Shades of Gray

Summary: Haku never tried to see Chihiro but once she decides to return to Spirit World the night that her parents die she receives a less than warm welcome from him since his attention is on another spirit like himself.  With nowhere left to turn, Chihiro calls upon the promise of a childhood friend, Serena.  Together, the two are prepared to show Haku and the other members of the Aburaya that just because they're human doesn't mean that they should be taken at face value.  The question is, will Haku ever see Chihiro for the wonderful person that she is?

Disclaimer: I own nothing off of Spirited Away (wish I did though)!  The only thing I own is the plot and any and all original characters and creatures.

Chapter 5:  Tired of Lies and Half-truths

            "Guardian."

            Yes?

            "Why are you concealing what you truly are?"

            Leave me alone.

            "You can't hide what you are for forever."

            Neither can you.

            "We shall see, young Guardian…But will you see me coming?"

            With a half gasp, half growl, Serena jerked awake, her hands searching for a weapon that she was not holding.  "Well you're a cocky son of a bitch, whoever you are."  She muttered and glanced around the room to make sure that all of her friends were still safely sleeping.  The owner of that voice was a threat to her and all those she held dear.  What he wanted exactly she had no clue but… she felt a deep sense of unease from the very depths of her soul.

            What was that movie with the robot that said something like, 'danger Will Robinson!'?  She wondered, slightly amused at her own thoughts as she silently made her way out of the room and made her way to the balcony and sat down on the railing and propped her back up against one of the boards holding the roof up.

            She's wild.  Even for a Guardian.

            That one is a night creature!

            She's too unpredictable to be a Guardian.

            With her power and potential we could- Serena shook her head violently then to shake off the memories from her childhood.  As a breeze gently caressed her face she looked towards he rising sun and smiled.  Another sunrise equaled a new day full of things to do.  Still smiling, she leaned her head back against the post and closed her eyes, content to nap for a short while.

            I'll see you.  The real question is, will you be able to see me?  She thought before slipping back to sleep.

            Haku was at the door to the boiler room when he heard voices coming from inside.  He'd been planning on visiting Kamajii but if he was busy then Haku would have to come back later.  He started to walk away until he heard someone yelp 'Chihiro' and then a large crash.  Without thinking about why he was worried, Haku rushed into the room and stared in shock at the sight before him.  Chihiro, and the other humans that she'd brought with her, were all lying on the floor piled on top of one another.

            "Oops."  He heard Chihiro mutter from somewhere in the tangle of bodies.  From his place at the wheel Kamajii was laughing so hard that he actually had to wipe tears off his face.

            "Do all your stunts end like this?"  He asked the human jumble of limbs.

            "Not usually."  Chihiro grunted in reply and as they tried to separate themselves from one another without too much damage.

            "Oh look.  Company."  Chaz groaned when he saw Haku and laid his head in Chihiro's lap.  "I think I've got a concussion."  He added, looking at her balefully.

            "Aww…Poor baby."  She crooned and kissed his forehead playfully and looked over at the others.  Kitty had tried to warn them that there wasn't enough space in the boiler room for them to show a dance routine to Kamajii but they'd tried anyway and had ended up in quite a tangle.  Kitty and Diego had been on top and to the side so they didn't appear as dazed as they others but Serena and Chaz had both been on the bottom and looked a little worse for wear.

            Serena babbled something in French and Ace grinned and looked over at Haku.  "She said, 'welcome to the madhouse.'"   He translated with and shook his head at the girl laying in his lap.

            "I wasn't aware that you had company, Kamajii."  Haku said to the old boiler man.

            "My granddaughter came to see me and brought all of her friends."  Kamajii answered with a chuckle.  "And how are you doing today Master Haku?"

            "I'm fine."  He answered politely and walked back out of the boiler room.

            "Is it me or did he seem in a hurry to get out of her?"  Diego asked.

            "Well you and the others did get him riled the other day."  Kitty reminded him.

            "Yes but-"

            "Hey!  No arguing yet!"  Chaz groaned pleadingly.

            "I'll second that motion."  Serena murmured but then her eyes narrowed in thought and she looked over in Kamajii's general direction.  "Kamajii, were did that Sakura girl come form?"  He asked curiously.

            "Well I only know what Rin told me but I heard that she is a water spirit like Haku."

            "Is she powerful then?"  Chihiro asked.

            "No, the water she is in charge of is actually more of a stream or brook than anything.

            "And when did she and Haku get together?"  Serena asked.

            "I believe it was three years after Chihiro crossed back over into her world."

            "I guess promises don't mean a whole lot after you find the girl of your dreams."  Chihiro murmured sadly.

            "There are none of us who are perfect."  Ace said quietly.  "We may judge others to the standards we set for ourselves but eventually we must realize that the standards we set for ourselves are not the same ones that everyone else may set."  He added and looked over at Chihiro.  "While this saying fits into the Living World perfectly it also fits into this one even more so."

            "What do you mean by that?"  Kamajii asked.

            "Because here you have spirits who are just as easily motivated by greed and power as humans are.  The only difference is that the spirits here still believe themselves to be a better than us mere humans?  Why?  Because they are spirits!  We humans are the bane of the earth yet our only crime is that we wish to live and expand upon our knowledge and creativity.  While we may not always make the right choices in our hunt for this knowledge we are at least capable of admitting that we are imperfect beings."

            After a few moments of thoughtful silence Chaz looked at Ace and said, "Whoa man.  That was deep."

            "Who would've thought?"  Serena murmured, causing the others to laugh a bit and broke the ice.

            "Hey, watch it you."  Ace threatened.

            "So what are your plans for today?"  Kamajii asked the group.

            "Not a clue.  We're going to be suffering from boredom soon."  Ace said mournfully.

            "Why not help out the others with the bath house?"  Kamajii suggested.

            "Ummm… That may be in violation of our contract."  Serena mused.  "Or Yu-Baba might claim it is in any case."

            "Oh?  You mean you actually got the better of her?!"  Kamajii asked in surprise.

            "I wouldn't say that."  Serena replied.  "I just evened out the playing field."  When the others started to laugh at that she opened her eyes to mere slits and glared at them.

            "So what are we going to do?"  Kitty asked.

            Only silence greeted her.  Unfortunately for the young entertainers they were very easily bored due to their artistic natures and were seeking something different to do.  While keeping themselves busy in the Living World hadn't been a problem it was a bit harder in Spirit World.  Apparently a thought just hit Serena because she immediately jumped up, winced a bit from moving too quickly, and then grinned at the others. 

            "Anyone up for a little paintball war?"  She asked.  Five challenging grins were her answer.

            Haku and Sakura were having a picnic near the river that day.  They were lying next to a bunch of shrubs that completely hid them from the Aburaya and it's inhabitants.  Both Sakura and Haku were lying on their sides beside each other and had long since stopped talking and were more intent upon exploring each other's mouths and bodies.  Although for Haku, he seemed to have some trouble in his mind seeing her as Sakura rather than Chihiro.

            Just then two bodies leaped over the bushes and right into the middle of their food, throwing it everywhere.  "What kind of idiots leave food sitting out?"  They heard a male grumble and a female laugh.

            "Haku?"  He heard Chihiro half yelp in surprise a second later.  It took all of Haku's will power not to wince at the shock in her voice at the sight that greeted her.  Both his and Sakura's shirts were off and it was obvious that they'd been doing a little more than just kissing.

            "Get down Chihiro!"  Yelled Chaz as he threw her to the ground and covered her body with his own.  They were both dresses in black jeans and black boots but Ace didn't have on a shirt and Chihiro was wearing a tight black halter-top that exposed her stomach completely.  They were also both wearing paintball masks to protect their eyes and faces giving them a bit of an evil look.  Both had small black backpacks on with extra paintballs and CO2 cartridges.

            "What do you two think you're doing?!"  Sakura screeched, causing Haku to wince in pain.

            "Shut the hell up!"  Chaz and Chihiro both snapped in furious whispers as they peered through the openings in the bushes, both of their bodies tense.  Serena and Ace were cautiously making their way away from the bushes.  If they kept going then Chihiro and Chaz would be able to sneak up behind than and take them down.

            "I said what are you two doing here?!"  Sakura yelled.

            "Damn it!"  Chaz growled when he saw Serena's head jerk around and stare at the bushes for a long moment.  He was too far away to hear what she said to Ace but he stopped as well and looked at the bushes too.  "Well let's make it a party."  Chaz muttered and decided to show his annoyance by shooting Sakura in the chest and leg.  It only stung her a bit but she still screamed like a stuck pig.  "Hey look, she bleeds green!"  Chaz laughed.

            "Chaz!"  Chihiro scolded but not even the mask covering her face could conceal her amused grin.  Chaz grinned back at her but when he looked back up he was stunned to see that Serena and Ace were nowhere in sight.

            "That's not good."  Chihiro said, echoing his thoughts.

            "Wow.  You're a bunch of smart ones."  They heard Serena's familiar voice say from behind them.  Chaz threw himself to the left and onto Haku and Sakura, firing away at Serena and Ace while Chihiro went to the right doing the same.  It was a last chance stand and not very surprisingly they died but they did manage to take Ace down and got a couple of hits on Serena.

            "Is it you humans main purpose in life to make us miserable?!"  Sakura demanded to know.

            Ace raised an eyebrow as he looked at the topless Sakura covered in paint from Chaz's gun and his and Serena's.  "Don't flatter yourself."  He said dryly and dug into his own pack and dug out a button up shirt he'd been wearing earlier and threw it at her.  "Cover yourself up while you're at it.  My friends and I aren't interested in looking at cheap goods. Oh, and don't return the shirt.  Burn it."  He added and then they all strode away to go and collect Diego and Kitty who'd been taken out earlier by Chihiro and Chaz.

            Haku watched Chihiro walk away and his eyes narrowed in anger when he saw Chaz slip his arm around her slender waist.  He didn't understand the closeness that Chihiro and the others felt with one another.  It was obvious that they were willing to get into one another's face but they didn't hold grudges and they were all comfortable with one another.  So much that they could be incredibly erotic on stage yet seem like a bunch of playful friends out of costume.  Not for the first time he wondered how much Chihiro had changed and how much of that change he'd caused.  If he'd only listened to her that fateful day when she'd returned would things have been different?

            There's no point in wondering about the past.  He told himself sternly.  What's done is done.  He added but as he looked at Sakura he knew that the feelings he once held for her were dead.  She was not meant to be the other part of his heart and soul.  He had changed after meeting Sakura.  He'd not been overly fond of humans before but Chihiro had changed that by showing him the kindness and purity of her heart.  He had honestly meant to see her again but then when Sakura had come things changed and he'd become like the other spirits who disliked humans on a general basis.

            But somehow, despite all logic, those six were changing the mindset of the spirits around the Aburaya.  They couldn't, or wouldn't, allow themselves be classified as normal humans.  The passion that they felt for life touched all of the spirits here in more ways than one.  It reminded the old ones of days long past in which man and spirit were once friends with one another and worked together.  Yet something about the human set Sakura off and they obviously felt the same way about her, if you didn't include Chihiro and Kitty, the obvious peacemakers of the group.

            Despite all this there was only one that truly worried them out of the whole group.  The human Serena was more than what she seemed.  The simple fact that she was able to get the better of Yu-Baba and still live was the most obvious reason yet at times he was able to sense a strange power within her, a power that seemed to connect her to Chihiro.

            But is she a threat?  He wondered.  And if so how do I take care of her?

            "Where's Serena?"  Chihiro asked as she stepped into their room where the guys were setting up dinner.

            "She mumbled something about not being hungry and took off somewhere."  Diego replied and handed her a steaming bowl of stew.

            "Since when is Serena not hungry?"  Chihiro asked worriedly.  Ace walked over to her then and squeezed her shoulder affectionately.

            "She's alright, Chihiro."  He said reassuringly.  "She's just gotten into one of her moods again."

            "Oh… I forget about that."  Chihiro said thoughtfully and took a bite out of the hearty stew Diego had given her.  Every now and then Serena would leave and go off somewhere to be alone for a while.  She was never gone long but once when Chihiro had tried to find her Serena had ended up being the one to find her!

            "Ace, you've known Serena the longest, why does she just suddenly go off like this?"  Chihiro asked curiously.

            "I've been wanting to know the same thing."  Diego added.

            Ace looked at her thoughtfully for a few minutes and sat down in a chair across from her.  "I'm not really sure.  I think her mother was like that though."  He answered.

            "You mean you've never met her mother?"

            "Serena's mother died shortly after Serena was born.  According to the doctors she never should have lived through the childbirth; in any case, our mothers had been friends since they were both children and my mom always said that Serena's mother was wild."  He looked at his stew for a moment and added, "I think that's why she would always look at Serena so sadly sometimes.  It was like she was seeing her best friend instead of her friend's daughter."

            "But what did your mother mean by wild?"  Kitty wanted to know.

            "Untamable, unmanageable, a creature which refused to be restricted by the normal limitations set upon us by society."  He quoted his mother, remembering that he'd asked her the same question once.

            "Does Serena look like her mother?"  Chihiro asked.

            "A near carbon copy except for the eyes.  She's got the LaCroix eyes."  Ace answered.

            "Did that affect her training as a Guardian?"  Kitty wanted to know.

            "Oh yeah.  They didn't even want to train her at first.  They said that she was too wild and even at that young of an age Serena didn't let adults intimidate her, the other Guardians didn't know how to handle someone like her but the power and potential she held was too great to go untrained.  If she had no knowledge of her powers then she could have become a threat rather than an asset to humanity."

            "That sounds… so cold blooded."  Chihiro said sadly.

            "They don't play around that's for sure."  Ace agreed.

            Serena smiled to herself as she looked up at the stars.  She was lying quite comfortably on the roof and had heard everything her friends said.  She didn't mind them asking questions nor did she mind Ace giving them the answers.  She was just grateful that Ace knew enough to actually give the answers she wouldn't have known to tell.

            "Damn you Haku!  Why can't things be like they used to be!"  She heard Sakura's familiar screech coming from the other side of the Aburaya.

            Well, well, well.  This just may be promising.  She though in wry amusement and silently stood and made her way across the roof of the Aburaya to the area she heard Sakura's yells.

            "Is it because of that human?!  Is that why things have changed between us?!"  Sakura yelled at Haku.

            "Sakura, I-"

            "No!  I won't let you leave me!"  She screamed.  Haku watched her silently, on the surface he seemed very calm but underneath stirred the rage and spirit of a dragon.  How dare she try to tell him that he belonged to her!  He wanted to growl but didn't.  He was Kohaku!  The spirit of the Kohaku River!  Just because his river had been filled in did not mean that his strength had become depleted.  His strength came from the source of the river that still flowed mightily in the Living World.

            "You're becoming hysterical."  He said calmly after she'd ranted for a full minute.

            Sakura looked at him through tear filled eyes and said, "you don't care for me at all do you?  I was just someone for you to amuse yourself with."  She added in a whisper.

            "You know that's not true."  Haku told her sternly.

            "Then why?"  She whispered in agony.

            "Because… I want to be with the one who is the other half of my heart and soul or not be with anyone at all."

            "Any you think that wretch of human filth is?!"  She demanded to know.

            "I don't know Sakura."  He answered honestly. "I only know that I'm tired of living in lies and half-truths."  He looked away then and said, "You should go now.

            For a long moment neither of them said anything and then with a scream of rage Sakura shouted, "I hate you!"  She then stormed out of his rooms to take her rage out of one of the workers.  After she left Haku let out a weary sigh and made his way out to the balcony to think and to be alone.

            "Quite the drama queen wouldn't you say?"  Asked Serena's familiar voice.

            "What do you want?"  He bit out without turning to look at her.

            "Happiness, peace, the strength and ability to protect those that I love and care about.  What about you?"  She replied, jumping off the roof to land gracefully on the balcony near where he was standing.  Haku looked at her for a moment, surprised at the answer she'd given him and looked back out at the open scenery.

            "I don't know."  He answered finally.

            "Well that helps."  Serena said dryly and leapt up unto the railing of the balcony and stared up at the stars.  She didn't really want to be here talking with him but she knew that she needed to be here for now.  "Why did you break it off with Sakura?"  She asked.

            "Because… being with her felt… wrong."  He answered finally.

            "So what feels right?"

            Haku glared at her out of the corner of his eye and looked away again.  "The fact that I still don't like you."

            To his utter surprise she started laughing like a lunatic and actually had to sit down to keep her balance.  When she finally calmed down and wiped the tears from her face she took a deep breath and grinned at him.  "It's good to know that you can be honest."  She said after a moment.

            "I tell you that I don't like you and you're happy."

            "Mmmhmm."  She replied.  "So what do you think about Chihiro?"  She asked curiously.

            "Why do you want to know?"

            "Because for some reason that is completely beyond my very capable comprehension she is still in love with you."  She replied.

            "What?!"

            "I know, shocking isn't it?"  She asked and got a thoughtful look on her face.  "I mean the fact that she could love someone as cold-hearted, mean, and downright obnoxious as you and for as long as she has is truly mind boggling!  Not to mention the fact that you broke you're promise, called her a piece of filth, started dating another girl…" She drawled off for a moment and nodded.  "Yep, Chihiro is defiantly messed up in the head."

            "Why do you tell me this?"  Haku asked softly.

            "I believe that love exits."  She answered seriously.  "And I think that you knew this all along, the only thing you needed was for someone to say it out loud and confirm it for you."  She answered and hopped off the rail and walked over to him.  "Here's the next question.  What are you going to do now that you know she loves you and that you, despite your not wanting, love her just as much?"  She asked quietly and very seriously.  She didn't stick around for his answer though.  Instead, she leapt back on the roof and disappeared as silently as she'd arrived.

            Chihiro…do you really still love me?  Haku asked silently wishing that she were here so that he could ask in person.

            Still up on the roof, Serena rolled her eyes and muttered a few choice words in French about blind dragon boys.

            Yet, on the other side of the Aburaya, Chihiro suddenly looked up and whispered one word so quietly that none of the others heard her.  She had whispered, 'yes…'

            "You know I've got a question."  Serena announced as she strolled through the doors and into the room.  Chihiro and the others all looked at each other and grinned at each other before returning their attention to Serena.  "When we eat is it like dinner or lunch or what?  I mean we keep crazy hours and stuff so what and when are we exactly eating what?"

            Chihiro stood up then and walked over to her friend and patted her on the shoulders in sympathy.  "Serena, I think you're starting to lose it." 

            Serena shook her head a bit and smiled sassily at her.  "Who ever said I had it to begin with?"  She asked in an innocent voice that made the others laugh.

            "Do you always think about things like that when you go off like that?"  Chaz asked teasingly.

            "Wouldn't you like to know."  She replied and mussed his hair affectionately and accepted a bowl of stew from him.  Chihiro shook her head at Serena but she smiled.  "Oh, that reminds me.  Haku and Sakura called it quits."  Serena said and took a bite out of her stew.

            "What?!"  Yelled everyone but Chihiro and Ace.  Chihiro studied Serena for a moment and had the feeling that Serena was waiting for her to say something.  A moment later Serena's green eyes locked on hers and she wasn't very surprised to see the intent yet patient look in Serena's eyes.

            "How do you know?"  She asked finally and Serena tapped her ear briefly.

            "Apparently, Sakura is very good at screeching.  In any case I overheard them and Haku was the one who really called it off."

            "Why?"

            "Well, He told Sakura that she wasn't his other half and that he was tired of living in lies and half-truths."  She looked at Chihiro again and tilted her head slightly and wasn't surprised to see Chihiro look away from her gaze.  I wonder why he chose those words?  She said privately to Chihiro and managed to keep a grin off her face when Chihiro blushed.

            "I have no idea."  Chihiro answered and gave Serena an innocent laugh.

            "If you say so."  Serena returned and the two grinned at each other.

            "So… what does this mean?"  Chaz asked.

            "It means that love at first sight may actually exist after all."  Diego answered.

            "Ohh…"  Chaz drawled thoughtfully, causing the others to laugh.

            I'm tired of fighting.

            So you're just going to give up?

            Yes, no, I don't know.

            Coward.

            What?!

            I said that you are a coward.

            How dare you?!

            Simple, only a coward will turn and run before the first blow.

            I'm not running.

            Oh?

            …

            What are you doing then?

            Waiting…

            Don't wait too long or you'll miss your life going by.

Replies/Answers to Reviewers Comments/Questions:

            *looks at the chapter*  Ugh!  That was a lot to write!  And not even one song.  Of course that also means I was able to get this chapter out sooner so I'm not complaining too much.  Okay, now on to the replies and stuff.

Mii-chan – For chapter four, I didn't really use any songs but the ones I made a reference to are In the Burning Heart from Rocky (a boxing movie) and Is it Written in the Stars? By Elton John.  In chapter 5, the 'Total Slaughter' song I used came from Trigun, the next song is Love is Pain by Amanda Perez, next is To the Moon and Back by Savage Garden, and I hinted at Understanding by Evanescence.  *looks at list*  Hey!  I listen to a lot of different types of music… Anyway, I hope this answered your question and thanks for reviewing!

^^ - I can really tell that you like Utada Hikaru!  I probably won't use any of her songs unless I find one in English and then only if I feel a pull to put it in the story (I hope that makes sense).  Thanks for your review!

Lonely Female Hanyou – Now normally I would agree with you on using a kiss to make Haku jealous but the guys all know Chihiro is still in love with Haku and they don't want to play with her feelings.  *laughs*  Feel her up maybe nut then the girls are pretty much used to that and it seems to be making Haku plenty jealous so far!  Thanks for your review!

iminyourmind – Zeniba and No Face's parts in this story aren't definite yet.  They may come in later but I'm not really quite sure yet.  But I am fairly sure they'll show up once or twice or maybe three times before the end…  Thanks for reviewing!

Special thanks to animegirl-mika, because every author wants to write a story where the reader not only reads the story but 'lives' the story.  To Kairo of the Wood, because like me I'm guessing that you enjoy the theatre and your review made me look at this story in a different perspective (although my theatre director might disagree with you!).  And last but not least, Princess Sara, for setting me straight on Aida!

Well that's everything (I hope).  In any case, I hope everyone has enjoyed this chapter because it's quite possibly the longest I've written. *looks swirly eyed*  And now… I'm going to go play my playstation 2 for a little while…

Au revoir!