Guy's Night Out
Chapter 10
Another warm and humid Tokyo morning found Kenshin fishing at the banks of the river. One of his favorite activities, it not only provided food, but time for contemplation and relaxation.
Mid-morning came and he had caught plenty for today's needs, and fortunately, no catfish. Kaoru wouldn't eat catfish, a fact he would never forget after the incident with the sapphire ring and the "proposal that never was". He still felt keen embarrassment and regret over that confusing day. It struck to the heart of his insecurity about their relationship. Well aware that they had passed the 'friendship" stage a while back somewhere in his stubborn mind, he nonetheless had a hard time contemplating it as anything but that without feeling a bit panicky.
Last night's events only added to that. Not only had he enjoyed Kaoru's advances, but every part of his mind and body had been left begging for more than the kiss and embrace they had shared. It was frustrating enough to make him swear, so he did, quietly, under his breath.
"Ken-nii!" he heard Ayame and Suzume's high girlish voices searching for him as he neared the dojo. Those little girls couldn't get enough of his being their substitute older brother/uncle, at least these were two feminine relationships in his life he had a handle on.
He came through the gate with his prize, and they ran headlong toward him, squealing as they saw the fish. "EW, slimy fishies, Ken-nii!" said the youngest, Suzume. "It'll be a nice dinner when it's properly prepared, sweetie," said Kenshin. "Ayame, will you take these and put them in the kitchen for Ken- nii?" he asked in a coaxing tone. Ayame stood tall and looked down on her little sister, "I'm a big girl, so Uncle Ken wants me to do this, not YOU, you're too little!" she bragged to Suzume. Suzume pouted and said, "I don't care, stinky old fish, anyway!" She stuck out her tongue at Ayame and stomped her little sandaled foot.
"Maa, maa, be good little ladies, don't fight. Suzume, you can help me wash the vegetables for lunch." Ayume, following behind Kenshin, turned once again to stick out her tongue at her younger sister, who returned the favor, stretching her lips with her fingers to exaggerate the effect.
Kenshin tried not to smile at their naughty antics, but their jealousy over his attentions was something he actually enjoyed. Being an orphan and a wanderer made him appreciate their childish affection, he'd never been a big brother before, or a little one, for that matter. Kaoru sometimes asked him to be less lenient with them, but it was difficult when he found nearly everything they did so endearing.
Because of that, they often pulled him into their pretend games and songs, and somehow, being silly with them never embarrassed him(even when they put soapsuds in his hair, pretended he was their horse, or made him tea parties with inedible cakes). Little of his own childhood had been spent in play, so he figured better late than never.
He hadn't seen Kaoru nor Yahiko yet that morning, deliberately. He was still divided emotionally about his last encounter with Kaoru, and the last thing he needed was his blushing confusion around her being detected and commented upon by their young apprentice. Especially after the merciless teasing he and Sano(especially Sano) had inflicted upon the boy about Tsubame. Well he remembered that night on the roof of the Aoiya in Kyoto, when Yahiko had suddenly popped up out of nowhere in the middle of their supposedly personal conversation and yelled, "Just kiss her already, will ya?" He'd almost fallen off the tiled roof in surprise and embarrassment. As had Kaoru. Then to find that Sano and all their other friends there had been listening in as well("Well, what do you expect from a group of ninjas?" he thought.) was much scarier it's own way that fighting Shishio Mokoto had been. "Well, maybe not THAT scary," thinking of how he'd been carried home nearly dead afterwards by Sano.
Putting Kaoru through the kind of hell she'd suffered then was a big part of his reasons for proceeding with extreme caution about any sort of relationship. To his mind, women who involved themselves in his life were taking a huge risk of becoming either miserable, alone, or even dead. After all, that had been the outcome of his first brief marriage and Tomoe's death the direct result of living the violent life of an assassin and spy for hire. Nothing in the events since he'd met Kaoru had convinced him otherwise. His past was still following him into the present, tainting his happiness and that of anyone foolish enough to love him.
He sighed and tied back the sleeves of his gi, banishing old arguments and unbearable memories to a remote corner of his mind once again. There was work to do and work was his salvation. Even though he was not yet one hundred percent healed from his mind ravishing encounter with Tomoe's tragically obsessed brother, Enishi, he felt the need to work and extend himself as always, using the distractions of everyday necessity to stay sane.
"Let me show you how to prepare namasu," he said to Ayame, who was now old enough to be curious about such things. (Namasu is raw thinly sliced fish served with vinegar and cold stewed vegetables, nice summer fare.) "It's easy enough to learn, but you must learn to be careful with the knife, ne?"
The girls had no parents, being raised by their grandfather, Genzai-sensai, and Kami-Sama only knew who was going to teach them some things. Kenshin had taken it upon himself to show the girls a thing or two about cooking the days they were there being watched over by Kaoru, their adopted oneesan(big sister).
"Look, Ken-nii, I'm doing it!" squealed Ayame, her little hands slowly and carefully chopping vegetables for stewing with a small knife.
Suzume pouted, feeling slighted again. "Don't fret, Suzume, your job is important too, and when your hands are bigger, you can learn to do this, too." Kenshin reassured her.
"May I tell everyone I helped make lunch?" asked Ayame. "Of course you may, sweet girl," said Kenshin distractedly. He could hear Kaoru and Yahiko coming in from the dojo to wash up for lunch, and he was torn between longing to see her and making a convenient excuse to leave and not face her again over lunch.
"Too late for excuses, that it is," he thought, "I'll just pretend nothing happened for now."
With Ayame and Suzume carefully helping him, he brought out the food to the back porch where they usually ate in the summer on nice days. Kaoru and Yahiko were already there, waiting.
"I helped Ken-nii make lunch!" said Ayame excitedly, "when I get bigger, I'll make lunch for all of you all the time." "No," said Suzume, pouting again, "I'm going to make lunch for Ken-nii, because we're going to get married!"
Yahiko laughed, choking slightly on the huge mouthful food he had stuffed into his face, as usual. "If that boy learns to attack an opponent the way he attacks food," thought Kaoru, "he'll be the greatest swordsman in Japan!"
"No, you're not going to marry Ken-nii!" retorted Ayame, "because he's marrying our big sister, isn't he, Kaoru-oneesan?"
Kaoru's face went blank with surprise and she started to blush bright red, starting at her neck and working it's way up to her hairline.
Kenshin thought briefly about using godlike speed to get the hell out of there as fast as possible, but he was caught dead to rights with a simple child's question.
Yahiko was laughing so hard that food came flying out of his mouth and he vainly tried to catch it before it went spewing everywhere.
"Oh, hohoho," he laughed, slapping the deck of the porch. "Oh, Kenshin, you are caught, caught like a rat in a trap!" He rolled backwards and pounded the wood again.
"That's enough!" yelled Kaoru, suddenly standing over Yahiko like some dark avenging angel. "ENOUGH! I'm tired of you all laughing at me. If I'm going to die an old maid, at least give me some respect. I refuse to be humiliated in my own HOUSE!!" She ran from the porch, sobbing and pulling her ponytail with anguish, with Yahiko sitting up suddenly and looking worriedly after her.
"Sorry," he muttered, "I didn't know I was hurting her feelings so badly." Suddenly sober, he put down his chopsticks into the bowl of food he'd been wolfing and looked contrite.
"Why is Neesan crying, Ken-nii?" asked Suzume, her own tears threatening.
"It's okay," said Yahiko, "don't worry, Ayume-chan, Kaoru-oneechan cries a lot for no reason."
Kenshin rose from the porch quietly and told Yahiko, "You stay here with the girls, Yahiko and finish your lunch. I'll go talk to her."
He went to the door of her room, where he knew she'd run, and her loud and indignant sobs were clearly audible from outside the thin door.
"Kaoru-dono, may I come in?" he asked, tapping softly to get her attention.
"NNNOOO!" she sobbed. "I don't want you to see me bawling again!"
"It's all right, Kaoru, I don't mind it," he said coaxingly. "Onegai, come out, now and finish eating. No one will make fun of you, I promise, that I do."
"I wish I were d-d-dead!" she stuttered. "I'm so embarrassed!"
"Onegai, don't say that," he pleaded, her weeping starting to get to him. He could feel a lump rising in his throat at hearing her wracking sobs.
"Oh, to hell with it!" he thought and slid open the door. She was face down on a cushion, crying so hard her whole body was shaking.
"Onegai, no more of this, stop, onegai," he begged, kneeling down beside her. "Onegai, you'll make ourself ill, that you will," he whispered loudly.
"I can't STAND it anymore, I can't, I can't, I can't," she ranted. She began to pound her fists on the floor like a child, her face still buried in the cushion.
"Can't stand what?" he asked quietly, between her cries. "What can't you stand?" he pleaded.
"YOU, YOU, YOU, clueless, idiotic, ridiculous man!" she yelled, raising her face from the cushion. She was a sight, eyes red-rimmed and swollen, tear- streaks staining her cheeks and her hair disheveled.
"ORO?" he said jerking back swiftly, her ravaged face frightening him more than facing a dozen opponents on the battlefield. "NANI??" he said in a louder tone.
"Yes, you, Kenshin no baka! What do I have to do to get your attention? Rip off my clothes, throw myself at you shamelessly like a loose street woman? What? What? What? What do you want?" she hissed loudly at him.
He retreated from the anger in her face, astonished. "I don't want you to do anything like that, Kaoru," he replied tightly.
"Please then, let me GO!" she said, doubling over again, putting her face into the cushion to hide it. "Please, please, do something to make me hate you, make me forget you, make me stop feeling this hopeless love I feel for you." She began to sob again, only without anger, just quiet muffled sobbing.
His heart felt heavy and bruised listening to it. "Am I causing you so much pain?" he asked in a broken voice.
"The way you pretend not to feel for me is causing me pain," she said, quieter. "You run from me, don't look at me. You act like nothing happened between us last night, like you never embraced me, kissed me, the way a man kisses a woman he loves. Yes, that is painful. It's like someone is squeezing my heart until I can't breath anymore."
Like a little child, she put her hand to her left breast and said, "It hurts, here."
"Here?" he asked, placing his hand over hers.
"Yes, there," she said, quieter, but her voice still shaky with tears.
"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to feel pain," he said.
"It's only painful when you keep denying my love for you," she said to him, raising her face to look at him, and wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her training gi.
"You make me feel I'm doing something horrible by loving you, you turn my joy into pain."
"What can I do?" he whispered, looking at his hand, still covering hers.
"Say you love me," she said, peering up at him with her red-rimmed eyes. "Say you want to stay with me."
"I-I want to stay h-here, with y-you, Kaoru, that I do," he whispered, clutching at her hand almost fearfully.
She looked at him, and a small smile appeared on her face. "You do?" she asked wonderingly. "You want to stay with me?"
"Do you love me, Kenshin? I mean like a man loves a woman. I don't want to be your landlady, your little sister, or just your friend anymore."
He choked. There were not going to be any evasions, excuses, or convenient escapes now. He desperately didn't want to hurt her anymore and a relentless voice in his head was screaming, "Yes, Yes, Yes, I love you, Kamiya Kaoru, I've loved you from almost the first minute I saw you, standing there challenging the Battousai with a wooden sword in your hands."
"Hai," under his breath was all that came out.
"Nani??" she asked, "What did you say?"
"I said YES!" he repeated, his voice cracking with emotion.
"Did you say 'Yes'?" she asked, again, not sure she's heard rightly.
"Yes, dammit, I said 'YES'!" he shouted.
"Oh, that's what I thought you said," she said, with a glazed look on her face that exactly matched the one on his.
Chapter 10
Another warm and humid Tokyo morning found Kenshin fishing at the banks of the river. One of his favorite activities, it not only provided food, but time for contemplation and relaxation.
Mid-morning came and he had caught plenty for today's needs, and fortunately, no catfish. Kaoru wouldn't eat catfish, a fact he would never forget after the incident with the sapphire ring and the "proposal that never was". He still felt keen embarrassment and regret over that confusing day. It struck to the heart of his insecurity about their relationship. Well aware that they had passed the 'friendship" stage a while back somewhere in his stubborn mind, he nonetheless had a hard time contemplating it as anything but that without feeling a bit panicky.
Last night's events only added to that. Not only had he enjoyed Kaoru's advances, but every part of his mind and body had been left begging for more than the kiss and embrace they had shared. It was frustrating enough to make him swear, so he did, quietly, under his breath.
"Ken-nii!" he heard Ayame and Suzume's high girlish voices searching for him as he neared the dojo. Those little girls couldn't get enough of his being their substitute older brother/uncle, at least these were two feminine relationships in his life he had a handle on.
He came through the gate with his prize, and they ran headlong toward him, squealing as they saw the fish. "EW, slimy fishies, Ken-nii!" said the youngest, Suzume. "It'll be a nice dinner when it's properly prepared, sweetie," said Kenshin. "Ayame, will you take these and put them in the kitchen for Ken- nii?" he asked in a coaxing tone. Ayame stood tall and looked down on her little sister, "I'm a big girl, so Uncle Ken wants me to do this, not YOU, you're too little!" she bragged to Suzume. Suzume pouted and said, "I don't care, stinky old fish, anyway!" She stuck out her tongue at Ayame and stomped her little sandaled foot.
"Maa, maa, be good little ladies, don't fight. Suzume, you can help me wash the vegetables for lunch." Ayume, following behind Kenshin, turned once again to stick out her tongue at her younger sister, who returned the favor, stretching her lips with her fingers to exaggerate the effect.
Kenshin tried not to smile at their naughty antics, but their jealousy over his attentions was something he actually enjoyed. Being an orphan and a wanderer made him appreciate their childish affection, he'd never been a big brother before, or a little one, for that matter. Kaoru sometimes asked him to be less lenient with them, but it was difficult when he found nearly everything they did so endearing.
Because of that, they often pulled him into their pretend games and songs, and somehow, being silly with them never embarrassed him(even when they put soapsuds in his hair, pretended he was their horse, or made him tea parties with inedible cakes). Little of his own childhood had been spent in play, so he figured better late than never.
He hadn't seen Kaoru nor Yahiko yet that morning, deliberately. He was still divided emotionally about his last encounter with Kaoru, and the last thing he needed was his blushing confusion around her being detected and commented upon by their young apprentice. Especially after the merciless teasing he and Sano(especially Sano) had inflicted upon the boy about Tsubame. Well he remembered that night on the roof of the Aoiya in Kyoto, when Yahiko had suddenly popped up out of nowhere in the middle of their supposedly personal conversation and yelled, "Just kiss her already, will ya?" He'd almost fallen off the tiled roof in surprise and embarrassment. As had Kaoru. Then to find that Sano and all their other friends there had been listening in as well("Well, what do you expect from a group of ninjas?" he thought.) was much scarier it's own way that fighting Shishio Mokoto had been. "Well, maybe not THAT scary," thinking of how he'd been carried home nearly dead afterwards by Sano.
Putting Kaoru through the kind of hell she'd suffered then was a big part of his reasons for proceeding with extreme caution about any sort of relationship. To his mind, women who involved themselves in his life were taking a huge risk of becoming either miserable, alone, or even dead. After all, that had been the outcome of his first brief marriage and Tomoe's death the direct result of living the violent life of an assassin and spy for hire. Nothing in the events since he'd met Kaoru had convinced him otherwise. His past was still following him into the present, tainting his happiness and that of anyone foolish enough to love him.
He sighed and tied back the sleeves of his gi, banishing old arguments and unbearable memories to a remote corner of his mind once again. There was work to do and work was his salvation. Even though he was not yet one hundred percent healed from his mind ravishing encounter with Tomoe's tragically obsessed brother, Enishi, he felt the need to work and extend himself as always, using the distractions of everyday necessity to stay sane.
"Let me show you how to prepare namasu," he said to Ayame, who was now old enough to be curious about such things. (Namasu is raw thinly sliced fish served with vinegar and cold stewed vegetables, nice summer fare.) "It's easy enough to learn, but you must learn to be careful with the knife, ne?"
The girls had no parents, being raised by their grandfather, Genzai-sensai, and Kami-Sama only knew who was going to teach them some things. Kenshin had taken it upon himself to show the girls a thing or two about cooking the days they were there being watched over by Kaoru, their adopted oneesan(big sister).
"Look, Ken-nii, I'm doing it!" squealed Ayame, her little hands slowly and carefully chopping vegetables for stewing with a small knife.
Suzume pouted, feeling slighted again. "Don't fret, Suzume, your job is important too, and when your hands are bigger, you can learn to do this, too." Kenshin reassured her.
"May I tell everyone I helped make lunch?" asked Ayame. "Of course you may, sweet girl," said Kenshin distractedly. He could hear Kaoru and Yahiko coming in from the dojo to wash up for lunch, and he was torn between longing to see her and making a convenient excuse to leave and not face her again over lunch.
"Too late for excuses, that it is," he thought, "I'll just pretend nothing happened for now."
With Ayame and Suzume carefully helping him, he brought out the food to the back porch where they usually ate in the summer on nice days. Kaoru and Yahiko were already there, waiting.
"I helped Ken-nii make lunch!" said Ayame excitedly, "when I get bigger, I'll make lunch for all of you all the time." "No," said Suzume, pouting again, "I'm going to make lunch for Ken-nii, because we're going to get married!"
Yahiko laughed, choking slightly on the huge mouthful food he had stuffed into his face, as usual. "If that boy learns to attack an opponent the way he attacks food," thought Kaoru, "he'll be the greatest swordsman in Japan!"
"No, you're not going to marry Ken-nii!" retorted Ayame, "because he's marrying our big sister, isn't he, Kaoru-oneesan?"
Kaoru's face went blank with surprise and she started to blush bright red, starting at her neck and working it's way up to her hairline.
Kenshin thought briefly about using godlike speed to get the hell out of there as fast as possible, but he was caught dead to rights with a simple child's question.
Yahiko was laughing so hard that food came flying out of his mouth and he vainly tried to catch it before it went spewing everywhere.
"Oh, hohoho," he laughed, slapping the deck of the porch. "Oh, Kenshin, you are caught, caught like a rat in a trap!" He rolled backwards and pounded the wood again.
"That's enough!" yelled Kaoru, suddenly standing over Yahiko like some dark avenging angel. "ENOUGH! I'm tired of you all laughing at me. If I'm going to die an old maid, at least give me some respect. I refuse to be humiliated in my own HOUSE!!" She ran from the porch, sobbing and pulling her ponytail with anguish, with Yahiko sitting up suddenly and looking worriedly after her.
"Sorry," he muttered, "I didn't know I was hurting her feelings so badly." Suddenly sober, he put down his chopsticks into the bowl of food he'd been wolfing and looked contrite.
"Why is Neesan crying, Ken-nii?" asked Suzume, her own tears threatening.
"It's okay," said Yahiko, "don't worry, Ayume-chan, Kaoru-oneechan cries a lot for no reason."
Kenshin rose from the porch quietly and told Yahiko, "You stay here with the girls, Yahiko and finish your lunch. I'll go talk to her."
He went to the door of her room, where he knew she'd run, and her loud and indignant sobs were clearly audible from outside the thin door.
"Kaoru-dono, may I come in?" he asked, tapping softly to get her attention.
"NNNOOO!" she sobbed. "I don't want you to see me bawling again!"
"It's all right, Kaoru, I don't mind it," he said coaxingly. "Onegai, come out, now and finish eating. No one will make fun of you, I promise, that I do."
"I wish I were d-d-dead!" she stuttered. "I'm so embarrassed!"
"Onegai, don't say that," he pleaded, her weeping starting to get to him. He could feel a lump rising in his throat at hearing her wracking sobs.
"Oh, to hell with it!" he thought and slid open the door. She was face down on a cushion, crying so hard her whole body was shaking.
"Onegai, no more of this, stop, onegai," he begged, kneeling down beside her. "Onegai, you'll make ourself ill, that you will," he whispered loudly.
"I can't STAND it anymore, I can't, I can't, I can't," she ranted. She began to pound her fists on the floor like a child, her face still buried in the cushion.
"Can't stand what?" he asked quietly, between her cries. "What can't you stand?" he pleaded.
"YOU, YOU, YOU, clueless, idiotic, ridiculous man!" she yelled, raising her face from the cushion. She was a sight, eyes red-rimmed and swollen, tear- streaks staining her cheeks and her hair disheveled.
"ORO?" he said jerking back swiftly, her ravaged face frightening him more than facing a dozen opponents on the battlefield. "NANI??" he said in a louder tone.
"Yes, you, Kenshin no baka! What do I have to do to get your attention? Rip off my clothes, throw myself at you shamelessly like a loose street woman? What? What? What? What do you want?" she hissed loudly at him.
He retreated from the anger in her face, astonished. "I don't want you to do anything like that, Kaoru," he replied tightly.
"Please then, let me GO!" she said, doubling over again, putting her face into the cushion to hide it. "Please, please, do something to make me hate you, make me forget you, make me stop feeling this hopeless love I feel for you." She began to sob again, only without anger, just quiet muffled sobbing.
His heart felt heavy and bruised listening to it. "Am I causing you so much pain?" he asked in a broken voice.
"The way you pretend not to feel for me is causing me pain," she said, quieter. "You run from me, don't look at me. You act like nothing happened between us last night, like you never embraced me, kissed me, the way a man kisses a woman he loves. Yes, that is painful. It's like someone is squeezing my heart until I can't breath anymore."
Like a little child, she put her hand to her left breast and said, "It hurts, here."
"Here?" he asked, placing his hand over hers.
"Yes, there," she said, quieter, but her voice still shaky with tears.
"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to feel pain," he said.
"It's only painful when you keep denying my love for you," she said to him, raising her face to look at him, and wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her training gi.
"You make me feel I'm doing something horrible by loving you, you turn my joy into pain."
"What can I do?" he whispered, looking at his hand, still covering hers.
"Say you love me," she said, peering up at him with her red-rimmed eyes. "Say you want to stay with me."
"I-I want to stay h-here, with y-you, Kaoru, that I do," he whispered, clutching at her hand almost fearfully.
She looked at him, and a small smile appeared on her face. "You do?" she asked wonderingly. "You want to stay with me?"
"Do you love me, Kenshin? I mean like a man loves a woman. I don't want to be your landlady, your little sister, or just your friend anymore."
He choked. There were not going to be any evasions, excuses, or convenient escapes now. He desperately didn't want to hurt her anymore and a relentless voice in his head was screaming, "Yes, Yes, Yes, I love you, Kamiya Kaoru, I've loved you from almost the first minute I saw you, standing there challenging the Battousai with a wooden sword in your hands."
"Hai," under his breath was all that came out.
"Nani??" she asked, "What did you say?"
"I said YES!" he repeated, his voice cracking with emotion.
"Did you say 'Yes'?" she asked, again, not sure she's heard rightly.
"Yes, dammit, I said 'YES'!" he shouted.
"Oh, that's what I thought you said," she said, with a glazed look on her face that exactly matched the one on his.
