A/N: Hey everyone! If anyone's reading this that is....I didn't mean to take a summer hiatus....it just sorta turned out that way. I guess the only time I can write is when I should be doing homework instead :-p. Ah well, so here's chapter 5 which isn't nearly as long as it seemed while writing it. I've begun to outline chapter 6 and I'm sure to have a lot of homework after being home sick today, so you may just be in luck ^_^. As always thanks to everyone who reviewed, you guys rock!

LunaDea: Well, I've updated, although you've probably grown old and withered waiting...^_^

Burning Ice: I know the feeling! MCAS sucks....they should be sending us our scores any time now and i'm doomed when it comes to math...Hope you've done better! :-D And as our most faithful reviewer, I'll be sure to snag you a horse! Rohan has plenty afterall...and if they don't try and slay me, I'll try and coax one of the wraiths into giving an autograph..."Here wraithy, wraithy, wraithy...." ^_^

Jenna: Thanks so much! You now know what happens! (although it isn't much...) and I'll be sure to write as fast as school and illness will allow so that you may know what else happens!

Hathor: Another Colleen??? Surely you jest! Other than the Colleen on survivor and some trashy romance novelist, I've never heard of anyone else! And I swears that I'm truely a Colleen. My dad named me after some grungy old fishing boat the "Colleen Patricia" Coincidently, Patricia is me mums name and thats how I always thought I was named...Then a few years ago we spotted the boat and the ugly truth came out...Alas and woe is me! ^_^ Your next story has a Colleen? Oh goody! I do so love to read about characters named that! As I'm sure you'll agree its a rather wonderful name!:^P


Chapter 5: Of Urple Fish and Azzip

It is a beautiful day on the shore of a stream a little ways away from the House of Elrond in the valley of Rivendell. In case you've forgotten over the past few months of my dead-beatedness, our heroines decided to go fishing, and Colleen reeled in an interesting catch.

Pippin looked both confused and bewildered...not to mention moist, "Wha? Last thing I knew, I was trying to show Merry the Urple colored fish, when I leaned a little too close..."

"Curse the Urple ones!" Marcie exclaimed ferverently

"Ack! It's Pippin!"

Pippin turned to face Colleen. "You know my name?"

"Um...." Kerri muttered.

"Uh...Um..." Colleen floundered, glancing frantically at her group mates who were likewise bereft of a good excuse. Thusly, she said the first thing that came to mind. "Pippin? No no no...didn't say Pippin...I said...um...whipping! Like...you know...um...cream?"

"Whip it...whip it good! Da na na na..." Everyone whipped their heads around. A very red April muttered "Whip it?"

"Wha?" exclaimed Pippin, completely and utterly lost.

"Never mind." assured Kerri, "I'm Mara, and this is Christine," she began, turning to Marcie and then April "Halloran, and Gwen."

Pippin looked uncertainly at all the girls. Halloran sounded like an elvish name...and yet the girls were clearly human. What were human girls doing in Rivendell? And three of them had short hair, two of them had boy's haircuts! (Sorry guys, I love your hair!). Not to mention that they were wearing PANTS. Girls just didn't wear pants. But Pippin being Pippin soon regained his fun loving, adventurous ways and decided to introduce himself.

"Pippin"

"Nice to meet ya Pippin old pal!" Marcie exclaimed

"Ya?" Pippin asked...perhaps this was some kind of new speech.

"Cursed Massachusetts accent!" Marcie muttered.

"Wha?"

"Ack! I wonder if that's his catch phrase..."

"Never mind them...Pippin. So what're you doing round these here parts?" Kerri broke in.

"Geesh Ker, it's not a bloody western you know!"

"Shush you!"

Pippin, again looked confused, but valiantly attempted to answer the last coherent thing that was said. "Well, you see...I'm going on this sort of quest...mission...thing."

Colleen squealed. "Did you hear that? He said his line!"

"Forget it!" April exclaimed excitedly, "Let's cut to the more important stuff! So Pippin...you know Frodo right?"

"Tsk April!" Colleen chided, "Letting your hormones get ahead of you like that!"

Everyone's eyes got wide as they realized the implications of what April had said. They had in their possession a true member of the Fellowship. Someone who ate, slept, and drank with their "beloveds". (Obsessions is more like it, but let's face it, the girls are delusional) It was Marcie who finally broke the stunned silence by gasping, squealing, and launching herself closer to Pip.

"You know Aragorn!" she cried, and was stopped from kidnapping the hobbit only by the fact that Kerri had grabbed her arm in the excitement.

"And Legolas!"

Our poor little hobbit was thusly bombarded with questions, each girl raising her voice to be heard above the rest. Pippin looked back and forth between the three, incredibly confuzzled and bewildered. He scarcely heard one question before it was replaced with the next. In fact, individual words became harder and harder to make out as the din rose octave over octave. Marcie, April, and Kerri were nearly to the point of a fist fight when Colleen's long suffering temper snapped.

"QUIET!!!!!!!" she roared, in what she liked to think of as her "pissed Galadriel" voice. Everyone stopped in midsentence, turned and looked at her. "You guys are all man crazy, obsessive...." her tirade quickly faded into unrecognizable mumblings and grumblings. She took a long time to get mad, and never could manage to stay mad for very long...but may the Gods help you if you got in her way when she burst.

Seeing that the danger was past, Kerri admonished, "What? The only reason you're not freaking out, is because Pippin hasn't met Faramir yet!"

At the word Faramir, Colleen's _expression abruptly changed. She sighed a deep sigh, and began staring off into space. "Faramir...." she muttered dreamily. Suddenly, her demeanor shifted rapidly. "Wait!!!" she cried, "Pippin saves Faramir's life!!! I nearly forgot! OMG! I love you Pippin!" she lurched forward and seized Pippin in a giant bear hug.

Pippin was now not only confused, but fearing for his life. There was no doubt in his mind that these girls had completely lost possession of their wits. He began to edge away ever so slowly, hoping they wouldn't notice. "Faramir?" he asked in a manner that he hoped was polite inquiry.

"You know of the blessed Faramir?!" C'leena shrieked, eyes alight with excitement.

"Wha? Um...no?"

Colleen sighed, and sat resignedly back. "Too much to hope for I guess....All right, you may all go back to your bothersome questions now..."

April seized the opportunity, "So, Pip...Cousin of Frodo, huh? Twice removed on your mother's side?"

"Hey! How come you get to ask first?" Marcie demanded.

"Because I though of it!"

"This is true," Kerri acknowledged.

"Fine...You go first...then me!" Marcie exclaimed.

"Hey!"

Just then, a voice that belonged to neither the girls nor Pippin was heard in the distance. It had a rough quality, a man's voice. "Peregrin Took!" it called. The man sounded exasperated, and perhaps a little amused.

"There is a fell voice upon the air!" Kerri cried.

"It's Aragorn!" Marcie announced. "I'd recognize his beautiful voice any where!!" Marcie abruptly dissolved into a dream-like state, conscious, but not aware, lost in her own thoughts (which we can assume were...less than pure ;_). Indeed, she looked as though she were about to melt into a puddle.

"Crap! Guys we're screwed." April whispered.

"Huh?" spoke Marcie, who was now sitting on her knees, peering through the underbrush, trying to catch any glimpse of the manly ranger.

Kerri was about to speak when she suddenly raised her hand in a signal for everyone to be quiet. She then made another hand sign and everyone ('cept for poor confused Pip of course) immediately flattened themselves to the ground, like soldiers in the field. April reached up and yanked Pippin to the ground, giving him the glare of death as a signal to hold his tongue. On second thought, Pippin being Pippin, she plastered a hand across his mouth so he couldn't talk.
Aragorn had wandered far too close to their little glen. Everyone tensed, and stopped breathing. Marcie had melted into a puddle and was hard pressed to keep from drowning herself in drool. Aragorn stood no more than three feet away, tall and proud, eyes searching the wilderness relentlessly. He was dressed resplendently in breeches and shirt made of fine materials, but still functional. (No ugly dress things in my story!) Ever so slowly, as if in a trance, Marcie began to slink forward. The other girls stared, horrified, but unable to stop her, lest their movements draw his attention. Already it was a miracle that they remained unseen. (A miracle? Or convenient plot device? You decide ;-p)

Marcie had nearly reached the devilishly handsome, scruffy ranger when a sudden sound from the opposite direction drew his attention. He turned, and Marcie literally fainted after being presented with the lovely view of his behind. Apparently deciding that whatever he heard in the other direction was worth investigation, Aragorn strode purposefully away.

Colleen, April and Kerri drew enormous breaths of relief and began their attempts to awaken Marcie. Pippin sat up confuzzedly. He looked torn between the desire to call out to the ranger for rescue, and the fear of the reaction of his captors should he do so. Luckily for the girls, fear won out.

"Ye gods that was close!" exclaimed Kerri.

Marcie sighed dreamily.

"We're still screwed though..." April muttered.

"Huh?' questioned Marcie dazedly.

"You're right April." Kerri acknowledged, "Pippin's seen us....Gods! We are in sooo much trouble..."

"Pippin wouldn't tell on us...would you Pip?" Marcie asked menacingly, "Besides, he doesn't know about RE or anything..."

"You don't think he'd mention four scary human girls fishing for urple fish?" Kerri questioned.

"Crap." spoke April.

"Guys!" Colleen leapt in, "No worries! Haiku Montana or whatever that Lion King thing is" here she glared at Marcie and Kerri and April who had all burst into song, "I have just the solution to our little problem!" she continued valiantly and pulled a long silver tuby thing, akin to a pen from her pocketsss.

"No way!" Kerri cried.

"Where? When? How?" wondered Marcie

"That isn't..." trailed off April.

"This my friends is indeed a neuralizer from the beautiful world of MIB. Pippin can say goodbye to his memory of us! I stopped off and grabbed it from Will Smith just before you guys came over to get this whole thing started!" Colleen announced triumphantly.

"Oh the power you wield!" cried Kerri

"The things we could do" muttered Marcie

"Wow..."breathed April.

"No! I'm not gonna let you use this so that you can profess your undying love to your respected obsessions and then erase their memory; or whatever it is you're all scheming! Not until we get to Minas Tirith anyways." Colleen smirked.

All around, this statement was met with viscous grins. One should pity the poor fellowship. Pity them indeed.

*-*-*

Jeremiah was sitting, leaning against the invisible RFD2 snapping twigs in half. The troll had barley departed and already he was bored. Maybe the voice would have something fun to do!

"Hey! Voice!" he shouted. Receiving no immediate answer he continued anyway. "Voooiiicceeee! I'm bored! Now what happens?!?"

"Now, you wander aimlessly for two months."

This was hardly the answer Jeremiah was expecting. "What?!?!?!!! Two months?!!"

"Are you aware that multiple exclamation points are a sign of insanity?"

"Two months??"

"Just do what I tell you boy."

"No! How am I gonna survive out here? What am I gonna eat? What if there are more trolls?" Jeremiah gasped, trying to talk the voice out of its stupid plan. There was no way he was going to wander around the woods for two months! No way!

"You've got that sword and bow and daggers. I'm sure you can catch food. And you won't be bothered by anymore trolls, I promise." the voice said soothingly.
"Bu..But..." Jeremiah sputtered.

"Trust me!" the voice said winsomely "Everything I've said so far has been right, hasn't it?"

"Well, actually..."

"That's what I thought!" Voice interrupted, "We're already behind the girls by a few days, and we need to get rid of you for two months, so just wander aimlessly would ya?!"

"Fine, fine!" Jeremiah grumbled, "But only cause you're a seemingly omniscient voice with a MA accent." he paused for a moment, "Hey! A MA accent! Interesting much...."

Lost in thought, he went back to snapping twigs.

*-*-*

We rejoin our heroines (not drugs! just say no!) a few weeks after the fishing incident. They're all in the broom closet serving as their room, and Marcie, Kerri and April are huddled around Colleen, who is lying in a heap on the floor.

"Pizza....." Colleen gasped. "Need...pizza....Pizza....withdrawal...."

"Oh lord," muttered Marcie.

"What do we do?!" cried April, "There are no pizzas in Middle Earth!"

The room was silent for a moment while the girls puzzled the problem. The only noise came from Colleen who was murmuring, "Cheeeeeesssssee.....yummy cheeeeeesseeee....Behold the Power of CHEEESE!!! And tomater sauce....all red and...saucy...."

"That's it!" exclaimed Kerri, "They may not have pizza, but they have flour and yeast and cheese and tomatoes and stuff! We could make one!"

Marcie leapt to her feet. "Quickly Robin! To the kitchens!!!"

*-*-*

A bit later that day the girls were taking apart Elrond's kitchen, looking for the flour. Pots and pans lay strewn about the floor, and someone had spilled and entire jar of salt. The girls were quite oblivious to the mess, tossing things from the shelves in their frenzied search. Finally...

"I found it!" exclaimed April.

"Cool!" cried Marcie. Everyone turned to see April holding an enormous bag of flour. The weight seemed almost too much and she soon dropped it on the floor. A puff of flour emitted from it, dusting April lightly in white. She grinned and wiped it from her face. The same thought occurred to all four girls at once.
"Must resist..." muttered Kerri

"Yes...but...so tempting" struggled Colleen.

April looked from the flour to her friends and back again. Suddenly she seemed to snap. She lunged, grabbing a handful of flour, looked around viscously, and announced, "I give up!"

"Nooo!" wailed Kerri, "You mustn't!"

Marcie too grabbed a handful of the white powdery substance, and gave Kerri a bloodthirsty look. "Come on Ker! Give in to the dark side!"

Colleen's hand was twitching, and she had to restrain it when it reached purposely for the flour. She had a torn look in her eyes and whipped her head back and forth from the flour to Kerri. "Must...not....fling....flour!"

April and Marcie exchanged a glance. Colleen and Kerri watched them warily. Suddenly, and without warning, they raised their hands in unison, and Kerri & Colleen received a mouthful of flour.

"Ack!"

"This means war!!!" with that Kerri let out her Xena battle cry, and Elrond's kitchen became a cloud of white.

*-*-*

Even later, the girls had finished their fight, and were in the process of making a Pizza. Colleen was drooling from a distance, while Kerri, Marcie, and April applied the toppings. Since she kept trying to eat the pizza before it was cooked (or even assembled) the other girls had banished Colleen to the other side of the kitchen. Everyone was completely enjoying themselves, talking and laughing when a shadow fell across the door way. Everyone froze, and turned slowly towards the doorway.

Facing them was a very angry elf. He had the dark hair and features common of the Rivendell elves (better way to say this Kerri?). He wore practical clothing and a pristine white apron. (Yes, if I say so, elves have aprons). Being particularly tall, and wide, especially for an elf, he towered above the girls. His eyes shone in anger. (Ah, the joys of personification)

"What in the name of Varda is going on in here?!?!" bellowed the Chef of Elrond. (CoE)

Indeed the kitchens were a disaster scene. Every item once on the shelves now had a place on the floor. The entire kitchen was dusted in a fine coat of white. There was cheese on the walls, and tomato sauce on the ceiling. Unused food was collected in mini-mountains on the floor. The girls themselves were indeed a sight. There wasn't an inch of unstained clothing to be seen. They all looked as though they hadn't seen the sun in years, and more than one had some sort of food product decorating her hair.

"Uh oh..." Colleen said.

"I think we're in trouble..." muttered April.

"Caught in the act" sighed Kerri

"Red handed...literally" added Marcie, displaying tomato-y hands.

The Chef of Elrond was not pleased. "Who are you?! What are you doing here?!" he thundered.

"I think decisive action is needed here." murmured Kerri.

"Yes...yes..."agreed Marcie.

April turned to Colleen. "I think you'd best whip out the flashy thing.

Colleen sighed resignedly. "Yes, I suppose you're right. Get your sunglasses guys." she pulled the silvery tuby thing and a pair of sunglasses from her back pocket, waited till the other girls put theirs on, and grinned. "We're from the MIB! You must now be flashed!!" Marcie reached for her shirt and Cleena was quick to cut her off. "Not that way! Behold! The power of cheese!!!" she pushed the button.

"Cheese?" questioned Kerri.

"Ack....never mind"

*-*-*

Jeremiah was extraordinarily bored. Bored to the point of tears. Experiencing utter boredom. He wasn't even aware it was possible to be this bored. Always before when he had been bored, he had turned on the television, or spaced out at the computer, or bothered his sister. But there were no TV's or computers here, and his sister was....well he had no flipping clue where his sister was. All he knew was that it was her fault. He was briefly angry, but soon was smothered by boredom.

"I'm boooorrrreeeeddd!" he whined.

"Gee....that's so sad." announced Voice sarcastically. "I feel your pain really.....If you're so bored why don't you go kill a bunny or something?"

Jeremiah was outraged. Not only was the voice omniscient, sarcastic and annoying, it was bloodthirsty too! "That's terrible! I bet you'd kill Bambi too, wouldn't you?!"

"In a heartbeat! Hey that sounds like fun! I could really go for some venison!"

"Sadistic voice!"

"And proud of it!"

Jer heaved an enormous, long suffering sigh. With a little difficulty, he stood and stared at the sky. Freakishly, it was about 5 in the evening, when he could have sworn it was morning a few minutes ago.

"Spacial/Time distortion..." he mumbled clutching at his head." I really wish that it would stay the same time consistently! I mean, this switching back and forth is giving me a major head ache! And another thing," he vented, "Why me??? Why am I stuck in the middle of the woods, in a world that doesn't exist, with only some voice in my head to talk to??"

"You know, if you keep talking to no-one like that...people are gonna to think you're crazy..." Voice warned.
Jeremiah reached over and began banging his head on the invisible RFD2.

"Thunk" intoned Voice

"Trunk" countered Jer

"Truck"

"Muck"

"Luck"

"Leprechaun"

"Me lucky charms!"

"Charming"

"Dashing"

They continued on in this vein for quite some time.

*-*-*

Meanwhile, in the kitchens of Elrond, the girls had cleaned up, and flashed the Chef of Elrond to near brain damage. Finally agreeing on a story, they informed him that he had been conducting a sordid affair with Arwen all afternoon, and that he didn't want to go to the kitchens until much later that day. Unfortunately, they had neglected to remove the last pizza from the oven. Luckily, CoE arrived just as it was about finished. Even with the neuralizer, our heroes would have been hard-pressed to explain the burning down of Rivendell.

The Chef of Elrond was slightly disoriented. It seemed to him that he had already been in the kitchen. But that couldn't be true, he realized with a silly grin when he remembered how he had spent his afternoon. (BTW, CoE is not one of those super-hot elves...think Celeborn but w/ the darker Rivendell features). Ah, Arwen, love of his life. He could not wait to sneak into her room late in the evening, that they might continue their....earlier actions.

His musings were interrupted when his keen nose picked out the sent of cooking food. In fact, he swore it was coming from his oven! (Yes, elves have ovens! Big ol' things in the walls, kinda like pizza ovens. I mean, obviously they don't have Kenmores lying around or anything) Striding (heehee Marcie) over to it, he sniffed deeply. Indeed, there was something cooking in there! Cautiously, he slowly opened the door. Inside, he found to his complete amazement some type of food he had never seen before. Carefully, he extracted it, and placed it on the counter. It was round, and apparently made from some sort of flat bread. On top of the bread was tomato sauce, and cheese. Green peppers seemed to spell out the word, Azzip. (Marcie's doing of course)
Tentatively, CoE tore off a piece, and popped it in his mouth.

"This is....good! Doesn't seem to be too difficult to make....hmmm..." he muttered as he ate more of the yummy pizza.

*-*-*

That evening the girls were all experiencing some rumbly grumbly tummys. They were lounging around their room, and Marcie was braiding Colleen's long dark locks. April had just finished dyeing Kerri's hair blue, receiving a couple blue streaks in her tawny hair. Kerri herself was reading the book Colleen had appropriated from Elrond, her hazel/gold eyes scanning the pages intently.

Colleen's stomach let out a menacing growl and she lifted her head, hand and pen poised over her ledger. "FOOD!" she cried.

"Yes good!" seconded Marcie.

"Quickly Robin! To the kitchens!" cried Kerri

"I still don't see why have to steal food from the kitchens..." April muttered

"Yeah!" seconded Marcie "We could just flash everyone at Elrond's table and eat with them! Then we'd flash them again, and tell them all a plausible story, then search out any servants that would have seen us and flash them...then find anyone they might have told about it......alright, I see your point."
"Quite right then, shall we go?" Colleen queried. She was met with a chorus of belly grumbles. "I'll take that as a yes."

*-*-*

Upon entering the kitchens through the secret door, the girls were stopped in their tracks, struck dumb. Their mouths gaped, and four pairs of eyes bugged out of four skulls. The silence was one of stunned disbelief.

Kerri was the first to speak, "Oh my Varda...."she breathed quietly.

"Could it be?" uttered Marcie incredulously.

"I don't believe it!" cried April.

Before them stood counter upon counter, shelf upon shelf of pizzas. They were all set out on serving trays, and the servants soon appeared and began to carry them out of the room. From the dining hall could be heard the voice of the Chef of Elrond.

"My lords, my ladies. May I present to you my newest creation: Azzip!!!!"

Colleen nearly chocked on laughter. "Elrond's having pizza for dinner!"

"Incredible!!!" cried all four girls in unison.