Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his little friends (and big friends) and enemies and neutral acquaintances and all Harry Potter related stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling. And only her. Not to any BROTHERS of any kind. Who might happen to be called WARNER.

A/N: Sorry, this is getting really unoriginal, but thankyou so much for reviewing! I love you all! ( But in this story, my Sirius and Remus and Hagrid are kind of strange . . . so please don't be offended if you love them or anything. I love them too. I do. Really.



Chapter Five: Further Opposition

As the birds flew out the window, Harry Potter looked down, bemused, at the three smoking envelopes. On one he recognised the untidy scrawl of a certain Hogwarts gamekeeper. On another, he saw the now familiar script of his godfather. And the last letter . . . well, the handwriting looked familiar, but Harry couldn't quite place it.

Hagrid's was the first to start shouting. It began with the customary shout, then the gamekeeper immediately launched into shouting. Obviously, songs were not his thing. 'HARRY! YER CAN'T GO PUTTIN' YERSELF IN DANGER LIKE THA'! SENDIN' 'ATEMAIL TO YOU-KNOW-WHO! DUNNO WHEN I'VE BIN MORE SHOCKED. YOU STOP THIS STUPID GAME RIGH' NOW, EH, HARRY? OR I'LL KNOW THE REASON WHY. DOWN, FANG, DOWN! YER LOOK AFTER YERSELF, EH, 'ARRY? YER BE CAREFUL, LAD. OR I'LL COME AN' FETCH YER MESELF.'

Hagrid continued to shout, but another voice had now been added to the chaos. 'HARRY! YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FIFTEEN YEARS OLD! WHAT YOUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE SAID . . . I DON'T KNOW, HARRY, I JUST DON'T KNOW. YOU CANNOT HARASS DARK LORDS! IT JUST ISN'T SENSIBLE! I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRULY YOUR FATHER'S SON, HARRY. AND JAMES WOULD NEVER EVER HAVE SENT HATEMAIL TO VOLDEMORT! WELL . . . HE PROBABLY WOULD ACTUALLY IF HE'D THOUGHT ABOUT IT . . . BUT YOU CAN'T! I FORBID YOU TO SEND HATEMAIL TO DARK LORDS OF ANY DESCRIPTION. OW, BUCKBEAK! GET OFF! ANYWAY HARRY. I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU. OH, AND WATCH OUT FOR THAT ARTHUR WEASLEY! PEOPLE CALL ME PARANOID, BUT I HAVE TO GIVE AT LEAST ONE WARNING EVERY TIME I SEE YOU DON'T I OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE A GOOD GODFATHER. I HEAR RUMOURS THAT HE'S RIGHT IN YOU-KNOW-WHO'S INNER CIRCLE! OH . . . ACTUALLY THAT WAS PROBABLY LUCIUS MALFOY. BUT ANYWAY, WATCH OUT FOR HIM. AND WATCH OUT FOR YOURSELF, YOU STUPID . . .'

Sirius and Hagrid were evidently still going strong. But the third howler had also began to shout at Harry. And it had a somewhat . . . troubling message for him. 'HARRY, I AM INCREDIBLY UPSET BY YOUR POOR KNOWLEDGE OF YODELLING! I'D NEVER HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D BE SO BAD FROM OUR TIME AT HOGWARTS. I'M A MOUNTAIN WOLF, AND I'VE BEEN TO SWITZERLAND SO I OUGHT TO KNOW. THE WAY YOU'RE YODELLING IS JUST INCREDIBLY COMMON. 'YODEL-EH-I- OOOOOOOO!' WHAT IS THAT? IT'S ALL IN THE DICTION, BOY, THOUGH IT COULD DO WITH BEING IN TUNE, ACTUALLY. BUT ANYWAY, IT'S YODEL-AE-EE-OOOOOOOOOOO! MAKE THE 'OO' SOUND NICE AND LONG. AND NONE OF THIS '-EH-I-' BUSINESS AGAIN OR I'LL BE WRITING TO YOUR GODFATHER. NOW, THIS IS A SAMPLE OF SOME *PROPER* YODELLING.'

And whoever had sent the Howler began to yodel very nicely and sweetly, with a background chorus of what were presumably his friend mountain wolves. Even though it was incredibly loud, it still made a very pleasant sound. But Harry still couldn't place the sender. All he knew was that he knew Sirius well, knew him, was at Hogwarts for a while, and was sometimes a wolf. But I mean, that just really isn't enough clues is it? That's just impossible, quite frankly.

By this time, the Weasleys had gathered up enough strength of mind to return to their house. And Ron and Hermione were standing behind the door of Ron's bedroom, listening to the sound coming from within.

'Oooooh, Harry has got better,' said Ron, on hearing the yodelling.

'That's not him, Ron,' said Hermione, patiently.

'How do you know?'

'Well, lets put it this way, have you ever heard Harry singing in tune before?'

'Good point,' said Ron, looking admiringly at Hermione.

'Elementary, my dear Watson,' said Hermione, flicking her hair back so a large bush hit Fred's face, making him sneeze.

'AAAAAAAAATCHOOOO!' said Fred. Then, 'What did you do that for?'

'I didn't know you were there,' said Hermione. 'Why ARE you there?'

'We didn't want to miss out on the fun,' said George, smirking evilly along with his twin. Then, 'that guy's good!'

'Yeah,' said Ron, absently, before turning to Hermione, and saying, 'My surname is Weasley.'

Hermione gave him a weird look. 'Yeah, oddly enough I KNOW that Ron. I mean, I've only been your friend for almost four years.'

'Well, OK.' said Ron, sounding unconvinced, 'but you did just call me 'Watson'.'

'Er . . . no I didn't,' said Hermione.

'Yes you did, you said 'Elementary, my dear Watson' after you said that it wasn't Harry yodelling.'

'Watson? Oh, he's from 'Sherlock Holmes'. It's a quote, Ron. I wouldn't expect you to understand.'

'Oh.' said Ron. Then 'Hey!' then 'Poor guy!'

'Who, Watson? Why?'

'No, Sherlock Holmes.'

'But why, Ron?'

'Imagine having a name like that! I mean, what were his parents thinking? (no offense if you happen to be called Sherlock Holmes, it's just Ron being politically incorrect!).'

Hermione just patted Ron on the shoulder in reply. There was a moment's silence outside the bedroom. Then, 'that guy is REALLY good', from George, as the mystery yodeller launched into a yodelling solo.

Meanwhile, inside the bedroom, Harry was still listening to the Howlers.

'YER WAN' TER GET YERSELF KILLED? COS YER GOING ABOU' IT THE RIGH' WAY, 'ARRY. I'D'VE SWORN YOU 'AD MORE SENSE IN YER! OUCH! FANG! DON'T! 'ARRY, I WAN' YER TER PROMISE ME SOMETHIN'. PROMISE ME YER WON'T OWL 'IM AGAIN. COS YER PUTTIN' YERSELF AT RISK, 'ARRY, ACTIN' AS Y'ARE. FANG, MIN' THA' ILLEGAL DRAGON'S EGG! AH, NO! I SHOULDN'T'VE SAID THA'! AH, FANG! PUT BACK THA' SECRET PHILOSOPHER'S STONE. AH, NO! I SHOULDN'T'VE SAID THA' EITHER . . .'

Harry now decided to listen to Sirius.

'I KNOW YOU ALL THINK I'M PARANOID. BUT YOU HAVE TO WATCH THAT ARTHUR WEASLEY. I KNOW HE'S UP TO NO GOOD. BUT YOU ALL THINK I'M JUST PARANOID, DON'T YOU? YOU AND RON AND HERMIONE. YOU ALL THINK I'M PARANOID. AND I'M NOT. I'M NOT PARANOID AT ALL. BUT YOU THINK I AM. YOU DO DON'T YOU HARRY. YOU THINK I'M PARANOID . . .'

And finally, a pleasant yodelling chorus.

'That guy really is GOOD!' said Fred, behind the door.

'Shut up, Fred,' said Ron, elbowing his brother.

'Ouch!' said Fred, falling forwards and pushing everyone through the door. Then 'Whoops! Sorry. It was Ron's fault anyway.'

'Was not!'

'Was too!' said George, sounding oddly squished. 'And Hermione, I don't want to give you an eating disorder or weird insecurities or anything but you really are abnormally heavy . . .'

'Say that again!' said Hermione, squishing George even closer to the floor.

'Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! Can't . . . breathe . . . ouch . . .'

Hermione relented and climbed off George. Desperate little Ronniekins found another desperate little chat-up line to try and get Hermione to notice him more.

'Er . . . I wouldn't say no to you being on top of me any day, Hermy.'

'Eww! Ron, you really are sick!' said Fred. George simply looked revolted.

'In our day . . .' began Fred.

'. . . people were more subtle,' finished George.

Hermione didn't seem too offended by Ron's comment though. She tossed her hair back, once again making Fred sneeze, and rolled a little closer to Ron, who was now the same colour as his hair.

'I like that yodelling guy.' Said George. 'I really, really, like that yodelling guy.'

'Who, Professor Lupin?' asked Hermione.

'That's Professor Lupin?'

'Yes, I can tell by the voice and the mountain wolf chorus.'

'Yes!' said Harry pointing at Hermione. 'It IS Lupin. I couldn't guess. All I knew was that he knew Sirius well, knew me, was at Hogwarts for a while, and was sometimes a wolf.'

Hermione just nodded and said, 'Yes, Harry.'

Harry turned his attention back to the Howlers. They were still going strong.

'I'M JUS' ASKIN' YOU TER BE CAREFUL, HARRY. THA'S ALL I'M ASKING. NO, FANG! MIND ME SECRE' MEAD SUPPLY! I 'AD TER SLEEP WITH ROSMERTA FER THA'. AH, I SHOULDN'T'VE SAID THA'! ANYWAY, 'ARRY. YER BE CAREFUL! OR I'LL COME AN' TAKE YER TER DUMBLEDORE I WILL. GREAT MAN, DUMBLEDORE. GORGEOUS HAIR. GREAT KISSER. OH, SHOULDN'T'VE SAID THA'. YER BE CAREFUL. NO, FANG! NOT THE SECRET UNICORN BLOOD! SHOULDN'T'VE SAID THA'. ER . . . HARRY, I'VE 'EARD THA' . . . SOMETIMES HOWLERS GO . . . WRONG . . . YEAH, THA'S IT, SO IT SOUNDS LIKE PEOPLE'VE SAID THINGS THA' ACTU'LLY THEY 'AVEN'T. KNOW WHA' I MEAN? YEAH, WELL, ANYWAY, DON'T WRITE TER VOLDEMORT OR I'LL COME AN' GET YER MESELF.' And the envelope crumbled into ashes and the noise stopped.

Harry turned to Sirius' envelope. 'YOU DO, DON'T YOU! YOU THINK I'M PARANOID. YOU ALL THINK I'M PARANOID. I CAN TELL! YOU'VE SENT PEOPLE TO FOLLOW ME, HAVEN'T YOU. YOU HAVE, HAVEN'T YOU. COS YOU THINK I'M PARANOID. I'M NOT PARANOID. I'M NOT PARANOID AT ALL! OW, BUCKBEAK! I'M TRYING TO TALK TO MY NEPHEW. ANYWAY HARRY, NO MORE CORRESPONDENCE WITH ANY DARK LORDS OF ANY KIND. AND NO PRESENTS. THOUGH, ACTUALLY . . . MAYBE YOU SHOULD KEEP THAT DICTIONARY. BUT ANYWAY. NO MORE LETTERS! NO MORE, OK? KEEP SAFE.' And with that, Sirius' Howler added to the floor which was now almost covered in ash.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, and George listened to a little more pleasant yodelling before the sender resumed shouting. 'SO REMEMBER, NICE LONG 'OOOOOOO', AND NONE OF THIS COMMON '-EH-I-' BUSINESS.' And with a final, 'YODEL-AE-EE-OOOOOOOOOOO!' the envelope crumpled into ash.

Harry smiled. 'Nice music,' he said. But then a devilish gleam came into his eyes, and he said, 'but not nice enough to stop him ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYING me!'

Ron screamed. Hermione screamed. Fred screamed. George screamed. And they all ran away.



A/N: Hope you liked this! Please don't be offended by my Lupin and Sirius and Hagrid! And please review! (