Ginny woke up that the night completely numb. She could not find the strength to even sit up. Her heart raced fast as she struggled to breath. Sweet air came to her only in raspy and short breaths. It burned her chest to even try to take a breath slightly deeper breath than the last, only to find the next wasn't any different. The only thing that frightened her more than not being able to catch her breath was the dreams. No, not dreams. They were far too real to be dreams. She could feel it. The tension, the touch, everything that is supposed to be able to tell her that it was a dream, lacked in existence. She had felt as if she had completely left her body. Just left it. Not knowing if a return was possible. Floating...she remembered floating. But it hurt to remember.
Concentrate...if anything just try. She repeated this in her mind. Just remember, whatever he didn't want her to. There was something happening to her. She knew there was something he didn't want her to remember about her being where she had been. Where he had drawn her, and then let her go so mercilessly. As if dropped from the sky.
"Tom..." finally, she had managed to find words within her breath. But nonetheless, the words were of mistrust.
"Tom...what are doing, wh...what have you done? Pl...please...don't. Le...leave me be. I c..can't hurt anybody anymore. I, I can't. What a...are you doing?"
Silence, complete and utter silence. It made hr nervous. It made her angry. Her couldn't even tell her why he was trying to call to her again. Out of everyone in the world, everyone that could actually be of good use to him, he called for her. Was it because she was weaker, because she hadn't known when she first encountered him with the diary, because she would be the easiest to manipulate? Her thoughts became twisted. Desperate, she called him name, with barely a whimper in her voice. Begging for him to answer, just to give her a little bit of clarity.
Then it came. But not as she had thought it would. It startled her, she shook slightly, letting fear take control of her willingly; not knowing that was exactly what he had wanted, and above all needed.
You let me into your soul so willingly, young one. How could I ever find it in my heart not to do the same for you?
The voice sent a chill down her voice. She knew it well. Not even having ever heard it before. Only through writing had she ever truly heard that voice. When she was in the chamber, she was far from gone to be able to hear his voice. But she did know it. She had heard it thousands of times in the back of her mind during her first year, and wandering her imagination during the following years; haunting her, but comforting her at the same time. It had been too much of the same thing. She knew the true Tom, the kind one. The one that gave her confidence, and told her everything would turn out for the best and that one-day she truly would shine through. She wanted nothing more than to hear those words from Tom. Only because he was the first to make her feel like she was more than she ever thought see could be. He was her first friend at all. She found something that pure hard to let go. Perhaps this was what scared her. Because she knew in the back of her mind, behind it all, that it was truly evil telling her this; and that that could only lead to a dark place. A place she had been seeing only in her dreams.
She felt it again, he was calming her. She could almost feel her breath coming smoothly again. But then realized who was helping her breath...helping her gain control. She tried to fight him off, tried to get him out her. But with that action, only came pain. As she struggled and succeeded to gain her senses back to her own soul and not open to his she felt all the pain that she had had wandering back with a cold dread.
A whisper came in her mind, no louder than the light breeze outside her dark window.
Don't fight me off Ginny. I'm only trying helping you. I can help the pain cease.
She finally was not able to struggle anymore, she felt herself letting go. Unwillingly, her body allowed Tom's back in. She felt the pain in her back leave. It felt as if a soothing breeze had come in wiped to away starting from her neck and gliding down her back. She welcomed the wind. Her breath became smooth the same way as did her back had. Slowly, ever so slowly, air confronted her lungs. She had not known how much she would miss her breath. But recognized the feeling. She had had this feeling of relief once before when she was in the chamber after Harry had rescued her. But Harry was not the one to bring this soothing air to her this time. For a single blind second she felt gratitude towards Tom for breaking away the pain. But quickly wiped that thought from her mind when remembering who was truly helping the pain. She couldn't even speak that name in her mind. It frightened her. Just the sound of it made her feel uneasy.
The voice, the caring voice sought her mind again.
Don't be afraid of me Ginny. I am only here to try to help you. I know how much pain you have gone through; and how it feels to know that no one gives you a second thought. To be asked if there is anything wrong, and hating yourself for being able to hide the truth so well. I have seen the truth inside you Ginny. I know how much you yearn for that second glance not yet given. Why won't you accept it from me?
The question rang in her mind. His words were so soothing. Had they entranced her? No, she felt the innocence in his words. She wanted to answer, telling him she wanted to accept it from him more than anyone. That is the connection between first friends. She thought this, knowing how right it sounded. With that she no longer felt the need to question him any longer. Tom...her handsome, kind, and generous Tom wanted to help her, and she knew what from.
With that thought, she need not answer Tom. He could feel her withdrawal of all strength against him. He soaked into her soul, allowing her to sink in to his for comfort. Everything was as perfect as it ever had been. Or was he only making her feel that it was. She couldn't tell if there was truth in the way she felt or if it was pure ecstasy.
"Tom, why do you want to help me? What are you trying to do?"
I simply want back what I thought we once had.
"But why, w-why now? After what you did to me. Y-you can't possibly know what pain you caused me. And to Harry! W-what of him? Are you after him again?" At her cold words she felt her body tense. Although, she was able to tell it was Tom's tension, not her own.
Why can't you accept the way things are, and the way things will always be? You are constantly trying to grab hold of the hands that are holding you down, pushing you away, and turning away from you in disgust! I truly want to be there with you now more than ever and you question me! Ginny, what has happened to you!
"Far too much! I don't expect ANYBODY to understand."
She attempted to sit up and force him from her mind. She felt the urge to scream but came to find that only a faint cry could be heard as a tear ran down her cheek. She felt someone wipe away her tear. It was then that she realized that someone else was in the room with her, none other than Tom himself. He was on one knee before her, and he looked just the same as she remembered before she passed out in the chamber. In a moment of shock she started to ease herself backward, trying to get away from him, but he grabbed her shoulder.
"Whenever you need me near you Ginny Weasley, I am here for you. All you have to do is call for me. No longer will I have to be only here for you when you dream, but whenever you choose for me to be. What would make you want to push such an offer away? A friend away, one that wants nothing more than to be there and help you."
"I don't know if I need help. I-I...don't know how to accept you back in. I truthfully don't think I could let anybody in."
"You let me in once before so willingly, why the change of heart?" he said as he gently caressed her cheek. Ginny began to tremble as she reached for his hand to take it away, but found herself not able to one she felt the touch of his skin. She could feel his breath colliding with hers.
"Why have you come back to me when you know that I have had such a change of heart? What do you plan to gain?"
She couldn't feel her body any longer. She was almost certain she was falling into a deep sleep. With a crack of her eyes open, she saw her room turn black. All she was able to do was feel. All she was able to feel was Tom's lips caress hers gently. She knew it was wrong. She knew that he had come back for a reason. But even so, she knew that he was right. He was the only person who could help her. As she lay there, unaware of what was happening around her, all she felt was the comfort Tom was sending through to her. The comfort she had been longing to feel for the past three years. She had missed it with every breath. But as her eyes began to flutter open from the light of the morning sun, and as she wondered if it had once again been a dream, she knew it couldn't have been. She felt ashamed in remembering the truth in his words. As she lye awake on her staring at her scared wrists, she knew she had accepted him back into her heart. A heart that was rarely open to anyone anymore had been pried through. She fought the urge to cut herself again before her family awoke. When she had done it before, she knew that doing so would feel like torture to others, but for her, it felt like relief. The feeling felt like she was releasing Tom free from her. Where he could not return. Freeing her blood was the only way for her to bring peace to herself. She was freeing her soul. It had felt trapped. Tom was trapping her soul. Her only hope was that she would be able to free herself completely before Tom was able to regain her trust entirely within her dreams. As she sit on her chair in the kitchen rewrapping her wrists with new bandages to replace the blood stained ones listening to her family stir upstairs, she thought to herself, was it too late, what exactly would it mean for her to free herself completely of Tom?
