TITLE: Ties That Bind, 4/?
 
AUTHOR: La Rose Noire
 
EMAIL: goddessblkrose@yahoo.com
 
SUMMARY: Takes place back when Spike was newly chipped
and forced to be one of the Scoobies. This will be
Spike/Willow, of course, because, well, that's how it
SHOULD BE.
 
RATING:  G (But we'll see how it goes in other
parts.)
 
 
DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, et al own all
that is Buffy...including the characters in this
story. If they were mine, the whole last few seasons
would have been nothing but a bad dream. No copyright
infringement intended, just a desperate attempt to
right some fictional wrongs.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Part 4 
 
 
He almost didn't see her. Luckily he caught a flash of
red hair in a streetlight; she was headed away from
the shop, almost running, on the other side of the
street. He tossed his cigarette aside and hopped over
an inconveniently parked car and crossed the street to
follow her. 
 
He wasn't going to spend another night with the Do
Good Gang if the little witch wasn't there to keep it
interesting. **Might accidentally start paying
attention and end up giving one of those wankers the
bloody end they deserve**
 
After a few blocks her pace slowed considerably and he
moved closer, keeping to the shadows out of habit. He
could hear her mumbling under her breath; he caught
something about the 'wicked witch of Sunnydale' and
'useless spells and even more useless witches.' He
drifted a bit closer, trying to hear more, to figure
out what had the little witch all worked up, but
stopped when she came to a halt in the middle of the
sidewalk, dropping her bag. She pulled her hands from
her pockets and he saw she was armed with a wicked
looking stake and a water gun, probably filled with
holy water.
 
"I know you're there! Come out where I can see you!"
She sounded angry, and there was no scent of fear in
the air. For a moment he felt something that seemed
oddly akin to pride. 
 
"Come out NOW or I'll turn you into a…a…frog! They may
not think I can do it, but believe me, you'll be green
and slimy in no time flat if you don't show your face
right this instant!" He stifled the urge to chuckle,
but when he saw Willow take a deep calming breath to
center herself, he knew she wasn't bluffing and he
stepped out of the darkness.
 
He'd seen what happened when the little witch started
casting spells, and he wasn't taking any chances. It
would take him another century to live down his
'engagement' to the slayer, not to mention the
nightmares he had had since then. It'd only been a
week since he'd woken up in a cold sweat with the
taste of slayer in his mouth, her scent surrounding
him, and he wasn't taking any chances on a
reoccurrence. 
 
"It's just me, pet. Shouldn't you be safely tucked
away right about now, researching your little heart
out with the gang"  - he put as much contempt as he
could into the last two words -   "rather than
wandering the streets alone after dark? There are all
kinds of nasty things lurking about out here." He
swaggered towards her, pleased when she didn't lower
the stake or the water gun. She may not be afraid of
him, but she knew he was still a threat. No wonder
they all thought she was the smart one.
 
Willow's eyes narrowed as she watched him move towards
her. "The gang" – her words, much to his surprise,
held as much contempt as his had – "can all go to
hell. And you can, too."
 
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Red. Such language." He stopped a safe
distance away and looked down at the girl in front of
him, shaking his head mournfully. He did so like
seeing her angry like this; her red hair seemed to
glow, and her eyes snapped and sparked.  "Is that any
way to talk to your old friend Spike?"
 
He almost snickered when she arched an eyebrow at him
and shot him a filthy look. She was just so damn cute.
 
 
"Friend? I think you need to get a new dictionary,
Spike. Last I heard, a friend was someone who liked
you, and trusted you, and was there for you…and I
don't mean in a "I'd really kill you or turn you if I
could, you big pathetic loser of a witch" kinda way."
She stopped and looked away for a moment. "Right now
I'm beginning to think I don't have any real friends."
 
Spike arched his eyebrow. Something interesting was
definitely going on between the witch and the rest of
the Slayer's little fan club. Something which could,
perhaps, be used to his advantage. He waited
patiently, trying to look interested, knowing she
would tell him everything he wanted to know; she
wouldn't be able to help herself. She wouldn't pass up
an opportunity to talk about 'her feelings'. She was a
woman, after all.
 
And if there was one thing he knew, it was women.
 
"I've apologized and groveled and baked until I want
to scream, and it doesn't seem to make a bit of
difference." Her voice was a mixture of anger and
frustration. "Tonight was the last straw. They don't
even trust me to do a basic cleansing spell on a teeny
tiny little amulet. I could do a cleansing spell in my
sleep, it's basic beginner's magic, but no, they had
to send the thing off to someone else they trusted for
them to do it. People could be hurt in the meantime,
but they still wouldn't let me do it!" She took a deep
shaky breath. "I've paid and paid and paid for what I
did,  and I've sworn to be good,  but it still isn't
enough."
 
Spike reviewed her little speech in his head, finally
starting to make sense of her words. "Still holding a
grudge over your little 'my will' spell, are they? You
have to admit, pet, the results of that were
pretty…spectacular." He shuddered at the memory of the
Slayer pressed up against him, kissing him
desperately, her tongue in his mouth, her hands all
over him. He suddenly felt the need for a shower.
**Not that that would wash the stench away, mind you.
Slayer's worse than skunk. Can't get rid of it, no
matter how hard you try**
 
She closed her eyes and seemed to wilt, all her anger
suddenly forgotten. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I
wasn't myself that night; I didn't know what I was
doing. I was just so…so…" She made a sound half way
between a sigh and a sob. "I just wanted the pain to
stop. But it's never going to stop, is it?" The sound
of tears in her voice made him suddenly uncomfortable,
and he wished he were anywhere else. He cast a furtive
look around, searching for an escape route. 
 
"Do you know what it's like, having the one person
you've built your entire life around leave you?" The
pain cut through him, sharp and hot. He really didn't
need this. He had gotten over Drusilla. He had. He had
gotten on with his unlife, had already dumped one
girlfriend since then. He didn't want to talk about
the past. He wanted nothing more at that moment than
to strike the witch, to shut her up. He hurt like hell
already; what was a little headache on top of it?
 
"I really loved him, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't
enough." He remembered saying almost those same words,
not long ago, and wondered if they had been as filled
with anguish.
 
She opened her eyes and looked straight at him, into
him, her voice low, her big green eyes swimming with
tears. "He knew me better than anyone else ever had,
and he still loved me. When I was with him, I was
somebody. I was beautiful. I was smart… and strong…I
felt powerful. I could do anything, be anything. He
made me feel like I mattered, that I was the most
important thing in the world. I would have done
anything for him, anything at all. I loved him so
much, with everything I was, everything I had."
 
Her words echoed in his ears. So much pain and grief,
so many memories, his, hers…a hundred years of love
and loss weighed him down, and for a split second, he
relived that moment, that one awful endless moment,
when Dru turned and walked away from him and he knew,
knew with every fiber of his being, that it was over
between them, that she wasn't coming back, that there
was nothing he could ever do to make things go back to
the way they had been.
 
He watched a tear slowly make its way down the little
witch's cheek and tried to think through the pain.
 
"I still can't believe he left me like that. He just
walked away, like it all meant nothing. I could have
dealt with the almost-killing-me part, but to just
walk away from me, from us…how do I deal with that? It
hurts. Every minute of every day, it hurts. I can't
stop wondering what was wrong with me, what I did, or
said, or could have done, what I should have been…if
it all meant anything at all to him. I feel like I'm
nothing, now. I want to be the person I was, when I
was with him, but I hurt so much…how I am supposed to
figure out how." The tears were running down her
cheeks now, and she looked small and lost. 
 
So much like Dru had, when she was sick.
 
A hundred years of habit kicked in, and he moved
without thinking, pulling the witch against him
roughly. He heard the stake and water gun clattered to
the ground, and her arms came up to wind around his
back, her hands grabbing the back of his duster for
dear life. As he stroked her hair and murmured vague
words of comfort, he felt his own pain dwindle away.
 
After a few minutes, she stopped crying, but didn't
let go. He knew he owed her the truth; she was too
smart to accept anything else. "It takes time, love.
And the pain doesn't ever go away completely, I don't
think. That's the price you pay for being love's
bitch. But some of us don't have a choice in the
matter; it's just how we're made. It's all or nothing
with us."
 
The red head snuffled a bit against his shoulder. "The
others think I should move through the pain, move on
to something – someone – else."
 
Spike chuckled without humour. "Yeah, they would.
Sorry,  it doesn't work that way, pet. Believe me, I
know. You need to accept that there wasn't anything
you could have done or said, and that there wasn't
anything wrong with you. Leaving was something the
wolf needed to do for himself. And no, you aren't the
same woman you were when he was with you. You're
stronger now…or you will be, when you get through all
of this. But all the things you were before, all the
things he loved you for are still there. You're still
you." He listened to his words and realized that he
was telling her the truth, telling himself the truth. 
 
 
The red head pulled herself back to look at his face,
searching for something, then smiled tremulously. "I'm
sorry I threatened you and cried all over you."
 
He smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
"'S alright. You're not the first bird who's done it.
Of course, they usually didn't live to tell anyone
about it."
 
Her smile disappeared. "I won't tell anyone. I
promise." She looked so sincere. It occurred to him
that he hadn't for a moment thought that she would
tell anyone what went on between them. 
 
Red could keep a secret. He looked into those sincere
green eyes and wondered what other secrets she was
keeping. 
 
"Bloody hell." He swore softly under his breath and
gently disentangled the girl from him.
 
"What? Spike, what's wrong?" 
 
"Slutty's coming. Impeccable timing, as usual." He
watched as the little witch scrambled to stuff her
stake and water gun into her bag, then slung it over
her shoulder.
 
Willow looked around anxiously, but didn't see the
slayer. No surprise. She was still a block or so away,
if his Slayer sense was still working properly; at
least the damn chip hadn't taken that away from him.
"I better go. I really don't want to see any of them
again tonight. I couldn't stand another lecture, or
listening to them telling me one more time me what I
should be doing, 'for my own good'."  
 
He snickered softly. "Know how you feel, love. I feel
that way every night. Run along, then. I'll keep
Blondie busy so you can make a clean getaway." He made
a shooing motion with his hand, but the little red
head didn't move; she just stood there, looking at her
shoes.
 
"Um…Spike?  Thank you. I'm sorry I said that before,
about us not being friends. I mean, we aren't friends,
not really, it's not like we do stuff together, other
than go kill things, and we don't have much in common,
since, well, you're the evil undead and I'm not…but
you were there for me, tonight." She looked up
suddenly, and her green eyes locked on his. "I needed
someone, and no one else was there for me, except you.
I won't forget that." She rushed forward suddenly and
kissed his cheek, then turned and ran away before he
could say anything. 
 
He stood there and watched while she disappeared into
the shadows, making a mental note to go round and make
sure she'd gotten home alright after he got through
playing bait-the-bitch with the Slayer. He was
actually looking forward to it for once. Nothing she
could say would ruin his good mood. 
 
For a while there tonight, he'd felt something he
hadn't in a long, long time. Something good. Something
he hadn't even realized he'd missed. 
 
He'd felt needed. 
 
As he felt the Slayer draw near, he lit a cigarette
and inhaled a lungful of sweet smoke.
 
What a great night this was turning out to be.