A/N: The time for Legolas' return is near at hand. Please be patient with
me...I could really use some kind words right now.
*******************
News had reached Bordertown of the King's sorrow and the loss of the Lady. But even though many took it upon themselves to search for her, the rest began to mourn for her. It seemed that yet another Greenleaf Lady was lost. Dileriyen, too, they had loved, just as much as Sildeniel.
Galadya watched Dileriyen as she slept for she looked very familiar to her eyes. There was something about this mysterious girl that she could not place for her appearance, familiar as it may be, was bruised and practically lifeless. Its color had only recently begun to return to normal. The fact that the girl did not seem to remember did not help matters much either. It was a strange and frustrating time for all of them but then, a revelation was made at a moment that was least expected.
Renil and Galadya were discussing things in another part of the house, quite a distance away from the room in which Dileriyen had been residing in, trying to make sense of it all.
"My love she is such a lovely young Lady and I am very happy to be of help to her in her distress but there is something about her that disturbs me. It is something that is on the tip of my tongue yet I do not know what. Do you not feel it?" Galadya asked her husband who seemed to be in deep thought.
"Yes love, you are right. I too have felt it. She carries so much pain with her and yet her light is so oddly familiar. Let me think for a moment..."
A few moments passed as Renil put together the pieces of the puzzle. His eyes opened with disbelief at his own thoughts. Surely it could not be! But then again, why not? The Lady was missing and this girl who did not seem to know who she was had found her way into the town. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the face of the Lady Dileriyen whom he had seen from a distance so many times before. He jumped up and ran to the room where she slept, disregarding his wife's confused questions. And there she lay, like the angel that she was. The very person everyone had given up for dead, lying peacefully with a tear- streaked face, in the land of dreams. It was unbelievable.
Renil did not wish to wake her so he stepped out of the room quietly. He needed no more proof for his eyes were not at fault. Quite satisfied with his findings, he went back to find his wife where he had left her and she welcomed him wearing a quizzical expression on her face. One mystery had now been solved but now there were so much more questions to ask. Where to begin? Well, the beginning is always best...
"Darling what is the matter? Why did you run off so suddenly?" Galadya asked, now sincerely concerned about her husband's mental state.
"My love," he said, "does not the young lady remind you of anyone? Perhaps, someone of royal status?"
Galadya laughed a little at that until her amusement died and her smile faded. Renil watched as she quickly bolted up and ran out of the room. When she had returned, about ten minutes later, she had an even more stunned expression on her face. She struggled for a moment with a loss of words.
"It cannot be!..." she tried. She was having a hard time convincing herself of what she had seen. She was also surprised at how it had escaped her notice.
"But...but they have been searching for her for days! We had given her up for dead!" She was doing a good job at shocking herself even more and shaking her head from left to right. It was like she had seen a ghost and all the while happy deep within her heart.
"Yet sure enough there she lay before my very eyes! And quite alive for that matter... " she continued.
"Yes, my love, I am as amazed as you are but there can be no doubt. That is our Lady; as sure as I stand here, that is her. But I suppose my first question would be: what has happened to her? And then, why did she look as if she had escaped battle when I found her? Why did she not tell us of her identity? I have heard that she was thought to have been taken by the spiders, that is why everyone searches the woods so persistently..."
"If that is true, then she obviously found some way to escape. That would explain her appearance when you found her, dear. She is so bruised and has a few broken bones here and there. I have also noticed two rather deep cuts on both of her thighs. One of them even travels so far down as to reach her knee. It took me quite a while to treat those wounds."
She stopped to think for a moment but slowly continued.
"But then, why this charade? I do not understand. Does she not wish for us to know who she is and thus declares to not know her own identity?"
Renil paused to think again. There had to be some sort of explanation for this. There always was. One just had to examine the details carefully. He stayed quiet until a conclusion dawned on him.
"Galadya, dear, I think you may have just found our answer."
"What do you mean?"
"Perhaps that is the whole purpose. I shall venture to say that the reason she did not reveal her identity to us is because she does not wish for us to know. If you ask me why she would ever do such a thing, I have but one answer: I suppose the Lady is trying to find a way out of her life. The last I heard of her, she was in Imladris, engaged to Lord Elrond's son, Prince Elrohir. She left Imladris and was on her way back to the palace, I suppose, when she went missing. Mind you, she was riding alone which leads me to believe that she ran away from Imladris. Do you see where I am going with this my love? This is the only answer I have to offer for I know no more of the particulars."
"Darling, I do believe that you are right. It is all so strange...everyone assumed for the longest time that she would wed Prince Legolas but then such sudden news of -his- departure and then she leaves for Imladris and we hear that she is engaged. The whole kingdom was in an uproar as you remember. Considering all this, I do believe that the conclusion you have drawn is correct. She must be trying to escape. But then, what is our task to be? We were all heart-broken over her supposed death yet there she lies in utter peace, thank the Valar. Our King is probably sick with grief yet we know her to be alive. Is it fair for us to let him suffer so? Do we reveal her and lose the love and respect of our Lady or do we play her game and risk losing our King and both Princes to sorrow? Which road do we take my love?"
"These are hard choices yet a decision must be made- quickly. My dear, I can only say that if she desires for herself to remain hidden, we must honor her wishes. The Lady is wise and no doubt knows what she is doing and its implications and consequences. It is our duty to respect her choices, nevertheless. We shall not disclose this information to anyone, even to her for that would no doubt drive her off, I fear. I would rather have her here with us where it is safe and where we may look after her, rather than out and about in these perilous times. I suspect that it will not be long until she realizes that running away does not solve problems. And when she -does- realize this, at least we will have been here to assist our Lady in her time of need."
"I agree whole-heartedly. Renil, everyday you give me a new reason to look up to you, my love...May the Valar help our Lady on her path for even if they choose not to, we will always be here."
They smiled to one another and then Renil drew his wife to him and held her in his arms. They shared the comfort of knowing that they were doing the right thing and helping their Lady in the best way they knew how. Unfortunately, their pure intentions were very misguided.
*************************
It was a few days later when word spread through the town that Prince Elrohir was out in the woods with a band of men, searching for the lost Lady. He had not had luck as of yet but was asking around for anyone who might have seen or heard anything. Naturally, no one had anything to say. Renil and Galadya kept quiet, with only the best intentions for their Lady at heart of course, but even their faith seemed shaken up at times. Once, as they were discussing this new turn of events, they did not realize that Dileriyen had almost entered the room and as Renil spoke the word Elrohir, they noticed her face make an expression which, for Dileriyen, felt like getting pricked by a thorn as a new door was being opened in her carefully locked memory. But, naturally, the couple took it as a sign of shock and fear so they took care in quickly closing the topic and were very careful about discussing things like that while they were in the house and when Dileriyen was awake. Of course, you are now all aware that Dileriyen is up and about. Her body could do no more without some exercise so every day, she got up and walked around the house a little, trying to help Galadya with this and that so as not to feel like a complete burden on these people whom she adored for their kindness, love and hospitality.
Galadya always insisted that she not over-exert herself and that she needed no help. But Dileriyen would not have it and made it a point to say that if Galadya did not let her help out, then she would help Renil with whatever it was that he did. Of course, the threat always worked and Galadya -always- caved in with a smile and let Dileriyen help her with little chores around the house.
Dileriyen was later named anew as she had insisted that the couple stop calling her 'Lady' for it made her feel "out of place" she said. So, the name that was now giver her was Feanora (A/N: Feanor, as we all know, was creator of the Silmarils but his name means fiery spirit/soul in the Sindarin tongue, that is why I chose it.) for the couple thought that she deserved one of no less worth. Yet, Dileriyen accepted the name with sadness for deep in that past that she could not remember, this had not been her name.
*************************
And so the weeks passed and even the faithful began to lose hope for who could survive for so long in the spiders' keeping? Many lairs had been found and even more so had been destroyed but there was never a Dileriyen to be found. Of course, bones were always uncovered but Thranduil refused to look at any of them, saying that nothing on this Earth could reduce her daughter to such a state; nothing. He refused to believe that death was her lot in life. So the search continued for many, many days. Sometimes Thranduil accompanied the bands with fresh hope in his heart but always returned with fresher pain.
This night, Thranduil sat down in his library, carefully going over the events of the day. He had encountered Elrohir and once more heard the story that Elrond had carefully explained in his letter. But he could not be upset with Elrohir and he had shown him nothing but kindness for the child seemed also to be distraught with grief. It broke Thranduil's heart to see so much pain around him. Day in and day out is seems that Elrohir had not stopped looking for her. They had picked the forest apart and yet, the conclusion was always the same...No Dileriyen.
It was in this manner that a whole month had passed and there sat Thranduil again, in the same corner of his library. Dead to the world around him. This night was a night that would be remembered for many years to come for it was the night he let his heart accept that she was truly gone. He had lost her. Yes, that night, he wept floods of sorrow for hours without end. He had sent Elrohir back to Imladris, kicking and screaming of course, vowing that he would not give up. But even he gave in as his hands reached to cover his face and he finally submitted to the pain too.
His task was to return home and let his brother, sister and father know all that had happened. Needless to say, it was a very sad time for all and the news was not welcomed. Yet, one important matter was left hanging in the air: Legolas. He did not know. And sure enough, that was the point. Thranduil had forbidden anyone and everyone from speaking or sending news of the matter to Legolas (or whither he should return). He also requested it of Lord Elrond, who gave his consent, that no one mention it to any member of the Fellowship if and when they should have contact. This was an all too fragile matter and Thranduil was going to be the only one to tell his son. He made it clear to all that whomever chose to disobey him would suffer severe punishment. A funeral would of course take place, if and when Legolas returned. But, then again, what was there to bury?
The news spread like wildfire in the kingdom and no one dared disobey the King and tempt his wrath, not that they would have anyway. It was a tragic time for many hearts. Renil and Galadya were, naturally, aware of all the goings-on but could do nothing about it. Life continued on in that house, with much distress and sadness.
Dileriyen never left the house and spent most of her time in bed, recovering, doing simple chores and delving deep into her soul when she felt up to it. She was very frustrated at focusing all her energy and still getting nowhere. Although, every night, it was the same. Always that same dream. An angel...those eyes...that voice... so familiar... but what was his name? Green leaves...all she could think of was green leaves.
Sometimes, she would remember more pieces of random conversation such as:
*He hates me...what's a Gollum?... Know that you shall be in my heart and my thoughts every second, wherever my roads may take me. Wait for me... Don't tell me he has refused to attend... what am I not being told?...No...please tell me he didn't...He left this for you...* And unconsciously, her hand would always fly to her neck, feeling, searching for something that she had lost.
*How dare you meddle in our relationship?...There is no way out...That's what you think...I love you too...*
Dileriyen woke up to another morning, once again filled with more questions than answers. This had become her daily routine but she had decided a while back that she needed all these bits and pieces so as to form some key to her memory. So, she recorded everything she remembered whenever she thought of it but, one memory always remained the same and was repeated in her recordings many times...that angel...whomever he was.
She got up slowly and began to curse at herself aloud for the pain in her legs.
"Damn you...why did I have to stab myself so deep? Maybe I should have let them just eat me..." But as soon as she finished her sentence, her eyes became larger. She had remembered something new! Images came back to her of pain and drawing a dagger along her thighs. Spiders. She heard them; she could feel their presence on that day. Oh dear. She quickly wrote these new memories down but the sharp images soon faded away into blurs once again.
"Damn it, why cannot you simply remember?!"
Scolding herself was not helping matters so she stepped quietly out of the room but when she found Galadya, she was sitting down in a chair and crying softly. Indeed, though she did not know it, it was for her-Dileriyen- that Galadya cried. She had just heard the King's orders about not mentioning this to the Prince and how the funeral would not take place until he had returned, etc. It broke her heart. There was nothing she could do.
Dileriyen, full of concern, ran up to Galadya and knelt before her.
"Dearest friend, what is the matter? Why do you cry?"
And as Galadya looked into those eyes, she almost spilled her heart out.
"It is nothing Lady- "
But she stopped herself. She could not do it. She could not disrespect her Lady in such a manner.
"Feanora..." she smiled softly to Dileriyen and held her hand. "Go back to bed, I shall make you some tea...please."
Dileriyen looked down and nodded slowly. Head hung low, she went back to her room...
************************
A/N: Oh my poor, darling girl :(((
*******************
News had reached Bordertown of the King's sorrow and the loss of the Lady. But even though many took it upon themselves to search for her, the rest began to mourn for her. It seemed that yet another Greenleaf Lady was lost. Dileriyen, too, they had loved, just as much as Sildeniel.
Galadya watched Dileriyen as she slept for she looked very familiar to her eyes. There was something about this mysterious girl that she could not place for her appearance, familiar as it may be, was bruised and practically lifeless. Its color had only recently begun to return to normal. The fact that the girl did not seem to remember did not help matters much either. It was a strange and frustrating time for all of them but then, a revelation was made at a moment that was least expected.
Renil and Galadya were discussing things in another part of the house, quite a distance away from the room in which Dileriyen had been residing in, trying to make sense of it all.
"My love she is such a lovely young Lady and I am very happy to be of help to her in her distress but there is something about her that disturbs me. It is something that is on the tip of my tongue yet I do not know what. Do you not feel it?" Galadya asked her husband who seemed to be in deep thought.
"Yes love, you are right. I too have felt it. She carries so much pain with her and yet her light is so oddly familiar. Let me think for a moment..."
A few moments passed as Renil put together the pieces of the puzzle. His eyes opened with disbelief at his own thoughts. Surely it could not be! But then again, why not? The Lady was missing and this girl who did not seem to know who she was had found her way into the town. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the face of the Lady Dileriyen whom he had seen from a distance so many times before. He jumped up and ran to the room where she slept, disregarding his wife's confused questions. And there she lay, like the angel that she was. The very person everyone had given up for dead, lying peacefully with a tear- streaked face, in the land of dreams. It was unbelievable.
Renil did not wish to wake her so he stepped out of the room quietly. He needed no more proof for his eyes were not at fault. Quite satisfied with his findings, he went back to find his wife where he had left her and she welcomed him wearing a quizzical expression on her face. One mystery had now been solved but now there were so much more questions to ask. Where to begin? Well, the beginning is always best...
"Darling what is the matter? Why did you run off so suddenly?" Galadya asked, now sincerely concerned about her husband's mental state.
"My love," he said, "does not the young lady remind you of anyone? Perhaps, someone of royal status?"
Galadya laughed a little at that until her amusement died and her smile faded. Renil watched as she quickly bolted up and ran out of the room. When she had returned, about ten minutes later, she had an even more stunned expression on her face. She struggled for a moment with a loss of words.
"It cannot be!..." she tried. She was having a hard time convincing herself of what she had seen. She was also surprised at how it had escaped her notice.
"But...but they have been searching for her for days! We had given her up for dead!" She was doing a good job at shocking herself even more and shaking her head from left to right. It was like she had seen a ghost and all the while happy deep within her heart.
"Yet sure enough there she lay before my very eyes! And quite alive for that matter... " she continued.
"Yes, my love, I am as amazed as you are but there can be no doubt. That is our Lady; as sure as I stand here, that is her. But I suppose my first question would be: what has happened to her? And then, why did she look as if she had escaped battle when I found her? Why did she not tell us of her identity? I have heard that she was thought to have been taken by the spiders, that is why everyone searches the woods so persistently..."
"If that is true, then she obviously found some way to escape. That would explain her appearance when you found her, dear. She is so bruised and has a few broken bones here and there. I have also noticed two rather deep cuts on both of her thighs. One of them even travels so far down as to reach her knee. It took me quite a while to treat those wounds."
She stopped to think for a moment but slowly continued.
"But then, why this charade? I do not understand. Does she not wish for us to know who she is and thus declares to not know her own identity?"
Renil paused to think again. There had to be some sort of explanation for this. There always was. One just had to examine the details carefully. He stayed quiet until a conclusion dawned on him.
"Galadya, dear, I think you may have just found our answer."
"What do you mean?"
"Perhaps that is the whole purpose. I shall venture to say that the reason she did not reveal her identity to us is because she does not wish for us to know. If you ask me why she would ever do such a thing, I have but one answer: I suppose the Lady is trying to find a way out of her life. The last I heard of her, she was in Imladris, engaged to Lord Elrond's son, Prince Elrohir. She left Imladris and was on her way back to the palace, I suppose, when she went missing. Mind you, she was riding alone which leads me to believe that she ran away from Imladris. Do you see where I am going with this my love? This is the only answer I have to offer for I know no more of the particulars."
"Darling, I do believe that you are right. It is all so strange...everyone assumed for the longest time that she would wed Prince Legolas but then such sudden news of -his- departure and then she leaves for Imladris and we hear that she is engaged. The whole kingdom was in an uproar as you remember. Considering all this, I do believe that the conclusion you have drawn is correct. She must be trying to escape. But then, what is our task to be? We were all heart-broken over her supposed death yet there she lies in utter peace, thank the Valar. Our King is probably sick with grief yet we know her to be alive. Is it fair for us to let him suffer so? Do we reveal her and lose the love and respect of our Lady or do we play her game and risk losing our King and both Princes to sorrow? Which road do we take my love?"
"These are hard choices yet a decision must be made- quickly. My dear, I can only say that if she desires for herself to remain hidden, we must honor her wishes. The Lady is wise and no doubt knows what she is doing and its implications and consequences. It is our duty to respect her choices, nevertheless. We shall not disclose this information to anyone, even to her for that would no doubt drive her off, I fear. I would rather have her here with us where it is safe and where we may look after her, rather than out and about in these perilous times. I suspect that it will not be long until she realizes that running away does not solve problems. And when she -does- realize this, at least we will have been here to assist our Lady in her time of need."
"I agree whole-heartedly. Renil, everyday you give me a new reason to look up to you, my love...May the Valar help our Lady on her path for even if they choose not to, we will always be here."
They smiled to one another and then Renil drew his wife to him and held her in his arms. They shared the comfort of knowing that they were doing the right thing and helping their Lady in the best way they knew how. Unfortunately, their pure intentions were very misguided.
*************************
It was a few days later when word spread through the town that Prince Elrohir was out in the woods with a band of men, searching for the lost Lady. He had not had luck as of yet but was asking around for anyone who might have seen or heard anything. Naturally, no one had anything to say. Renil and Galadya kept quiet, with only the best intentions for their Lady at heart of course, but even their faith seemed shaken up at times. Once, as they were discussing this new turn of events, they did not realize that Dileriyen had almost entered the room and as Renil spoke the word Elrohir, they noticed her face make an expression which, for Dileriyen, felt like getting pricked by a thorn as a new door was being opened in her carefully locked memory. But, naturally, the couple took it as a sign of shock and fear so they took care in quickly closing the topic and were very careful about discussing things like that while they were in the house and when Dileriyen was awake. Of course, you are now all aware that Dileriyen is up and about. Her body could do no more without some exercise so every day, she got up and walked around the house a little, trying to help Galadya with this and that so as not to feel like a complete burden on these people whom she adored for their kindness, love and hospitality.
Galadya always insisted that she not over-exert herself and that she needed no help. But Dileriyen would not have it and made it a point to say that if Galadya did not let her help out, then she would help Renil with whatever it was that he did. Of course, the threat always worked and Galadya -always- caved in with a smile and let Dileriyen help her with little chores around the house.
Dileriyen was later named anew as she had insisted that the couple stop calling her 'Lady' for it made her feel "out of place" she said. So, the name that was now giver her was Feanora (A/N: Feanor, as we all know, was creator of the Silmarils but his name means fiery spirit/soul in the Sindarin tongue, that is why I chose it.) for the couple thought that she deserved one of no less worth. Yet, Dileriyen accepted the name with sadness for deep in that past that she could not remember, this had not been her name.
*************************
And so the weeks passed and even the faithful began to lose hope for who could survive for so long in the spiders' keeping? Many lairs had been found and even more so had been destroyed but there was never a Dileriyen to be found. Of course, bones were always uncovered but Thranduil refused to look at any of them, saying that nothing on this Earth could reduce her daughter to such a state; nothing. He refused to believe that death was her lot in life. So the search continued for many, many days. Sometimes Thranduil accompanied the bands with fresh hope in his heart but always returned with fresher pain.
This night, Thranduil sat down in his library, carefully going over the events of the day. He had encountered Elrohir and once more heard the story that Elrond had carefully explained in his letter. But he could not be upset with Elrohir and he had shown him nothing but kindness for the child seemed also to be distraught with grief. It broke Thranduil's heart to see so much pain around him. Day in and day out is seems that Elrohir had not stopped looking for her. They had picked the forest apart and yet, the conclusion was always the same...No Dileriyen.
It was in this manner that a whole month had passed and there sat Thranduil again, in the same corner of his library. Dead to the world around him. This night was a night that would be remembered for many years to come for it was the night he let his heart accept that she was truly gone. He had lost her. Yes, that night, he wept floods of sorrow for hours without end. He had sent Elrohir back to Imladris, kicking and screaming of course, vowing that he would not give up. But even he gave in as his hands reached to cover his face and he finally submitted to the pain too.
His task was to return home and let his brother, sister and father know all that had happened. Needless to say, it was a very sad time for all and the news was not welcomed. Yet, one important matter was left hanging in the air: Legolas. He did not know. And sure enough, that was the point. Thranduil had forbidden anyone and everyone from speaking or sending news of the matter to Legolas (or whither he should return). He also requested it of Lord Elrond, who gave his consent, that no one mention it to any member of the Fellowship if and when they should have contact. This was an all too fragile matter and Thranduil was going to be the only one to tell his son. He made it clear to all that whomever chose to disobey him would suffer severe punishment. A funeral would of course take place, if and when Legolas returned. But, then again, what was there to bury?
The news spread like wildfire in the kingdom and no one dared disobey the King and tempt his wrath, not that they would have anyway. It was a tragic time for many hearts. Renil and Galadya were, naturally, aware of all the goings-on but could do nothing about it. Life continued on in that house, with much distress and sadness.
Dileriyen never left the house and spent most of her time in bed, recovering, doing simple chores and delving deep into her soul when she felt up to it. She was very frustrated at focusing all her energy and still getting nowhere. Although, every night, it was the same. Always that same dream. An angel...those eyes...that voice... so familiar... but what was his name? Green leaves...all she could think of was green leaves.
Sometimes, she would remember more pieces of random conversation such as:
*He hates me...what's a Gollum?... Know that you shall be in my heart and my thoughts every second, wherever my roads may take me. Wait for me... Don't tell me he has refused to attend... what am I not being told?...No...please tell me he didn't...He left this for you...* And unconsciously, her hand would always fly to her neck, feeling, searching for something that she had lost.
*How dare you meddle in our relationship?...There is no way out...That's what you think...I love you too...*
Dileriyen woke up to another morning, once again filled with more questions than answers. This had become her daily routine but she had decided a while back that she needed all these bits and pieces so as to form some key to her memory. So, she recorded everything she remembered whenever she thought of it but, one memory always remained the same and was repeated in her recordings many times...that angel...whomever he was.
She got up slowly and began to curse at herself aloud for the pain in her legs.
"Damn you...why did I have to stab myself so deep? Maybe I should have let them just eat me..." But as soon as she finished her sentence, her eyes became larger. She had remembered something new! Images came back to her of pain and drawing a dagger along her thighs. Spiders. She heard them; she could feel their presence on that day. Oh dear. She quickly wrote these new memories down but the sharp images soon faded away into blurs once again.
"Damn it, why cannot you simply remember?!"
Scolding herself was not helping matters so she stepped quietly out of the room but when she found Galadya, she was sitting down in a chair and crying softly. Indeed, though she did not know it, it was for her-Dileriyen- that Galadya cried. She had just heard the King's orders about not mentioning this to the Prince and how the funeral would not take place until he had returned, etc. It broke her heart. There was nothing she could do.
Dileriyen, full of concern, ran up to Galadya and knelt before her.
"Dearest friend, what is the matter? Why do you cry?"
And as Galadya looked into those eyes, she almost spilled her heart out.
"It is nothing Lady- "
But she stopped herself. She could not do it. She could not disrespect her Lady in such a manner.
"Feanora..." she smiled softly to Dileriyen and held her hand. "Go back to bed, I shall make you some tea...please."
Dileriyen looked down and nodded slowly. Head hung low, she went back to her room...
************************
A/N: Oh my poor, darling girl :(((
