At school on Monday, Kate walked through the hallways with assumed pride and poise. However, her entire body was laden with shame and guilt for the way she'd acted and the things she'd done on Friday night. Willingly giving herself up like she always did. Succumbing to anything offered to her. Still, for a few moments she had felt beautiful. Or, at least, wanted. Needed. Loved, somehow.
The thing that heaped on her the heaviest amounts of shame were the looks from passing students. They smiled sweetly- everyone trying to get in good with "Miss Popularity", but Kate saw their true feelings in their eyes. Some of them actually had self respect, and seemed to be chastising Kate in their minds- completely oblivious to her reasons, the same reasons even Kate herself could not figure out. Others, looked on with apprehension. Wondering, if they had to do those things to become popular. If it was worth it. If it might even be fun. Still others, simply thought nothing of it, because they were just like Kate. Yet none of the girls in these categories seemed to mind so much that they were selling their souls so willingly.
Babbling uncontrollably, Kate's regular group of cheerleaders and other popular girls came running up to her, swapping stories about Friday night, wondering why Kate hadn't made it to the Roxy on Saturday. Letting the sounds around her drown themselves out, Kate zoned out while meaningless answers sputtered from her lips. This world she lived in didn't even require her full attention. Kate wondered where exactly it was she lost herself.

After cheerleading practice that day, a bunch of the girls were going out and Kate went along. They decided to go to the mall for a quick shopping spree. Giggling and jumping along through the mall, pointing out the clothes they wanted, running into stores to try on the latest fashions, the girls were an unstoppable mob of the perfection of teenage puberty. Eventually, after a few hours of buying clothes and jewlery with daddy's credit card, they all stopped in at the food court. Each of the girls picked out their favourite foods and grabbed some lunch.
"Oh my gawd, Casey, how do you eat McDonald's and still stay so skinny?" Claire spouted out, in an almost offended voice.
"Oh, it's my genes," she replied. "I have a really fast metabolism."
"Well, I just don't have that fast of a metabolism, but I exercise a lot," another girl said, taking her tray, filled with a Big Mac, french fries, an ice cream sundae and a large diet coke.
Claire rolled her eyes and said, "I'll stick with a salad, thanks. What are you gettin' Kate?"
A few girls turned their heads toward Kate waiting to see what she would order. Kate looked down uncomfortably. She hadn't eaten anything in three days and she was afraid to eat now. Afraid to get any heavier. Her mother would never approve if she gained anymore weight. Still, Kate didn't want the other girls to think she was weird. "I'm not really hungry."
"Kate! We were at practice for like, four hours. And I didn't see you eat lunch. You must want something!"
"No, really," Kate said, hoping Claire would drop the subject. "I'm fine."
"Are you absolutely sure?" Jessica said. "Here, have a french fry. Maybe you just need to know what you're missing."
Kate forced a smile and took the french fry. As she popped it into her mouth, her stomach churned excitedly and her taste buds locked on to each particle. Will power now draining away, Kate ordered a chicken caesar salad and some french fries. The food was amazingly delicious. She felt like a normal teenager for a moment. Eating with her peers at the mall after cheerleading practice and a good few hours of shopping. However, soon, the same rush of fear and anxiety rushed through her body. Kate began feeling the weight she could gain from just one french fry. What would a whole carton do? Still, she tried to keep her composure and kept smiling and giggling with the rest.
After about ten minutes, when she'd finished eating, Kate said, "Hey, I'll be right back. I have to go to the restroom."
"Okay," one of the girls said with a smile.
Kate rushed off to the public restrooms at the end of the food court. She didn't exactly know what she was doing. Flinging open the bathroom door, she found a stall at the end of the row. Standing there for a moment, the door still partially opened, she thought about why she had gone in there. What idea had crept into her brain, telling her to run to the bathroom. Quickly, she locked the door to the bathroom stall and got down on her knees. A tear escaped her eye, softly rolling down her cheek as the cold reality of what she was doing began to sink in. The tears multiplied, as she drew two fingers up to her lips. Opening her mouth, feeling guilty and disgusting, she stuck her manicured fingernails down the back of her throat. A large cough ejected from her throat, but nothing else. She wondered where she'd gone wrong. She had assumed this would be easier. The tears were soon replaced with frustration, yet the guilt stuck around. Again, she tried, this time keeping her fingers there as she coughed. It finally worked and she left the stall, walking slowly out to the sinks. Kate washed her hands and washed out her mouth and tried her best to regain composure as she walked out to the food court to be with the rest of her group.