Yo~!! And Welcome to My Little World of Weirdness!

I state for the record that, despite the fact I really, really wish I did, I don't own any of the official characters that will grace this story; the wonderful creator of Fruits Basket, how I love thee! How can I show my appreciation? By borrowing your characters and putting them in weird situations, of course!! Oh, oh!! I do own the small poem that is in this though . . . it's dedicated to a close friend. [Laughs] Also I don't pretend to have any Mastery over the language of Japanese or any clue as to correct grammatical structure. I put it in and hope it gets across the point I'm trying to make! And I don't pretend to be able to write any sort of accents so please don't hate me!!

"Speaking"

*Stress/emphasis*

//Thinking//

++Titles – timewise ++

Poem

~ Just a Little Something ~

By Doctor Megalomania

Part Seven: Repentance

A bright light is the first thing I'm aware of.

The second is Hatori's fingers prying one of my eyes open.

"What are you doing?" I rasp, opening my other eye so he will stop blinding me with the stupid, small flashlight. Hatori lifts his fingers from my face, and stares down at me as he switches off the light. "You had a fit." He answers simply, "We thought you were dead."

I turn my head and find the whole family is here, wow . . . amazing what will happen at the promise of my death.

Tooru is comforting someone, I can hear her but she's just out of my line of sight. The woman she's comforting sounds familiar, and the memory of what I was doing before I passed out comes crashing back to me.

I feel unsettled that some deep part of me feels much prouder of the deed than warrants. It just means that Ritsu will fall harder for me, he should be thanking me for the amount of effort I am putting into my plan.

The stupid cat snorts against the wall and growls angrily at Ritsu, "Worthless monkey!" He snaps loudly, my china doll's weeping stops as the ginger haired freak continues to rant at him, "He's not dead, he just had a fit! This is what you had the family worried about! Idiot monkey!"

The freak storms out of the room, slowly followed by Hatsuharu, Yuki glances at me, then at his brother and grabs Tooru's hand, dragging her after him. She goes to protest, but he silences her with an insult against my china doll about him being foolish and that they should never have believed him.

The rest leave as well without word to me, Ayame, Shigure staying only for their friend . . . Hatori staying to make sure there's no damage. I glance over and my china doll comes into my line of vision, clasping his hands over his collarbone, worry still radiating from him. He bits his lip hard, any trace of out encounter faded long ago, although I notice that his kimono is ripped slightly at the collar.

"Gomen!" He begins, lowering his eyes, "I'm so sorry, I thought . . . when you collapsed, I . . . I . . ." he lifts his head again and fresh tears well up in his eyes, "I thought you had died, I thought I'd killed you!"

I lift my hand out to him, "Help me up. . ."

He complies instantly, ignoring Hatori's disapproving glare. I lean on him to sit up as he sits down beside me so I can lean against him. I rest my forehead against his shoulder for a moment, clasping his arm in my hand so he doesn't move. My head is swimming still, and I close my eyes. I smell that idiot outsider girl's perfume on his clothes; she's been holding him. I raise my head a little too soon, too eager to escape the smell, that my head hammers hard with pain.

"Watch out . . ." Hatori comments, "You are not well enough, Akito-sama." He hands me some pills, which I swallow without protest. I feel too weak. I lean against Ritsu, trying to hold my breath against the smell of that outsider girl. I'd have him take it off right now, get rid of the clothes, burn them, just so I wouldn't have to smell them anymore. Disgusting.

Ayame makes a small impatient noise and I glare at him. He is anxious to leave so soon? My eyes narrow, "Ayame."

He stills and stares at me with challenging golden green eyes, "Yes, Akito-sama."

I glance at Ritsu briefly, "Make for him a new kimono." Ritsu's warm brown eyes widen as I talk, his mouth falls open. I frown slightly, why did I ask that? Just because I want to get rid of the smell of that idiot outsider girl? I could just order him out of the room, just have him go change his clothes . . . I shake my heart as my rational mind kicked in, it would hurt him, wouldn't it? To get a present from me, it would hurt him so much when I break him, to know what my softest side was like, to come so close to revealing the real me. . . it would break him completely, wouldn't it?

I allowed a small smile pass over my lips, as I turned to Ayame now. The snake's jaw was hanging open with shock, as I detailed to him the most beautiful kimono I could think of.

It would break his heart . . . wouldn't it?

I still don't know how Ayame fixed it, but the bodice of the kimono some how suggested that my china doll was more male, yet still managed to make him look female. The long sleeves brushed just below his knees, as he turned around, showing off every aspect of the beautiful gown. Ayame had outdone himself; even I had to admit that, well and truly. The beautiful cream of the main part of the kimono was offset starkly with bold deep violet borders, the stitching on the various blue and purple butterflies as they chasing the pale pink blossoms, as the frozen petals floated on a still wind, was incredible.

I didn't find it so hard sound very convincing when I told Ritsu he looked nice.

The blush that stole across his cheeks, lightly made up to match the tone of the kimono, made me feel a little more convinced. If he weren't what he was he would make a very beautiful lover for me. I sigh, it's a shame really, if he were my china doll, she'd be absolutely perfect . . .

My china doll glances in the mirror, checking his appearance. Standing unsteadily, I hobble over. I hate that I still cannot walk perfectly, but I still need practice. My china doll jerks with surprise as he realises I'm moving, and turns to catch me as I stumble the last step.

How clichéd!

We stare each other as he lowers us to the ground, I sprawl myself, leaning my head against his chest, as he kneels daintily, attentively, I felt his hands support me, heard his heart beating, I watched a flush creep across his collar bone, and secretly rejoiced in the effect I was having on him.

How easy he was making it for me?

He noticed my smile and began to blush, "Akito-sama . . ." I flicked my eyes up at him, and stared at him through my fringe. His blushing got worse, and his amber eyes sparkled, as he murmured happily, "Arigato . . . zutto, zutto, arigato . . ."

"There's no need for you to thank me . . ." I whisper back, as I raise a hand to stroke his cheek. He nuzzles my hand like an adoring puppy, how cute! I would enjoy hurting him so badly. Watching tears roll from those eyes . . . my hand crept down his throat, his breath caught. I smiled more, letting some of the desire I felt, the desire to revenge myself on him, steal into my eyes. He doesn't break eye contact with me, how can he? He's so blinded by his love for me; to see me staring at him with such emotion must be spell binding.

I rest my weight against him more, closing my eyes as I trail my fingers over his shoulder, under the collar of his new kimono. For the moment, I pretend my china doll is with me, Ritsu does much to aid this as well, he starts to hum lightly, gasping as my fingers pull at his clothes more. His heart thrums deeply, its pace quickening, as we sit together on the floor in the sunlight. I feel myself ready to doze, Ritsu's hands are gentle as he laces one set of fingers into my hair and strokes the other hand down my neck and shoulders.

I fall asleep to his humming, a plaintive tune, quiet and romantic. His heartbeat is a comforting constant. My hand stops its absent minded wandering, slowly slipping down his flat chest. I'm warm, and even if it is Ritsu, I can at least pretend I'm happy . . .

I woke up one night, several weeks later.

The moonlight poured though the window, lighting the room with a cool icy blue light. I looked around, and saw that Ritsu was gone. I frowned and got up, it was strange, normally if I woke up Ritsu would be here. The chair he usually slept in was empty, so he'd not gotten up or anything. The door slide open, and Hatori calmly stepped in, staring at me with blank green eyes.

"Do you need anything?"

I glared back at him, anger building at this complete lack of respect Ritsu was showing me, he was meant to be serving me! I narrowed my eyes and clutched the bed, "Where's Ritsu?"

"I ordered him to sleep in a bed; it's not doing him any good to sleep in that chair. Besides you are getting well enough now—"

"Bring him back now!"

Hatori's lips pursed, "He's sleep—"

"Bring him to me now!" I growl, angered at him for making arrangements with my china doll with out consulting me first. Ritsu is mine to do with what I please, not his! I feel incensed every second Hatori takes to get Ritsu to my side; I'm going to pull the damned monkey's hair out for this insult! How dare he leave me without telling me!

The door slides open again, and Ritsu wrings his thin hands pitifully. Hatori steps in behind him as the damned monkey comes to my side and kneels by the bed, I see tears are already forming, but by the time I'm done with him he'll need major surgery. I will not allow this stupid monkey to disobey me!

I glare at Hatori until he leaves, casting one carefully blank look at Ritsu, telling the monkey without words that he will fix him up if I leave him bleeding.

I stare at the door until Hatori is gone, and Ritsu begins to whimper quietly, "I'm sorry Akito-sama, I'm so very sorry, I was so tired and Ha-san told me—"

I reach out and grab his hair, pulling him up until he can see my face, "If you were uncomfortable," I spit at him, "You should have told me!" He stares at me stupidly for too long and I twist his hair painfully, "Well?!"

"Uh . . ." tears roll from his shocked eyes, as he stutters, "I was uncomfortable, Akito-sama . . ."

Glancing at the chair, I make my decision. I don't want him to leave again, what if I need him? There's only one place left in the room for him to sleep comfortably. Pulling him by his hair, I force him on to my bed, on the side by the window, so if he tries to leave he'll have no choice but to wake me up.

"Lie down."

Ritsu lies on his back obediently, looking at me with wide eyes. I stare back at him for a moment, before I lie down beside him and mutter, "You are staying here with me. . ."

A small coo of delight is all the warning I get before Ritsu wraps his arms around my neck, forcing me to roll over and face him. The darkness almost hides his face as he nuzzles my neck. I swallow as his leg slowly rides up mine, rubbing his thigh against mine. I hear him cooing happily as he kisses me lightly, "I missed you. . ." he whispers desperately, "I didn't want to leave, I never want to leave you Akito-sama, I want to stay. . ."

I stare at his hair as the loose strands tickle my face, I can't help the words as they tumble out of my dry mouth, "Why do you love me?"

He stills in my arms, and presses his cheek against mine to whisper into my ear, "I saw you . . . before you got run over," he breaths a contented sigh, "I didn't realise it was you at all, you were looking so happy, your face tipped up and smiling . . . the petals all around you . . . you looked so handsome . . . so happy . . ."

I was thinking about my mother. How she would have loved this day. It was her birthday, the day I was run over, and I was walking around, I hadn't told anyone I was going to do it, I just felt like it. I wanted to wish my mother a happy birthday, and the sun was warm as it shone down on me. I'd closed my eyes for a fraction of a moment and foolishly stepped out onto the road. The blaring horn, a flash of red, and a woman screaming was all I remember of the impact. I felt like I was flying for a moment, and then everything faded away.

His arms tightened around me, and I responded in kind. I hooked my arm under his torso, and clamped my free hand under his thigh as it rested on my leg.

"I saw you, the real you . . . just for a moment . . ." he whispered, so quietly, his breath was so warm as it brushed over my lobe. "And in the at moment, Akito . . . I knew . . ."

My eyes open again, and I smile, I turn my head and kiss his ear gently. I knew too.

"I can't explain it, I just knew . . ."

My hands tighten on him; my plan was falling in to perfect place. He is mine now . . .

Ritsu pulled back so he could stare adoringly into my eyes, "I knew in that moment, that I love you, Akito . . ."

I stare back at him for a moment, allowing all my happiness spill into my eyes, my plan was perfect, and soon I would be able to finish this. He is mine now, because I have his heart.

The day I was released from hospital was remarkable only because it was raining so very hard.

Shigure walked behind us in his suit, carrying my shoulder bag, Hatori walked beside me holding a large black umbrella over me, and Ritsu – who held tightly to my arm and walked closely so he wouldn't get wet, and so if I fell over I'd have help. I was on one crutch having refusing the second. It was bad enough I had to rely on one without having to rely on the other. Besides, the monkey, dressed in the very finest of his kimonos, the one I gave him, supported me very well. We paused at the bottom of the steps so I could catch my breath. Ritsu chuckled quietly, "It's so wonderful, Akito-sama . . ." he breathed with awe, "You are so free now. . ." he smiled adoringly, "If you please, I know this little park, which is very nice for walking—"

I stare at him. Now. Now is the time. Now the hammer falls, now I break him. I smile.

And turn my head away from him, so I can speak to Shigure.

"Shigure."

Ritsu falls silent at my interruption, as Shigure moves around Hatori, his own umbrella dripping with rain, as he stares at me, "Hai?"

"Arrange for Ritsu to live with his mother."

"Akito-sama?" Shigure glances at Ritsu briefly, shock slowly filtering into his eyes.

I hear a gasp from Ritsu, as I elaborate; "I want him as far away from as possible." I begin to walk again, careful over the wet concrete pavement. While Hatori and Shigure keep pace, Ritsu stands where he was for a moment before running in front of me, he stares at me, the rain quickly ruining his makeup, his hair falling from its careful swirls. The china doll melts away as the rain pounds down on him, revealing nothing but the ugly worthless monkey.

"I . . ." he begins, "I don't understand, Akito . . ."

"What's not to understand?" I raise an amused eyebrow, as I smirk at him.

Why am I not feeling triumphant?

"I want you as far away from me as I can get you . . ." I snicker darkly, "Why would I want such a disgusting creature near me at all?"

What's wrong? Why can't I feel the pleasure I usually get from things like this? Ritsu's tears are running freely, his bottom lip quivers, as he begins to shake his head in denial. Beside me Shigure stares at Ritsu with sad comprehension. No doubt in his own round about way he tried to warn Ritsu off me. Hatori stares, just stares at Ritsu before looking away. I continue, I just need the build up; I need to see him crumple completely before me before I can really enjoy it.

"You disgust me . . ." I say, quietly, it lacks the force of my usual anger, even to my own ears. But Ritsu's eyes tell me he's taking it hard. I pull up my memory of the first time I found out it was him, trying to use it to spark my anger fully, "I hate you . . . you disgust me . . . I don't want you . . ."

His thin hands come up and press against his mouth, trying to muffle the painful wails from spilling out. He sinks to his knees, staring up at me with pitiful wide tearful eyes.

"I don't want you."

. . . I'm hurting him . . .

"You disgust me."

. . . because he is mine . . .

"I want you far away from."

He shakes his head, until he crumples down, his hair hiding his face from sight. Hiding him from sight. Why does that hurt? I'm destroying him, I should feel happy.

"Disgusting creature."

I leant down, I want to see his eyes, I don't want him to hide from me . . .

His head snaps up, as he feels the first tentative touch of my hand. His eyes are blurred with tears, he can't see. He swipes my hand away, almost sending me toppling. It hurts worse, it hurts so much, I don't want him to leave until I've . . .

"NO!!" My china doll screams out, her . . . his voice raw with pain as he scrambles up, his kimono ruined with the rainwater and dirt. He stumbles away from me, trying to hide his face with his hands, my china doll . . . I taste something metallic rise up in my mouth as he stumbles away from my grasp. My china doll, my poor china doll . . . I've broken him! He clutches his hair, he mustn't pull it out!! He mustn't! I hear him cry, my china doll cries out painfully. I step out of the protection of the umbrella and hobble out uncaringly into the rain. Shigure and Hatori fade from my mind, why can't I move faster?! My china doll, it hurts to see him like this. I don't want him to leave, not until I've . . .

My china doll breaks into a blind run, running away from me. How can he leave me, my china doll, how can he leave me! I'm too weak to run after him!

I slip, and my crutch goes clattering away from me. My hip screams out with fresh pain, but I can't think of anything else but my china doll, my beautiful china doll, I didn't want to break him so!

The huge black umbrella spills over my sight as Hatori and Shigure attend me; they kneel in the rain, helping me up. I stare after my china doll as she runs, runs far away from me. I can't reach her . . . I strain to get out of Hatori's arms, desperately, am I sobbing? I kick uselessly, strain hard, all I can see is his beautiful golden brown hair streaming, the violet and cream of his kimono. My china doll will break; I don't want him to leave. I don't want him to leave!

"Get off of me!" I shriek helplessly, the rain is blurring my vision, I am cold, I am hot, all of this happens in an instant. I want to take all the power I hold over my family, and stop time. Stop this instant, just long enough so I can get to my china doll and stop her.

For a second it does . . .

Time stops.

My china doll stops cold, and turns to look at something.

Lights flash brightly, lighting him like an angel for a brief moment. He is beautiful, he is beautiful! My china doll is beautiful! My beautiful china doll!

And then I am betrayed.

Time resumes. The blaring of a horn, my china doll screams, crouching, holding his hands out as the car spins in the rain, follows the lights. My . . . china doll . . . flies through the air.

Hatori and Shigure let me go, lets me slide to the ground again.

The rain is all I hear.

The blood is all I see.

The cold is all I feel.

My tears are all I taste.

"No . . ." The whimper escapes me, I hear it only absently. I want time to stop again, I want time to go back. My china doll . . . my beautiful china doll . . .

"I always knew it would happen one day . . ."

The comment is hissed darkly behind me . . . and it's the first thing I'm really aware of. I blink, staring at my face in the reflection of the glass. My face is completely blank, is this me? I'm standing here, my face completely blank. I don't look angry, I don't look sad, or happy, or anything . . .

"He's gone too far this time."

"Shut up and sit down, Baka Neko!"

I blink slowly, as Yuki's voice silences the idiot cat. I blink again, as Tooru appears in the reflection beside me and pulls the towel around my shoulders back up. It slides down again, but I make no move to stop it. She looks at me with some degree of sadness; I wonder how long I've been standing here . . .

In the reflection, my family are sat in the corridor. The blankets around them, the fact that some are asleep tells me on some level that it's been a good few hours at the least. Tooru blinks and looks up as Yuki pulls her away from me, Kyou hisses some warning to her, but I don't hear it. In fact all I want to hear is the sound of the heart monitor and the life support machinery.

My vision focuses on the point beyond glass and the reflections of my family's angry, pitying, loathing, upset faces. Blood spattered doctors, and blood stained nurses rush about the main bed silently, Hatori is observational of the main doctor as he struggles to save the life of my china doll. He lies there on the bed, almost hidden by the air mask, the drips, the hasty bandages, the head restraint. I see nothing of him, his hair is hidden from view, I can't see his nose, his mouth, I can't see him.

"No . . ."

The doctors glance up as monitors begin to scream.

". . . please . . ."

Nurses run around, frantically getting different drips, medicines, and tools.

". . . no . . ."

Tooru's hand touches mine, but I pull it from her and put it on the glass. My china doll is convulsing on the bed. He tenses and relaxes so rapidly, the heart monitor wails at the doctors. I see Hatori step back and glance at the glass, he sees me, he sees the others as they get up to look though the operational glass. In three swift steps, he comes over and pulls the blinds down.

The next time I see my china doll it is for ten minutes and only because Shigure and Hatori argued so passionately for me.

I can't remember asking them, I can't remember anything after the blinds fell. I stare at my china doll, Ritsu is broken, completely. They don't know if he will survive the next hour let alone the forty-eight the doctors have call 'The Danger Zone.'

He looks so frail.

So delicate.

Of his face, all I can see are his closed eyes. They've had to shave part of his hair back, the rest is under bandages, the air mask covers the lower part of his face, there are tubes going into his nose, into his mouth. His neck is held in a restraint, and his arms are nothing but a mass of needles and casts. I want to touch him, make sure it's him I see here lying so broken.

My head swims, my mother . . . the last time I saw my mother it was like this, the last vain desperate attempt to save her. But they couldn't save her, not when such a cruel trap has crushed her so . . .

Like my trap had done to my beloved china doll.

All I wanted was . . . am I crying? I reach out and touch the plastic sheeting surrounding the area around his bed; it feels like I am miles away from my china doll. I turn, I have to leave.

I have to leave my china doll, this is too painful.

My china doll is broken . . .

I had his heart, he was mine . . . and I broke him.

Do you think there is a happy ending?

For people like me? For people like you? For a story like this?

You don't want to hear the months of self-torture I had in store for myself. The weeks when Hatori got so worried for my health, he had Shigure hold me down and he force-fed me. The months of silence, when I refused to talk to anyone, the way I just lay there and stared out the window. The months of restoration Ritsu endured as he recovered from his injuries, unlike me, he only had months to go. But I'm told he had painful months, reconstructive surgery, he still has yet to try his legs. I'm told that he's in some sort of depression; he barely can eat his food . . . if only I'd go talk to him, if only I'd see him. Tooru's so convinced that the love he has . . . had for me, the love I . . . the love I have for him . . . that it would make everything all right if I just went to see him.

A year passes.

"Hatori."

He jerks suddenly at his desk and turns, I smile somewhat wanly from the doorway. I suppose he has every right to be surprised. I haven't talked for so long. He stares at me, regaining his composure. The floorboards creak as Shigure and Ayame lean back and stare in the room together. It would be comical if I weren't so tired; Ayame's mouth swings open, Shigure and Hatori's cigarettes threaten to fall and burn them as they stare back at me. Hatori recovers first, and stubs out his cigarette. He stands and looks at me frankly before asking me, "Akito-sama?"

I step into the room quietly, revealing I'm dressed to leave the house. Hatori glances at Shigure, who is dressed in his favourite grey writer's costume, usually if I was going out Shigure would be dressed in his suit. I shrug as their inquisitive gaze turns back on me.

"Take me to Ritsu."

I push the door open and clear my throat.

The nurse blinks and straitens, she scribbles one more note and then walks up to me, "He's sleeping."

My eyes flicker in her direction, and then back to my china doll. "I noticed."

She shrugs; making some inane comment about the colour in his cheeks, and then – at my lack of answer – leaves. I step up to Ritsu's bedside and stare down at him. Or her. It's hard to tell anymore.  It's like Ritsu is a blank slate now. His hair has grown back, grown longer, it's simply braided, his fringe brushed back. It's so strange to look at him . . . he isn't dressed as a woman, he isn't dressed as a woman, not a clumsy monkey, or a delicate china doll. . . he's just . . . Ritsu.

I step forward, for all this time it felt like I've been miles away from him, now I'm less than a step away. I . . . I'm nervous! I feel a smile threaten to break my cold composure. There is a soft sigh, and he awakens. The urge to run away, before I can break him again, almost forces the smile under again. Yet it gains strength when his eyes flutter open and stare out the window, the snow flutters down beautifully, despite the harsh grey of the sky.

He blinks as he sees my reflection in the glass, his head turns slowly, and he tries to sit up. "Akito-sama . . ."

I put my arm around his back to support him as he sits, and I sink to sit on the edge of the bed. We look at each other; he seems so much more handsome, not wan, or pale, not at all sickly. Such a difference from when I last saw him. What he sees in me? I don't know, all I know is that I can't force my smile under, Ritsu is unharmed now.

He tilts his head at me, and casts his eyes down. "I'm sorry, Akito . . ."

I blink, wanting to ask for what . . . what could he possibly be sorry for now?

He sighs and folds his hands demurely in his lap, glancing out the window as he leans back against his pillows. He breathes for a moment, staring at his fingers, before he raises his head. He stares at me with as much courage as he can muster, "Akito. I . . ." Swallowing, he gathers his resolve before it flees, "I still love you."

My right eyebrow twitches, but other than that I don't move, I don't want to scare him yet.

He rushes on, "I know that my feeling can never be reciprocated, and I will make arrangements to move with my mother, I will do everything I can to make sure our paths never meet again . . . but you . . ." he swallows again and looks down at his hands, "You can't ask me to stop loving you, I can't do it, I've tried, I've tried so hard and I just can't do it . . ." He looks up at me, "I am too bold already, but I cannot change the way I feel for you!"

He blinks as he realises I'm smiling. I blink as I realise I'm smiling. His mouth falls open as I lean forward. My eyes close as I lean my head on his chest.

Once again I can hear his heart . . . his heart sounds so beautiful and . . . it is still mine. As mine is his.

I sigh quietly, as I feel him shift so I can lie more comfortable, I climb onto the bed with him and watch the heart monitors display, its bright neon green line moving in time with the heart under my ear. I smile gratefully; wanting to thank him for the second chance he has given me. But I can't find the words, the only words that I want to say . . . I want to tell him the truth . . .

"I don't think I've ever known anyone to be as beautiful as you . . ."

I can't believe I've said it, I can't believe I'm lying here, watching the beating green line and listening to the gentle thrum of his heart. I can't believe I feel so warm finally, as he cups my head to his chest with his soft hands, and I feel his breath deepening, I wonder if this is the last time I will be happy. My eyes grow heavy, my hands tighten around him and I hear a soft voice whisper happily.

For all I know, it could have been him who breathed the words. For all I care, it could have been me who prayed them. My eyes close and I turn my head to kiss the firm chest over the heart I held now so preciously. I was forgiven absolutely. His hands are warm as they cover my head; I hear a soft sigh echo around the room. He was loved completely.

It didn't matter which of us it was.

". . . I was born to be with you . . ."

It was true.

~Because, if you'll let me . . .

For you, I'd be just that little something more

Just a little something

Just for that little smile.~

One day, find someone . . . someone so special and say, 'I was born to be with you'.

There is no happily ever after . . . just a future we will make.

There is no end because I haven't finished telling this story . . .

But for now . . . it will do.