CHAPTER 2 A.K.A. The Many Failed Deaths

Ganondorf fell. And fell. And fell. "Sheesh, I never noticed how far up this mountain was." He continued to fall, his cape flapping about in the wind. Suddenly, he was there. Evil fell onto the roof of a house, bounced off and was impaled upon a nearby lightning rod.

"Is this what it's like to be dead," he wondered as his bones melted to jelly and he slid down the pole. Then, he just sort of fell off and hit the ground with a sickening splat. Oddly enough, his body reshaped itself and it was like nothing ever happened. "Aw crap! Stupid triforce! I go through all this crap to get it, and what happens? It won't let me commit suicide. Oh well. Guess I'll have someone kill me."

He walked out to Hyrule Field and watched as a stalchild popped out of the ground. "Perfect," he muttered as it stalked towards him. It got closer and closer, raised a bony hand, and…gave Ganondorf a low five.

"Yo, my bruthuh! I hear you almost take over Hyrule. That true, homie? I really admire your work, dog!"

"Th-thank you…"

"No problem. Shizzle my nizzle, biznatch," and with an evil cackle it disappeared.

"Hmm… Now who do I know that would kill me without a quip? Of course!" He ran to Kokiri forest. It took a day, and he got there at about midnight. Knowing his way in after the whole "infest-the-village-with-savage-monsters-incident," he also found Link's house quite easily.

"Hey Link!" he shouted up at the house. "Link!" Link appeared at the window.

"Shut up. You'll wake the neighbors," Link muttered drowsily.

"I honestly don't care. As the Great King of Evil, I demand that you get down here and kill me! Link? Link!? Punk-ass kid?" Link had fallen asleep standing up. Ganondorf yelled at him and Link woke up.

"Ok, whatever. I'll kill you tomorrow Mido."

"Who's Mido? Link, it's me, Ganondorf."

"Oh. Goodnight," Link yawned and climbed back in bed.

Ganondorf spent the next few days trying to get killed. He stole from the shop, hoping the owner would go all Link's Awakening on him. The owner said he would put it on Ganondorf's tab. He kidnapped Princess Zelda and put her in an extremely easy to beat dungeon. No one rescued her. He even dressed like a wolfos and stole a cow from Lon Lon Ranch. The gun misfired and Ganondorf stayed with Ingo until the ambulances came. He was awarded a medal for being a good citizen.

Ganondorf went crazy. He stumbled to Kakariko blowing mindless holes in the ground at various intervals. When he entered the city, he chopped the stupid tree down that had always pissed him off. "Mwehehehee!" He giggled at high and low pitches. Suddenly, he spotted a chicken. Attacking it like a madman, he soon realized what he had forgotten. "I knew there was a way!" he cried insanely as 30 chickens attacked him.

END OF CHAPTER