Author's Notes: Again! I updated! All rejoice at my sudden erm... lack of laziness! Actually, to be honest I HAVE been very busy. Yes, the life of summer vacation is a busy one... sleeping in until noon... going to Canada's Wonderland with friends... yes, it's quite time consuming. Oh, right, and that other blasted fan fic which my partner writers and friends are demanding I look over, edit, add and spit back out at them. Plus, guess who got stuck with the art? I DID! Oh, right, and my sister wants me to burn her a Crambo CD (I love Professor Gregor!) which is VERY hard to find songs for... moderating chat (bloody spammer) and... I think that's about it. Yes, yes it is. I think I'm rambling here but this is the only time I actually get to talk in any of these stories so I need to do SOMETHING!!! Oh! I know! My OotP rant... HORRIBLE book. Well, I hated it. Death was traumatizing... gave me odd "nightmares" for a couple days. And the only thing I got out of it really was that if Dumbledore had SAID something to Harry in the beginning, books 1-4 never would have happened. Yep... so I finished the book in 2 1/2 days... went back to brooding over Warner Bros. deciding to cut out Oliver Wood, Cho Chang, and Marcus Flint (why I'm upset about that, I don't know!) and delving into my Matrix theories. I think I need a new hobby. I own the Matrix, the Matrix Revisited, and the Animatrix DVD... the book on the philosophy of the Matrix, conquered the game (ah! So fun!!!), ordering my sunglasses (what? I NEED a pair!), and saw the Matrix Reloaded (WORST. ENDING. EVER!!! DAMMIT!!!) By the way, if you haven't seen the Animatrix, WATCH IT! I heart that DVD, really I do. The Second Renaissance is my favourite movie short... so brilliant... anyway, since this note is about half a page all ready, I should probably just stop and let you get on with the story... even though I'm pretty sure you stopped reading this um... sentences ago. Peace, marf, and Gregor MacKay!

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters and related items are the property of J.K. Rowling, not me.

Nasty Little Buggers

Chapter Eight: The Fates Hate Me!

"I don't believe it!" moaned Fred, staring down at the map in disbelief. "I didn't think he was THAT thick to go wandering off somewhere by himself!"

"I guess we did mess him up pretty bad," said George, folding up the map and depositing it in his robes. He looked around... three floors below them was one of the entrances into Hogsmeade. It was the nearest settlement and hopefully Oliver was there... but it wasn't guaranteed. "If I was a bloke with no memory, where would I go?"

"Um... anywhere?" Fred suggested.

"No," answered George. "I'd go and find people who might be able to help me. And if there was no one around to help, I'd move on to another place with people... like the nearest village!" George grinned, pleased at his own sudden burst of intelligence.

"Like Hogsmeade?"

George frowned, thinking. The burst of intelligence had only been momentary. "Yes! Like Hogsmeade!" His grin returned. "Which there is a secret passage to three floors down!"

"We can head him off if we run."

The twins bolted down the nearest staircase at full speed, nearly tripping over their own robes in their hasty decent. Neville Longbottom was just coming out of the library with a stack of herbology books when the twin terrors raced by, trampeling him a second time and sending his books scattering. Fred and George were in too much of a hurry to notice.

The two Gryffindors skidded to a halt in front of an ugly statue of a humped witch, muttered the password, and squeezed through the narrow passageway. The corridor was dark and cramped and seemed to go on forever.

"Funny how I never noticed how long this route was," commented Fred lightly, stating the obvious. George didn't reply but sighed, relieved, when the tunnel began to slope upwards. They were almost there.

George was out first, silently lifting the floor latch and climbing out into the basement of Honeyduke's. Stacks of boxes loomed ominously in the gloom, like irregularly shaped stalagmites in a candy shop cavern. The twins sat by the stair case leading up to the shop quietly, waiting for the shop keeper to come downstairs.

They weren't waiting long when the sound of footsteps overhead could be heard. Sure enough, the door at the head of the rickety stairs was kicked open and the shop keeper headed into the cellar to pick up one of the boxes of chocolate frogs. When his back was turned, the twins scampered up the stairs and out into the lighted shop.

They cast around Honeyduke's. No Oliver. Maybe they had beaten him to Hogsmeade...

* * *

Oliver had been walking down the narrow lane from Hogwarts when he felt something hit him in the head. He looked up. The sky had been overcast before but now it looked like rain. Grumbling how he should have brought a jacket or cloak he picked up his pace along the dampening path.

What started out as a small spittle quickly came down as heavy rain. Not enough to completely drench someone, but enough to make people head for the indoors. Oliver however, was out in the open, with no coat or umbrella, grumbling at how rotten his luck seemed to be.

Where he was going, he wasn't sure. All he knew was the castle wasn't giving him clear answers about anything so it was best for him to move on. Of course, so far he hadn't seen much but rocks and mud.

SQUELCH!

"Bugger..."

Oliver looked down. He had stepped in some sort of a sink hole in the path and he was now up to his left ankle in thick brown mud. Sighing, he bent over and tugged at his leg to get it unstuck. It wouldn't move. Oliver glared down at his foot in furious blame and pulled again. With an odd sucking noise, his foot came loose. Oliver tumbled backwards, splattering into the muddy path.

He swore loudly, getting to his feet. He NEVER should have left that hospital wing, or done ANYTHING the twins had told him to do. This. Was. All. Their. Fault.

Oliver squelched onwards along the road, his dark mood hanging over him threateningly. He paused when he suddenly noticed small shops and buildings looming in the misty gloom up ahead. Finally... somewhere to get out of the rain...

* * *

"Bloody hell, why does it have to start raining now?!"

The twins stood in the shelter of Honeyduke's doorway. They didn't want to go out and get wet looking for Oliver. What if they caught pneumonia? Or worse, what if their robes got muddy? Then they'd NEVER be able to hide the fact that they had been sneaking around off the grounds.

But Oliver was somewhere out there and if they lost him they'd be in even more trouble. Not only would the entire fourth year and below hate them for life but when they were expelled for tampering with a recovering patient, their mother would kill them.

Both twins seemed to agree with each other mentally that there was only one thing to do: get wet. Abandoning the dry shelter of the doorway, they went out into the street.

"So, where to first?" asked Fred, looking up and down the street. The place wasn't busy. If Oliver was nearby they'd spot him easily.

"Well, he liked the Quidditch pitch... maybe he's at the store." George shrugged.

The twins made their way slowly towards the local Quality Quidditch Supplies, pausing to glance inside the other shops on their way. No sign of Oliver.

Then, they saw him. A figure caked in mud was slouching towards them, peering cautiously at the buildings around him. He looked a bit filthy but there was no mistaking him.

"Oi! Oliver, old chum!" Fred called down the street to him. He looked up, startled, saw who it was and turned around, hastily shuffling off towards the nearest building.

"Hey! Hey! Oliver, wait up!"

The twins squished through the mud over to where he was. They managed to grab his arm before he disappeared into the busy pub and pulled him back outside.

"Not you two again," he sighed, "let go!"

"Woah, wait a minute there!" grinned George. "What are you doing out here? And who trampled you? You're a mess!"

"I tripped," came the reply. "Now bugger on off." He turned to leave. Fred stood in his way.

"What's the matter, mate?" asked Fred. "Why'd you wander off? Everyone's been worried!"

Oliver looked at Fred unimpressed. "I doubt it. I know why you two prats came after me. Without me you have no one to mess around with. No one to play head games with." Fred pretended to look hurt. "Oh don't pull that! You two have done nothing but lie to me since I... erm... met you!"

Fred looked past Oliver at George. He was muddled and while Oliver obviously didn't know anything about himself he was beginning to catch on to their game. So what were they going to do? George winked. The answer was simple. The only way out was to keep lying.

"All right, Oliver, you're right," admitted George solemnly, putting an arm around his shoulders. "We were wrong... a little bit. So we set you up with Cassandra who hates you and the very ground you walk on just like every other Slytherin. We just wanted to do something nice for you."

"Frankly, Oliver, you suck with women," added Fred. "So we thought we'd help you along. After all... you're a Keeper... she's a Keeper..."

"What's a Keeper?" cut in Oliver.

"We were just getting to that!" George sighed. "Look, mate, we're really very sorry things didn't work out between you two... but we weren't lying about everything else."

Fred grinned. "Yeah, Percy really is a loon and Snape's the father who never speaks to you."

"So, with that behind us, why don't you come on back up to the castle before someone finds you and tries to take advantage of your condition." George winked. "Because we all know how horrible a thing that would be."

Oliver looked at the two twins suspiciously. He shouldn't buy into their story, every instinct inside him told him not to trust them. But he did anyway. They were sorry, right? Besides, he didn't really want to be out here anyway. It was wet and he was muddy.

"All right, fine," he sighed.

"Excellent!" chorused the twins. "Now, we'll get you cleaned up and then explain this whole Keeper thing to you."

"Quite important to do so," added George.

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I think this is coming close to a nice closing now... maybe only one or two chapters left. We'll see how I feel about it...