Disclaimer - I do not own any of the character's of Final Fantasy VII . . . but Seph is my muse, so leave him alone : )



Author's Note : Thank go out to all my reviewers who like this story. You guys make writing all worth while. Please, continue to enjoy and review : )





Chapter 4 - Now What?



AVALANCHE gathered in the bar the following morning, many of them showing signs of a sleepless night spent pondering the current turn of events. Out of all of them, only Vincent and Nanaki appeared anywhere near conscious . . . but sleepless nights were normal for them anyway.

"So . . . now what?" Barrett spoke into the silence, bringing them out of their individual thoughts. "We know he's alive, and we know where he is . . . now what do we do? It's obvious he's not gonna stay dead . . ."

"We're not going to kill him," Cloud said firmly, his spiky hair waving as he shook his head. "We have no reason to . . . it would be nothing short of murder to kill him now . . . when he's done nothing wrong."

"Nothing wrong! Damn, Cloud, you mean to fucking tell me that you have forgotten every single fucking thing that motherless bastard did? He tried to destroy the whole fucking planet! He murdered Aeris! He burnt down your home town and killed every damn person who lived there!" Cid shouted, unconcerned that the object of his rant was only a few feet away, unconscious in the next room. Tifa broke in quietly.

"The man in that room didn't do any of that . . ." she murmured, drawing Cid's unbelieving stare and everyone else's quiet regard. "Yes . . . Sephiroth did do all of that . . . but that Sephiroth is not the same man who has been with us for the past three months. He's not the same . . . I can't explain it . . . I don't understand it myself . . . but there is more to this whole story then we originally knew. I . . . I can't hate him for what he did in the past, when he is so different now." Tifa shrugged uncomfortable, lifting her gaze to meet Cloud's across the room. "Plus . . . well . . . Cloud, will you tell them?" Cloud blinked, then turned red as everyone turned to look at him.

"Tell us what?" Vincent asked quietly. Cloud shrugged, and proceeded to tell everyone of the conversation he and Tifa had with Sephiroth during their watch. Tifa, suffering from slight sleep depravation, was hard pressed not to giggle at the looks on some of her friends faces. 'I wish I had a camera,' she thought hazily.

"So . . . he wants basically to just destroy Jenova, once and for all. That's all he's after now. That's why he came to Midgar . . . to get information that he hoped would help him find a way to kill her and keep her dead for good," Cloud finished up. He had deliberately left out why Sephiroth had acted as 'Seth' however . . . that was his business to tell the others, if he chose. He should have known that would be a question everyone wanted answered though.

"But . . . if that's all he was after, why the charade as Seth? Why not just break into the building, get the files, and leave?" Reeve asked thoughtfully. "I mean . . . wouldn't that have been easier?" A strained but refined voice answered from the doorway behind them, making them all turn in surprise.

"Easier . . . yes, it would have been . . . and originally that was exactly what I planned to do," Sephiroth murmured, leaning against the door frame weakly, his platinum hair hiding his face from sight as he stared down at the floor. Tifa stood and walked to his side quickly.

"You shouldn't be up yet . . . you're still healing . . ." she murmured. He shrugged, a slight smile crossing his lips mockingly.

"Well . . . the condemned man should always hear the sentence from the lips that pass judgement on him, so they say . . ." He chuckled slightly, then gasped as the bullet wound in his stomach flared at the sudden movement. The hand clutching the door frame whitened at the knuckles, and the wood groaned in protest.

"You are not a condemned man," Tifa whispered. "Please . . . you have to get back in bed . . ."

"No." Pushing off from the door frame, he staggered to a nearby chair and collapsed into it, pushing his hair out of his face absently as he looked around at the gathered AVALANCHE members, expecting to see disgust, hatred . . . he was somewhat surprised to see amusement instead.

"Nice to see some things about you haven't changed . . . you are still one stubborn son of a bitch," Cloud said, smiling slightly as Sephiroth glanced up at him and snorted.

"I just choose to be aware of my fate . . . I dislike wandering around in the dark," Sephiroth replied, sighing. "To answer your question Reeve . . . my staying here was completely unexpected and not at all a part of any 'plan'. I fully intended to avoid all of you, if at all possible."

"Then why didn't you?" Vincent broke in quietly. "Why did you come to the one place where you knew you would run in to some of us?" Sephiroth just looked at him quietly.

"I was not paying attention to where I was going at first . . . and ended up in front of Seventh Heaven. Out of a . . . perverse need to irritate Jenova," he spat the name as if it left a bad taste in his mouth, "I walked in here, telling myself it was the best test of my disguise. The following events of that night were definitely not planned . . . but I could not just sit by and watch as Tifa was raped. Afterwards, it seemed to be a good idea . . . it would give me a place to stay until I retrieved the information and would give me a cover for being in Midgar should anyone ask. I never intended . . ." He paused, considering his words carefully. " I never intended for it to go as far as it did . . . I should have left after I broke into my room and got the information and my belongings. But . . . you had become my friends, as Seth . . . and I wanted it to last a little longer . . . a good memory to take with me . . ."

"Why didn't you take off last night, before the fight? Tifa said you had left your gun behind . . . you must have known that the minute you used the sword we would begin to put the pieces together," Reeve asked. Sephiroth glared at him, his mako eyes shifting to green in anger, having taken the colored lenses out before he let them know he was conscious again.

"And what? Leave Tifa to be beaten, or raped and tortured? What kind of animal do you think I am?!" he snarled, before his anger guttered in the wake of what he'd said. "Forget I said that . . . we all know what I am . . . I suppose leaving Tifa to fend for herself would have been the natural thing for me to do once upon a time . . ." He sighed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat before looking back up at the assembled group. "I do not expect you to trust me . . . I lied to you, and I have done horrible things in my past . . . all I want, right now, is to destroy Jenova. After that, you may do with me as you will . . . whatever punishment you deem fit for a monster like me can be no worse then the hell Jenova would put me through." He stood slowly, staggering as his not-fully healed body protested the effort. "I do not pretend to think you might help me . . . and I do not ask for it. Actually, I would rather that you just stayed out of my way. Just let me complete my mission . . . after that, nothing else matters to me, if I am even still alive at that point." He moved to leave the room, and his body betrayed him. Crashing to one knee, he swore as he saw the crimson slowly dripping to the floor below.

"Shit!" Cloud swore, rushing to his side. Vincent was a second behind him. Together, they managed to get Sephiroth back to his feet, forcing him slowly back to the bed.

"I think you've over done your macho man act for the day . . ." Cloud muttered as they maneuvered Sephiroth onto the bed. Sephiroth smiled grimly, but allowed them to get him back where they wanted him to be. His body just wasn't up to fighting them right at that moment. Cloud took one last look at him, before walking through the door. Vincent, however, remained. Sephiroth, aware of his presence, decided to take advantage of his moment alone with the enigmatic man . . . holding the knowledge he had learned about Vincent carefully in mind.

"You knew my mother well . . ." he murmured, his eyes closed as the pain from his wounds slowly receded, leaving him feeling drained. Because of this, he didn't see the flicker of pain that crossed Vincent's features before he replied.

"Yes . . . I loved her. But I wasn't strong enough to stop Hojo from his experiments and keep her safe . . . or you." Sephiroth snorted.

"Do not blame yourself for what happened to me. That was out of anyone's hands . . . even Hojo's, in the end. My fate was my own fault . . . the only other that can be held accountable for that is Jenova herself." Vincent shifted, surprised to hear this coming from his love's only son. "What happened to me . . . there is no explanation for it, no clear fault that can be laid at anyone's feet . . . except for Jenova. Hojo did what he did in the name of science, Mother did what she did out of duty, Shin-Ra used me for what they saw as the entire reason of my existence . . . the list goes on and on. But, in the end, it all comes down to Jenova playing us all as puppets. Jenova is the only one who can take full responsibility for what happened . . . and I intend to see that she pays that debt in full."

"Why do you say your fate was your fault? Were you not used by Jenova as well?" Vincent murmured, curious.

"Yes . . . but not the entire time. Nibelheim was completely my fault . . . I was insane, yes, but not under Jenova's influence . . . at least not fully at the time. Had I been stronger . . . had I been smarter . . . she would never have gained the hold on me that she did then, and I never would have gone on the rampage that I did." He lifted his hands, staring at them in agony before closing his eyes with a defeated sigh. "So much innocent blood on my hands . . . and for what? For a pack of lies that I was foolish enough to believe." Dropping his hands, he turned slightly to look at Vincent. "I can not blame them for hating me . . . when I hate myself."

"They don't hate you," Vincent murmured in reply, standing in the doorway. "They may have, once upon a time . . . but now all they are is confused. They are not sure what to think . . . neither am I, for that matter. You have changed, Sephiroth . . . and none of us are sure who you really are any more." He walked from the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Sephiroth stared up at the ceiling long after Vincent left the room, deep in thought. He could hear their voices in the next room, raising and lowering from time to time, but he didn't try to hear what they were saying. Nothing they decided would deter him from his chosen path . . . he would destroy Jenova.

"Well, creature . . . it seems you were wrong. They have not killed me yet . . . and from the sounds of it, they are not going to . . . not any time soon, at least."

You are more a fool then even I ever thought if you truly believe that. They just don't want to give you time to escape your fate before they kill you. And this time, there will be no coming back. Once you are dead, I will find another body to inhabit, another mind to manipulate . . .

"Changed your mind, have you? Where are you going to find another body, Jenova? Cloud and I are the only ones left with your cells in their veins . . . and his friends will be on guard for you trying that with him. You are stuck at a dead end, creature, scrabbling desperately at the walls of your prison for a way out."

Not completely, you stubborn boy. There are things even you don't know. The moment you let down your guard, I will have you in my control again. You can't continue to fight me forever . . . and I nearly had you last night. Had they not sedated you . . .

"Yes . . . that I am well aware of. If they had not sedated me, the pain that was clouding my mind would have allowed you to gain hold. You are telling me nothing I do not already realize, Jenova. You continue to take me for the weak minded fool you controlled . . . I am aware of you and your lies this time. You will not gain me as a pawn so easily again." Shutting her forcefully out of his thoughts, he reviewed the information he had learned from Hojo's files, looking for something . . . anything . . . that would give him the key he needed to destroying the vile creature. He was at a loss to find anything that he hadn't already known about her. She hated fire, and could be sorely wounded by it . . . Ice would trap her eternally, but do little to harm her . . . and water had no effect at all. That left lightening . . . but she was partially immune to it, so that was useless. Non-elemental materia hurt her badly . . . but provided no clear answer to destroying her. She could regenerate damage from all of that.

He sighed, shifting onto his side carefully, wincing as he pulled healing wounds slightly. The endless thinking was getting him no where . . . but it was all he could do. There had to be something . . . some key piece of information that he was missing . . . some half hidden bit of knowledge that would tell him what he needed to know.

It occurred to him that perhaps the only way to destroy Jenova would be for him to die himself . . . but that would leave Cloud wide open to an attack by the beast.

"You're trying to protect me from her?" Cloud asked quietly from the doorway. Belatedly, he realized he had spoken that lost thought aloud, and he grimaced. He hadn't wanted to pass on that bit of information. Sighing, he rolled over onto his back to face Cloud, his eyes shifting more blue as he replied.

"She needs someone with her cells in their body. There are only the two of us who fit that need . . . as long as I am alive, and she continues to think she has a chance of gaining a hold on me again . . . she will leave you alone," he murmured, his eyes fixed on the ceiling above. "I assume by your being here that my fate has been decided?" Cloud nodded, coming over to the bed to stare down at him, meeting Sephiroth's eyes with his own blue ones.

"Yes . . . we're going to help you kill her," he said clearly, watching as Sephiroth stared up at him in shock. "Look . . . you know you can't do it alone . . . after all, it took this entire group to do it the first time. We want to help you . . . all of us have different reasons, but in the end, it comes down to getting rid of her for ever. So, we're going to accompany you, and help you destroy her. After that . . . well, let's just see what happens first. We'll discuss the future when we know we all have one." Sephiroth nodded slowly, dazed. This was a completely unexpected turn of events, and he wasn't quite sure how to take it. Cloud saw his puzzlement, and grinned suddenly, before sobering to sit down in the chair next to his bed.

"It may not have been planned . . . but all of us came to regard 'Seth' as a friend and companion. Yes, it threw us for a bit of a loop when we discovered that YOU were Seth . . . but we've come to a decision on that. We may know who 'Seth' really is now . . . but you are still as much of a mystery to us as you've always been. We're willing to give you the chance . . . to get to know you as you . . . but I want to ask you some stuff, if you don't mind." Sephiroth sighed, but levered himself up carefully until he was sitting, facing Cloud.

"Ask away . . . I will answer as best I can." Cloud nodded and sat back in his chair, regarding Sephiroth thoughtfully.

"What really happened in Nibelheim?" he asked quietly. Sephiroth winced and took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair as he thought about how to answer. That one question could break everything that had developed so far . . . but he owed them the truth.

"Nibelheim . . . was me. Not Jenova." Cloud's eyes widened as Sephiroth admitted that. "I was . . . angry. At Hojo, at Shin-Ra . . . at every living thing on the planet that had what I never could. I know now that the files in the mansion were planted for me to read . . . but at the time, I believed every word of it. I . . . guess you could say I was not in my right mind . . . but I knew exactly what I was doing. I believed that it was justice . . . that they deserved to all die, to suffer as I had been forced to suffer. I have never forgiven myself for that . . . not since I learned the real truth . . . but that does not make what happened right . . . or forgivable." Cloud nodded thoughtfully, and sighed.

"Yeah . . . that's what we figured had happened . . . although I'll admit I held out some hope that Jenova had something to do with it."

"She did, but only a small part. She only pushed me along the path . . . but I am the one that chose my actions." He shook his head, reliving that day in his memories. "I regret all of it. I wish I could take it back . . . I wish that it had never happened at all. But there is nothing I can do to make up for it, except to make sure that it never ever happens again." He started in surprise as Cloud reached out to rest a hand lightly on his shoulder.

"Sephiroth . . . it's in the past now. There is no use to beating yourself up over it when there is nothing you can do . . . just hold true to your determination to never do it again. Now . . . how about you tell me how the hell you are still alive?" At that question, Sephiroth snorted, a slight smile crossing his lips.

"That question is easy to answer . . . you never killed me. You never even fought me in that final battle. It was all Jenova. She assumed my form - I was locked away in one of the ice caves you passed by on your way to meet her in the center of the crater. I suppose I was her back up plan . . . should she fall. She just never expected to find me with a mind of my own again."

"Well, it's nice to know she isn't omniscient," Cloud murmured. Sephiroth chuckled slightly at that.

"Far from it. She is quite full of herself, actually . . . not unlike certain other people used to be." He smiled in self-mockery as Cloud chuckled.

"No kidding." Sephiroth looked up at him, a mock-scowl on his face, but Cloud refused to back down. "Well, you really were one arrogant bastard . . . even before Nibelheim." Sephiroth shrugged, and had to admit Cloud was right. He'd had his reasons, but that didn't change the facts. "Well . . . I'd best get out of here and leave you to rest . . . either that, or Teef will have my ass in a sling. We'll be on the move as soon as your able . . . so I suggest you heal quickly." Cloud stood slowly, and walked to the door. "Oh . . . and Sephiroth? Welcome to life . . . real life."