Chapter Four - Life Happens
Jim couldn't contain his emotion as he leapt from his seat. "You're… you're… my father! Your name is Leland Hawkins, isn't it?"
The older man could do nothing but nod as he stared into the eyes of the young man before him… his son that he had left behind so many years ago.
Jim ran a hand through his hair, thoughts racing through his mind as his emotions reeled. He didn't know what to think. Should he laugh or cry? Should his pummel the man before him for all the pain he had caused over the years or should he just let it go? No, a cadet of the Interstellar Navy had no right to harm a civilian. Still… his heart was pounding. Without knowing what to do, Jim began to shake.
Leland set the folder down on the seat beside him and rose. Placing a hand on Jim's shoulder, he sat him back down.
"Calm yourself, son."
"Son… don't call me son," Jim gasped. Then his eyes darkened as he glared at his father. "I waited for you to come back for so long. Night after night I would be kept awake by mom's crying. Night after night I wondered what had gone wrong. Why did you leave us, father? Didn't you love us?"
"Of course I loved you. I…"
"All my life all I wanted was to make you proud of me. I wanted you to be my father… my friend. I wanted to do all the things that kids did with their fathers – build things, play pirates, and just have fun. But you never let me in. And you shut mom out. You ruined our lives for so long. And now, when I've finally begun to get my life back, you just wander back into the picture? No."
"Jim, I am not asking for your forgiveness. This is just as much of a shock to me as it is to you. Did you honestly expect that we'd ever see each other again? I was too much of a coward to face your mother after all of the things I said to her. I didn't know how to be your friend… or your father. I was selfish, Jim, and I still am. If we hadn't met like this, I would have continued wandering around in my worthless existence!"
"Well you're going to have to continue wandering. Just because we found each other does not mean that things are forgiven, or even forgotten. No, father, I can't erase the pain from my childhood."
"You know," Leland changed the subject, "Though I didn't bond with you, I had some sort of deep-seeded feeling that you were going to be something special."
"How would you know?" Jim growled. "You were never there. You hardly ever helped mom around the house. You never acknowledged my achievements. You were never there – don't you understand that?"
"Did it ever occur to you," Leland snapped back, "That I realize now how much I wronged you and your mother? And that I know that anything I do will never bring back what you've lost? But do you realize just how much I've lost too? I lost the chance to be a husband and a father. I can't bring myself to remarry and hurt someone again. I've lost the will to get a decent job. The fire to push myself to great heights. Do you know how far I've fallen?"
"But, I…"
"Unlike you, I have no future left, but to wander the Etherium as a loser. I have nothing left but to repent the wrongs that I've committed. You, on the other hand, are about to become a great spacer in the Interstellar Navy. The one thing that I once dreamed of too."
"Mom never mentioned that…"
"Because I set my dreams on the back burner when we married. I was blinded by love then, but soon realized how hard commitment could be. And it got the best of me."
"And you destroyed two lives in the process."
"And I regret that I did. I'm sorry, Jim. Truly, I am."
"Apology not accepted," Jim glowered.
Leland sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. He was defeated, and he knew it. There was nothing he could do to win his son over. And there never would be. Once again he began to stare out the window, as if looking for his lost life.
"I didn't expect it to be," he said, as Jim rose and walked away. "I didn't expect it at all."
"Daddy, I think this is good-bye…"*****
To be continued, of course! Stick around for chapter 5. ^_^
