Child of Edoras, Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters and/or places thereof

Alynna Lis Eachann: I have no idea. You have to realize that my memory is only average, so I'm writing on that. . .so long as the story flows, though, it's not too bad, I figure.

Cat Eyes: Haleth was in the book? I don't recall that. Probably you're right though.

*****

"What will happen to me now?" Haleth asked, eyes staring dead ahead into the flames. Aioch's body burned on the pyre Haleth and his Elven comrade had assembled. They had spoken not a word to each other. Haleth was still too shocked to think very much, with loss and simply because that was the effect of battle. Somehow Aioch's death made him realize (he would learn later that these were not thoughts but subconsciously heard words of his Elven friend) that he was still alive. Battle had not destroyed him, and he must not let it.

"That is up to you," replied the Elf. "In earnest I am unsure, having been an archer all my life and always with a home, but you are yet a child."

Haleth shook his head. "I may be that, my lord, but I cannot again take such an idle role." The days of wrestling in the dirt and chasing Joshul through crowded marketplaces were over, Haleth knew. They would not be returning. "And yet I am too young to be a rider of my King. I do not wish to be."

"Why not?" asked the Elf, looking down in surprise. Haleth's lip slipped beneath his teeth again, and he raised his chin to meet the gaze of the taller figure beside him.

"Because I was unready to see my friends die," Haleth replied.

"You cannot blame your king for that," the Elf said with a shake of his head.

Haleth thought on this, then said, "No. . .perhaps not." Before he could continue, he heard his name shouted from somewhere near the fallen wall. "Haleth, Haleth!" The boy turned, the Elf faded into the shadows, and a young boy threw himself at Haleth, with an older woman soon following. Joshul and Laina were both spectacularly pleased to see him alive. "Mother," Haleth said, as she released him.

"Oh, Haleth. I was so frightened, so afraid I would never see you again. . ."

"Father's dead, Mother." Why could he not think of something else? In truth Haleth did not think, he simply spoke. There had been no time for thought, and she would have had to learn somehow, anyway. "And Joshul," he said, turning to the younger boy, "Aioch is dead, also. You understand, don't you?" Joshul nodded, wiping a tear from his face.

"Come on, Haleth," said Laina, "and we shall see what we can do about getting you cleaned up." In the chaos of after-battle, this seemed the least appropriate thing for her to say. Haleth gaped, open-mouthed. People had died. They would not be coming back. Did she not see that? How could she think of cleaning up?

And yet he understood. Laina was his mother. Her instinct was strong, and always it seemed she knew just what to do about just what was happening. She was just doing what she knew how to do; it was her own way of dealing with the stress and anguish the engulfed them all. In mind Haleth was no longer her son, but in body he had many years yet to go. She reached for him and he drew away.

"I think I can manage on my own," he said, unwilling to wash away the muck quite yet. He still felt filthy at times, remembering the feelings he had had, the thoughts in his head when he was killing. . .all of the sudden Haleth fell to his knees and retched up the nothingness in the pit of his stomach, leaning on one hand and grasping his chest and throat with the other. When he finished, and was quite sure of it, Haleth got to his feet. At first he stumbled, then--by leaning on Joshul's proffered arm--stood steadily. "Mother," said Haleth, hoping to diffuse the situation, "perhaps you ought to get cleaned up, also. It must have been difficult, so much time in the caves. Joshul and I are going to go find something to eat."

"All right, but be careful, Haleth," Laina agreed. She turned, with one wary glance over her shoulder. Haleth and Joshul stayed but a moment, until Aioch's pyre was naught but crumbling embers.

"Where is your mother, Joshul?" asked Haleth.

"She fainted in the caves," Joshul said. "They took her. . .I don't know where, but the King's Men surely know what they are doing."

"Surely," Haleth muttered. Had Joshul always been so ignorant? He seemed young now, more so than he ever had before. "Come, let us find food. Aren't you hungry?" This Joshul could not deny, and so the two sought whatever sustenance they could find. After a time they stumbled into the dim dining hall, and found that many had also sought a meal. Joshul and Haleth grabbed bowls, Joshul eagerly and Haleth without expression, and joined the line of refugees and warriors waiting for soup and bread.

All the while Joshul talked excitedly. "I wished so many times you had been with us in the caves, Haleth, and Aioch, too, I was so scared, worried we would never make it out, or that if we did our homes and everything would be gone. . .imagine coming out and finding you all right, and our forces triumphant! Oh, Haleth, I could hardly think of a greater joy--"

"Joy?" Haleth whirled, facing his friend angrily. "Joy?" he repeated. "Have you not seen what happened out there? Did you not count the bodies and the pyres? Are you insane, to call this wreckage joy?" In moments his face reddened, ashamed of his outburst, but first in reddened in anger. The entire population of the hall was staring at him, some nodding, some shaking their heads, all hearing his words so clearly.

For many moments the boys just stood, until the man in front of Haleth turned, clapped the boy on the shoulder and said, "Let him be, son. Let him be."

Seething, Haleth turned forward again, pointedly ignoring Joshul. The younger boy, unsure, stayed quiet a moment. Just as everyone was turning back to their meals, Joshul said, softly at first then getting louder, as though preaching to his friend, and perhaps the entire room, "We still have got to have hope, Haleth. We wouldn't get far without that. We have to rebuild, and restore, and remake what's been lost. That will not happen if we sit around and mope. If we only look at what we have lost without thought of regaining it, Saruman will have defeated us. Well he never defeated me!"

Everyone, again, was aware of the two boys. Haleth felt embarrassed for his friend. And then, it was the oddest thing. There was clapping. Haleth and Joshul continued in their silence, however, getting their food and sitting down at one of the wooden tables, across from each other despite their contentious state. "I'm sorry, Joshul," Haleth said finally. "I only feel that you haven't quite seen battle. . .it was awful. It drained me of hope."

"I understand," Joshul said. "I wondered often at what was happening. We heard terrible huge noises, and were all so scared. It seemed like hope was the only thing we had. . .one woman didn't even have that, and she. . ." Joshul looked about, then lowered his voice. "She killed herself, Haleth. She took a knife from one of the guards and opened up her chest. It was awful, and the body was taken into the tunnels because it could not be taken from the caves. . ." Joshul blinked back tears.

Just then a voice now familiar to Haleth said, "Do you still seek placement?"

Joshul's mouth fell open. Haleth turned, and saw that the Elf was standing behind him with a Man, someone strikingly familiar. . .oh! It was that rider Aioch noted. "Yes," Haleth replied. Joshul looked away as the rider turned to meet his gaze. The boy could not help but cry, tears falling quietly to the tabletop.

"You are welcome to ride with the Dunedain, and myself."

Haleth nodded. "Thank you. Must I answer now?"

"No, you may think it over, but answer shortly, if you are able."

"All right. Thank you, again."

"Think nothing of it." And the two departed, the rider tapping Joshul lightly as they passed.

"Joshul," Haleth said, taking his friend's hand atop the table. "Are you all right?"

"It's just so unfair, Haleth. Aioch would have wanted to meet him, and here we do soon as Aioch's. . .Aioch's gone. It's just no fair."

Haleth could think of nothing to say to that. After all, it wasn't fair.