Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.
A Not so Simple Wish
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)

Chapter 17

Happosai tutted to himself as he tried to straighten out another set of panties. After he left
on his little trip to Okinawa (those cheerleaders had been surprisingly shy, but he was
sure they secretly enjoyed his method of showing appreciation) he had returned to find
Ranko had stuffed his entire collection in the cupboard under the sink. He was actually
surprised she had managed to compress it that much, but it left him with the arduous task
of restoring the silky darlings to a more presentable state. A thankless, but still personally
rewarding task for the aged grandmaster of Anything Goes, even if he'd rather be getting
to know the new aquisitions, it was always worth taking the time to remember previous
conquests.

Suddenly the front door of the apartment exploded inwards, and a raging redhead
entered, giving Happosai a particularly murderous glare. "Old letch." she growled
challengingly at him.

"What is it, Ranko-chan?" Happosai asked, wondering what had her panties in a bunch...
actually he was just wondering what colour her panties were, but he was still thinking of
her... kinda...

Ranko stormed over to loom over Happosai, not bothering to take her shoes off as she
entered the apartment proper, and spoke in an almost conversational tone. "I just got
back into town today, and I heard the craziest thing."

"Um... what would that be, Ranko-chan?" Happosai asked tremulously, no longer
wondering what colour her panties were.

They were white. He could see as much thanks to her short skirt and his own diminuitive
stature, coupled with their relative positions. Why didn't she even own anything lacy or
frilly? Always the exact same boring plain underwear...

"That you attacked Ranma and said you were doing it on my behalf? Please tell me I'm
mistaken so I don't have to kick your ass." Ranko glared down at Happosai and tapped
her foot impatiently.

Happosai blinked, why was she upset over that? It was only right that Ranma had to
prove himself. To tell the truth he was rather impressed with the boy's spirit, and while
his skills weren't up to Ranko's level, he showed a lot of potential. "Of course I did,
Ranko-chan. Can't have you marrying a weakling now. The boy wasn't bad actually, at
least nothing some hard training can't fix."

"Oh." Ranko seemed rather nonplussed by that response, but at least she was calm... at
least until she picked Happosai up and started screaming in his face. "And don't you
think maybe he might not want to marry some psycho bitch who gets her aged master to
beat up on him?! Huh?!"

Happosai distastefully wiped away some of the spittle on his face as he waited for his
hearing to return. That girl sure had a healthy set of lungs. "Don't be so naive, Ranko-
chan. By making things more challenging for him, you'll seem unobtainable and he'll
strive even harder to get you! Why, I recall a pair of panties belonging to a lovely young
girl I knew back in the thirties, she did all sorts of stuff to keep me away, and it was
probably one of my greatest challenges, but once I finally got them I was happy as can
be! Of course, I never saw her again after I stole her panties, since the thrill is in the
chase, but that's my point... at least I think it is..." Happosai trailed off his rambling,
becoming lost in pleasant memories and not really sure what he had been trying to
convince her of.

His happy reverie was interrupted when Ranko dropped him and angrily yelled "I am not
a pair of panties!!"

"It was just an analogy." Happosai offered in a small voice.

"Well it wasn't a very good one! I let you live under my roof, I feed you, I put up with
your perversion, and this is how you repay me?! By making me look bad to Ranma? If
he doesn't fall in love with me it'll ruin everything!" Ranko looked to be in serious danger
of bursting a blood vessel given the way veins were clearly visible popping out on her
forehead.

Happosai eyed his student curiously, finding something somewhat... odd... in the way she
worded that, but unsure just what to make of it. "I'm sure if things don't work out with
him then you can find someone better - plenty more fish in the sea as they say."

Ranko's expression became deathly calm as she said "There is no one else." in a flat
voice. "If I can't get Ranma then I might as well be dead."

Happosai didn't really have much experience in normal human relationships, but he was
pretty sure that was a rather unhealthy view to take. "Well, if you can't find love you can
always dedicate yourself to a worthy cause - like liberating the silky darlings!" he said,
somehow thinking that prospect would appeal to her.

Ranko tiredly slumped to the floor, her anger now spent and looking like she might cry.
"Just get out." she said quietly.

"Ranko-chan?" Happosai said, hesitantly reaching out to her.

Her head snapped up and she pierced him with a look that would have killed perhaps
anyone but a cockroach like him. "I don't need you screwing things up. Get out and don't
come back."

Happosai swallowed his next words, somehow feeling cowed by the intensity of anger
directed at him, and silently left the apartment, not even bothering to gather up his
collection.

***

Ryouga Hibiki was deep in thought as he sat in his tent that night. Surprisingly, he was
not thinking of his upcoming battle with Ranma and the chance to finally avenge himself
for the insult of the bread. Instead he was thinking of a person he had only met that day.

"Ranko-san..."

He recalled all the times she insulted his sense of direction during the time they had been
together, yet he didn't get angry. Perhaps because unlike when his classmates had
insulted him in that mean spirited, snide way they did, Ranko-san's insults had carried an
almost affectionate warmth, as if she didn't really care about the things she appeared to
get angry about.

He considered that. He himself was pretty poor at dealing with people, and tended to get
angry a lot even if it wasn't really warranted. Perhaps Ranko-san was similar? In spite of
her sometimes harsh words, she had tried hard to help him get to Furinkan - the lost boy
blushed as he recalled the few times she had taken his hand to steer him in the right
direction - those insults had to be just a barrier she put up to hide the sweet, caring girl
underneath?

Thinking of those petite yet calloused hands, he considered just how strong she had to be,
not only had she stopped his umbrella, but she had actually warped the metal head!
Ryouga often had trouble with his monstrous strength making people afraid of him
(although oddly enough, Ryouga violently hated the first person he had met who hadn't
cared about that - Ranma), though it didn't stop them insulting him, it just made them do
so when they thought he wasn't listening.

Did people hate and fear Ranko-san because she was so strong? Maybe that was why she
felt the need to close herself off behind a wall of cold words? He couldn't imagine how
anyone could do that to such a sweet (not to mention pretty) girl. Ranko-san was like a
Goddess!

That thought only caused shameful tears to spill down Ryouga's cheeks, for he would
never be worthy of her. Who could love a freak like him? It was bad enough with just his
wretched sense of direction, but the curse he had gotten in China...

It wasn't fair! How was he to know demons were real, and to have the bad luck of
running into one? He was just walking along when he came across an abandoned
backpack. Deciding to do a good deed, he picked it up to drop off in the next police
station he came across (of course, with Ryouga that could be thousands of miles from
where he found the thing) when an enormous winged bull monster demon thing had
come walking out of the woods and spotted him. The demon tried to take the backpack -
no doubt for some evil hellish purpose - and when Ryouga had tried to fight it off, he had
been brutally pummeled into unconsciousness by the monster.

When he woke up, he was being carried through the air by the demon, which then
dropped him into a cold spring in a valley filled with the same. In his nightmares he still
heard the mooing laughter of the hideous hellbeast as it sealed his fate. Thus Ryouga
Hibiki had been forever cursed to live in fear of cold water for the rest of his days.

Who could love a pig?!

***

Like yesterday, a fair sized crowd of Furinkan students were present for the upcoming
fight between Ranma and Ryouga. Ranko had picked out a decent spot and was standing
by herself while Ranma was in the middle of the field waiting for Ryouga to finish
dismantling his tent.

"Ranko."

"Huh?" Ranko turned at hearing her name, and almost recoiled in shock at the sight
which greeted her.

Nabiki Tendou could easily be described as a rather attractive specimen of the female
gender, in fact, an unbiased observer would be hard pressed to find something bad to say
about her physical assets. Under normal circumstances that is. Right now she looked
anything but attractive; her eyes were bloodshot, with dark bags underneath them, while
her skin held an unhealthy pallour and her hair looked lank and mussed.

"Make. Up. With. Happosai." Nabiki enunciated each word clearly, despite sounding
like she would drop dead (or at least into a nice relaxing coma) at any moment.

"Huh?" Ranko repeated herself, a gormless expression of confusion settling over her
features.

"He stole all the underwear, he keeps poking holes in the shoji, he attached himself to my
chest no less than fifteen times, and he kept us up all night with his crying and wailing
about how you hate him." Nabiki said. "Now normally I would be thrilled that the little
freak is miserable, but not if he insists on spreading the misery! Take him back!"

So the old letch finally moved in with the Tendous? Ranko thought to herself, but her
actual words were "So if he stole all the underwear, what are you wearing now?" She
asked curiously.

Not being at her mental peak, Nabiki answered before her brain truly parsed the
question. "I'm wearing my gym shorts and sports bra that I had at school."

"Really?" Ranko chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully as she scanned the crowd to locate
the other Tendou sisters. "What about Akane and Kasumi?"

"He didn't take Kasumi's stuff for some reason, I don't know what Akane is doing."
Nabiki responded automatically before her brain finally caught up with the conversation.
"Hey! What the hell kind of question is that?!"

Ranko just grinned in response as she hurried over to join Akane and Kasumi. "Hi
girls!" She said brightly when she got close enough to the pair.

"Er... hello Ranko-chan." Kasumi said hesitantly, not really sure how she was supposed
to relate to her nominal rival.

Akane just mumbled "G'way, 'm too tired to fight you today..."

"You're the one who starts all our fights, Akane-chan." Ranko admonished, waggling a
reproving finger at the tomboy, who responded by throwing a truly pathetic punch which
fell short of actually hitting the intended target.

Ranko just sighed, not being able to find it in herself to bother making fun of Akane
when she was like this, since Akane's normally violent responses were half the fun. "Hey,
the fight's starting." She observed, noting that Ryouga was now lunging at Ranma with a
complicated looking series of umbrella attacks, all of which were dodged with ease.

"Because of you I have seen hell!" Ryouga screamed at his rival, while Ranko mouthed
the words along with him, a silly grin on her face.

The fight continued with Ryouga throwing his umbrella in a wide arc (which didn't seem
to accomplish anything at all) before tieing his arm to Ranma's with a bandanna and
trading more blows with the pigtailed boy. None of his attacks landed, while Ranma
wasn't really putting any serious effort into attacking, but one of the students nearby still
said "Wow, that guy might be an even match for Saotome!" which prompted a dismissive
snort from Ranko.

"Yow! What's with this umbrella?! This thing weighs a ton!"

Ranko turned to see Hiroshi and Daisuke struggling with Ryouga's umbrella, and
strolled over to casually pick the thing up with one hand and twirl it around before
jauntily perching it on her shoulder and grinning at the pair. "Yeah, he must have the
strength of a monster." she remarked sarcasticly.

Returning her attention to the fight, Ranko saw the boys were now battling in mid air,
and upon landing Ranma hit Ryouga with a flip kick which tore the bandanna between
them and sent Ryouga flying to land hard near her position. At this, Ranko could only
smile goofily and think; Wow, do I look that cool when I fight? I am such a badass!

Dropping the umbrella, Ranko took a few steps backwards, to watch as Ryouga dived to
recover it after taking a few good hits from Ranma and counterattacked, ripping Ranma's
shirt in the process.

"Dammit! Every time I fight, my clothes get ruined! This was my favourite shirt too!"
The pigtailed boy lamented as he examined the large tear over the front of his shirt,
luckily his skin was undamaged.

"This is war!" Ryouga growled, rubbing at his chin which was starting to look a little
bruised. "Don't act like a girl!"

"Feh!" Ranma snorted dismissively. "After listenin' ta you bitch and moan about the
bread I think I'm not the one who acts like a girl."

Unseen, Ranko blushed as she wished she had thought of a good comeback like that, but
due to her curse, she had been a little more sensitive to insults about femininity...

Ryouga purpled with rage and yelled "You still think this is about bread?!"

Ranma shrugged, but still maintained his ready stance. "Well, yeah. I mean all that 'I
have seen hell!' stuff is pretty vague, so I dunno what you're so pissed off about."

Ryouga clenched his fists angrily, and Ranko felt that if he had learned the Shi Shi
Hokoudan, he'd be setting himself up for the mother of all perfect attacks, but since he
didn't know that move, he just attacked with his fists. "As if mere words can convey the
depths of my suffering!" he roared.

Ranma just dodged his unthinking and angry assault with contemptuous ease. "I dunno,
maybe if you spent more time thinking instead of chargin' around yelling about hell, you
could." He replied before weaving inside Ryouga's guard and launching a vicious
counterattack which swiftly overwhelmed the lost boy.

"Damn you!" Ryouga cried bitterly as his legs gave out and he collapsed at Ranma's feet.

Ranma just looked down at him with a speculative expression and said. "You've
improved a lot since we went to school together. I don't mind fighting, but stop blaming
me for all your problems," had Ranma stopped speaking there, he might have made an
impression on Ryouga which could have led to them becoming friends, but alas he had to
add "ya big stupid moron." to the end of his statement.

With some difficulty, Ryouga pushed himself up to his knees and glared at Ranma's back
where he was walking away. "How dare you walk away from me!" The lost boy yelled
before flinging a mass of inexplicably sharp whirling bandannas at his hated foe before
collapsing once more.

Ranma easily dodged the projectiles, but then looked in horror to see they were headed
towards a crowd of students, which included his two fiancees. "Look out!" He cried
desperately.

Ranko just sighed and moved in front of everybody else to swiftly snatch the bandannas
out of the air, grabbing them at just the right point to prevent them from slicing up her
hands.

Ranma gaped at his fiancee in shock. "I barely saw you move! How did you do that?!"

Ranko giggled nervously, not exactly wanting to be seen as a threat or competitor for her
skills, which she knew would make things between her and Ranma much more difficult.
"Lots of practice?" She offered hesitantly.

"You have to teach me that!" Ranma asked, a pleading expression on his face. "If I could
move that fast, the old freak is toast!"

Ranko groaned. Refusing would alienate herself from him, but accepting carried it's own
risks. Dammit! I don't wanna be like the old ghoul! she protested mentally, even as she
spoke. "I guess I could give you a few pointers." She said, a sickly smile on her face.

***