Part 9
Acquiescence
Michael slammed his phone down on the counter as he popped open another beer; it was the second Budweiser in 10 minutes, the first going down somewhere close to the speed of a volcano erupting as he attempted to drown the sickening taste from his mouth. He'd just gotten off the phone with their new mutual 'friend' Jo, confirming what he'd figured out himself an hour ago, he was going to be a father. And not just a surrogate, my girlfriend's pregnant so I'll step up and do the right thing; but a real, honest, no 'sperm from another guy made my baby' Dad… and he'd acted like a complete asshole.
When he'd figured it out, his immediate reaction had been to deny; it just couldn't be real, right? Then he had asked Maria about how she got the sperm and her answers had all but confirmed what he suspected—he was the anonymous donor responsible for impregnating her. To say that his world had imploded upon itself was like saying that a nuclear bomb did a 'bit' of damage. Unfathomable was a good word to describe the evening, the extent of his emotional turmoil at the moment indescribable.
Being born into a family that had never given him the love a child deserved had instilled the need to have children of his own at an early age. When Kara suddenly surprised him with the fact that she didn't share his purpose, he'd known immediately that things weren't going to work between them. He told her he was willing to try, and even thought she had believed it for a short while, but in the end they both knew that his ability to give life to another was something precious to him; something he couldn't sacrifice even for the love of his wife.
The dream that had been his reason for living when his father took to using him as a punching bag all those years ago had been realized unknowingly through secretive donations to a woman he was never supposed to meet.
He was going to be a father… he thought he might throw up.
"Oh shit," he mumbled, pushing away from the wall as he lurched towards the sink. The remnants of his earlier dinner exploded onto the stainless steel, the shiny surface marred by the contents of his stomach. "Holy fuck," he gasped between retches, clutching the edge of the counter tightly to remain upright as he directed his anguish, along with his meal, towards the drain.
Coughing as the acidic taste flooded his mouth, he smiled grimly as he realized that even this substance couldn't remove the sickening shards of shame he had tried to erase with beer. He never should have reacted like he did; Maria had done nothing wrong, in fact she'd been totally honest about how she'd found her 'donation'; that he was her supposedly anonymous donor should have been a joyous discovery, not one to mark with his stubborn stupidity. This was good, right?
It was.
Steeling his body against the still rolling effects of his protesting stomach, Michael grabbed after the phone again. Pressing her memorized number rapidly, he took in a slow lungful of air, pathetically attempting to calm himself when he was about to reveal that their lives were changed forever. Surprisingly, there was no answer at her apartment but he shrugged it off as her probably soaking in a hot bath by now, the doubtless stress of their argument weighing heavily on her mind—or maybe she didn't care at all.
No, she cared, he knew she cared and if he wanted to show her that he did as well he had to get his ass over there as quickly as possible. Listening as the prerecorded message cut in to signal that she wasn't going to answer, he smiled as he breathed quickly and hurried to blurt out a satisfactory apology to her in the time allotted.
"Hey there, it's me. Listen… I need to apologize for tonight. I, uh… well I found something out and it kind of threw me, but I realize that I just should have told you. And I want to… tell you, but not now… I'll… I'm coming over, okay? Just stay there—soak, relax… think up a good rebuke to throw at me but know one thing… I love you. I think I loved you the moment I saw you, and I want this baby to be…"
"…ours," he finished, his voice fading as a loud beep from her machine cut him off. "Shit," he mumbled, running a frantic hand through his hair as he grabbed his jacket and keys from the floor where he'd tossed them and hurried out the door. Feeling impatiently in his pocket as he waited for the elevator, he smiled and said a silent prayer that after his confession she would accept his offer to make her a cup of tea.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The phone ringing in the darkened apartment woke Kyle with a start as Tess rolled over and reached across the bed for the receiver.
"M-ello," she mumbled, collapsing on her husband's chest as sleep immediately tried to reclaim her. 'What time is it?' her brain wondered lazily, her eyes blinking open to stare at the glaring red numbers displaying 11:59 PM.
"What the hell?" she murmured, realizing a moment too late that she had spoken into the phone receiver and that the person on the other end had already been talking. "You better not be selling a fucking vacuum," she added, pushing herself up against Kyle's chest as he groaned lightly.
"Is this the home of Kyle Valenti?" the voice on the other end asked monotonously.
"What… yes," she said, scrambling to her knees as the sudden urgency of the call broke through to her subconscious. "Why?"
"Maria Deluca was brought into our hospital a little while ago. Mr. Valenti is listed as her next of kin."
"Next of… why do you need?"
"She's been admitted ma'am. Could I speak with Mr. Valenti please?"
"This is Mrs. Valenti," Tess enunciated clearly. "You can tell me why my sister is in your hospital."
"She was taken up to Obstetrics, I'm afraid that's all I know."
"Shit," Tess mumbled. "Sorry," she offered quickly, pushing Kyle hard in the ribs to wake him as she asked for necessary information about the hospital.
"Kyle, wake up… Where?… Wake up!… Grace General?… It's Maria, get your ass out of bed… Okay, so Obstetrics?… I don't know, I'm trying to find out… And you don't know anything?… Did you not just hear me say she didn't know anything?… Okay, thanks. We'll be right there."
Hanging up, Tess wordlessly turned to her husband, all necessary information already relayed as they both vaulted off the bed.
A few minutes later, halfway across town, Michael was just pulling out of his parking lot when his cell phone rang shrilly and he smiled as he reached for it. "Hey you," he said warmly into the receiver, his face falling as he recognized the voice as not that of his girlfriend. Ten seconds later he had a new destination and was turning the Jeep around to race in that direction, the only thought careening through his brain that if he was too late, it was all his fault.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey, try to keep breathing, okay? I can't handle both of you in the hospital."
Kyle was pacing the tiny hallway outside Maria's hospital room while he waited for her doctor to speak with her inside. He smiled at Tess as she attempted to calm his fluttering nerves. "I can't, I just need to see her, you know? Make sure she's okay."
"I'm sure she's fine, the doctor said she was stabilized…"
"Well I want to know what happened to make her not stabilized!"
"I know, I'm sure they'll let us in soon."
"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, beginning his pacing again before he stopped suddenly. "Fuck, Guerin, we have to call him!"
"Already done, I did it while you were hopping around the room with one leg in your jeans looking for your keys… which were in your hand the whole time by the way."
"Okay, first… smart woman. Second, how can you joke around here? We don't even know if…"
"Because I can't think about the 'if'," Tess replied softly, hugging her arms to herself as she received a sheepish smile from her husband. Warm arms enveloped her as she let herself fall against his muscular body, feeling the fear running through him radiate into her. 'It is going to be okay,' she chanted silently. 'Everything is going to be okay.'
"Good news," a voice interrupted them suddenly. "Your sister is going to be okay."
"Oh God," Tess breathed softly, looking up as Maria's doctor stepped into the hallway.
"What happened?" Kyle asked quickly, turning to face the woman standing before them.
"She has preeclampsia, a fancy term for high blood pressure. Essentially the condition caused her to have severe stomach pains that felt like labor, but aren't… luckily."
"High blood pressure?" Kyle asked. "So that's not serious?"
"No, it's serious enough, just manageable," the doctor responded kindly. "We'll keep her here for a day or two, make sure that her pressure stays down, but it's going to be crucial that she take it easy for the rest of her pregnancy—complete bed rest."
"Okay," Kyle said numbly, blindly nodding his head in agreement.
"I'll come by and talk with her again tomorrow. Right now you can go in and see her, but keep it short."
Turning, the doctor walked away from them as Kyle pushed open the door to his sister's room with Tess following behind. Approaching the shadowed bed, he frowned when he saw how pale her face looked against the white pillow.
"Hey you," he whispered softly, laying his hand lightly on her arm as she blinked her eyes open to stare up at him.
Tears pooled against the shining emeralds peering back at him, her chin trembling as she fought to hold back the onslaught of emotions that threatened to break free.
"It's okay, it's okay," he murmured, lowering himself to sit by her side. "We're here now, it's all okay."
"The… it felt like I was losing…"
"We know sweetie," Tess said softly from her position standing behind Kyle. "But you didn't, you won't."
"But there was so… so much pain…"
Squeezing her eyes shut, Maria was unable to damn the tears that spilled over her cheeks. Shaking her head as sobs reached out to take control of her body, she felt Kyle's hand rub briskly up and down her arm and knew that she was pushing him closer to the edge himself. The baby brother that never cried was about to lose it, it must be bad.
"Hey," Tess said suddenly, stepping in front of the chair to take Kyle's place at Maria's side. She smiled as he moved away from the bed, swiping at his eyes out of sight in the darkness. "Your doctor said you just have to rest, that's easy right?"
Maria's eyes peeked open through the waterfalls cascading through them and stared up at Tess curiously.
"You always said that your dream was for someone to wait on you hand and foot," she teased.
"Tess, please," Kyle mumbled from somewhere behind her.
"It's okay, she knows I'm just teasing her, don't you?"
"Sure," Maria said quietly, smiling despite her best efforts as she squeezed Tess's hand appreciatively. "But somehow this is not quite how I pictured earning a dedicated servant."
"No, but still… silver lining and all that crap."
"You never change do you?"
"Would you really want me to?"
Sighing, Maria's smile widened for a moment before fading back into a contemplative frown. "Oh, Michael…" she murmured suddenly, remembering the fight they had had before all this happened.
"Relax, already called him, he should be here any minute."
"What? No, I don't want him here!" Maria exclaimed.
"Why?"
"It's… it's… I don't know, we had this stupid argument about where I got the sperm… he just freaked."
"He what?" Kyle exploded.
"Stop it!" Maria chastised quickly. "Not exactly freaked, but he was just… he just had so many questions and he seemed angry or something, like it suddenly made all the difference that I didn't pay for it."
"Why the hell should that matter?" Tess asked incredulously.
"I don't know," Maria responded sadly, lowering her eyes as her fingers played with the sheets nervously. "But I just can't see him… not now…"
"Okay, okay, I'll go find him. Talk to him or something," Tess offered.
"Thank you."
Leaning in to wrap her arms around Maria, she hugged the other girl tightly before turning away from the bed. Passing Kyle on her way out of the room, she smiled as she heard his whispered instruction to her.
"Don't let him in here, and if he argues with you, tell him that it really will be me killing him this time."
She could only shake her head as she witnessed the same display of territory claiming that Kyle always tried with her. Was he ever going to learn that his big sister could handle things herself?
'Probably not,' Tess mused, stepping into the hallway just as a frantic Michael came barreling around the corner.
"Whoa!" she exclaimed, holding up her hands to stop him. Shooting a cursory glance over his slightly unexpected appearance, she took in the black dress pants highlighting the best features of his lower body, accented by his deep blue dress shirt with open collar that revealed enough of his smooth chest to send her mind racing to places it didn't belong.
"Hold up GQ," she said quickly. Clearing her throat, she shook her head to bring herself back on track and stepped in front of the door she had just exited to block a quick entrance by him. "Can't go in yet."
"What? Why? Where is she? What happened?"
"16 questions left—keep shooting."
"What?" Michael cried in frustration.
"Relax!" Tess said loudly. 'Okay, so humor not the way to go,' she concluded. "She's going to be fine. Kyle's talking with her now, we've just got to wait for a sec, cool?"
Looking helplessly at the closed door, Michael stepped back before whirling to pace up the hallway and back again quickly. "A sec?" he asked. "Can he make it any quicker?"
"Look, sit down, okay?" Tess asked quietly, sensing that she needed to calm him before she could talk any sense into his racing brain. "Just take a couple of those cleansing breaths they teach in yoga and chill."
"How the hell would I know about yoga?" Michael muttered, taking a seat where she indicated across the hallway.
"Jesus, I don't know, chocolate lattes to drink… I thought you were into all that new age crap," she replied, seeing immediately that he didn't want her to say one more word if it didn't involve his injured girlfriend. "Okay, okay, no more jokes, but she is fine, trust me. She collapsed at her apartment and…" Tess started, taking a seat by his side as she watched his face pale a few thousand shades. "Whoa, she's fine. It's high-blood pressure, serious enough but we can deal with it."
"God," he muttered, running his hand across his eyes. "So she's… she's okay?"
"Yes, fine is another word for okay you know."
Glaring at the blonde, Michael ignored her teasing attempts and continued on his quest for information. "What about our… what about the baby?"
"Her baby is also fine…" Tess said slowly, staring at the instant blush that crept across his cheeks at his little slip-up.
"Thank God."
"Michael," she asked pointedly.
"Don't…"
"No way, Maria said you fought over sperm, I have a feeling it wasn't the cost that was the issue?"
"Drop it. I've just got to see her."
"Well right now she's only letting a select few visitors in the room and sorry, you didn't make the cut," Tess said coldly, slamming her back against the chair as she folded her arms across her chest firmly.
"Shit, Tess… you've got to help me."
"Sure," she replied lightly, waving her hand in the air nonchalantly. "I mean I am your best friend, right?"
"No, but you are Maria's and trust me when I say she needs to hear this."
"Hear what big man? As of this moment I am appointing myself guardian of all things Maria-worthy. You either tell me or you don't get in, don't say I didn't give you a choice."
"Fuck!" Michael cried, standing from his chair. "Do you have any idea how annoying you can be?"
"Oh yeah, Kyle tells me all the time," she replied dryly.
Setting his jaw stubbornly, Michael stared at the defiant woman still sitting casually in the chair while he felt the slight control he held on his world crumble around him. Defeated, he sighed heavily, and stepped forward to stand as menacingly as possible over her. "Fine, you want to know, I'll tell you, but just so we're clear, I'm only doing it so Maria doesn't kick my ass later, if I wanted to I could just walk in there right now."
"Uh-huh, sure… and that's why you're still standing here, right?"
"Just…" he growled, clenching his fists by his side as she pushed his every button just as good as Maria did. Taking a deep breath, he blurted quickly, "I'm the father of Maria's baby. Now, will you let me in the room?"
"No shit Sherlock," Tess cried, leaping to her feet to throw her arms around Michael's neck. "Holy fuck!"
"Tess," he whispered loudly, fighting to detach her from his body. "We're in a hospital, Jesus!"
"Oh, sorry," she said, blushing as she lowered herself to the ground. "But man!" she continued, just as loudly as before, this time hitting him on the shoulder as he visibly winced from the blow. "How… hey yeah, wait a second… how?"
"I donated, she received… Maria introduced me to the woman that helped her tonight, it was the same one that helped me."
"Okay, but there could have been other women…"
"I called her—there weren't."
"Oh God, so you really are the Daddy?"
"Looks like."
"No shit…"
"Yeah," he echoed. "No shit."
"Oh God, Michael… I'm so sorry, I've been keeping you out here and you've got so much to talk to her about, I have to go, I have to tell her…"
"Ah, I think…"
"Not that that, tell her you're here. Be right back, kay?" she said quickly, leaning in to give him a quick hug as she skipped lightly towards the door. Looking back, she added, "Oh, and be prepared to duck if Kyle comes charging out."
"Don't you mean jump?" Michael smirked.
Tess fought to suppress a smile as she walked back into the shaded room. Moving quietly towards the bed, she felt relief wash over her when she saw Maria smiling lightly as Kyle regaled her with some forgotten story of their childhood together.
"Well it's nice to see a smile," she observed, laying one hand on Kyle's shoulder while she reached out for Maria's leg with the other.
"Apparently your husband thinks it was 'me' that told off the old woman across the street when we knocked all the shoveled snow back onto her sidewalk. I distinctly remember a certain finger of his extending in her direction."
"Oh come on, it was so you!" Kyle protested.
"Who does it sound more like, me or you?" Maria asked sternly, smiling when she saw defeat register on his face. "I rest my case."
"Women…" Kyle muttered, standing to step away from the bed.
Tess smacked him across the back of the head lightly as he stood, winking at Maria as she took the seat he had vacated. "So, not to spoil the mood, but…"
"Oh," Maria breathed quickly.
"Yep, he's here," Tess confirmed. "And I think you need to talk to him."
"Yeah…"
"Absolutely not!"
"Kyle!" Tess exclaimed, turning to shoot daggers across the room towards her partner.
"What? No, I don't care. You and Cro-Magnon out there had some sort of fight and you ended up in the hospital. You are not seeing him again."
Tess clamped her lips together as she sat back in her chair and watched Maria's ire bubble towards the surface. It was perfect, get Kyle to tell her she couldn't do something and a minute later she was off and running—worked like a charm every time.
"Tess, please go ask my boyfriend to come in… and take your husband with you when you leave."
"Maria…"
"Come on baby bro," Tess said, standing from her chair. "Let's get out of here before she disowns you completely."
Smiling back at Maria, Tess pushed Kyle ahead of her out the door, frowning as soon as she turned around to hear the guttural growl emanating from his throat. "Grow up!" she warned, pushing him harder to move him away from the door as she waved Michael inside. "Give it your best shot playboy."
Swallowing heavily, Michael ignored the death-laden glare Kyle directed towards him and stepped into the shadows cloaking the hospital room. Faltering as he turned towards the bed, he took a deep breath and began the slow trip across the expanse separating him from single life and imminent fatherhood.
"How… how are you…" he stammered.
"I'm fine, I…" Maria started, her face contorting as she let her eyes rise up to meet his and suddenly felt the fragile walls she had constructed crumbling around her. "Oh God…" she sobbed softly. "I was so scared."
"Shh, it's okay, it's okay," he hurried, lowering himself into the vacant chair as he reached out for her hand. "Tess said you're going to be fine, the baby too, it'll be okay."
"But I… I've got to have complete bed rest, no cleaning, cooking, walking! And even if I'm really, really good…"
"Stop it," he whispered softly. "Don't beat yourself up over this, if it's anyone's fault it's mine."
"Michael…"
"No, listen. I… I was a jerk earlier. I shouldn't have said half… no anything that I did. I just made you upset and…"
"It wasn't being upset, or stress, or even running up the stairs…"
"You ran up the stairs?"
"Not the point," she said, changing the subject away from her own stupid act of the evening. "It's just high-blood pressure. Nothing I could have prevented, just something I need to be really careful about now. Something that could cause this again if I'm not."
"Well, we're not going to let that happen. As soon as they let you out, I'm taking you back to my place. I can get someone to cover my shifts, and maybe Tess or Liz can come by when I need to go in to do payroll, I can hook up the Internet in the bedroom so you can stay connected, books aren't a problem…"
Maria stared at the man she loved as his eyes focused off in the distance and he planned the next few months of their life together. "Hey in there," she said lightly, waving her hand in front of his eyes. "Maybe we could check with me before we go planning where I'm going to sleep next week?"
"But you… well I just thought…" he mumbled.
Sighing, she frowned deeply as she pulled the sheets closer around her swollen abdomen. "Two hours ago you wouldn't even come up to my apartment, now you want me to move in…"
"Yeah… about that," he murmured quietly.
Looking at him curiously, Maria watched as he inhaled a deep breath and averted his eyes from hers.
"There's something about that… something I've got to tell you."
She didn't respond, instead clasping her hands tight together on her belly, her fingers pressing deeply into the boney skin of her hands as she waited for him to drop whatever bomb he was carrying.
"Tonight wasn't exactly the first time I met Jo."
"Jo?" she asked surprised. "What does she have to do with it?"
"Well, she and I sort of know each other."
"Okay…"
"Maria," he said, sighing as he fumbled with words he never imagined himself saying. "You know I always wanted kids, right?"
"Of course."
"Well, last year I finally decided that if I wasn't going to have them myself, I could at least help someone else."
Silence separated the pair as Maria's brain raced to comprehend what he was saying and Michael simultaneously searched her eyes for understanding.
"I donated…" he finally added, hoping he had given her enough information to piece together his cryptic puzzle.
"Oh," she said loudly, smiling as she reached out for his hand. "You were a sperm donor? I think that's great!"
"You do…" he said slowly, continuing to seek out her knowledge of the truth in her reaction—nothing, she still hadn't figured it out; she thought he was just that—a sperm donor. "Babe, I didn't go to a sperm bank… I used the center."
"The center…"
"Where I met Jo."
"Oh," she replied, suddenly getting that he had donated at the same Community Center she had used. "But… but what…"
Her hand was still clutching his tightly against the sheets and now he raised his other hand to place atop the pile, caressing her wrist lightly with his thumb as he pushed her onward towards understanding.
"Jo was the woman that picked up my sperm… and delivered it to you."
Her face fell immediately as she cried softly, "No…"
Michael felt his heart solidify as he watched her work through the emotions raging throughout her weakened body. Every step from pure misunderstanding to complete denial, confused questioning, slight acceptance, immature joy… did he really see joy there?
"Michael… I don't… that can't be true… it…"
'How?' her brain screamed, her mental voice reverberating throughout the hollow shell she suddenly found her spirit inhabiting. How was it possible that the supposed to remain anonymous stranger she had accepted as her donor turned out to be the very man she fell in love with. It just wasn't happening, it just couldn't… this was the stuff they wrote books about, not real life…
As the silence dragged on between them, Michael felt small slivers of his frozen heart break free, catapulting into the dark void where his soul lay dying. It wasn't the joyful surprise he had hoped for; she wanted this baby for herself, she had decided to do it by herself, maybe she really didn't want to know who the father was… even if it was the man she purported to love.
"Maria you don't…"
"Shh," she whispered, shaking her head as the tears glistening in her eyes fell slowly onto her cheeks. "If this is true…" she whispered breathlessly.
Holding his breath as she raised her tear streaked face to his, he realized that his body was on the verge of dying as he awaited her next words.
Reaching out to him, she pressed her hand flat against his cheek, feeling him lean just slightly into the gesture. "You… you're going to be a Dad," she whispered, letting her own tears fall free as Michael let the damn he'd been repressing burst forward.
Lowering his head to rest atop the tangle of their hands on the bed, he let her continue to soothe him as great sobs wracked his body and he cried for the new baby they had just accepted as theirs.
