. But this hadn't stopped them writing 'MORON' in glowing capital letters as well. The envelope then burst into flames. And a loud voice started shouting. A high voice. A cold voice. An evil voice.
A voice that was bizarrely singing: 'Gonna get yer. Gonna eat yer.'
'OH!' said clever little Harry out loud. 'It's a HOWLER.'
Yes. It was indeed a howler. And whoever had sent it was now bellowing at the top of his or her voice.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! LESS OF THE YODELLING! I HATE YOU POTTER! AND I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! YES! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! YODEL-EH-I- OOOOOO!'
This was interrupted by several Weasleys, all in pyjamas with messy red hair, and Hermione who had entered Harry's bedroom, somewhat . . . mystified by the noise and the initial scary singing.
'Erm . . . Harry?' began Fred.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' shouted Harry, still listening to the Howler.
'Harry, what is . . . ?' began George.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'Harry, who . . . ?' began Mrs. Weasley.
But Harry was too deep in listening to the very very noisy Howler. Which was still screaming. 'I'M GOING TO GET YOU! I'M GOING TO GET YOU POTTER! AAAAAAAAAAARGH! FOOL! FOOOOOL! MWAH HA HA HA HA! I HOPE YOU LIKE THE PRESENT I'M SENDING YOU SOON! COS I'M GOING TO GET YOU HARRY! SO YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT!'
'Harry, you didn't actually send You-Know-Who a howler, did you?' asked Hermione, shouting over the noise coming from it. Voldemort had reverted to his 'Gonna get yer. Gonna eat yer!' song again. It was actually quite well sung, and in tune and everything, but no-one was exactly listening or appreciating that.
'Um . . . yeah.'
'Harry! You idiot! Why?'
'Because he ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'Uh . . . Hermione, PLEASE don't start that again!' interjected Ron, desperately.
'He really, really ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'Harry, SHUT UP!' shouted Hermione.
'OK. But he ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted Hermione.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted Ron.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted Fred.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' shouted George.
Then all four of them looked at Ginny expectantly. However, Ginny was busy humming the tune to 'His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad' and wasn't really paying attention.
The Howler, however, was still going strong. 'I'M GOING TO KILL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! BECAUSE ODDLY ENOUGH, YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME! LEARN TO SPELL! LEARN TO WRITE! BOB THE BUILDER! CAN HE FIX IT? BOB THE BUILDER! IF IT'S HARRY'S BRAIN HE BLOODY WELL CAN'T!'
Hermione looked quite traumatized. 'You-Know-Who watches Bob the Builder?' she asked, worried.
'Apparently so,' said Fred, looking awed.
'Who IS Bob the Builder?' asked Ron, puzzled.
'Shut up, Ron,' said George, listening to the Howler, which was now yodelling quite tunefully.
'YODEL-EH-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YODEL-EH-I-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WHAT DOES HARRY KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW? NOT AS MUCH AS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YODEL-EH-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
'He's a poet and he didn't know it!' said Ron, impressed.
'Hey, Ron, lets speak in rhyme all the time!' said Hermione, suddenly.
'All right . . .' said Ron, looking worried.
'That doesn't rhyme, or even chime!' said Hermione.
'Well, Ron is mad and rather sad,' said Fred, who seemed to have got the hang of the rhyming thing.
'Oh no I'm not, you stupid . . . pot?' replied Ron, disturbed.
'What? What? What? I'm not a pot!'
'Shut up Fred, you're a bastard instead!'
'Now, Ron, be nice, or you'll get lice.' Said Hermione, trying to make peace.
Meanwhile, Harry was still listening to the Howler. Lord Voldemort, terror of the wizarding world, was still going strong. 'I HATE YOU! YOU'RE NASTY! YOU'RE STUUUUUUUUUUPID! YOU'RE SILLY! I'M GOING TO GET YOU SOON! VERY SOON! SOONER THAN YOU EXPECT! AND THEN YOU'LL DIE! DIE DIE DIE! I HOPE YOU LIKE MY PRESENT STUPID BOY! IF YOU GET IT BEFORE I KILL YOU THAT IS! DIE! YODEL- EH-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
And with a final shriek, the Howler stopped shouting, and the envelope crumpled into ash and disappeared.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' said Harry, jogging up and down as if he needed the loo. 'He really really ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
'We know he does, Harry!' said Hermione, exasperated. Then she feebly added, 'You don't look like Larry,' as she remembered about the rhymes.
'What? Who's Larry?' asked Harry confused.
'Er . . . we have to speak in rhyme all the time,' said Ron, then turning to Hermione. 'Who is Larry, stop talking to Harry!'
'He isn't real, he's just a . . . seal.'
'You know a seal called Larry?' asked Harry (see, even I'm rhyming now).
'No, Po.'
'Who's Po?' asked Ron, immediately, then feebly added, 'Ho ho.'
'There is no Po, he had to go.' Said Hermione.
'Where?' asked Harry. 'Where did Po go? Is he friends with Larry?'
'No! Larry and Po, they're both made of snow!'
'Oh! Snow!'
'No snow! Po and Larry, they don't exist, Harry!' said Hermione.
Harry looked very confused. Ron looked at Hermione. 'Perhaps we shouldn't speak in rhyme all the time. Harry won't understand, it's the law of the land.'
'What, I have to speak in rhyme all the time?'
'No Harry. You don't.' said Ron.
'But . . . that's illegal unless you're Smeagol.'
Hermione looked very impressed. 'You've read 'Lord of the Rings' Harry? It's a very long book for you.'
'No. What's a book?' asked Harry, bemused.
Ron and Hermione rolled their eyes and Hermione opened her mouth to answer him, but was prevented by a big black owl swooped down to Harry again, dropped a rectangular, and rather heavy object on his head, and swooped off.
'Ouch!' said Harry, rubbing his head. He then looked down at it. On the front was a label, which read: 'Your present, with the compliments of Lord Voldemort.' Harry lifted the label. Underneath was a Concise Oxford English Dictionary.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' Harry said.
A/N: Hope you liked this chapter! I will update soon, probably, cos Harry will have to reply to Voldemort! You never know, he might even find out what pink letters are for! Anyway, please review! And sorry about the poetry, it really isn't my forte.
