"Whas in dis, tom" asked a highly intoxicated Harry.

            "Oh, many differen' potions. Cheerin' charms, some static charms, some dynamic charms?"

            "Why's that?" Asked Harry again.

            "Well, the more conflictin' potions there is, the more messed up yeh get." Harry put the glass down and stared at a point four feet to the left of the bartender.

            "Hell yes" Harry mumbled. "Lemme geh another…"

            "Why don' yeh finish the one yeh have thar, firs'?"

            "Because……I nee' anothe' one." Tom reached into a hidden cabinet under the liquor shelves and produce a bottle of the most disgusting looking fluid known to mankind. He produced another glass and filled it halfway.

            "Mow." Harry said. Tom stopped to try to decipher it. "More, more." Tom sighed and filled the glass to the brim. Harry tilted his head back and finished the first glass, and without hesitation chugged the second. Tom, from experience gave Harry eight seconds. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Harry's head was wresting on his arm as his arm lay on the table. He was asleep-"

            "Yeh know who's real a bloody bastar'? Voldemort." Tom dropped the glass he'd been holding. It's shattering was unnoticed by Harry. Instead Harry focused, as much as he could, on a very pretty bottle of golden yellow fluid. Tom watched as the bottle hovered over to Harry, and seemed to set itself on an invisible shelf in front of his face. "Ouí, ouí. Dam' french. Didn'' kill him when they ha' da chance." The bottle, which just happened to have a French beverage in it, suddenly exploded, but no glass pieces or liquid ever made it to any surface in the pub. Harry had told Tom what to do if he become "overly reckless."

            Tom led a mumbling Harry out to the fountain and made Harry's hand place a few sickles into he orb. A light flashed and a glowing print was on the tip of Harry's finger. As the orb began to flash Tom held Harry's finger against the orb. Harry never stopped chatting about anything and everything. He was supposed to be knocked out. After a minute of potions, Voldemorts, and Hermiones, Harry finally disappeared into the night.

/\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/

            He was wasted more than he knew was possible. Everything was swirling with neon colors, and voices seemed distant and inconsistent. He staggered for what seemed like and eternity before looking around. Behind him was the three Broomsticks. He had left there a while ago. He reached out his hand and he touched the building. Maybe he hadn't left there so long ago. He took a countless number of steps, also known as three, and stumbled to a knee.

            He was finally part of the group. He had it on him forever. And he had participated in his first mission. He was a success. Well on his way to a position of powerful slavery. And he was enjoying it. He supposed he had a little to much to drink. I mean, the little green fish just ate the statue to his left, that had to mean something. He took another step and bumped into something before falling down. Just before someone fell on top of him. The person rolled off and stood up. He seemed to be moving very quickly. The person turn to face him, and there was no mistaking the face hovering over him, even if the purple rabbit was sitting on the person's nose.

/\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/

            "Pot- Pot- Potter!" The blonde haired boy said with drunken disgust. He drew his wand and pointed it straight up in the air. A bunch a green sparks were ignited in the air. The bright light shocked Harry and he jumped backwards, falling onto the soft grass. Malfoy stood up and started mumbling so many sounds that he only got sparks and toothpaste to come out of his wand. Harry crawled crookedly to the nearest building and started firing sparks back. He actually was able to conjure a disarming spell, which hit an animated stone sculpture of a man wielding a short dagger. The dagger flew from the sculpture, and smashed to pieces next to Harry's head. Forgetting that he had sent the spell, Harry began charging the sculpture, still crawling on his hands and knees. He was shouting things that only the goblins would understand.

The sculpture charged Harry while Malfoy started swinging at a flower-basket which was swinging over his head. He had deemed it a threat and was defending himself against the tulips it contained.

The sculpture, realizing Harry was intoxicated to the brim, realized he was no match for such strength in insanity, and ran away. Harry saw Draco attacking what appeared to be a hovering plate, and charged. He ran into Draco, but instead of tackling him, they started running alongside each other. Harry tripped on his own feet and fell. Draco kept running while laughing until he tripped on the low wall of the fountain and fell in. Harry crawled to the edge of the fountain and started groaning at Malfoy, while Malfoy grabbed onto the stone center of the fountain for dear life. His clothes were saturated so he panicked, thinking that the water was attacking him, and he discarded one article of clothing at a time.

Harry had to get to Malfoy, to pound him into a bloody Mary.  He needed a way to get across the pond. He crawled in circles for a few minutes until he realized that he would have to cross it. The eight inch deep water was deeper than he could handle, so he tried to throw a rope across, to tow Draco's boat in. But the ropes disappeared somewhere near Draco on the fountain. Draco started screaming and kicking the water. A large splash hit Harry and he dove to the ground fighting to breath from the water that covered his face. Finally, as exhaustion and the potions took over his brain he passed out face down on the dirt path.

/\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/ /\/

            The pain was enormous. He had never had such a bad headache. He knew something terrible had happened, but whatever he did it must have worked, because he couldn't remember a thing. The constant clicking noise was beginning to annoy him. He began to open his eyes. Big mistake there. The light was too much to take. He didn't feel like he slept in his bed. The air was cooler than his room should be. Slowly he opened his eyes to a tremendous number of flashes from cameras. So that was the clicking noise. He saw that there were only a small group of people around him compared to the dozens who encircled the fountain. After two tries Harry made it to his feet and tried to find the spectacle. He saw Malfoy with his hands tied behind his back and around the fountain.

            He started laughing, and he couldn't stop. The cameras were once again focused on him, but he didn't care for once. It was just too funny. It was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. This morning would live forever as the funniest morning he would ever experience. It was like Christmas, his birthday, and Fred and George all rolled into one. The best part about Draco Malfoy being tied up on the fountain, was that he was absolutely, one hundred percent, buck, naked. That, and he made very good impression of a snail with salt on it; all shriveled up. Harry just couldn't hold it in. It brought tears to his eyes. He grabbed a magical camera from the nearest person and snapped the picture. Not a moment too soon.

            Draco began to stir, and once his eyes opened, he screamed. It was the kind of shriek no one wants to let out, but everyone wants to hear. He broke through the weak ropes securing him to the fountain and covered himself up, falling into the water. Harry had to take another picture. He was screaming as he pulled his clothes from the bottom of the pool of water and made his best attempt to conceal his…insecurity. Harry wondered if he had inherited it from Lucius. Lucius. He would surely put an end to this.

Harry extracted the two pictures he had taken from the camera. He had no time to admire his work. He pocketed the pictures and made his getaway, jogging to get as far away as possible. He had barely made it passed the iron gates of Hogwarts when a blue hued hemisphere engulfed the entire downtown of Hogsmeade. The pictures would all be destroyed. All but his.

His headache returned in full force, but it wouldn't destroy his mood. He had a favor to call in from someone in the media.

Harry arrived at the castle, and went straight to his room. He had to do this. It would rival anything Fred and George had ever done. This would immortalize him. It would be immoral not to do it. He made a dozen copies of each picture, and sent them out to the most popular Wizarding publications he could think of. He framed two of each, and put them aside. Feeling rejuvenated, he quickly and methodically finished copying everything he needed. He sprinted up to the Owlry with one of each picture. He scribbled on the parchment he was carrying "Lucius Malfoy." He picked the largest house owl and attached the "gifts" before chuckling the entire way to the Gryffindor Common room.

He arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait and tapped on it not too nicely to awake her.

"I would like to enter." He sounded cheerfully intimidating.

"Password?" He shrugged. "You'll have to wait then" she said in a snobby way. He had paid attention during all those nights with Voldemort. There was a way to get by her. They had stopped discussing it when he never showed up at Hogwarts. He supposed they no longer had a need to get into the Gryffindor Common room.

Harry stood on his toes and place the tip of his wand at the keystone of the arch behind her. He whispered a word softly. The keystone disappeared and the arch bent inward to make up for the missing piece. He saw the Fat Lady wince in pain, before a loud pop sent her picture swinging open at an extraordinary speed. Harry stepped inside to revel in the emptiness of the common room. He hadn't been here in a while. It must have been a Sunday. No one was awake and it was already ten o'clock. He went up the stairs and opened the door to a dormitory. He searched for the bed which had Ron's things all over it. When he didn't see it, he checked the door. A brass 4 was posted there. He was in the right place. Crap, no. Ron was a fifth year. He should have been a fifth year. It must have been a reflex. He closed the door and went up he seven more steps to the Fifth year dormitory.

He immediately found Ron's bed. Not bothering to try to wake him, he grabbed all of the sheets and pulled until Ron hit the ground with a hard thump.

"Wha- who the bloody hell do you think you are?" He groaned while he sat up nursing his elbow.

"Be down in the common room in five minutes. It's life threateningly important." Harry didn't even look for a reaction. He ran down to the common room, and up to the girls fifth year dormitory. He suddenly realized he'd never been in the girl's dormitories before. No matter. This was too important. He entered and heard a gasp. No shriek. That was good. He turned to see Parvati wrapped only in a towel, her hair wet from a shower.

"Hermione." It was all he needed to say. Parvati pointed towards one of the beds. Harry opened the curtains to see her. She looked so peaceful. Her head rested comfortably on one pillow, while her leg and arm were wrapped possessively around another. He all of a sudden didn't want to wake her. He knew he would regret it if he didn't in the long run. He took a spray-bottle which appeared to have water on it and tested it on his skin. It was water. He placed it ten inches from her face and squeezed lightly, so only a fine mist actually got there. She moaned and rolled over. He did it again.

"Lavender, if you do that one more time, I will slap you." Hermione groaned.

"She's asleep" Harry said. He supposed he expected this. Her eyes popped open and she sat up after little struggle. Only after she saw Harry examining her did she lift her sheets to cover herself and her thin nightie.

"What are you doing in here? You could be expelled!" She had totally forgotten to be angry at him.

"Now that would be interesting. They'd really have to bend the rules to get that one through. Get to the common room as quickly as possible. It's important." He turned to walk away.

"Wait, all I need to do is get into my bathrobe. Can you pass it to me, it's right over there." Harry lifted the sky blue robe and handed it to her. He wasn't trying to make her uncomfortable, so he turned to leave. As he neared the exit he waved to Parvati who was still in her towel. Overcome with excitement Parvati let go of the towel and waved back. As Harry exited the towel hit the floor. He popped his head back in to take a short look before smiling and sprinting to the common room, where Ron was waiting. They sat in silence for the eternity of forty seconds until Hermione arrived. He had her sit on a sofa with Ron.

"Alright. I need a few answers. What was the funniest thing you can associate with Draco Malfoy?" Harry began.

"Ferret" said Hermione sleepily. Ron nodded in agreement.

"Good. Now what is the funniest thing you have even seen?" Harry asked.

"Ferret" said Hermione.

"When Fred blew himself out of the window and couldn't get out of the apple tree" said Ron, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth.

"What I have for both of you, is quite possibly the funniest thing ever." Hermione sighed and looked out the nearest window. Ron's eyes opened just a little bit more. Harry withdrew two frames from his robes pocket, and handed one to Ron and one to Hermione. Ron's ears went red and he burst out laughing. Hermione looked violated.

"When did this happen?" She inquired.

"This morning, in Hogsmeade." He guessed her next question. "He was intoxicated." She nodded understandingly.

"Is he really, that…" Hermione began. Ron looked over at Hermione's picture.

"Oh my god, HE'S TINY!" Ron exclaimed.

"I know. Hang on to them, they'll be worth a lot someday" Harry said.

"I don't want this. It's revolting." Said Hermione.

"Here, take mine, I'll take this one. It's less hideous. Seamus has to see this. Everyone has to see this. Hell, this one belongs up there next to Godric" Ron nodded towards the large portrait of Godric Gryffindor hanging over the mantelpiece. He stood up briskly and scaled the steps up into the boy's dormitories.

Harry and Hermione were left in an uncomfortable silence. Her eyes were glancing over the picture she had been given, but Harry could tell from her eyes that she wasn't really looking at it.

"You don't like it?" he asked, not at all letting anything resembling disappointment linger in his voice.

"No, I thinks it's funny. I'm just…tired, Harry. It's too early in the morning for jokes and pr-." Harry dashed over and covered her mouth. She became quiet very suddenly.

"What's it too early in the morning for?" Asked Fred as he and George appeared, wide grins on their faces. She realize what he had just gotten her out of.

"Nothing" she said as flatly as she could.

"Harry, brilliant shot. We have plans for copies. I think one life-sized one would look nice on the ceiling of the Great Hall" sniggered George. Once again, the Weasley twins would set the standard.

"Well, were off to make copies. Bye everyone." They started to whisper amongst themselves and left through the portrait. When it wouldn't close, and the Fat Lady started shrieking, both Weasley's fled, and laughing echoed through the hallway. Harry turned back to Hermione. He caught her staring at his scar. She reached up and traced it lightly with one finger. He closed his eyes, feeling a tingling sensation, mixed with a dull ache as the sensitive area, raped nightly with pain, was caressed by her finger.

"Wouldn't life be so much easier if you never had this." It wasn't a question. "This little thing has put you through so much, and for what?" He voice was barely a whisper. He opened his eyes and saw the kindness and focus he hadn't seen in her eyes since…the year prior.

"I have to go." He said, matching her whisper. He didn't know why, but it felt better to whisper. She slowly withdrew her hand from his forehead, and looked into the fire.

"Are you coming back?" She asked, her voice regaining the strength and confidence he was used to.

"I think so. The are too many books which Flourish and Blotts doesn't have, that I can find here" he sighed, "besides, I am allowed to visit just to check in on my friends, right?" She nodded, but she still wasn't looking at him. He wanted to hug her, kiss her, touch her to let her know he still cared. He wanted to really say good-bye, without having to hide from himself. If she only made it a little easier. If life was a little easier. He stood, and glanced around. "Good-bye then. Tell Ron and everyone else I leave a warm farewell." She was unresponsive. He took his leave and slowly walked towards the entrance. He looked back to see her eyes follow him out the portrait hole. They exchanged one last look before he left.

She opened her mouth to yell for him to come back, but something, deep down inside, was telling her that he had to leave, and nothing she could ever do would be enough to make him stay. The whole of mankind would always be more important to him than she was.

One more out. Now I mean it this time, no more updating until after mid-terms. I don't know whether I'm trying to convince you or me. I CANNOT believe that Nappa, the god of fanfic, actually read my fanfic, and even left a review! Two reviews. I feel so amazingly high on life right now. And in response I have a few things to say. No, Hermione and Ron will NOT be having any sex. It was a phrase she spat out on an angry impulse while thinking about Harry. He all say things we regret when were mad. It was time for Hermione to slip-up. I will leave a quote to give you a vague tease of what may end up coming along.

"Sometimes, the situation requires that we hold the hand of our enemy. The difficult part is not letting them see you when you use the other hand to draw the knife."

- Freidrick Nietzsche