Thanks SOOOO much to everyone who reviewed, I know it's been, like, a year, so feel free to remove my head and roast it on a spit if you want. I firmly understand. I have no excuse. Do what you will. I know what I'd do to me if I were you....*cringes in horror*

Oh, and all the bad, baaad jokes are courtesy of Kerri! Please direct all your rotten fruit in her direction!

*Kerri* I personally happen to think that they are cool....^_^

Chapter 6: Of Stuff and Things!

'Twas a dull day in Imladris. Oh, the sun was shining and the birds were singing to be sure. It was exquisite, beautiful and ever unchanging. It was that last bit that had our heroines in a quandary. Perpetual beauty was all very well and good, but unless you're an elf, it can get pretty dull. And this is not to mention that the girls were accustomed to modern-day America, where everyone was always rushing around and there was always something going on. Even Colleen and Kerri who could be completely happy reading books for the rest of their lives were itching for something to do.

The girls were sitting around their closet room, apathetically dyeing Lord Elrond's nightclothes urple. April spoke up, voicing the feelings of them all.

" This is boring. I'm bored." she tossed the fabric from her vehemently and stood up. Kerri sighed and put hers aside as well.
Marcie and Colleen had long ago given up the exercise as boring and pointless and not as much fun as staring at the wall blankly.

" Soooooo," Kerri began, "Whatcha wanna do?"

" Something evil..." Colleen voiced listlessly.

" Mmmm...." murmured Kerri.

" Such as?" pursued April.

" Ummm..." Colleen's brows furrowed in thought. She absently brushed her long dark hair from her face as she struggled to come up with something to entertain them. "We could switch the salt and the sugar," she suggested lamely.

" Been there, done that," Kerri informed her.

" Ack, I know. But...well...we could put tacks or glue on everyone's chairs again..."

" Done that already....so many times" Marcie sighed, scrubbing urple dye from her hands.

" Geez, shoot me down why don't you?" Colleen raised her hand in a dismissive gesture as her friends opened their mouths to protest. "Hey! I know! We can put chalk in all their erasers!"

" Someone's stuck in the third grade," April grinned, "Do they even have erasers or chalk in Middle Earth?"

" They do if I say they do! Everything I say happens! I'm special like that"

" *Coughauthorcough*" Marcie exclaimed

Colleen glanced at her suspiciously, as though she hadn't quite heard what Marcie had said. Marcie smiled and stared at her. After about three minutes of the silent staring contest, Kerri broke in.

" We could play a game..."

" Like what?" April wanted to know.

" Umm...." Marcie thought for a moment, "I dunno, tag, capture the flag, poker, Egyptian rat screw, hid the object, ring around the rosy-" she paused, "Oky, maybe not ring around the rosy, but there's go fish and spit and bull shit and..." she paused when she noticed the evil glint that had appeared in Colleen's eyes. "What?"

Colleen however, merely grinned wider.

" What? What? That look means you have a plan!" April exclaimed.

Marcie rounded on Kerri, who was staring at the smiling girl, "Kerrriii! You share her brain! What's she thinking?"

Colleen turned to Kerri, chuckled snidely and made a few hand gestures. It was all foreign to the other two girls, but Kerri suddenly began to smirk and rub her hands together in anticipation.

" How do they do that?" April muttered.

" Wavelength!" the girls replied in unison.

" You'll see," Colleen spoke up, heaving herself to her feet, "Follow me!"

***

That same evening, the same girls were huddled outside a closed door, doing their best to be inconspicuous. Kerri's hand was reaching for the doorknob when April suddenly shifted position, and gripped Kerri's wrist.

" I don't know about this guys, I mean, I've been following Frodo since the Shire," she could not help but get slightly dreamy eyed, "and this ring is really powerful. I don't think we should be playing around with it."

" Yeah..." Colleen muttered, suddenly unsure, "I mean, I dunno if my first aid kit covers attacks by all powerful bits of jewelry...."

" Eh, who cares?" Kerri exclaimed, patting her replica Sting where it lay at her hip, "Only the good die young!"

Colleen resisted the urge to break into song murmuring, "Yeah, well, you'll be living forever then..."

Marcie grinned, and slid the door open, and the girls slipped inside. They formed along Frodo's bed, where the young hobbit slept soundly, showing no signs of waking. They could all see the ring where it gleamed, resting upon his chest. In the darkness, it seemed to pulse golden, exuding power. A shiver ran down Aprils' spine, and Colleen caught her breath in her throat. Marcie stared, and Kerri gripped her sword.

" Shut up!" Kerri whispered harshly and the rest of the girls suddenly noticed the soft sibilant hissing that seemed to be penetrating their skulls. It stopped, but reluctantly.

Colleen swallowed hard, "Ok, now how do we want to go about doing this?"

" Very carefully," Marcie murmured.

" Ok, before you do anything, I'd like to make it known that if this all goes horribly wrong I can say that I was against it from the start and thereby be absolved of any and all blame!" April muttered fiercely.

" Ack! I agree...but since we're here anyway, shall we proceed gentlemen?"

" Actually," Kerri interrupted, "Last time I checked we were neither gentle nor men..."

" Shush you, I'll take none of your guff!"

April motioned to them to be quiet with a quick chopping motion. "I can't believe Frodo hasn't woken up yet! He's usually a very light sleeper..."

" And you know this, how?" Marcie questioned. April merely blushed in reply causing a few raised eyebrows and numerous giggles.

" Don't worry," Colleen cautioned, "I may not be omniscient, but I don't think he'll wake up,"

Marcie coughed something that sounded suspiciously like "author" but Colleen apparently didn't notice. Reaching forward, Marcie deftly slipped the chain with the ring on it from Frodo's neck. "This is going to be fun..."

***

Gandalf was relaxing, contentedly smoking his pipe weed in the room he had grown accustomed to using during his stays in Imaldris. It was decorated in the fashion of the elves, but as the dawn sun peeked through the curtains, the interior could be seen to contain many items that smacked of wizard. As he stretched in his chair, enjoying the morning, a feeling of intense foreboding came suddenly to Gandalf. Suddenly alert, he looked about and saw not threat. He had just attributed his feeling to unease over the upcoming journey when Frodo burst through his door looking intensely distraught. The hobbit was disheveled, as though he had just come from bed, and his wild curls stood up in every direction. Setting his pipe down, Gandalf strode towards Frodo.
" Frodo, my boy, what is wrong?"

Frodo opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, gaping like a fish at the sight of Gandalf. "Erm, Gandalf..." his mouth dried up in awe and he spoke no more.

Gandalf gave Frodo a piercing look, as if he were mad, but soon caught a glimpse of himself in his mirror. He was wearing a flowing white dressing gown, complete with night cap. His beard was tied at the bottom with a little bow, and knobby knees jutted from under the gowns hem, seeming huge on the otherwise skinny legs. He looked for the entire world, or so the girls, hiding in the rafters thought, like Ebenezer Scrooge from A Christmas Carol. Realizing that Frodo was staring, he hurriedly snatched the long pointed cap from his head, and hid it behind his back with one hand.

" Now, what do you want, Frodo?"

Frodo recovered himself admirably, before wailing "Gaaaaandaaaaaaalf!"

" What is it?"

" The ring is gone!"

Gandalf's eyebrows launched themselves clear into orbit as he became suddenly animated. He instantly stood straighter, and his staff was suddenly in his hand. He no longer looked the part of Scrooge, and his gown no longer seemed so ridiculous. It billowed around him like an angry cloud, and a feeling of power seemed to hover in the very air. From their high vantage point, the girls were suddenly quite frightened. Perhaps the idea hadn't been such a good one...for all his jokes and fireworks, Gandalf was no one to be trifled with.

Picking up his pipe, he took a long drag, and the power in the room no long crackled quite so violently. "Now, Frodo," he began in a voice that was deadly quiet, "Why don't you tell me exactly what happened."

" Err, um..." Frodo too, was understandably unnerved, "Well, last night, after the meal, Gimli talked me into having a few rounds of those...spirits, and it was great fun, and, well, I don't really remember much after that...but when I woke up, the ring was gone!"

" Gimli had you drinking dwarven spirits?!" Gandalf passed a weary looking hand over his eyes. "Oh dear. Oh dear indeed." his tone became very serious again, "Did you have it when you went to bed?"

" Um...I...think so..."

" You think?"

" Erm...well..."

" Oh dear,"

***

All of Rivendell was in a bustle. Well, as close to elves ever got to bustling. The entire place was being methodically inspected for any sign of the ring. Discreetly of course. It wouldn't due for everyone to know that the ring was once again lost. Well, the word they were using was 'misplaced' but we all know that you only use the word 'misplaced' when you've lost something, but can't bear to admit that you've lost it. Yeah. Gandalf was supervising, with a stern _expression. Frodo meanwhile, was cowering in a corner, trying desperately to remember the events of the previous night.

" Awww!" April moaned from the rafters where the girls were perched, "You guys! Look! We've made Frodo all sad!"
Colleen shook her head, marveling at the effect of hormones. She shuddered. Kerri, who knew what she was thinking, jabbed her in the ribs with an elbow. "Just wait till we meet Faramir!" she hissed, "Then you'll be just as mushy and foolish as the rest of us!" Colleen sniffed in disdain, but could not keep the starry look from her eyes. Kerri nodded smugly.

Just then, Gandalf looked up sharply. The rafters were high above the room, and relatively dark, but the girls knew at once they'd been spotted. Colleen scrambled in her bag for the neuralizer (flashy thing). She began muttering Dwavish curses, and fumbled frantically. Kerri, Marcie, and April were doing their best to stop existing, but it wasn't working. Kerri, being rather less than graceful, happened to choose that exact moment to lose her balance and tumble to the floor.

She lay there for a moment, stunned and breathing shallowly. The other three girls watched in horror as time seemed to slow to a crawl. Frodo leapt up startled, the various elves had weapons in hand and pointed at Kerri's heart, throat and other vital area's before an eye could blink, and Gandalf had his staff extended, pointed at Kerri's head.

" Who are you?" Gandalf spat viciously, eyes intent upon Kerri's face.

Kerri herself blinked several times in fear and confusion. In a stutter that didn't need to be feigned she finally whispered, "P...please, S...sir, don't turn me into anythin'....unnatural..."

Gandalf blinked in momentary confusion, and it was enough time for Colleen to activate the neuralizer. A silver flash blinded the room and suddenly Colleen, Marcie, and April were on the ground in their sunglasses.

" You were all searching for the ring-" Marcie began, when she noticed that Gandalf had raised his staff and was appraising them as he would an enemy. In other words, he was not staring blankly into her face like the rest of the room's occupants, including Kerri. Colleen and April quickly noticed this as well, and began to whisper loudly.

" It didn't work! It didn't work! I knew this was a bad idea!" Colleen was panicking.

" It was your idea!" April accused.

" Well, maybe it's cause he's not human!" Marcie called.

" But neither are the aliens the MIB uses it on..." April countered.

" Ack! I don't think it-"

" SILENCE!" Gandalf cried. He drew himself up and the room suddenly seemed smaller and darker. April could almost swear she saw storm clouds forming on the ceiling.

" Ahhh!" Colleen cried pressing the button on the neuralizer over and over.

Several flashes filled the room and when the blasts cleared, the girls were left blinking spots from their eyes. But Gandalf was staring at them as blankly as the rest.

" Thank God!" Colleen murmured fervently, "Ok! Listen up! Frodo never lost the ring! You're not looking for it! You're just standing around chatting! Kerri was never here! April, Marcie and I were never here!" with this she pulled the ring from underneath her shirt and strode to Frodo. She paused their, with it dangling from her hand for a long moment. So long that Marcie finally cried "C'leena!"

" Ack! I know" Placing the ring around Frodo's neck, she whirled and strode from the room quickly. Marcie and April grabbed Kerri and followed soon after.

" Where are we going?" April gasped when the finally caught up.

" To flashy thing everyone in Rivendell! This was a very bad idea! I'm sooo not having it go on my charge sheet!"

Marcie, April and Kerri allowed themselves to fall slightly behind. "What's with her?" Marcie wondered aloud.

" Well, the PPC has been pretty ruthless lately; I think that's what she means by 'charge list'. And there's this new great fic, Suedom where real people are getting stuck in Mary Sues and killed, and we're Mary Sues cause we can speak Elvish, and use weapons and we're totally screwing with canon and stuff...and she's probably feeling guilty about being a Mary Sue cause she hates them, and she doesn't really think this is very funny any more, and she thinks we're all flat characters w/ the same personality except for the different obsessions and it doesn't matter to us because we all know us, but for all those people who don't know us it's a problem, and her instincts to write serious fics are totally conflicting with this kinda stupid humor thing..............but that's just a hunch. She could totally have eaten some bad pizza or something." Kerri shrugged and kept walking, leaving a stunned Marcie and April in her wake.

*-*-*

" Fish"

" Phish"

" Posh"

" Puss"

" Pass"

" Sass.....ok, we can stop now, time's up," the voice announced.

" What do you mean, times up?"

" Well, it's been nearly two months, and C'leena and the rest of them should be leavings soon, which means that we ought to-"

" WHAT???"

" I'm sorry, what part of that sentence did you fail to understand?"

" Maybe the part about it being two months???" Jeremiah gasped.

" What? You really wanted to walk around and catch rabbits and stuff? Dur...stupid hobbit!"

Jeremiah abruptly slid off the rock he was seated upon, outside the invisible RFD2. He was torn between screaming and weeping. Confusion was not supposed to hurt this much. Emotions flashed in and out of his mind in a whirlwind. Anger at Colleen, anger at the voice, confusion, frustration, disbelief, denial, despair...

" Try putting your head between your knees, it'll make you feel better!" Voice piped up helpfully.

Jeremiah glanced around dubiously, but complied. After a few moments he could be heard to complain softly, "I think all the blood is in my brain now...I feel funny..."

" You look funny,"

" Shuddup! Stupid voice...what do you know anyway?"

" More than you! I can see the Words!"

" What?" Jeremiah was becoming confused again.

" Nevermind, Hey! Wanna hear a clean joke?" Without waiting for an answer Voice continued, "Wanna hear a clean joke? Suzy took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the boy next door! Bada bing!"

Jeremiah looked up incredulously. "Are you serious?"

" What, you can do better?"

" A quadriplegic orangutan with cerebral palsy, and a speech impediment could do better,"

" OoOoO! I'm hurt! Try it!"

" Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the guy behind the counter a few nails and says, 'Hey, can you put me up for the night?'" Jeremiah spouted triumphantly.

Voice could be heard to snort, "Ha! What style of art was preferred by the Third Reich? Post-Imprussianist!"

" Oooh, nice. How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it? Play the piano until you find the right key."

" C'mon! I could go on for hours! What kind of floor do dinosaur's bathrooms have? Rep-tiles." Voice answered herself.

" So could I! What do you get when you mix a mouse with some laundry detergent? Squeaky clean clothes!"

" Yeah, well, why don't sharks eat clowns? Cuz they taste funny!"

" What did one plate say to another? Lunch is on me!"

" What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him? I didn't do it on porpoise!"

" That was sooo a Gloucester joke! You're so from Gloucester!" Jeremiah accused the voice.

" Just 'cause I know a joke about ocean going creatures, doesn't make me from Fishtown, shrimp! Besides, how do you know I'm not just you're subconscious or something?"

" Because I wouldn't be so mean to me!"

" Right. Hey, this is one of my favorites. What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?"

" Errr..."

" Cow pi!" Voice announced jubilantly.

" Oy....stupid voice...."

" Watch who you're calling stupid, hobbit!"

" Hobbit?? Wait......YOU'RE TARA!!!!!"

Tara's laughter echoed throughout the Trollshaws.

" Oh boy. Now I'm in trouble much!"