I decided to take Jocelyn's Advice, and since my Notepad doesn't have a spellchecker I used AOL. Lots of Typos.
My disclaimer applies to the whole damned story.
I can't thank you enough for the reviews. I, personally, don't think I have that much of a talent for writing. Or keeping the Personalties of the chars. They're of course reaching the turning point where they're not like in the book, being on friendly terms. I somewhat regret, though, having written in the first chapter Snape was being a lot nicer in the potions class. Perhaps he was just in a good mood. Perhaps I just wanted to end it. But of course, I decided to continue it. I don't want to develop this relationship too fast, but it doesn't seem to work since I haven't the patience for it. Too bad, really, it would make a nice story if I did. Maybe I will. We'll see.
I also decided to hurry and post this chapter, fearing An Anti-Sheep Cheese Muffin's plot bunnies.
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Harry continued to stare at his hands, not daring to look at Snape. He wanted to leave. He wanted to get out. He couldn't stay in here. *Im going to get expelled, I know it... No... He can't expel me! Ill explain to Dumbledore what happened! Yes...* Harry calmed down a little, his anger had changed to fear. Now that he worked the fear out in his mind, he was starting to get angry again. *Who does he think he is-* his thoughts were interrupted by Snape. Harry felt like running to the door and getting out, but he knew he was stuck.
"You seem to need a lesson in control your magic, Potter." Snape had been thinking, just barely realizing how much of an effect his taunting had on Harry. He figured Harry would just brush it off, but Snape could tell by the exploding jars that he didn't. He was quite amazed by Harry's magical strength, knowing now that it was more powerful that he had thought, especially since Harry just proved he couldn't always keep it under control. He figured he'd slowly ease his way, to get Harry talking, and this is where he should start. He felt bad for causing this. Of course he did, He isn't an unfeeling monster, as most people thought of him. Even as much as he disliked Harry to begin with, he knows now that Harry isn't like his father. It's hard to drop how you treat someone, though. He tried of course, like when he was nice to Harry in his class. Now he was going to attempt to not only contain his hatred for James and be civil to Harry, but get Harry to talk enough so he could comfort him. *Comfort him. A student. Not only a student, but Harry Potter, the son of James Potter. I should know better, though, I wouldn't like to be judged by my father. Then again, I'm not the spitting image of him. Of course, I know I wont be able to do much tonight, but things should smooth over in time. I myself haven't grown to like the child enough to attempt to comfort him. Just because I know why I feel things doesn't mean Ill attempt to counter them.*
"Sorry, Sir." Harry said quietly, a small bit of fear in his voice. *So now he's afraid* Snape thought, watching Harry.
"As much as I would like taking points from Gryfindor for your inability, Potter, I'm afraid I wont do that on this occasion. The inability to control your magic was due to the anger that I deliberately tried to get from you. Although I did provoke you, I did not mean to provoke you that much, and I'm astounded at how well you managed to keep from lashing out, which was well in this case. Also, I was unaware that I would get such a reaction from you."
Harry looked at him for only a split second, then looked back to his lap. Harry knew very well that Snape had an amazing ability to read emotions, and he did not want anyone, especially Snape knowing how he felt. That man couldn't possibly relate.
"I would like to leave, Professor Snape. I think you've said enough tonight."
"Ill decide when I've said enough Potter, but very well. I expect to see you at 6 O' Clock, tomorrow. Got it? If I don't see you, you will have detention, with me. Furthermore, I expect you to clear your mind before you go to bed tonight."
Harry immediately got up, wand and hand, and practically ran out the door. When he got to his dorm, he avoided Ron and Hermione's questions but telling them he was very tired while they eyed him suspiciously, and then went to bed. He feel asleep, Snape's voice ringing in his head.
"...And I dare say, you'll be all alone when your dear friends mature enough to admit their feelings. You'll be left in the dark, all alone...Imagine that. The boy-who-lived, alone."
That night Harry dreamt he was locked in the closet under the stairs. All alone, in the closet...and He didn't care. He didn't care that no one at all in the house he lives in love him. He did care, though, that he was alone. He hates being alone, especially in this dream. Its the worst feeling he ever had. Just thinking about it, (still dreaming!) tears starting running down his face. He was alone. Not just locked, alone, in the closet - that didn't bother him. But he felt like he was alone in the world, without a soul in the world to care for him. The thought sickened, and saddened the boy to no end.
Harry woke in the middle of the night, his pillow slightly damp from the stream of tears that had run down his face. He was terribly tangled in his blankets. He flipped his pillow over, rubbed his face lightly, untangled himself, and fell back asleep, reassuring himself by thinking of Sirius, his godfather.
Harry went through his classes like he usually did, not thinking about the dream... He wouldn't dwell on it, not yet. He also refused to dwell on the Occlumency lesson with Snape, and his worry for what might happen.
Ron and Hermione didn't notice anything different about him. Then again, Harry wasn't acting much different *Of course they wouldn't notice anything wrong with me...* Harry thought, bitterly. *They're too wrapped up in each other. What's wrong with me? Do I want them to notice?* Harry felt like he was going to be sick. He was at supper, in the great hall with Ron and Hermione bickering. *...Like a married Couple* Harry thought again, still bitterly. He felt even more sick. The dream was coming back into his mind, but before he could even think about much of it, he was confronted by Hermione's concerned voice.
"Harry, are you feeling all right? You look rather... Well, off." Harry looked up at Ron and Hermione's questioning faces, wondering how he was going to get out of this one, wondering why he was trying to drown himself in self pity. *Suck it up, Harry* a voice demanded, in his head don't be so damned childish. Ron and Hermione will never leave you behind, even in they do act married.* Still, a different, nagging voice in the back of his head was telling him Ron and Hermione would be much better off without him...a pitiful, cursed boy. But not to worry, (the nagging voice continued) they'll stay with you if you make them feel bad enough. (AN: Yes, I do suppose Self-pity is not in Harry's character. Its not very much in my character either, though, but I still have a bout of it once in a while. Harry has a right to feel that way ... in a way. He's afraid he's going to loose his best friends!)
Harry's musings were cut short, also sparing Harry from having to answer Hermione's question, by Snape's threatening voice.
"I'm afraid he wont be able to answer you, Miss Granger, he must come with for his...Remedial Potions." Snape spoke just low enough so that only Harry, Ron, and Hermione could hear it, although anyone else listening that was sitting really close would have heard. For once, Harry was thankful for Snape. Harry removed himself from his seat, said good-bye to Ron and Hermione, and followed Snape to his office.
Snape made sure he closed, and locked, the door. He then went and took a seat behind his desk, Harry taking the one in front of it.
"Have any dreams last night, Potter?"
"None of the sort you're talking about, Professor Snape"
Snape narrowed his eyes. "Well, then, Potter, I suggest you stand." He and Harry both stood up.
"Ready? Good. One... Two... Legilimes!"
Harry mind once again filled with memories, these ones feeding from the emotions high on Harry's mind: Harry was running from Dudley and his gang ... he was alone in his room wishing himself a happy 10th birthday... Him lying in his locked up room wondering why his friends didn't write to him ... the Dursleys leaving the house, locking him in his room (the Cupboard under the stairs) telling him he isn't to come out until they get home from the funpark... Harry, sitting in his bedroom alone, looking from the empty Hedwig cage, then out his barred windows. Snape released Harry's memory.
"Rather depressing thoughts, Harry. Are you forgetting to clear your mind?"
"You never gave me a chance, Sir."
"I did. Lets try this again, if it helps, ill count to ten. One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Seven... Eight... Nine... Ten... Legilimes!"
The memory that was fresh on Harry's mind was suddenly taking over. The dream he had last night. He was sitting, locked in the closet, feeling alone. You could feel the emotions of the dream, since that was what the dream was made of, pure emotion. Harry, ignoring the feeling that he already had increasing, tried to push Snape from his mind, and it APPEARED to work.
Harry collapsed into the chair behind him, and disturbed looking Snape standing, staring at him. Snape then regained his composure.
"I told you to clear your mind, Potter." Snape said, slowly.
"I tried, Sir."
"So they did keep you in a cupboard? You seem to have plenty of memories of this cupboard."
"Yes, Sir" Harry gave in, his voice bitter, "I lived in the cupboard the first 9 years of my life at the Dursleys. They switched me to Dudley's extra toy room when letters came from Hogwarts about me being accept, bearing the address 'The Cupboard under the Stairs.' Regardless of how much you enjoy this, Professor, I wish you'd let me alone about my memories and feelings. I'm here for a lesson, not taunting."
"You're making the same mistake I did, Potter, except you're reacting less harshly."
"And that is...?" Harry muttered.
"When I found you looking into my pensieve, I thought you would have enjoyed the sight of seeing your Potions Master being humiliated in front of his peers by none other than your father. You seem to believe I enjoy seeing you humiliated and hurt by your cousin and his gang, even or in this case locked in the cupboard under the stairs by your Aunt and Uncle." Harry didn't say anything, he just remained watching Severus. "If you didn't notice, I never once found any of your memories enjoyable. That didn't mean I was going to treat you different. I hadn't realized until recently that this harassment and neglect were a daily ritual, but it clicked mostly when I got your reaction from my...." Severus Snape hesitated a moment, hating admitting when he's wrong, "...Taunting,"
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So tired...going to read a bit then hit the sack ... let me know what you think!
My disclaimer applies to the whole damned story.
I can't thank you enough for the reviews. I, personally, don't think I have that much of a talent for writing. Or keeping the Personalties of the chars. They're of course reaching the turning point where they're not like in the book, being on friendly terms. I somewhat regret, though, having written in the first chapter Snape was being a lot nicer in the potions class. Perhaps he was just in a good mood. Perhaps I just wanted to end it. But of course, I decided to continue it. I don't want to develop this relationship too fast, but it doesn't seem to work since I haven't the patience for it. Too bad, really, it would make a nice story if I did. Maybe I will. We'll see.
I also decided to hurry and post this chapter, fearing An Anti-Sheep Cheese Muffin's plot bunnies.
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Harry continued to stare at his hands, not daring to look at Snape. He wanted to leave. He wanted to get out. He couldn't stay in here. *Im going to get expelled, I know it... No... He can't expel me! Ill explain to Dumbledore what happened! Yes...* Harry calmed down a little, his anger had changed to fear. Now that he worked the fear out in his mind, he was starting to get angry again. *Who does he think he is-* his thoughts were interrupted by Snape. Harry felt like running to the door and getting out, but he knew he was stuck.
"You seem to need a lesson in control your magic, Potter." Snape had been thinking, just barely realizing how much of an effect his taunting had on Harry. He figured Harry would just brush it off, but Snape could tell by the exploding jars that he didn't. He was quite amazed by Harry's magical strength, knowing now that it was more powerful that he had thought, especially since Harry just proved he couldn't always keep it under control. He figured he'd slowly ease his way, to get Harry talking, and this is where he should start. He felt bad for causing this. Of course he did, He isn't an unfeeling monster, as most people thought of him. Even as much as he disliked Harry to begin with, he knows now that Harry isn't like his father. It's hard to drop how you treat someone, though. He tried of course, like when he was nice to Harry in his class. Now he was going to attempt to not only contain his hatred for James and be civil to Harry, but get Harry to talk enough so he could comfort him. *Comfort him. A student. Not only a student, but Harry Potter, the son of James Potter. I should know better, though, I wouldn't like to be judged by my father. Then again, I'm not the spitting image of him. Of course, I know I wont be able to do much tonight, but things should smooth over in time. I myself haven't grown to like the child enough to attempt to comfort him. Just because I know why I feel things doesn't mean Ill attempt to counter them.*
"Sorry, Sir." Harry said quietly, a small bit of fear in his voice. *So now he's afraid* Snape thought, watching Harry.
"As much as I would like taking points from Gryfindor for your inability, Potter, I'm afraid I wont do that on this occasion. The inability to control your magic was due to the anger that I deliberately tried to get from you. Although I did provoke you, I did not mean to provoke you that much, and I'm astounded at how well you managed to keep from lashing out, which was well in this case. Also, I was unaware that I would get such a reaction from you."
Harry looked at him for only a split second, then looked back to his lap. Harry knew very well that Snape had an amazing ability to read emotions, and he did not want anyone, especially Snape knowing how he felt. That man couldn't possibly relate.
"I would like to leave, Professor Snape. I think you've said enough tonight."
"Ill decide when I've said enough Potter, but very well. I expect to see you at 6 O' Clock, tomorrow. Got it? If I don't see you, you will have detention, with me. Furthermore, I expect you to clear your mind before you go to bed tonight."
Harry immediately got up, wand and hand, and practically ran out the door. When he got to his dorm, he avoided Ron and Hermione's questions but telling them he was very tired while they eyed him suspiciously, and then went to bed. He feel asleep, Snape's voice ringing in his head.
"...And I dare say, you'll be all alone when your dear friends mature enough to admit their feelings. You'll be left in the dark, all alone...Imagine that. The boy-who-lived, alone."
That night Harry dreamt he was locked in the closet under the stairs. All alone, in the closet...and He didn't care. He didn't care that no one at all in the house he lives in love him. He did care, though, that he was alone. He hates being alone, especially in this dream. Its the worst feeling he ever had. Just thinking about it, (still dreaming!) tears starting running down his face. He was alone. Not just locked, alone, in the closet - that didn't bother him. But he felt like he was alone in the world, without a soul in the world to care for him. The thought sickened, and saddened the boy to no end.
Harry woke in the middle of the night, his pillow slightly damp from the stream of tears that had run down his face. He was terribly tangled in his blankets. He flipped his pillow over, rubbed his face lightly, untangled himself, and fell back asleep, reassuring himself by thinking of Sirius, his godfather.
Harry went through his classes like he usually did, not thinking about the dream... He wouldn't dwell on it, not yet. He also refused to dwell on the Occlumency lesson with Snape, and his worry for what might happen.
Ron and Hermione didn't notice anything different about him. Then again, Harry wasn't acting much different *Of course they wouldn't notice anything wrong with me...* Harry thought, bitterly. *They're too wrapped up in each other. What's wrong with me? Do I want them to notice?* Harry felt like he was going to be sick. He was at supper, in the great hall with Ron and Hermione bickering. *...Like a married Couple* Harry thought again, still bitterly. He felt even more sick. The dream was coming back into his mind, but before he could even think about much of it, he was confronted by Hermione's concerned voice.
"Harry, are you feeling all right? You look rather... Well, off." Harry looked up at Ron and Hermione's questioning faces, wondering how he was going to get out of this one, wondering why he was trying to drown himself in self pity. *Suck it up, Harry* a voice demanded, in his head don't be so damned childish. Ron and Hermione will never leave you behind, even in they do act married.* Still, a different, nagging voice in the back of his head was telling him Ron and Hermione would be much better off without him...a pitiful, cursed boy. But not to worry, (the nagging voice continued) they'll stay with you if you make them feel bad enough. (AN: Yes, I do suppose Self-pity is not in Harry's character. Its not very much in my character either, though, but I still have a bout of it once in a while. Harry has a right to feel that way ... in a way. He's afraid he's going to loose his best friends!)
Harry's musings were cut short, also sparing Harry from having to answer Hermione's question, by Snape's threatening voice.
"I'm afraid he wont be able to answer you, Miss Granger, he must come with for his...Remedial Potions." Snape spoke just low enough so that only Harry, Ron, and Hermione could hear it, although anyone else listening that was sitting really close would have heard. For once, Harry was thankful for Snape. Harry removed himself from his seat, said good-bye to Ron and Hermione, and followed Snape to his office.
Snape made sure he closed, and locked, the door. He then went and took a seat behind his desk, Harry taking the one in front of it.
"Have any dreams last night, Potter?"
"None of the sort you're talking about, Professor Snape"
Snape narrowed his eyes. "Well, then, Potter, I suggest you stand." He and Harry both stood up.
"Ready? Good. One... Two... Legilimes!"
Harry mind once again filled with memories, these ones feeding from the emotions high on Harry's mind: Harry was running from Dudley and his gang ... he was alone in his room wishing himself a happy 10th birthday... Him lying in his locked up room wondering why his friends didn't write to him ... the Dursleys leaving the house, locking him in his room (the Cupboard under the stairs) telling him he isn't to come out until they get home from the funpark... Harry, sitting in his bedroom alone, looking from the empty Hedwig cage, then out his barred windows. Snape released Harry's memory.
"Rather depressing thoughts, Harry. Are you forgetting to clear your mind?"
"You never gave me a chance, Sir."
"I did. Lets try this again, if it helps, ill count to ten. One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Seven... Eight... Nine... Ten... Legilimes!"
The memory that was fresh on Harry's mind was suddenly taking over. The dream he had last night. He was sitting, locked in the closet, feeling alone. You could feel the emotions of the dream, since that was what the dream was made of, pure emotion. Harry, ignoring the feeling that he already had increasing, tried to push Snape from his mind, and it APPEARED to work.
Harry collapsed into the chair behind him, and disturbed looking Snape standing, staring at him. Snape then regained his composure.
"I told you to clear your mind, Potter." Snape said, slowly.
"I tried, Sir."
"So they did keep you in a cupboard? You seem to have plenty of memories of this cupboard."
"Yes, Sir" Harry gave in, his voice bitter, "I lived in the cupboard the first 9 years of my life at the Dursleys. They switched me to Dudley's extra toy room when letters came from Hogwarts about me being accept, bearing the address 'The Cupboard under the Stairs.' Regardless of how much you enjoy this, Professor, I wish you'd let me alone about my memories and feelings. I'm here for a lesson, not taunting."
"You're making the same mistake I did, Potter, except you're reacting less harshly."
"And that is...?" Harry muttered.
"When I found you looking into my pensieve, I thought you would have enjoyed the sight of seeing your Potions Master being humiliated in front of his peers by none other than your father. You seem to believe I enjoy seeing you humiliated and hurt by your cousin and his gang, even or in this case locked in the cupboard under the stairs by your Aunt and Uncle." Harry didn't say anything, he just remained watching Severus. "If you didn't notice, I never once found any of your memories enjoyable. That didn't mean I was going to treat you different. I hadn't realized until recently that this harassment and neglect were a daily ritual, but it clicked mostly when I got your reaction from my...." Severus Snape hesitated a moment, hating admitting when he's wrong, "...Taunting,"
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So tired...going to read a bit then hit the sack ... let me know what you think!
