Part 4
Reasoning
Tess closed the door to Liz's bedroom behind her and leaned against it tiredly. "Finally," she sighed heavily. "I had to tell him we were almost out of beer to get him to leave!"
"Kyle enjoys the gossip as well as the ladies," Maria confirmed, leaning back against the overstuffed pillows on the bed while Liz reached out to massage her feet.
"That he does," Tess confirmed, moving to join them on the mattress. "It was either prompt him with lack of alcohol or give him a blowjob, which I…"
"Tess! Oh my God, you did not!" Liz exclaimed.
"Yes Lizzie," the blonde responded dryly. "I just gave my husband a blowjob right in your living room… with Max watching."
"Oh, well I just…"
"Stop teasing her," Maria scolded, reaching out to swat Tess's arm lightly as she fought for control of her own grin. Seeing that Liz was still doubtful about the indecent acts that may or may not have just occurred in her apartment, she gave her a reassuring smile. "Relax babe, you know Kyle would have at least made her go in the bathroom."
"Maria! You are not helping!"
Laughing, Tess crawled up beside Maria on the bed to share a conspiratorial glance. Pushing Liz's buttons was just too much fun and it was something that she normally received rebukes from both girls for. Having Maria join her in the teasing was exhilarating.
"Okay, okay," Maria gasped, still holding her stomach as giggles rippled through her. We'll be good, besides we only have a few minutes before Max is in here asking you to check if he peeled the potatoes correctly."
"He will not,"" Liz retorted.
It was New Year's Day and the five of them were at Liz's preparing her 'make-it-up-to-Maria' meal. To be more precise, Liz had put Max to work in the kitchen at getting things ready while Tess sent Kyle out of the apartment so that they could finally hear what had happened last night between Maria and Michael.
"Fine, fine, but if he comes in here asking where the oven is…" Tess mumbled.
"Stop it, both of you," Maria commanded, chastising them with a teasing glare. "I really need your advice on something—what am I going to do about Michael?"
"You mean the babe?"
"No Tess, I mean the guy who doesn't know I'm pregnant yet."
"Oh."
"I've been trying to come up with reasons for and against," Maria explained, holding out her hand to count them off on her fingers. "Number 1—he's hot. Number 2—he's a great kisser. Number 3—he's hot. Number 4—he's got a nice a-ss. Number 5—…"
"Maria, if you are just going to list his 'hotness' over and over again, I'm not going to play."
"Play what Liz? The 'let's-see-how-jealous-she-can-make-us' game?" Tess inquired innocently.
"I'm serious," Liz argued, her face flushing as she defended her words to the pair of best friends. "A list should be a well-thought out collection of attributes that…"
"All right, Lizzie. Calm down, I'm only joking, I do actually have a real list," Maria interrupted, trying to ease the growing tension.
"You seriously made a list?" Liz asked.
"Babe, she's got it bad for the hunk, can't you see? She needs some help, although I personally say to just plow him, but…"
"Tess! Oh my God, you and those visuals, I'm serious, I don't think I can handle another one," Maria complained, holding her hand to her stomach.
"Kyle doesn't complain…"
"Tess!" This time is was both girls who joined forces against their saucy-tongued friend.
"Fine, fine, I'll be good. But let's hear this list," she said, rolling her eyes as she wordlessly signaled that her preference was for the pair to just jump in bed and get the awkwardness over with.
"All right," Maria said semi-seriously, stifling a smile as she watched Tess stick her tongue out at Liz's condescending look. "I was just thinking that there are reasons to pursue this and reasons to retreat."
"You sound like you are mounting a war battle," Tess mumbled before reaching up to make a zipping motion across her mouth as Maria shot her a threatening glance.
"Okay, on the 'date him' list we've got number 1—he is cute, major points in the Adonis category. Number 2—I feel like I already know him, so it's almost like I can't back out of it; it'd be like breaking up with a friend or something. Number 3—he's so great with Laney that I keep telling myself that he'd be cool with me having a baby but…"
"No guarantees with that one," Liz reminded her softly, offering a sympathetic grin.
"I know. Then there's still the 'just have your baby and forget about him' list. Number 1—Hello! I'm pregnant with some unknown man's child. It's bad enough that I've got a lifetime of baggage to introduce but to have a real live parcel on top of it…" Maria shook her head as she glanced at the girls sadly. "My brain tells me not to drag him into this mess but I think my heart already left on its first date."
"Oh sweetie," Liz offered quietly, massaging Maria's feet from where they rested in her lap. "I know you feel this attraction, but you are going to have a baby… maybe it's better if you just stick to the original plan of single motherhood."
"Maybe," Maria agreed half-heartedly.
"Wait a minute," Tess butted in. "You didn't finish the lists. What else is on the 'date him' one?"
"Oh God, umm… 4—he's a great kisser, I mean star quality. Number 5—he's got a great personality, it does seem like he's got this protective wall out there, but that's what I find even more fascinating. He's definitely an enigma."
"You always did like a challenge," Liz granted.
Maria smiled as she added, "Number 6—he drives a Jeep, hello!" She laughed at the silliness of her reason as the other two women shook their heads in the knowledge that beyond her unborn child, Maria's most prized possession was her beloved TJ.
"Number 7—…"
"You could probably think of another 10 reasons, couldn't you?" Tess asked, interrupting the parade of 'why she should date Michael' facts.
"Probably," Maria agreed.
"And you don't have one more thing to add to the other list, do you?"
"I… uh, well I…" Maria stammered, thinking for a second about what she could add to the reasons not to at least explore a relationship with him. "I… uh, no," she answered finally, her cheeks blushing as she admitted that beyond her pregnancy there wasn't one other reason not to date a guy that she was already totally attracted to.
"No," Tess repeated, confirming the answer that she had known all along. "So you are having a baby, maybe he thinks its weird and you break up in six months, or maybe he loves the idea and makes a great Dad." Pausing, she couldn't help the smirk that spread across her face as she got to her real reason for supporting a relationship with Michael.
"Either way you're getting laid."
"Tess!"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Maria sighed as she recalled the logic Tess had sprung on her nearly three weeks before. She supposed that she'd known she wanted to pursue things with Michael from the first moment she learned his actual name, but talking it over with her trusted confidantes had helped her realize that not only was he doubtless to be a great date, she was only pregnant—she didn't have a contagious disease, she wasn't asking him to play the role of a new father—she just wanted what every person wanted, someone to make her happy… someone to love.
Love—did she? It was easy to say that it was too soon to tell, but in reality she had known the moment his lips met hers, perhaps before, that 'love at first sight' was no longer a myth.
Brushing her hair behind her ear, Maria stood and paced her small living room for the hundredth time that evening. Nearly a month had passed since Christmas Day and she had just reached the 14 week mark of her pregnancy. Already she was carrying ten extra pounds on her tiny frame with the scales tipping ever upwards as the weeks went by. She knew that she had to tell Michael about her little condition soon; time simply wasn't on her side in this particular battle.
Taking a deep breath, she attempted to rehearse the words she planned to say to him when a glance at the clock identified that he would be here any minute and all rational thought took leave of her mind. Butterflies that had somewhat settled in her stomach immediately took flight, stirring her nerves into a boiling cauldron as they danced their way through her entire system.
"Deep breaths, de-ee-ep breaths," she repeated softly to herself, straightening the slightly oversized sweater she was wearing one more time as she checked her appearance in the mirror.
Although she was expecting it, the phone ringing shrilly throughout the small room startled her and she fumbled with the receiver as she grabbed after it. "Come on up," she said a little too brightly, pressing '6' on the keypad to unlock the downstairs door for her guest.
The time between Michael entering the building and reaching her apartment on the 16th floor was probably a full three minutes, but to Maria it felt like the fastest 10 second period she had ever lived through. There just couldn't be enough time for her to prepare herself for what she wanted to tell him; no matter how much she chided herself on having made this decision with confidence over six months ago, now that she was telling the first person who might very well leave her life because of it she was petrified.
Hearing his booming knock on the door, she forced herself across the room to open it, the smile that graced her features when she saw him standing there the one thing that didn't feel false about the evening.
"Hey," he murmured softly, leaning in to meet her lips in a soft kiss before pulling away to fully examine her. The black skirt she wore was long, teasing her ankles with its length, while the deep maroon top set off the paleness of her skin exquisitely. Any bulge that she may have felt obvious beneath her clothes went unnoticed by him as he wrapped his arms around her lithe frame and pulled her inside the apartment.
"You look amazing," he offered, leaning down to steal another kiss as he pushed the door shut behind him.
"Thank you," she whispered, breathless from his kisses and in awe of the undeserving attention he showered her with on every meeting. The memory that she had something important to tell him was lost for a moment as she returned the gesture in attacking his lips. Being with him was so easy and felt so comfortable that she reviled the tiny thought swirling in her brain that she couldn't 'forget' about tonight's task forever.
"Why don't we… why don't we sit?" she suggested quietly, pulling away from him as her fingers sought out her burning lips. Smiling up at him, she hoped she displayed a calmness not shared by her bouncing mind as she led him to the living room.
"You want a drink?" she asked as he took a seat.
"Not if you're not," he replied easily, repeating his declaration nearly three weeks before that if she couldn't drink than he wouldn't in her presence.
"Really," she insisted again, just as she had every time before. "I don't mind you drinking, it's just a beer."
Turning to walk into the kitchen without receiving his agreement, she mumbled beneath her breath, "In a few minutes you're gonna need it."
"What?"
"Oh nothing," she called, closing the fridge as she wrestled with the cap of a Budweiser—bought especially for him, especially for tonight.
"Here, let me," he said softly, sneaking up behind her in the small space to take the bottle from her hand. Opening it easily, he laid it on the counter and raised his hands to rest on her shoulders, massaging them lightly. "What's up? You seem… off."
"Oh I'm just…" her voice had lost all strength as she reached out to grip the edge of the counter tightly, willing her body to remain upright as she forced the next words from her mouth. "I have to… I have to tell you something."
"Shoot."
Still with her back to him, she closed her eyes briefly as she felt his hands squeeze her shoulders and silently cursed. 'Just say it,' she commanded herself. 'What's the worst that can happen?'
He could leave.
"Just promise me you won't take off before I can finish, okay?" she said aloud.
"Okay," he said slowly, pushing against her body as he forced her around to face him. "But you are increasing the freak-out factor just a little here. What's up?"
"I'm uh… well a while ago I made this decision, and well… well because of that I'm sort of… well I'm…" Her eyes roamed his chest, unable to focus on any one place until a gentle tug from his hand sent her chin tilting upwards and she met his gaze directly. Gulping, she inhaled slowly and closed her eyes to his as she gave voice to the dreaded words.
"I'm pregnant."
'This must be what it feels like to die,' Maria thought as she felt a black void close in on her spirit at the sound of the actual words leaving her mouth. All sound escaped her world as she focused only on the silence between them. Words, she knew that she had expected to hear words but at the moment she couldn't tell you what they were supposed to be or even who was supposed to say them. She was aware of the fact that she was still standing but didn't know if the pressure on her shoulders was from Michael's hands or the weight of the world pushing ever downwards.
"Ok-ay," came the slow drawl from somewhere in front of her. "Uh, who's the father?"
Blinking her eyes open, she stared intently at the floor as she shrugged, "He's sort of not in the picture."
"Oh, well… good."
Her eyes flew upwards, struggling to focus on the nonchalant look plastered to his face as she processed the words he'd spoken. "Good?" she repeated, her voice squeaking as she stared at him incredulously. "Good!"
"Whoa," he said quickly, taking a step backwards as he let his hands fall away from her body. Holding them upright as if to defend himself, he continued, "I don't mean, 'no big deal good.' I mean, 'okay, you're pregnant… good.'"
"And the difference?"
"Maria," he said calmly, exhibiting the emotion that he obviously felt she needed to find again in the moment. "I think it's cool and I'm glad you told me. How did it happen?" Wrinkling his nose at the obvious stupidity of his question, he earned a small smile from her as he corrected himself. "I mean, when, with who, why? Whatever you want to share."
A slight tremble made its way through her lips, chasing her face upwards to tickle the corners of her eyes into releasing unwelcome tears. "I'm sorry," she mumbled as the first streams of wetness wound its way down her face. "I don't seem to be able to keep these in check lately."
"Hey," he said softly, stepping back in to place his arm around her shoulder. Pulling her towards his body, he felt her sobs vibrating through him as he kissed the top of her head. "It's okay, don't cry."
"Sorry, I just thought… I thought you'd be mad."
"Um… no?" Laughing lightly, he pushed her away and found her eyes again. "A little surprised, but I'm pretty sure it's not mine," he teased, immediately casting a serious look on his face as he asked, "Right?"
Laughing, she let a smile grace her face as she shook her head slowly. "No, I don't think it's yours, unless you can get pregnant from kissing." Screwing her face up she tilted her head as she recalled, "Which actually is what I believed until I was 10."
"Oh that's just wrong," Michael laughed.
"Oh God," she breathed quietly, the tentative laugh she exhibited in direct opposition to the lingering tears on her cheeks. "I just never know how someone's going to react, you know?"
"People act weird because you're pregnant?"
"Well no," she admitted. "People act weird when they find out how I got pregnant."
He looked confused for a moment, "Isn't there just the one way?"
"You'd be surprised," she replied cryptically, sensing only further confusion from him. "Put it this way, I didn't exactly sleep with someone to conceive."
"Okay, so… well unless you're signaling the second coming of Christ, I'm assuming artificial insemination?"
"Yeah." Shrugging, she continued, "I know 27 is still young, but I always wanted kids before I was 30 and I just figured that if I didn't need a guy to do it then why wait."
"Too bad it doesn't work the same way for us," he mused quietly.
"You'd have a child on your own?" she asked with surprise.
"Well I don't know about the having part," he smirked. "But yeah, sure, I'd raise a child in a heartbeat."
"So you want kids?" she asked, immediately blushing as her hand fell to rest on her stomach. "I didn't mean…"
"No, no, I get it," he replied, smiling as he watched her embarrassment. "But I do want kids, once we… well once I came close but…"
"It just wasn't in the cards?"
"I think I was playing the wrong game."
Maria stared at him quietly for a moment, pondering the suddenly visible crack in his hardened exterior as he scratched his eyebrow slowly. Choosing her words carefully, she offered, "Well if it means anything, I think you'd make a great father."
His only response was a small smile and she decided then that a change of both topic and venue was required.
"How about we head out? Get that drink you promised me?"
"You mean non-alcoholic drink?"
"Of course!"
"Sounds good," he replied kindly, smiling as he gestured towards the untouched beer she had offered him earlier.
"Let's save it," she suggested, screwing the cap back on as tightly as she could and laying it in the fridge. Turning back to face him, she taunted him with a playful look on her face. "Maybe you'll want a night cap later?"
Grinning from ear to ear, he attacked her lips with his, deliberately making an effort to show her that he was fine with her unexpected announcement.
"I'm glad you told me," he murmured. And he truly was.
A few years ago he thought he'd have two or three kids by now, a settled life complete with a house and a white picket fence, not to mention his wife. It seemed odd to anyone he tried to explain it to, but the boring, stable life was what he had always craved, and he'd almost had it… almost. Maybe this time around it'd be different; maybe this time he could be a better person, maybe this time she wouldn't give up before he did.
Kissing her again softly, he pulled away and smiled down into her eyes. She was going to have a baby, and he was going to be there to witness the whole experience… he couldn't wait.
