Part 8
Epiphanies

Maria scrambled to grab the ringing phone as she juggled a head of Romaine lettuce against her swollen belly.

"Hello," she gasped, fighting to nestle the phone against her shoulder as she dumped the ingredients for the salad she was preparing on the counter.

"Hey, we're here.  Let us up!"

Tess's voice rang loudly through the receiver, signaling the arrival of her and Kyle for the dinner party Maria was preparing.  Punching 'six' with her thumb, Maria dropped the phone on the counter as she hurriedly attacked the lettuce.

"They'd better be here to help," she mumbled as she turned to furiously whisk the 'from scratch' salad dressing she had attempted to make.  Normally she was a confident cook, but this evening marked the first time since Christmas that the expanded group of friends she now found herself a part of had gathered together—she wanted to make it perfect.

Hearing a knock on the front door, she said a silent thank you that she had left it unlocked as a moment later Tess burst into the room.

"Whoa babe, I could have been a serial killer," she called loudly from the living room.

"Yes," Maria said sarcastically as she stepped into the doorway adjoining the rooms.  "A vicious killer with a dye job, I'm sure."

"Oh!  And you expect me to help?"

Laughing, Maria nodded towards the dining room as she turned back into the kitchen.  "Yes, and remember… forks go on the left!"

Kyle smirked behind Tess's back as she cursed beneath her breath and playfully stomped towards the table.  The two girls had been holding their own against each other since the day they met; as he sat back on the couch to grab the remote, he had to wonder how they were still on speaking terms.

"Oh, and you can get your feet off the table and grab those extra chairs little brother."

"What?  But you can't even see me?" Kyle whined in the general direction of the kitchen.

"No, but you forget I watched you grow up, you lazy toad.  Move it!"

"Jeez," he grumbled as he pushed himself off the couch.  "Why isn't Michael here doing this anyway?"

"Because he worked today and he wanted to go home and get cleaned up first."

Returning from the spare bedroom with the first chair, Kyle continued his moaning as he observed, "I don't know why the two of you don't just move in together, he practically lives here anyway."

"How many times to I have to tell you?" Maria sighed, opening the oven door to check on the dessert browning perfectly beneath the element.  "We'll move in together before the baby comes, until then we're just enjoying getting to know each other."

"But you're already what… 23 weeks?"

"24, but that's still loads of time, we've got three and a half months."

"Still, a little muscle around the place wouldn't hurt," he grumbled as he retreated back into the bedroom for a second chair.

Maria shook her head as she smiled after her brother, turning around to stuff her hands into two leopard-print oven mitts before removing the delectable dessert from the heat source.  Placing it aside, she retrieved the already cooked lasagna from its place on the counter and slid it in the oven to keep warm.

"Mmm," Tess said, entering the kitchen as she inhaled deeply.  "It's smells delish—what're we having?"

"Caesar salad with homemade dressing, spinach and ricotta lasagna, stuffed chicken breast with prosciutto and havarti, and brownie chocolate cheesecake," Maria replied, grinning at the drooling look washing over Tess face.

"Wow," Tess said, obviously impressed.  "This'll be almost as good as Christmas chili."

Swatting after her with the oven mitts still in hand, Maria pushed the girl out of the kitchen as a light knock was heard on the door.

"I'll…" Tess started before the door swung open to reveal Michael with Isabel, Alex, Liz, and Max just behind him.  "Whoa, I know I locked that," she said quietly.

"Probably did," Maria said casually, entering the room to walk up to Michael.  "But he has a key."  Smiling brilliantly at him, she stretched up to offer him a kiss, her stomach grazing against his abdomen as she did.  "Hey," she whispered softly.

"Hey yourself."

"Maria, oh my God, you're huge!" Isabel exclaimed as she took in the swollen expanse pushing against the white blouse Maria was wearing.

"Well hello to you too," she replied, laughing at the common sentiment she was hearing lately.

"Oh come here," Isabel said quickly, grabbing Maria's arm as she steered her away from Michael and towards the couch.  "Tell me everything, how are you feeling, do your legs hurt yet, has the baby kicked?"

"Well, I…"

Smiling at his girlfriend's obviously flustered reaction to Isabel characteristic probing questions, Michael watched her settle into the couch slowly, the strain of being on her feet cooking all day starting to show.  'Only 16 more weeks and the real fun begins,' he thought to himself.  They had talked about moving in together before the baby was born and each time he had to leave her apartment, he swore it got harder and harder to do so.  His hand crept inside his jacket pocket slowly, fingering the tiny velvet box resting there.  He knew she wanted what he did, just a normal, boring life with a couple of kids and a loving home, and he planned to give it to her.

Tomorrow evening he was going to ask Maria to marry him, thinking of it now, his heart skipped a beat—half in fear that she would refuse, half in excitement that she wouldn't.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Walking into Fresh Start, Maria smiled as she remembered all the times she had come here yearning for another hour of stolen glances at the man who now placed his hand firmly on her back as she entered.  He had just treated her to an exquisite dinner at Vesuvio's, one of the premiere Italian restaurants in the city.  After last night's meal of home cooked goodness, she didn't think she would be able to stuff another oversized portion of pasta into her, but it seemed that the baby growing inside her begged to differ.  Polishing off not only her main course, but a satisfying appetizer and indescribably delicious dessert, she was ready for the hot cup of tea he promised before she planned to suggest that he drop her off at home… and not leave until daylight.

A few scattered customers lingered in the shop with only 10 minutes left before closing and Maria glanced around quickly before sighing happily that her favored chair was still empty at the late hour.  Taking a seat, she watched as Michael moved behind the counter and began preparing their drinks.  In all the time she had been coming here, both before and after they were a couple, he had never let another person fill her standing order.  It was something that she hadn't been aware of until they did start dating and he shyly admitted the fact to her.  She supposed that since it was her that did the majority of the stalking anyway, showing up repeatedly in his store for tea that she could make for a fraction of the cost at home, he was allowed a little embarrassment of his own when it came to the beginning of their relationship.

From behind the counter, Michael glanced up to see her settling into her customary chair.  'Perfect,' he thought as he took his hand away from the mug he held for a moment to check his pocket for the ring.  It was tucked inside a chamomile tea package, tied to the tea bag with a light string that had taken him nearly an hour to attach.  He knew she was expecting her already brewed concoction as he normally created it, but tonight he was going to 'forget' to add this particular flavor, instead giving her just mint and suggesting she add the second bag herself.

He hoped she didn't dunk the diamond in the water before noticing.

Picking up her 'just mint' tea, he grabbed his own latte from the counter and began the slow trek across the shop towards her.  His heart raced as he progressed, visibly pulsing against his shirt by the time he arrived.

"Ooh, thanks," she said as she accepted the mug, so eager to taste the first sip that she didn't notice the ill look on his face.  "Mmm," she murmured, letting the scalding liquid slip between her lips.  Pushing it away quickly, she wrinkled her nose in surprise as she exclaimed, "It's… it's mint!"

"What?" Michael said softly, clearing his throat as he realized that he was not remembering the cardinal rule of 'whatever you do be cool'.  Standing again, he offered quickly, "I guess I forgot the second bag, just a sec."

Shaking her head at his absentmindedness, Maria attempted another sip of the putrid drink as he walked towards the counter for a chamomile addition.  To him, the short steps across the room to feign retrieving a tea bag took a lifetime, and he nervously wondered if she noticed as he slipped his hand inside his pocket to grasp the 'special' bag.  Pausing by the counter for a moment, he tossed a sick smile towards the cashier before turning to make his way back to his soon to be fiancée.  Raising his head to meet her eyes, he stopped when he noticed her body turn in her chair and a smile break fully across her features.

"Ah!" she cried excitedly.  "Jo!"

Shifting his gaze, Michael stared frantically at the interruption she called 'Jo', sighing audibly when he saw it was a woman, before cursing silently that his plan had just been put on indefinite hold.

"Maria?" the woman asked incredulously, walking towards the tiny table.  "Oh my God, how are you?"

"Uh, large at the moment," she replied lightly.

"I'd say.  It's weird to see you pregnant, I mean I knew it worked, but…"

"I know!"  Tossing her head back towards Michael, she gestured to him to return to the table.  "Michael, I'd like you to meet Jo, she's an old friend.  Jo," she added as the woman turned to face Michael directly.  "This is my boyfriend Michael."

For Michael, watching the supposed stranger turn towards him made time slow as if he was caught in a tunnel of molasses infused agony.  His breath caught in his throat as recognition he wished was imaginary sparked in her eyes as well.  He knew her, he had met her before, several times before—she was…

Words failed him as the gravity of the situation settled over the pair heavily.  Jo blinked once, twice, then painted a bright smile on her face and extended her hand.

"Michael, was it?" she asked a little too sharply.

"Uh… yeah," he replied weakly, unable to move to return her gesture.

Maria, thankfully, was absorbed in fighting her way to her feet, her hand falling to rest on her extended stomach as she explained, "It's a funny story, actually…"

Smiling sickly, Michael diverted his eyes from her, fighting to remain on his feet as her melodic voice threw acid on his fast growing wounds.

"Jo helped me find a sperm donor.  She's the only one who knows the secret."  Laughing as she turned to throw her arms around the woman's neck, she whispered in her ear, "Thank you sweetie.  It has been amazing."

"Uh, why don't I let you catch up?" Michael interrupted suddenly, backing away as Maria stared after him curiously.  "It was uh… it was nice to meet you."  His voice faded as he stepped further away from the women.

"Michael?" Maria asked slowly.

Shaking his head, he turned quickly and walked as strongly as he could into the back room.  The words the woman he was in love with echoed in his head, 'She's the only one who knows…'  Leaning heavily against the wall, he buried his head in his hands.

"Not true," he mumbled beneath his breath.  "I know."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Driving to her apartment, Maria stared silently out the window and replayed the events of the evening back in her mind.  Everything had been going fine until they arrived at his shop, then Jo had dropped by and suddenly it was as if all the joy had been sucked out of the room.

What was with him?

The car slowed to a stop outside her building, pulling into the drop off area rather than visitor's parking.  She broke out of her trance to look up in confusion.  "You're not… you're leaving?" she asked quietly as she turned towards him.

Michael kept his hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel, his gaze locked on the white peaks breaking out across his knuckles as he fought to keep it together long enough to say good night to her.

"I uh… I've got to open tomorrow morning."

"That never stopped you before."

"I'm just…" he mumbled, turning his head to meet the steely gaze she shot across the interior of the vehicle.  "I'm just tired, okay?  I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Sure," she replied hollowly.

Ten seconds that felt infinitesimally longer passed between them before she gritted her lips tightly and muttered, "So you planning on introducing me to your alter ego, or should I just guess his name?"

Whipping his gaze up to meet hers, he saw the anger flashing there and wondered briefly what had given her cause for such an emotion until he felt his own anger ripple through his stiffened muscles and knew… it was him.

"Look, I…" he started, shaking his head slowly as he quietly asked the question he already knew the answer to.  "You… you didn't use a sperm bank did you?"

"What?" she asked, visibly surprised at his left-field centered question.

"The sperm," he added firmly.  "You didn't 'buy' it, did you?"

"No… no, I…"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You never asked," she replied simply.

He never asked, stupid… like he was supposed to ask, like he was supposed to assume…  Biting his lip sharply, he felt the copper taste of his own blood swirl into the cavity, the liquid reminding him that no matter how numb he felt, he was still alive… he still had to deal.

Removing one hand from the wheel, Michael rubbed his eyes tiredly as he recalled the relationship he had with the woman he supposedly had met for the first time tonight.  As soon as he'd seen Maria call out to Jo he'd sensed that something was wrong; nothing he could give actual form to, but just the overwhelming feeling that her talking to that woman would bring no good to their lives.

He couldn't have been more right.

He'd wanted a child for as long as he could remember; his marriage ending had left him believing that his dream might never come true, until he had heard of a free sperm donation program.  Donating had never been about financial reward, but the idea that he could help someone have a child without causing them financial hardship was beyond appealing.

It wasn't the normal "come into our offices and… here's a shiny new cup" method, it was an underground network of people, mainly from the gay community, that matched up donors with recipients and facilitated the process of delivering sperm from a willing man to an eager woman.  Jo was the person he'd given his sperm to every month for six months.  He'd started in July, donating right through to December.  Did that mean?

"So… who…" he mumbled, the pathetic words he offered as far from the actual question he wanted to ask as he felt reality slip away.

"I don't know, I used someone she found through her center.  She found him, I just had to call her when I was ovulating and she would pick up the sperm and bring it over."

"How long?"

"Did it take?  Four months."

Four… he'd given six… it couldn't be…

"But I actually took six, she said it's better if the guy doesn't know when it works."

Her last words went unheard by him, fading into the roaring nothingness that consumed his brain.  It had taken four, if he'd started in July… that meant that October was lucky number four, the month she'd conceived.

"I have to… I really should…" he stammered.

"Michael," she said softly, reaching out tentatively to touch his arm.  "What is it?"

"Nothing," he whispered, clearing his throat as he sucked in a sharp breath and called on every poker face he'd ever been asked to portray while he turned towards her.  "I just wasn't expecting it that's all, it's just…"

"It's just," she echoed.

An icy streak left her fingertips resting on his arm, traversing its way maddeningly through her body.  It seemed so simple, just a mistake, she hadn't meant to not tell him… had she?  No, this wasn't about her, it was a simple, stupid mistake.  He should understand, not act like she'd lied.

"I think I'm just going to go," she mumbled, disappointment etched in her voice as she prayed that he would say just one word… don't.

Instead, her hand wrapped tightly around the door handle, pulling lightly to detach the lock, pushing against the heavy metal before letting her body slip out onto the pavement.  Standing on the sidewalk, she hesitated for a moment before firmly closing the door behind her.  All he had to do was follow her, just say he wasn't mad… was that so much to ask?

All hopes that the evening wasn't as bad as she thought were shattered as Michael put the vehicle in drive and roared away.  She turned to watch him depart, tears forming on her cheeks as she struggled to comprehend the source of his anger… or disappointment, confusion, fear…

She had no clue as to what brought on his attack, only that she suddenly felt violated.  Pressing a hand to her mouth, she hurried inside her apartment building, forgoing the elevator to take the stairs instead.  She hadn't pounded her way up this many steps since long before she'd conceived, such a strenuous exercise often too much on a normal day, let alone in her pregnant state, yet now, tonight, she craved the release of too much tension from her body.  Needed to feel the burn as her lungs, starved for air, cried out against her throbbing heart.

She made it three full flights before she collapsed on the landing.