Tara- our ever faithful reviewer, we decided to repay you by putting a mention of TJC in our story. Maybe now you'll stop bothering Cleena in math class ;)

Janet- KERRI LIVES!!! Lol- i'm kerri btw. I am a real person! And legolas is hot. Or as my friend chaz likes to say- i want to touch his bow :p

Lulu- we love making people laugh. Ty for reviewing!!

Burning ice- we'll try to grab you a horse, but colleen might be too busy challenging Eowyn over Faramir!

Shady figure- from the perspective of an older sister, i have no comment. But ty for reviewing!

Sori- gimli as a troll- i just got the image in my brain and i couldn't get it out!!! And i most defiantly love Boromir!



Chapter 4: Of Boredom, Ducks, and Mmmmm…Pizza

It was dark that evening and the girls were having a party in honor of the forming of the Fellowship. They were residing in an out of the way, long unused room/closet off of Elrond's basement. It was a wee bit bigger than the one Kerri, Marcie, and Colleen had slept in the night previous. Already the girls had "borrowed" mattresses, sheets, quilts, and fluffy pillows preferring not to use their sleeping bags until they had no other options.

"Hey Marc!" Kerri called over the noise of the LotR soundtrack playing on their handy dandy portable CD Player, "Pass the Diet Coke with Lemon!"

In truth, the girls hadn't brought very much food from the real world; counting their ability to catch and steal food for survival. Indeed, most of the food at the party had been filched from the kitchens. But they had deemed it alright to indulge in honor of the forming of the Fellowship.

"Are you sure you want caffeine?" April asked, "We'd probably better get some sleep you know…After all, we'll be leaving awfully early tomorrow."

"Actually we won't" Colleen replied not looking up from her book (another item carefully "borrowed" from Elrond)

Marcie looked slightly puzzled but Kerri merely asked, "Book-verse huh?"

At April's vacant look Colleen sighed, tore her eyes from her book and embellished, "In the book Frodo and the gang hang out in Rivendell for about two months waiting for news and such like. Besides," she added, "When we do leave, it'll be at dusk. It's what they do in the book and there's absolutely no way I'm gonna wake up early if I don't have to! Not to mention," here she paused and lowered her voice conspiratorially, "I don't want to annoy the PPC."

"The what, with the who now?" Marcie asked.

"The Protectors of the Plot Continuum. They're dedicated to ridding Middle Earth of Mary Sues. Which means us." She shuddered, "They have rather unpleasant ways of disposing of them. And they're always annoyed when little Mary Sue's wake them up at dawn. Technically we're under humor, and I don't think that we'd really be a target but…I'm not about to take chances!"

The girls all looked briefly uneasy of being hunted by deadly assassins, but after a moment they shrugged and promptly forgot all about it. Then another haunting thought wound its way into April's brain.

"What are we supposed to do for 2 months?"

Everyone turned expectantly towards Colleen. "Um…" she began; "We can um…eat pizza?" she finished weakly.

*-*-*

That same night Jeremiah stood face to face with a troll. He was trying very hard not to 'freak out'. He was failing miserably.

"WTH?????!!! Oh. My. Dear. God!!! That is a troll! A freakin' troll! What is it doing here?!?! What am I doing here?! Oh my God!!! For the love of Bob!"

The voice felt that it needed to "voice" its opinion, "What do you think it's doing here? This is the Trollshaws you know! Honestly, all you had to do was check the map!"

Jeremiah stuttered, "Wha? Map? Trollshaws? Like as in the Hobbit? What do I do??" he asked frantically as the troll advanced menacingly.

"Do? How should I know what you ought to do?"

"But…but I thought you were omniscient!" said Jeremiah.

"Ooooh! Big word!" said the Voice.

"Grrrr!" said the troll.

*-*-*

A few days after the Council of Elrond our heroines were lounging about their room languidly. The room itself had quickly fallen into a state of extreme uncleanliness and disregard. Given that none of its occupants were exactly neat freaks, this was not in itself surprising. As Colleen was fond of saying, "The floor is the largest shelf in your room!"

"I'm bored!" Marcie complained.

"Me too!" Colleen whined plaintively.

"Well, your twisted brain is the one that stuck us here in book- verse…" Kerri accused.

"Oh come on" April said, "We all know the two of you share a brain!"

"True…"conceded Colleen and Kerri in unison. They turned to each other and grinned, "Wavelength!"

Marcie and April merely sighed, used to their friend's outbursts. While all four girls were indeed very like, Colleen and Kerri the same person, but yet somehow not. They are also psychic. They are wont to say the same things in unison, communicate in gestures, and finish each others sentences. As they are quite fond of saying they're on the same "wavelength." Marcie and April had long ago grown used to their friends uncanny-ness and decided that they must share a brain.

Marcie turned away from the giggling girls and tried to think of something constructive to do. Images of Rivendell flitted through her brain mixing and mingling with her memories of home. One could not help but notice the incredible difference between the beautiful valley of the elves and the little fishing town. Inspiration struck like lightning.

"Let's go fishing!" she exclaimed with fervor.

"Fishing?" Kerri asked, startled.

"Yeah!" Colleen yelled.

"A little homesick guys?" April questioned.

"I just happen to have some fishing rods in here, somewhere…" Colleen muttered, rummaging through her pack.

"You packed fishing rods?" April asked.

Yup!" Colleen answered brightly. At this point, Colleen started pulling out things that shouldn't have normally fit in a regular bag, including an assortment of random items from her bag. "No…… no……. where are they?" she muttered to herself pulling out a duck, frying pan, and an unsystematic mixture of Star Wars books out of a seemingly endless sack.

"What's this, your Marry Poppins carpetbag?" Marcie queried. Colleen blushed pink and ignored her. "You've got to be kidding me! You packed everything but the kitchen sink Cleena!" Marcie continued.

"Naw, that's prolly in here somewhere." Colleen said while at the same time Kerri said, "Naw, that's prolly in there somewhere." This brought another bought of giggles and an even louder "WAVELENGTH!!!"

"You guys scare me sometimes…" Marcie said, eyeing her too crazy friends.

"Ack! Now you sound like Aimee!"

"Wait… we scare you only sometimes??" Kerri inquired.

"You still never answered the question Cleena. How did you fit all that stuff in that bag?" April questioned never losing sight of the real intention of her friend.

Colleen, attempting to look innocent and sweet- but failing at both- replied, "Um……. Exceptional packing skills?"

"A duck?"

"Fine, I borrowed it!" Colleen responded to a vehement April.

"You mean you stole it."

"I prefer the term appropriated. And besides, Tara wasn't using it at the time."

"When praytell, did Tara have a bottomless bag?" Marcie asked confuzzledly.

"Back when I did my stint as one of the alter herz in your story. Remember? You only wrote it… the Josh Chronicles?!"

"Ah yes, TJC… rather proud of that one…" Marcie replied.

"Well, I was busy looking for something in Tara's tree. And I found this bottomless bag of acorns. But when I tried dumping it out, they just kept coming!" Colleen grabbed a handful of acorns out of her bag as proof at this time, "They're still here! But anyway, I just borrowed it because it seemed like the kind of thing that I could find useful."

Kerri shook her head after Cleena's little speech and said, "I knew it, whenever acorns, bottomless bags, and me and Colleen are involved, things get weird."

*-*-*

At a little waterfall near the Last Homely House, the girls were fishing a little while later. After a little while of fishing, Kerri, April and Marcie all had a couple of fish, but Colleen has none.

"Stupid fish! They hate me! This is a government plot!" Colleen exclaimed.

"Of course! What else would it be? Its always the government, against you, against the world, but somehow I'm always involved." Kerri said, looking more than a little paranoid and looking over her shoulder.

"The United States gov't is plotting against you all the way from the real world?" April asked perplexed.

"Of course!" Colleen replied. "Ahh!!!! I got a bite!!!" Colleen rapidly started reeling in at this time, but when she pulled out the line, it was empty. Again. She started muttering about spies, while Kerri kept glancing over her shoulder.

"How do we know it's the real world? I mean, this could be the real world and ours could be the figment of someone's imagination….." Marcie inquired.

"No, actually we proved the theory of multiple worlds last week using pool balls and some pizza" Kerri stated sounding very matter-of-fact.

"Mmmm…pizza…." Colleen drooled looking up from gutting a worm on her hook.

"I thought that was the theory of time."

"No no, the theory of multiple worlds is much more complicated so we had to use the pizza…and some French fries if I recall…" Kerri said.

"Ah…It all makes sense now." Marcie said, still looking as if she didn't understand a word, but trying to for their sake.

"Does it really?" Colleen asked as she was looking for her bobber on the water. "Um… I can't see it… well? Does it??"

"No."

"I'm confused….." April started wailing at this point.

"Colleen!! Check your line, I think you've got another bite!!!" Kerri yelled. Colleen enthusiastically starts to reel in her line again.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" All four girls look flabbergasted while turning to see what was happening.

At the same time, all of the girls screamed, "Pippin?!"

*-*-*

The troll was now a few mere yards from Jeremiah. The silly boy could feel his rank breath from where he was standing next to the invisible RFD2. "Stupid voice…" he muttered vehemently, "Always getting me in trouble…mutter mutter mutter!"

The troll let out a great roar, making Jer's hair stand on end. "OOOGA BOOGA!!!!"

"Um…Eek?" Jeremiah answered unsurely (for, while one would expect this to be a harrowing experience it fell far short of the expected scariness)

The troll rumbled, "I'm going to EAT you!"

This had Jeremiah quaking in his boots. "Um…please don't?" (One cannot tell if he is truly scared, or merely mocking the troll. Either way, it seemed to have no effect.)

"I'm going to squash you into jelly!" announced the troll. Apparently it had a very one track mind. It seemed that this troll really was prepared to eat him. His panicked brain came up with thousands of different escape plans each more wild than the last.

"Cough_TheHobbit_Cough" the voice said rather loudly.

"Oh yeah…Hey!" Jeremiah called to the troll, "Yes you there, Mr. Big and Hairy! Wouldn't you rather boil me instead?"

"Hmmm…" muttered the troll. (Although it came out as more of a frightening grunt) This gave Jeremiah confidence to continue with his plan.

"Or, you could roast me over a fire!" he added, "Or smash my head to pulp! Or you could skewer me and eat me raw!"

"No," said the troll contemplatively, "I think I'd rather squash you into jelly."

"But…but you're supposed to argue with me!" Jer floundered, "You're not supposed to know what to do to me!"

"I'm going to squash you into jelly. I know perfectly well what I'm going to do. Now come here!" said the troll exasperatedly. It was at this point that Jeremiah made a mental note not to exasperate a troll if he could help it.

The voice of course, picked this extremely opportune moment to interrupt, "I'd advise that you do not in fact go over there."

"No duh!" Jeremiah answered angrily.

"Fine, if that's the way I'm going to be treated…"

"Wait! No don't leave!" Jer cried plaintively, "I'm sorry!"

"Who you talk to?" demanded the troll.

"The stupid voice in my head! Who else?"

"You crazy?" The troll now looked slightly apprehensive, and if believable, started to edge away from Jer and the RFD2. Not realizing his advantage, Jeremiah felt the need to explain.

"Noooo! There's this stupid voice that thinks it knows everything…."

"Crazy people taste bad." Growled the troll, eyeing Jer with trepidation.

"I'm not crazy! Colleen is the crazy one!"

"I'm sure she'd resent that. And I must say that, my you are dense. If the troll thinks that crazy people taste bad he won't want to eat one, correct?" the voice piped up in an annoyingly cheerful voice.

"I guess…" Jer conceded not really understanding what this prickly voice was trying to say. Why, the stupid thing had more mood swings than…

"And you do not wish to be eaten do you?" the cloying voice interrupted his thought

"No…I mean yes…no wait…what?" Now he was confused.

"Never mind you nerf herder! I'm merely trying to ascertain why you are trying to convince the troll that you are not crazy and thereby tasty." The voice said exasperatedly. Really, sometimes little people could be so dense.

"Oh yeah…Wait! Who's scruffy looking?!"

"Scruffy?" asked the troll, backing away a few more steps.

At this point Jer decided to employ his flair for the dramatic and began carrying on like a madman. " To be or not to be….Are you a cat? Did you know that, I am Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger? Or perhaps I am the Green Power Ranger! Do you know? Cause I don't remember…"

"Ranger?" the troll asked fearfully, "A crazy ranger? Perhaps I'll be leaving now…" it backed away to the edge of the trees, "I think I saw a nice hobbit back that way to eat…." It muttered before fleeing into the woods.

"I'm good much" Jer announced, thoroughly pleased with his idea to escape the troll.

"Your idea?!" demanded Voice, "If I had a head, I'd smack it against a tree"