Shades of Gray

Summary: Haku never tried to see Chihiro but once she decides to return to Spirit World the night that her parents die she receives a less than warm welcome from him since his attention is on another spirit like himself.  With nowhere left to turn, Chihiro calls upon the promise of a childhood friend, Serena.  Together, the two are prepared to show Haku and the other members of the Aburaya that just because they're human doesn't mean that they should be taken at face value.  The question is, will Haku ever see Chihiro for the wonderful person that she is?

Disclaimer: I own nothing off of Spirited Away (wish I did though)!  The only thing I own is the plot and any and all original characters and creatures.

Chapter 4:  Let's Begin the Killing Time

            "You okay?"  Ace asked Serena as he brought her a cup of coffee from the kitchens.  All the others were asleep; exhausted from the show they put on and then the rehearsal that Serena put them through.

            "Thanks."  She murmured gratefully and took a sip before answering.  "I'm fine.  Why do you ask?"

            Ace gave her the 'look' and snorted.  "How long have we known each other?"

            "Since your mom insisted on bringing you over to my home since I was an infant."  She answered promptly and smiled at him.  "I swear, every time you came to France we had to civilize you out of your American accent."  She teased.

            "Right."  He drawled.  "My point is I know when something's bothering you.  If I can I want to help."

            Serena sighed softly and leaned her head against his shoulder for a few moments as she looked up at the sky.  "Chihiro truly loves him and I think that he may love her back from somewhere deep within but I don't understand why he acts so…so…"

            "Cold?"  He suggested.

            "Yes, thank you.  So cold towards her.  If loving is a crime then wouldn't more than half the world be paying fines?"

            Ace laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.  "He's probably just confused 'Rena.  He has one girl on his arm already but he's getting feelings for one that he thought he wouldn't ever see again.  Add that to the fact that he's a spirit and she, like us, is human and you have some major minor problems."

            "I know.  It's just… Chihiro is my sister, Ace."

            "Not to mention the one under your protection as a Guardian."  He added.

            She rolled her eyes and glared at him.  "No.  Chihiro can take care of herself and-"

            "Then why are you worried?"  He interrupted.

            She sighed and looked out to the rising sun.  "I don't know.  I feel…anxious, for lack of a better word.  I feel like something is in the shadows and it's waiting for me to drop my guard so that it can strike."  She rubbed her face with her free hand and shook her head.  "But strike at what?  You, Me, Chihiro, Kitty, Chaz, Diego, the Spirit World, the Living World, the whole damn world?  I don't know."

            "You're not alone you know.  All of us will fight this with you."

            Serena smiled at him then and nodded.  "I know.  First things first though.  We need to deal with Sakura."

            "I agree.  Any suggestions?"

            "First have him, oops I mean her.  Have her and Haku break it off.  Second, let Chihiro and Haku get to know each other.  Third, see what happens and let it."

            "Don't they already know each other?"  Ace asked pointedly.

            "Not really.  They've both change a lot.  Chihiro especially ever since the death of her parents and all."

            "Yeah… I suppose you're right."  He agreed.

            "Oh.  Could you, Chaz, and Diego keep making Haku jealous?  It'll do wonders for him."  She said with a laugh.

            "Who said I was trying to make him jealous?"  Ace wanted to know, causing Serena to frown at him for a moment and then her expression turned to quiet sympathy.

            "Ace, I'm sorry but Chihiro really does love Haku.  Even though he's a jerk towards her she-" And then Ace interrupted her yet again.  Except this time it was with his mouth, which he placed over her own in a teasing kiss.

            "I never said who I wanted to be jealous now did I?"  He asked softly, nipped her bottom lip, and then left her out on the balcony to muse.

            Serena looked back up at the sky and sighed.  Why this now?  She wanted to moan.  Chihiro, this is all your fault for being in love.  She added a bit irritated and then grinned.  But oh well I guess… What happens, happens.

            Later on in the evening Ace decided to cause a bit of mischief in the bathhouse so he waited until he spotted the 'fair' Sakura and began plan that had formed in his mind.  He strolled very calmly and seeming absently through the bathhouse singing a song from a show he'd once seen.

            Total slaughter…

            Total slaughter…

Although he didn't stop singing or change his bored facial expression, Ace's sharp eyes noted every worried look and grinned inwardly to himself.

I won't leave, a single man alive.

Sakura watched him coming with a frightened look in her eye and gripped Haku's arm and then swiftly ducked behind him to hide from the human.  Ace had to use all of his control to stop himself from sneering at her in contempt but he continued on as though they meant nothing.

            La di dadi di, genocide.

            La di dada da, an ocean of blood.

He slid the door to the room he and the others used for their shows and stepped through, still singing.

            Let's begin the killing time.

            And then he slid the door shut.  "Well, that was lovely."  Kitty said dryly as she looked at him in a scolding.

            "Hey, we're supposed to shake things up."  He countered and looked over at the stage area where Serena and Chihiro were currently sparring.  While none of them may have looked, or acted like it, they were all black belts in their own choice of martial arts.  The only exception being Chihiro and that was simply because she'd only just begun a year ago.  "She took to this so naturally.  She's already way ahead of where she should be."  He murmured as he watched Chihiro.

            "Mmm-hmm.  I believe that necklace Serena gave her works as an amplifier for Chihiro's natural talent."  Kitty murmured thoughtfully.  "Not to mention that Chihiro's got a great teacher who knows more about fighting than normal people should."

            "There is that."  He agreed.

            "Don't put all your weight on your front leg."  Serena called out in warning.  Chihiro instantly readjusted her balance but a few minutes later she'd done it again trying to fend Serena off.

            "How many warnings so far?"  He asked Kitty.

            "Three." 

            "She's busted."  He stated sadly.  Serena was an excellent teacher but she only gave three warnings about the same problem before showing you why you wanted to fix it.  Sure enough, in the next few seconds Serena made her move.  Moving her leg in a sweeping motion she hooked Chihiro's leg with her own and yanked her leg out form under her. And because that was where all of Chihiro's weight had been she went down.

            "Ouch.  I remember having that done to me more than a few times."  Ace muttered.

            "Hey!  Sparring time's over!"  Diego yelled.  "We need to get ready for toni- eh?"  He started to add but fell quiet when Haku came storming in.  Well not really storming, more like stalking in anger.

            "What was that all about?!"  He demanded to know when he saw Ace.

            "Huh?  Hey!   What's going on?!"  Chaz yelled from the other side of the room.

            "Just a boy worrying about irrelevant things."  Ace yelled back.

            "They're provoking him!"  Chihiro exclaimed in surprise.

            "Uh-huh."  Serena agreed with a slight frown.  "Question is why?"  She asked and held out her hand and pulled Chihiro to her feet.

            Ace, Chaz, and Diego were all doing their hardest to rile Haku up.  Unfortunately for Haku, and the girls, the guys were doing an excellent job.  At first it was more between Haku and Ace but then Diego got into it, bringing his hot-blooded Spanish temper with it.  Kitty was trying to calm them down but the guys were riled themselves and itching for a fight.

            "Stop it!"  Chihiro yelled and threw herself onto Haku, who barely managed to catch her, and whirled around to glare at the three men in a silent rebuke.  As for Serena, she was the vocal one.

            "What the hell do you idiots think you're doing?"  She yelled and pushed Diego back a bit since he seemed to be the most provoked right now.  Like the Spaniard she had a temper of her own and didn't mind getting into a shouting match.

            "He is intruding upon our territory!"  He bit out.

            "Knock it off, Spaniard!"  She growled.  "You do not take on the right hand of your employer!"

            Diego then went into a bit of a rage, which caused everyone else to stare at him in surprise, except for Serena whom he was yelling at.  Her eyes seemed to brighten a bit in anticipation and more than a little bit of mischief.  Chihiro mentally winced as a moment later Serena began to verbally rip Diego to shreds.  The words, phrases, and terms that she spouted of would have made a weathered seaman blush and a hardened miner stare in shock.  When she was finally done, Diego, and everyone else, stared at her in shock.

            "Well.  I feel violated."  Diego said finally, a grin on his face.

            "I'm sure."  Serena replied and grinned back at him.  "Chihiro, why don't you take Haku out for a bit of air and check him over for wounds."  She suggested teasingly.

            "All right."  Chihiro agree quietly and led Haku out of another door that led out onto the balcony.

            As soon as they were out of earshot Serena looked at the three guys and winked.  "A stellar performance gentlemen, you've got my vote for the Oscars."

            "Thanks but 'Rena?"

            "Yes?"

            "Watch your mouth next time.  Your father would have beaten us both."  Ace said.

            "Now Ace,"  she drawled and winked at him.  "Where do you think I learned all that from?"  She asked innocently.

            "What?!"

            "I'm sorry about that."  Chihiro apologized after hopping up on the wooden railing on the balcony to sit.  "Are you alright?"  She asked a moment later and looked at him worriedly.

            At first Haku didn't say anything, as he simply stared at the self-assured girl, no, woman sitting in front of him.  It was a shocking change from the clinging child she'd been so long ago and the broken girl she'd been a year ago.  "You seem different."  He said finally.

            Chihiro blinked in surprise and nodded slowly.  "Yes."  She agreed softly.  "I am."

            "Why did you come back here Chihiro?"  He asked.

            For a moment she didn't answer and stared off into the distance.  When she finally looked back at him her eyes held a great deal of sorrow and barely concealed pain.  "Because there's nothing back in the Living World for me."

            "What about your parents?"  He asked, surprised that she would say something like that.

            "They're dead, Haku."  She answered and looked away again.  "They died over a years ago in a car wreck.  I was supposed to have died but somehow I was thrown clear just before the impact."  She added in a whisper.  Another thing that she had to the pendent Serena had given her for, even then it had been protecting her as best it could without her being aware of it.

            "Why didn't you say anything?!"  He wanted to know, stunned that something so terrible had happened to her.  While he may not have thought about her a great deal after Sakura had come into his life he'd always assumed that she would be safe and happy in her world.

            Chihiro closed her eyes for a moment and straightened her posture elegantly so when she looked back at him all he could see was a perfectly poised woman, the vulnerability that had been there a second ago completely gone.  "I believe that when I did try to come to you and talk about it you were too busy 'getting rid of the filth' so that your beloved Sakura would not have to be near a 'filthy human.'"  She answered calmly, no hint of sadness, anger, or malice in her tone.

            "If I had known I would have-"

            "Pitied me?"  She interrupted and smiled a small mocking smile then.  "Pity isn't what got me over my parents death, Haku.  Nor was it pity that got me over you."  She added after a moment's thought.

            "What do you mean?"

            "You know children, Haku."  She replied with a shrug.  "They love completely and honestly, I wasn't any different but even children have to grow up one day don't they?"  She asked. 

            "That's the order of things."

            "Yes, I know.  You showed me that very clearly.  She said with a soft smile and looked at him.  "But that's alright now.  Then…it crushed me but I've learned how to not need you.  Or expect you to keep your promises." 

            "Chihiro, I…"

            "Yes Haku?"

            "I would have come."

            She smiled softly again and shook her head.  "Don't lie to me or yourself Haku."  She said gently, soothingly.  "The first time I was in Spirit World you were different, not as hard and cold as you are now, and I think you might have been my friend then but… well, people change as they grow older don't they?" 

            "I am your friend Chihiro."

            "Are you?"  She asked curiously.  "Despite the fact that you 'detest humans?'"

            "Your friend has a big mouth."

            "Yes but she's the truest friend I'll ever have."  Chihiro answered with a smile.  "And I know she'll always be there to catch me if I fall and help me back together when I'm broken.  Just like the others will."

            "Basically everything that I wasn't?"  He asked, a trace of bitterness in his voice.

            "I'm just being honest, Haku.  I've nothing to hide any more so why complicate things by playing games?"  She replied and leapt nimbly to her feet.

            "You've grown stronger too I see."  He mused thoughtfully.

            "Yes, I have."  She agreed and began to walk back inside.  "Haku?"

            "Yes?"

            "One day, not now but someday, I want to know why you broke your promise to me."  She said and went back inside leaving him to his thoughts…

Chihiro sang the lyrics softly as the sound of guitars played over the crowd.

            Oooh oooh…

            Oh why you love?  So much pain…

Serena's voice echoed after Chihiro's.

So much pain.

            Chihiro sung again.  The main spotlight was on her and she looked angelic in a long white dress with a low scoop collar and her hair was down except for a single braid woven with white ribbons.  She was standing still for now, on the main catwalk, just looking out at the crowd as she sang. 

            Sittin on the roof, starin at the stars.

            Thinkin to myself, 'how could I have fallen so hard?

            When all I was told was lies.'

            Now that I think about it, it makes me cry!

And then, just as she finished Serena and Kitty came in with the chorus.

            To know someone I gave my heart to,

            Just tore my heart apart.

And then Chaz joined them on the chorus.

My love lifted zealously, why did this love have to start?

And then Chihiro entered again as she echoed:

Why did…

            And as she held her part the girls and Chaz continued with the chorus:

            Feeling the love I have for you just rushes through my veins.

            Why does love have to be so much pain?

Kitty sang alone, and echo of the chorus.

So much pain…

Chihiro sung, echoing Kitty.

So much pain…

Serena mostly whispered, and partly sang.

So much pain.

Chihiro once again sang alone, this time she began walking around and the spotlight followed her.  Since the beginning of the song Ace and Diego had been out of sight but you could hear them in the darkness, snapping their fingers at timed intervals to make up part of the background sounds.  Serena and Kitty were in a dimly lit spotlight that barely showed their features and you could barely tell that they were in long skirts and cropped belly shirts.  Chaz stood with them dressed in black pants and a pale blue shirt.

            Memories, no one can take away the pain that I will feel,

            Each and every day.

            And it's gonna be hard, but I will pull myself through.

            Or else I'll never get over lovin you!

            And then Serena and Kitty once again entered with the beginning of the chorus:

            To know someone I gave my heart to,

            Just tore my heart apart.

            And then Chaz entered again:

            My love lifted zealous, why did this love have to start?

            Feeling the love I have for you just rushes through my veins.

            Why does love have to be so much pain?

            And then Chihiro echoed them by singing:

            So much pain…

            And then Serena and Kitty sang together:

            So many nights,

            So many tears I've cried.

            And then Serena echoed it by singing:

            Cried…

            And then Chihiro picked it up and began to sing alone once again.

            No one to be, by my side.

            Stuck with misery and pain.

            You were the one to bane.

            'Cause it hurts to know…

            And then Serena and Kitty sung:

            To know someone I gave my heart to,

            And Chihiro echoed them by saying, rather than singing:

            It hurts to know.

            And Serena and Kitty continued to sing their part:

            Just tore my heart apart.

            And once again Chihiro echoed them by saying:

            You tore my heart apart.

            And then as Serena and Kitty continued to sing Chaz joined them yet again:

            My love lifted zealous, why did this love have to start?

            Feeling the love I have for you just rushes through my veins.

            Why does love have to be so much pain?

            And then Chihiro echoed then yet again by saying:

            Why does there have to be so much pain?

            And then Chihiro once again sang by herself.

            So much pain.

            Oooh…

            And as Chihiro drawled out her part Serena echoed her by softly whispering:

            So much pain.

            And then it once again picked up where Chihiro left off.

            …oooh…

So much pain.

            Oooh…

            And as she carried on the last note she stopped walking around and ended up exactly from where she'd started.  And during that whole time the lights had slowly been dimming until the room was completely immersed in darkness.

            For a few seeming endless long moments it remained a completely silent darkness and then they spirits from the Aburaya once again heard music and odd sounds began to play as spotlights in different colors began to move all over the room and on the walls they could see only endless fathoms of stars and then suddenly a large moon appeared in the air near the ceiling just as the sounds of drums could be heard.  All the different colored spotlights immediately shut off except for a few, which were now centered on Ace and Serena.

Ace was dressed in dark blue pants and the only shirt he had on was a button up white one in which none of the buttons had been fastened.  Serena had also seemed to change and was now wearing a pair of skintight shiny black pants and a sparkly silver halter-top that exposed her stomach.  Her hair, like Chihiro's, was down but she had a lot of small braids in hers without the ribbons.  And then as Ace began to sing you could see the faces and bodies of people staring at Serena with obvious false smile, looks of dislike and curiosity.

            She's takin her time, makin up the reasons.

            To justify all the hurt inside.

            Guess she knows, from the smiles and the look in their eyes,

            Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one.

            Serena, who'd previously only been walking, looked back at the ghostly figures haughtily and her eyes almost seemed to glow in challenge as she tossed her long hair back and circled around them.

            They're sayin:

            Mama never loved her much and her,

            Daddy never keeps in touch.

            That's why she shies away from human affection.

            And as she came close to one they reached out their hand and she recoiled visibly from them, her facial expressions set in obvious distrust.

            But, somewhere in a private place.

            She packs her bag for outer space.

            And now she's waitin for the right kind of pilot to come…

And then Chaz and Diego stepped out of the swirl of people for a moment and sang:

And she'll say to him…

            And then Ace picked it up again as Serena instantly started to dance in an almost violent manner as the figures around her began to move and she somehow managed to make her moves both sensual and hostile as she slowly made her way to Ace and acted out the words that he sang.

            She'll say,

            Yeah, I'll fly you to the moon and back.

            If you'll be,

            If you'll be my baby!

            You've got to take it for a world where we'll belong!

            So would you be my baby?

            She spun away from him then and then the lights began to change to suit his words and Serena's facial and body emotions continued to grow ever more expressive as she danced.  Her lithe body twisting in unspoken pain and rage.

            She can't remember a time,

            When she felt needed.

            If love was red, then she was colorblind.

            Just then another spotlight came on and Chihiro and Kitty could be seen for a very brief time.  They were seemingly limply hanging from a rope and their eyes held nothing but despair and agony.  Over then stood a huge ghost like spirit who wielded a lethal looking whip in his hand.

            All her friends, have been trialed for treason!

            And crimes that were never defined but,

            Serena moved to the center of the catwalk and for a moment she joined Ace as he continued to sing:

            She's saying:

            Love is like a barren place and I,

            Reachin out for human faith is,

            Is like a journey I just don't have a map for!

She moved away from the center then and jumped and almost seemed to touch the stars about her as she landed gracefully back on her feet.

            So, baby gonna take a dive and I

            We'll shift to overdrive, until we're safe.

            She's hangin all her hopes on the stars…

            And then Chaz and Diego once again entered as Ace's voice trailed off:

            What a pleasant dream.

            And then Ace picked back up

            She's saying:

            Yeah, I'll fly you to the moon and back.

            If you'll be,

            If you'll be my baby!

            I've got to take it for a world where we'll belong!

            So would you be my baby?

            And once again Chaz and Diego entered as they're compelling voices sang out to the dancing Serena, as though they were beseeching her to come to them.

            Hold on…

            Hold on…

            Serena did stop dancing for a short moment and looked at all of them but when they all stopped singing and just the instruments could be heard she once again began to dance.  This time her brilliantly colored eyes were closed and she seemed to be moving only to the music's will.

            Mama never loved her much and her,

            Daddy never keeps in touch.

            That's why she shies away from human affection.

            But, somewhere in a private place.

            She packs her bag for outer space.

            And now she's waitin for the right kind of pilot to come…

            And Ace and Diego entered again as they sung:

            And she'll say to him…

            By now Serena was right in front of Ace and the two were dancing together.  As with before, she sung with him for a short time but this time Ace had his hands on her slender body and was rubbing his hands in sensuous motions over her, just as she was doing to him.  The unspoken challenge in both their eyes didn't fade but now it was backed with a certain kind of heated promise.

            She's saying:

            Yeah, I'll fly you to the moon and back.

            If you'll be,

            If you'll be my baby!

            I've got to take it for a world where we'll belong!

            So would you be my baby?

            Now I'll fly you to the moon and back.

            If you'll be,

            If you'll be my baby!

            You've gotta take it for a world where we'll belong.

            So would you be my baby?

            Now I'll fly you to the moon and back.

            If you'll be,

            If you'll be my baby!

You've gotta take it for a world where we'll belong.

            So would you be my baby?

            Yeah…!

            As Ace drawled off the music continued and the two were able to do some of the more elaborate ending moves for this song which made more than one of the spirits watching a bit uncomfortable from the emotions that it was stirring within themselves.  These two were obviously very good at what they did and from their movements it appeared that they were very good in other matters as well as Ace held up briefly in the air, before letting Serena slide down his body and did some kind of twist spin as the lights once again faded to darkness.

            And so, the night went on as they performed song after song after song.  Each more complicated than the last and usually involving all of them.  To anyone who knew Chihiro and the other's moods they would have realized that they were dancing away all the tensions that had formed earlier during the day.  The heated looks full of promise and passion that so enflamed their audience was but another bit of acting for them.  The girls moved their bodies sensuously to the dominating men when the song called for it and danced teasingly away when they appeared to want.

            The spirits watching them had no idea of this of course and jealousy reared its dark head in one particular spirit especially.  Haku watched as all three of the men rubbed their hands over Chihiro at one point or another in the revealing clothes that she wore that featured her body perfectly.  There was a hunger building in him, a dragon's hunger that was directed solely on Chihiro rather than Sakura and burned all the more brightly because he knew that she would not allow him to have her now.  He'd missed his chance a year ago and it was obvious that she wasn't going to let him have a second very easily.

            What is the answer?

            You hold the answer deep within your own mind.

            But how can I?  I don't know what the answer is!

            Unconsciously, you've forgotten it.  That's how the human mind works.

            But why?  I want, no, need to remember.

            Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain we reject it and erase it from our memory.

            But if it's been both rejected and erased then how can it be remembered?

            But the answer is always there, just not in your conscious mind.

            So why can't I recall it?

            Are you asking the single right question or all the wrong ones?

            I don't know.

            To know the answer you must first know the question.

            What if you're afraid of the answer?

            Then you must linger in the dark without ever realizing the truth.  Such is your choice…

Replies/Answers to Reviewers Comments/Questions:

            Wow.  I didn't think I would get so many reviews and stuff for the previous chapter (not that I'm complaining!)  I just wanted to say thanks to all those wonderful people out there who are enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it.

Magic Cat – I'm glad that you're enjoying 'Shades' so much and don't worry.  Kamajii and Chihiro will meet up again son enough.  As for the songs…  That would be great!  One of the reasons why it takes so long to update this fic is because of the songs and having to get the lyrics as accurate as I can.  I would be very, extremely, knee-grovelingly, grateful if you would e-mail me the title's and lyric's to the songs that you mentioned.

Princess Sara – The words at the end of chapter 3 are part of a song.  If they're Aida's… I have no clue.  It's possible that Aida does sing this song but I believe the original was sung by Elton John which is were I got the phrases from.  I believe that the name is 'Is it written in the stars'

Well that's all the questions, I think…  So I'll end this now and go past this chapter.

Au revoir