DISCLAIMER: Uhhhm, am I the only person here who puts a different disclaimer on every single chapter of every single story? o0o0o0o0o0o, I need to get me one of those "life" thingies. . .

NOTE: People think I'm above self-insertion fics. That's sooo weird because no one ever said I was "above" ANYTHING before. Just wanna say thanks and I'm blushing, see? **blushes** Anyway I still have nothing better to do, so I will continue with my incomprehensible ramblings aka this story. OH yeah, and there is some cussing here so if that bothers you turn around and cover your ears. Not to mention VERY slight sexual implications. . .

Freak Apple the Author – It is the next day. Cassie is so angry at me for turning her into a deoderant (and getting bitten by Ax) that she is in the barn mercilessly tying two geese together with her shoelaces and laughing as they try to squawk off in different directions.

Cassie – That's horrible! I'd never do that.

Freak Apple the Author – How many times do I have to say you can't talk to me?! I'm the almighty fanfic writer! Now shut up before I make you gay and fall in love with Melissa Chapman.

Cassie – Why do you always pick on me?

Freak Apple the Author – Because no one else does. Anyway, Jake enters the barn, hoping to patch things up with Cassie. **snaps fingers and Jake appears**

Jake – Freak Apple's still here!?

Freak Apple the Author - **makes a angry face** What you don't like me? That's it. **snaps fingers and makes the Mary Sue, aka the Freak Apple self-insertion, walk into the barn**

Freak Apple the Character – I AM THE LEADER OF THE ANIMORPHS, HEA ME ROAR!!!!

Jake – Leading? I thought I was the leader?

Freak Apple the Author – Oh yeah. I forgot.. Freak Apple won all of your over with her dazzling personality, so now she's the leader. And a very good one too.

Rachel - **bursts in the barn** I want to kill the yeerks!!!!

Freak Apple the Character – Shut up.

Rachel - **sits in a corner and knits sweaters for the homeless**

Jake and Cassie - **blinks lots of times**

Freak Apple the Character – Yes I can do that. Me and the almighty fanfic author are tight.

Freak Apple the Author - **snaps fingers**

Ax – What am I doing here?

Freak Apple the Character – Oh Aximili, hug me! **hugs Ax**

Freak Apple the Author – Hug her back.

Ax – No!

Freak Apple the Author – DO IT! **snaps fingers and Ax's eyes get all swirly like those hypnotizing thingies**

Ax – I-LOVE-YOU-FREAK-APPLE-MARRY-ME-SO-WE-COULD-HAVE-SOME-BLUE-FURRY-CHILDREN!

Tobias - **flies in** I'm getting lines in this story!!

Freak Apple the Author – No you're not!

Tobias – Oh come on, please?

Freak Apple the Author – NO STOP BOTHERING ME! **snaps fingers and Tobias turns gay**

Tobias - **runs towards Ax**

Freak Apple the Character – Heck no, no that's weird!

Freak Apple the Author - **snaps fingers and Marco appears**

Marco – Ax, I'm here to confess my secret undying love for you!

Freak Apple the Character – Almighty author, do something!! **wraps arm around hypnotized Ax**

Freak Apple the Author - **snaps fingers and Marco and Tobias run to each other** Keep it PG, okay?

Cassie – You are soo gonna get flames for this.

Freak Apple the Author – Silly Cassie, don't you know that its not the quality of the review but the QUANTITY that counts? My ultimate goal is to get infinity reviews!!

Cassie – Infiniy isn't a number!

Freak Apple the Author – Hush, child! **snaps fingers and Cassie turns into an ugly duckling**

Rachel – Holy crap, that is a one oogleh duckling **pokes it with a knitting needle**

Jake - **looks around in horror as Tobias and Marco. . .uh. . .hug, Rachel continually stabs the ugly duckling, Freak Apple gets Ax to morph human so they could do the unspeakable. . .**

Freak Apple the Author – No unspeakable here! I don't care if you are me, this is a PG fic! You may kiss heavily though **sighs happily**

Jake – You ruined the series!!

Freak Apple the Author – Hush or your going to be an uglier duckling.

Marco - **stares at Rachel's bodacious ta-tas**

Tobias – I thought you were gay!

Marco – I never said that.

Freak Apple the Character – Ow!

Ax – I'm sorry, that tasted like food.

Freak Apple the Author – I said PG! Sex scenes make me blush.

Tobias – I hate you Marco!

Marco – I hate you too!

Tobias and Marco - **catfight**

Freak Apple the Author – STOP! EVERYONE STOP OR EREK WON'T GET TO COME IN WITH THE STARTLING NEWS!

Jake - **smirks** Guess you're not all powerful, huh? **points at Rachel poking Cassie to death, Marco calmly plucking Tobias, and Freak Apple and Ax starting to - **

Freak Apple the Author – **gets an idea**. . .SHIT!!!!!!

Everyone - **stops what they are doing and gasps**

Rachel – Did you just say –

Jake – No Rachel don't say it! We can't!

Marco – we can't curse?

Jake – No!

Marco – Why?

Jake - . . . . .

Freak Apple the Author – Only I can curse because I'm almighty.

Rachel - . . .sh-sh-shit. . .

Everyone: **gasp**

Marco: We CAN curse!!! **starts to curse up a storm**

Rachel - **curses**

Everyone - **curses**

Freak Apple the Author – Nooo! You can't do this!! Stop!

Jake - **smirks** Not so all powerful, huh?

Freak Apple the Author – Yes I am!

Jake – Then how come you can't even use BOLD TYPE?

Freak Apple the Author– Uhh. . .

Jake – And how come you can't make pretty page breaks like Jinako-Chan?

Freak Apple the Author – I. . . .

Jake – And how come all of a sudden we can say SHIT!

Freak Apple the Author - **gasps and backs away** Y-y-you can't do that!

Jake – Oh yes we can. You made us. You wrote this.

Freak Apple the Author - **confused**

Jake – Aaaand to top it all off, you're not even that weird!

Freak Apple the Author - **gasps and falls backwards**

Jake – Your NORMAL compared to . . **Aelle, the queen of insanity walks in**

Aelle - **grabs a 5 pound sack of sugar and eats it, all while grinning superiorly at Freak Apple**

Freak Apple the Author – No0o0o0o0o0o0o!!

Aelle - **grabs Marco and frenches him senseless**

Freak Apple the Author – No0o0o0o0o0o!!!

Aelle - **grabs Freak Apple and forces her into an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt with little frilly thingies**

Freak Apple the Author – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Jake – I think it's time you retired, Freak Apple.

Freak Apple the Author – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Jake - **snaps fingers and Jinako-chan appears with her legion of kitties**

Freak Apple the Author - **tries to hide behind fingers**

Jinako-chan – YOU MADE MARCO GO WITH TOBIAS!?!? **sics the kitties on Freak Apple**

Aniangel – **appears** You look stoned!

Stink E. Burrito - **appears** You turned to the dark side. **screams** SELF-INSERTION!!

Sara McGregor - **appears** You made me snort!! **snort**

Megan Sleevewillow - **appears** and you almost made me choke to death on my corn!

Jake – **makes all the reviewers disappear** Now what, "all-powerful fanfic author"?

Freak Apple the Author - **whimpers, tears Freak Apple the character off of Ax and drags her away** Wait, as my last act as a fanfiction author I first need to. . .**runs into the X-Men Movie sections, grabs Shawn Ashmore, and runs away from Fanfictionland**

**Everything suddenly turns back to normal**

Jake – What are we doing?

Cassie (a human) – Waiting for Erek, I think.

Jake – Oh yeah. Right.

**Meanwhile in some unknown place somewhere in the Universe**

Crayak sat on his big scary throne and glared down at Freak Apple.

"Freak Apple, you suck."

"Sorry." Freak Apple muttered, still holding Shawnie by the collar.

"You failed your mission. And what. . .WHAT IS THAT!?" Crayak demanded, plucking up Shawn Ashmore.

"Uhhmmmmmm. . ."

"You know, if you weren't the Drode's half cousin-in-law twice removed, I'd have impaled you by now."

"Yes, sir."

Crayak dropped Shawn Ashmore back to the ground and turned back to Freak Apple. "Now go to your quarters and prepare for your next mission. You must not fail. I need you to tamper with another existence. Something called the "Harry Potter" sector."

Freak Apple grinned and saluted Crayak "Yes sir!" before she scampered out the door, trailing Shawnie behind her.

Crayak put his big huge eyeball in his hands. "Drode, remind me never to give you a vacation again. . ."

**Meanwhile in some other unknown armpit of the universe. . .**

The Ellimist smiled down at Jake from where ever he was.

"I knew you'd handle it."

Then the semi-omnipotent being turned his head toward another sector. A dark-haired boy on a broom was chasing after a golden ball. A stoned-looking girl with Shawn Ashmore tied to her hips was chasing him.

"Oh, no."

THE END. Uhhh, I'm thoroughly confused, how bout you? Anyway, yeah, it's done, yay! Okay, bye. . .Oh wait, I hope some of you guys don't mind that I used your names. It's just that I read those reviews and they made me laugh. Hehe **snorts** I made Megan choke on corn, hehehehehehehe.