Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Sorry everybody!
A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews! And the twins' version of 'Incy Wincy Spider' I learnt from Nadia, so that's hers, not mine. (
Chapter Six: Harry's Unusual Reply
The next morning, Harry woke up with a very original idea.
'I know!' he said. 'I'll send him another Howler!'
Ron rolled over. 'Wha', 'Arry?'
'I'll send him another Howler! Because he ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
Ron screamed and fell out of bed. 'Please, Harry, no. Please.'
But Harry wasn't listening. With a final, 'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' which made Ron dive back under his blanket screaming, he toddled off to get another Howler. But this time, Harry had a plan. Voldemort thought he could scream louder than him, did he? Well, Harry knew someone who Voldemort certainly couldn't shout louder than. Someone who no-one could shout louder than.
Molly Weasley. But first, to actually begin the letter. Harry pootled off to the cupboard to get an envelope, selected one carefully, and took it back to his room. And screamed.
Ron fell out of bed again. 'Ouch! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please Harry, please, Harry no!'
Harry's scream had woken up the rest of the household. Mrs. Weasley came bustling in, asking Ron if Harry's scar was hurting, if You-Know-Who had turned up, if the garden-gnomes, of which Harry had developed a phobia, were bothering him again. However, Ron was too traumatised to reply.
Mrs. Weasley shrugged and left the room. Neither Ron nor Harry appeared to be hurt. Maybe severely psychologically scarred, but . . .
Hermione opened the door just as Ron tried to run through it. They crashed straight into each other and both fell over, Hermione on top of Ron. As Hermione tried to get off him, although Ron was certainly not averse to the situation, he began to see George's point. Hermione certainly was heavy.
But then Harry started shouting. 'I HATE YOU! YOU ARE SO, SO WRONG! AND EVIL! AAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME! AND YOU WANT TO KIDNAP PILCHARD? HOW . . . HOW . . . THAT'S JUST WRONG. THINK HOW UPSET BOB'LL BE! BUT YOU WOULDN'T CARE, WOULD YOU? COS YOU'RE EVIL! AND MEAN! AND ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY TIMES INFINITY TO THE POWER OF INFINITY TO THE POWER OF INFINITY HAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU! AND YOU REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME!'
Ron looked at Hermione. Hermione looked at Ron. 'RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!' she shouted. And they both sprinted off towards the garden.
'What can we DO?' asked Hermione despairingly, once they had reached the safety of the Weasley's yard.
'I don't know!' shouted Ron. 'I just don't know. Harry's really beginning to ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY me!'
'NO! RON! I don't want to lose you too!' bellowed Hermione, falling on top of him.
Ron stopped in mid-shout, squashed. 'I'm sorry, Hermy, it's just that Harry is really really annoy . . .'
'. . . getting on your nerves,' completed Hermione, hurriedly.
'Yeah, that's it,' said Ron, gratefully. 'But what can we do about it?'
'Hermione simply shrugged hopelessly. But then her eyes lit up and she turned again to Ron. 'I've had an idea!'
'GOOD!' shouted Ron. 'What are we going to do then?'
'First,' said Hermione, an evil glint in her eye, 'we need to catch a gnome.'
Meanwhile, Harry was still shouting inside the Burrow, all its other inhabitants having decided to run into and stay in the garden.
'YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME! I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU! YOU'RE EEEEEEEEEEVIL! YOU'RE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN! YOU JUST KEEP AWAY FROM ME AND MY FRIENDS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I REALLY REALLY REALLY DO HATE YOU!'
At this point our hero once again forgot what he was doing so started humming to himself. And then started jumping up and down shouting: 'BANANAS IN PYJAMAS ARE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS. BANANAS IN PYJAMAS ARE CHASING TEDDY- BEARS!'
Our favourite black-haired boy (whose hair was distinctly BROWN in the film along with his BLUE eyes) then caught sight of the envelope on the floor. *Oh yes!* he thought to himself *I was sending a Howler!* Top marks for perception and all that, Harry. So he began shouting again.
'I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU! EVERYONE HAAAAAAAAATES YOU! EVEN . . . EVEN . . . EVEN *PARSNIPS* HATE YOU! AND SO DO I! YODEL-EH-I- OOOOOOOOOOOOO! YODEL-EH-I-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN SCREAM LOUDER THAN YOU! A LOT LOUDER! AND I BET YOU WERE CHEATING ANYWAY! BUT WAIT A MINUTE AND I'LL SCREAM LOUDER THAN YOU'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE! JUSTYOU WAIT AND SEE YOU LOSER!' And Harry stopped screaming and toddled off to find Mrs. Weasley.
He caught up with her in the garden a few minutes later, where she was telling off Fred and George for eating another chair. She turned to see him gazing vacantly up at her.
'Yes, Harry dear?' she said expectantly.
'I've forgotten,' said Harry, looking crestfallen.
'Uh, Harry, why are you holding a p . . .' began George.
'Oh, I know!' said Harry, his sweet little face lighting up. 'Mrs. Weasley, please could you scream for me? Please?'
Mrs. Weasley looked somewhat taken aback. 'If you want, dear . . .' she said, looking concerned.
'Thankyou!' said Harry, smiling, and he held out the envelope.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' screamed Mrs. Weasley. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!'
Everyone was deafened. When Harry had partially recovered, he politely said 'Thankyou,' gave a mirror-cracking smile, and turned to go back.
Mrs. Weasley watched him. 'Just one question, Harry. Why are you carrying a p . . . ?'
But Harry was already back in the Burrow.
Meanwhile Hermione and Ron had perfected their evil plan. 'Right, Hermy,' said Ron, breathless. 'We have the gnome, now what's the plan?'
Hermione the Evil Mastermind turned and gave Ron an evil smile. 'It's quite simple really, Ron.' She said. 'Every time Harry ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS us' (at this point Ron fell to the ground screaming and almost let the gnome escape) 'we threaten him with this gnome. Simple, yet effective.'
Ron's mouth fell open. 'WOW!' he said. And the two sat down in the grass and cackled to each other.
Harry, however, was sitting, oblivious to this treachery, in the Burrow's sitting room, and was finishing his Howler. 'I HATE YOU! YOU'RE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL! AND YOU CAN'T YODEL OR SCREAM! I CAN SHOUT LOUDER THAN YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NOW KEEP AWAY FROM ME! KEEP AWAY AND NEVER CONTACT ME OR MY FRIENDS AGAIN! IF YOU DO, YOU'LL REALLY, REALLY ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME AND THEN I'LL COME AND ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY YOU. SO THERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' And with this, Harry sealed the envelope and stopped shouting.
Fred, George, Ron, and Hermione cautiously entered, Ron's pyjama top wriggling somewhat suspiciously.
'Morning!' said Harry, chirpily.
Everyone looked traumatised before George ventured, 'Morning, Harry!' in a very cautious voice. Fred and George then sat down on a sofa, and after a few moments struggle with a certain pyjama top, so did Ron and Hermione.
'What's with the top?' asked Fred, interested.
'Um . . .' began Ron eloquently, before George shouted, 'Look, a spider!'
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' screamed Ron diving under the sofa.
'It's only small, Ron,' said Hermione, too patiently, gazing knowledgeably at the ceiling.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' Ron screamed again.
'Incy Wincy Spider climbed up the kitchen wall. What a silly spider, what a place to crawl. Don't you know its just been freshly plastered? Now you're stuck you silly little . . . spider.' Sung Fred and George.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' Screamed Ron again.
'Actually, I think you got it wrong,' said Harry, repositioning his glasses so they were sticking up his nostrils for maximum wiseness. 'It actually goes: Incy Wincy Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain . . .'
'We know, Harry. It's supposed to be funny.' Said Fred.
'Oh. It's just I didn't laugh. And neither did Hermione. And I thought if things were funny you were supposed to laugh or that meant they weren't funny.'
'You don't have to laugh for something to be funny, Harry,' said Hermione. 'It's just that sometimes things that are already funny make you laugh.'
'Oh,' said Harry, wisely.
Ron took this opportunity to make himself heard. An arm stretched out from under the sofa. 'I bet I could make you laugh, Hermione.' Said a scary teenage voice attempting to sound seductive.
Well, they did make Fred laugh. And George laugh. And Harry, but he didn't really understand why, he was just laughing because everyone else was. So that didn't really count. Hermione rolled down to lie beside the sofa. 'Oh, you could, could you?' she asked, fluttering her eyelashes.
'I could!' said the owner of the arm, pulling Hermione under the sofa. Unfortunately she didn't fit. But it was a kind thought.
Meanwhile, Harry was attempting to address his envelope. He had written 'FREAK' in his customary splodgy illegible handwriting. But he had been a little bemused when it turned into beautiful copperplate saying, 'Darling'. So he tried to write, 'Voldemort'. Even though this was mispelt, he was sure he hadn't written, 'My beautiful Voldy'. But hey, he couldn't read. All he knew was that it didn't say 'door', 'roof', 'dog', 'cat', 'blue', or any of his usual words.
Harry found Pig, who was still the only owl insane enough to carry Harry's mail, tied the envelope to his leg, and threw him out of the window.
And it was with some trepidation that he realised that the letter Pig was carrying was pink . . .
Meanwhile, the sofa and its companion were still giggling happily. Harry turned towards them, and opened his mouth.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' he began.
'We have a GNOME!' said the sofa's companion, brandishing something at our hero.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' screamed Harry, and ran from the room
A/N: Please review! This wasn't a great chapter but hopefully the next one will be a bit more interesting! I will try and post it soon but as I'm back at school I won't update as regularly as usual.
A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews! And the twins' version of 'Incy Wincy Spider' I learnt from Nadia, so that's hers, not mine. (
Chapter Six: Harry's Unusual Reply
The next morning, Harry woke up with a very original idea.
'I know!' he said. 'I'll send him another Howler!'
Ron rolled over. 'Wha', 'Arry?'
'I'll send him another Howler! Because he ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!'
Ron screamed and fell out of bed. 'Please, Harry, no. Please.'
But Harry wasn't listening. With a final, 'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' which made Ron dive back under his blanket screaming, he toddled off to get another Howler. But this time, Harry had a plan. Voldemort thought he could scream louder than him, did he? Well, Harry knew someone who Voldemort certainly couldn't shout louder than. Someone who no-one could shout louder than.
Molly Weasley. But first, to actually begin the letter. Harry pootled off to the cupboard to get an envelope, selected one carefully, and took it back to his room. And screamed.
Ron fell out of bed again. 'Ouch! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please Harry, please, Harry no!'
Harry's scream had woken up the rest of the household. Mrs. Weasley came bustling in, asking Ron if Harry's scar was hurting, if You-Know-Who had turned up, if the garden-gnomes, of which Harry had developed a phobia, were bothering him again. However, Ron was too traumatised to reply.
Mrs. Weasley shrugged and left the room. Neither Ron nor Harry appeared to be hurt. Maybe severely psychologically scarred, but . . .
Hermione opened the door just as Ron tried to run through it. They crashed straight into each other and both fell over, Hermione on top of Ron. As Hermione tried to get off him, although Ron was certainly not averse to the situation, he began to see George's point. Hermione certainly was heavy.
But then Harry started shouting. 'I HATE YOU! YOU ARE SO, SO WRONG! AND EVIL! AAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME! AND YOU WANT TO KIDNAP PILCHARD? HOW . . . HOW . . . THAT'S JUST WRONG. THINK HOW UPSET BOB'LL BE! BUT YOU WOULDN'T CARE, WOULD YOU? COS YOU'RE EVIL! AND MEAN! AND ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY TIMES INFINITY TO THE POWER OF INFINITY TO THE POWER OF INFINITY HAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU! AND YOU REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME!'
Ron looked at Hermione. Hermione looked at Ron. 'RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!' she shouted. And they both sprinted off towards the garden.
'What can we DO?' asked Hermione despairingly, once they had reached the safety of the Weasley's yard.
'I don't know!' shouted Ron. 'I just don't know. Harry's really beginning to ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY me!'
'NO! RON! I don't want to lose you too!' bellowed Hermione, falling on top of him.
Ron stopped in mid-shout, squashed. 'I'm sorry, Hermy, it's just that Harry is really really annoy . . .'
'. . . getting on your nerves,' completed Hermione, hurriedly.
'Yeah, that's it,' said Ron, gratefully. 'But what can we do about it?'
'Hermione simply shrugged hopelessly. But then her eyes lit up and she turned again to Ron. 'I've had an idea!'
'GOOD!' shouted Ron. 'What are we going to do then?'
'First,' said Hermione, an evil glint in her eye, 'we need to catch a gnome.'
Meanwhile, Harry was still shouting inside the Burrow, all its other inhabitants having decided to run into and stay in the garden.
'YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME! I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU! YOU'RE EEEEEEEEEEVIL! YOU'RE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN! YOU JUST KEEP AWAY FROM ME AND MY FRIENDS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I REALLY REALLY REALLY DO HATE YOU!'
At this point our hero once again forgot what he was doing so started humming to himself. And then started jumping up and down shouting: 'BANANAS IN PYJAMAS ARE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS. BANANAS IN PYJAMAS ARE CHASING TEDDY- BEARS!'
Our favourite black-haired boy (whose hair was distinctly BROWN in the film along with his BLUE eyes) then caught sight of the envelope on the floor. *Oh yes!* he thought to himself *I was sending a Howler!* Top marks for perception and all that, Harry. So he began shouting again.
'I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU! EVERYONE HAAAAAAAAATES YOU! EVEN . . . EVEN . . . EVEN *PARSNIPS* HATE YOU! AND SO DO I! YODEL-EH-I- OOOOOOOOOOOOO! YODEL-EH-I-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN SCREAM LOUDER THAN YOU! A LOT LOUDER! AND I BET YOU WERE CHEATING ANYWAY! BUT WAIT A MINUTE AND I'LL SCREAM LOUDER THAN YOU'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE! JUSTYOU WAIT AND SEE YOU LOSER!' And Harry stopped screaming and toddled off to find Mrs. Weasley.
He caught up with her in the garden a few minutes later, where she was telling off Fred and George for eating another chair. She turned to see him gazing vacantly up at her.
'Yes, Harry dear?' she said expectantly.
'I've forgotten,' said Harry, looking crestfallen.
'Uh, Harry, why are you holding a p . . .' began George.
'Oh, I know!' said Harry, his sweet little face lighting up. 'Mrs. Weasley, please could you scream for me? Please?'
Mrs. Weasley looked somewhat taken aback. 'If you want, dear . . .' she said, looking concerned.
'Thankyou!' said Harry, smiling, and he held out the envelope.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' screamed Mrs. Weasley. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!'
Everyone was deafened. When Harry had partially recovered, he politely said 'Thankyou,' gave a mirror-cracking smile, and turned to go back.
Mrs. Weasley watched him. 'Just one question, Harry. Why are you carrying a p . . . ?'
But Harry was already back in the Burrow.
Meanwhile Hermione and Ron had perfected their evil plan. 'Right, Hermy,' said Ron, breathless. 'We have the gnome, now what's the plan?'
Hermione the Evil Mastermind turned and gave Ron an evil smile. 'It's quite simple really, Ron.' She said. 'Every time Harry ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS us' (at this point Ron fell to the ground screaming and almost let the gnome escape) 'we threaten him with this gnome. Simple, yet effective.'
Ron's mouth fell open. 'WOW!' he said. And the two sat down in the grass and cackled to each other.
Harry, however, was sitting, oblivious to this treachery, in the Burrow's sitting room, and was finishing his Howler. 'I HATE YOU! YOU'RE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL! AND YOU CAN'T YODEL OR SCREAM! I CAN SHOUT LOUDER THAN YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NOW KEEP AWAY FROM ME! KEEP AWAY AND NEVER CONTACT ME OR MY FRIENDS AGAIN! IF YOU DO, YOU'LL REALLY, REALLY ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY ME AND THEN I'LL COME AND ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY YOU. SO THERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' And with this, Harry sealed the envelope and stopped shouting.
Fred, George, Ron, and Hermione cautiously entered, Ron's pyjama top wriggling somewhat suspiciously.
'Morning!' said Harry, chirpily.
Everyone looked traumatised before George ventured, 'Morning, Harry!' in a very cautious voice. Fred and George then sat down on a sofa, and after a few moments struggle with a certain pyjama top, so did Ron and Hermione.
'What's with the top?' asked Fred, interested.
'Um . . .' began Ron eloquently, before George shouted, 'Look, a spider!'
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' screamed Ron diving under the sofa.
'It's only small, Ron,' said Hermione, too patiently, gazing knowledgeably at the ceiling.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' Ron screamed again.
'Incy Wincy Spider climbed up the kitchen wall. What a silly spider, what a place to crawl. Don't you know its just been freshly plastered? Now you're stuck you silly little . . . spider.' Sung Fred and George.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' Screamed Ron again.
'Actually, I think you got it wrong,' said Harry, repositioning his glasses so they were sticking up his nostrils for maximum wiseness. 'It actually goes: Incy Wincy Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain . . .'
'We know, Harry. It's supposed to be funny.' Said Fred.
'Oh. It's just I didn't laugh. And neither did Hermione. And I thought if things were funny you were supposed to laugh or that meant they weren't funny.'
'You don't have to laugh for something to be funny, Harry,' said Hermione. 'It's just that sometimes things that are already funny make you laugh.'
'Oh,' said Harry, wisely.
Ron took this opportunity to make himself heard. An arm stretched out from under the sofa. 'I bet I could make you laugh, Hermione.' Said a scary teenage voice attempting to sound seductive.
Well, they did make Fred laugh. And George laugh. And Harry, but he didn't really understand why, he was just laughing because everyone else was. So that didn't really count. Hermione rolled down to lie beside the sofa. 'Oh, you could, could you?' she asked, fluttering her eyelashes.
'I could!' said the owner of the arm, pulling Hermione under the sofa. Unfortunately she didn't fit. But it was a kind thought.
Meanwhile, Harry was attempting to address his envelope. He had written 'FREAK' in his customary splodgy illegible handwriting. But he had been a little bemused when it turned into beautiful copperplate saying, 'Darling'. So he tried to write, 'Voldemort'. Even though this was mispelt, he was sure he hadn't written, 'My beautiful Voldy'. But hey, he couldn't read. All he knew was that it didn't say 'door', 'roof', 'dog', 'cat', 'blue', or any of his usual words.
Harry found Pig, who was still the only owl insane enough to carry Harry's mail, tied the envelope to his leg, and threw him out of the window.
And it was with some trepidation that he realised that the letter Pig was carrying was pink . . .
Meanwhile, the sofa and its companion were still giggling happily. Harry turned towards them, and opened his mouth.
'He ANNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me!' he began.
'We have a GNOME!' said the sofa's companion, brandishing something at our hero.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' screamed Harry, and ran from the room
A/N: Please review! This wasn't a great chapter but hopefully the next one will be a bit more interesting! I will try and post it soon but as I'm back at school I won't update as regularly as usual.
