[Cue the SD FFVIII characters chasing a football across the
screen!]

All: ^-^ "omake Omake OMAKE! WAAAIIIIII!!"

[The camera pans back to reveal Carbuncle leaned up against
a football that's nearly half its size. It pushes the ball with
its forelimbs away from it. The camera goes back even further to
show who the cute little furball is playing with.]

Chibi-Diablos: [with the football punctured on one of his claws]
"I really need to clip those..."


Sowing the SeeDs:

OMAKE THEATRE!!!


[Somewhere on the rather desolate but flat continent of
Centra, a large object is seen moving out from the distant
horizon. As it grows closer we see that it's Balamb Garden, still
flying around. Upon finding the designated place, it comfortably
settles down... before dropping the last ten meters and crashing
into the grass with a resounding 'Whump!!']

Squall: [at the driver's stick] "What do you expect? This
Garden's standard, and I only know how to drive automatic."

Rinoa: "Well if you hadn't popped the clutch like I'd *said*, we
wouldn't be in this crater."

Squall: "Hey, quit backseat flying!"

Headmaster Cid: --;; "......"

[Once the dust settles, the entry doors open up and the
ramps are extended. Dozens of SeeDs and cadets pour out and take
up seats around a large rectangular area outlined on the ground.
Many of them have drinks and sunglasses, and are reclining in
lounge chairs. Even more have their faces painted with the Balamb
Garden colors, and are waving signs showing their allegiance to
either SeeD or the team players.]

Zell: [hitting the concession stand] "Yo, gimme a couple a'
hot dogs."

Biggs: [dressed in a vendor's uniform] "Sorry, we just ran out of
them a minute ago."

Zell: o.O;; "Wha? Dat's impossible! Who ate da last hot dogs?!
I'll murder 'im wit a My Final Heaven!"

Biggs: [pointing over to the lumbering form of Sphinxaur] "Oh, I
believe he took the last two dozen."

Zell: [eeep] "Maybe I'll just go for a Tofu dog instead."

[Sitting atop one of the ramps, their booth hooked into the
Garden PA system, are the game's commentators.]

Dr. Kadowaki: ^-^ "Welcome to Omake Theatre! We're in for a real
treat today, a football match of epic proportions: the Authors
versus the SeeDs!"

Enju: "With Xu as the captain of the SeeD team, I can't see this
as being anything but messy. I'm almost afraid to watch."

Dr. Kadowaki: [???] "What are you doing here? Did you run out of
people to kill or something?"

Enju: ^^; "My clientele keep dropping like flies. But working in
irrelevant omakes does provide a modest source of income for me
when the world is at peace and no back stabbing is going on."

Dr. Kadowaki: "Ahhh... I see."

Enju: "Say, you wouldn't happen to have anyone who needs
killing, do you?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Why, no I certainly *coughMartinecough!!* don't!
Moving along, let's take a look at today's line up."

Enju: "Right-o! Representing Team SeeD is Xu, who is the captain.
We've also got the twins from Trabia, Myn and Nym. And Quistis
rounds out the starting line-up as the goalie."

Dr. Kadowaki: "On the Authors' side is their captain,
Chaos... SquareSoft help us all. Along with him are Beans and
Quandry, and their goalie is... Helen Fong? Who's she?"

[Cue the Iron Chef cameo!]

Ohta: ^-^ [popping up between Enju and Kadowaki] "I can answer that
one for you Kadowaki-san! Helen Fong has been doing conceptual
artwork for the authors. She hasn't written anything for 'Sowing
the SeeDs', so this is a case of guilt by association."

Dr. Kadowaki: [recoiling in surprise!] "Where'd you come from?!"

Ohta: "Ah, the smells of a soccer match bring back the memories
of that Iron SeeD competition I did five years ago when I whupped
the uniform off some would-be Iron Chef Galbadia named Biggs at
making Elvoret Courdon Bleu. Back to you, Enju-san!"

Enju: ^^v "Thank you Ohta! Now since each team only has 4 members
on it the playing field has been reduced in size. The halves have
also been shortened at the request of the authors, who didn't
think they could last the full 45 minutes per half."

Dr. Kadowaki: "How long do they think they'll last if not 45
minutes?"

Enju: "Think the Fire Cavern test: they'll be lucky to survive
ten minutes. But let's hear your opinion, Ohta."

Dr. Kadowaki: o.O; "You mean he hasn't left the commentator's
booth yet?"

Ohta: [making himself comfortable] "Well, Enju-san, I spoke with
the Team Authors captain while in the locker room. After taking
into account their lack of physical training, inept athletic
skills, and the blood their opponents want to draw from them,
he's giving them a solid 5 minutes before Beans drops the Lunatic
Pandora on him, and the other authors use the diversion as a
chance to escape."

Enju: "Thank you Ohta! Back to you, Kadowaki."

Dr. Kadowaki: [um... okay] "Today's referee is none other than
Headmaster Cid. He will be assisted by Headmaster Martine of
Galbadia and Headmistress Rebecca of Trabia, who are filling the
role of linesmen."

Enju: [looking at Martine] "He looks like he could fill the role
of two or three linesman, given that waistline."

[Enju hastily ducks the Jelleye that gets lobbed at his
head!]

Enju: =( [giving Martine the SeeD 1-finger salute!] "Back at ya,
Behemoth-for-brains!"

Ohta: "Having all the officials be from Garden could work in the
advantage of Team SeeD. On the other hand, Martine is known to
hold a grudge against the team captain... and now one against a
commentator too. Will we see that bias come into play today?"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Oh look! The players are coming out onto the
field!"

[Out first onto the field is the SeeD team dressed in black
uniforms. They wave to the crowd who is cheering wildly for them.
The entire section behind the SeeD goal is Trepie territory.
Numerous 'Quistis 3:16' signs abound.]

LeVar, Jessie, and Eugene: ^-^ "Quistis! Quistis! Quistis!"

Enju: "The home team is certainly getting a warm welcome. Just
look at all those Caterchipiller plushies being thrown onto the
field."

Ohta: "Did you know Caterchipillers tastes just like chicken? But
you can bring out the flavor with some lemon sauce, a little
grated cheese, and ketchup!"

Dr. Kadowaki: [groan!] "I don't believe this. Oh, wait, here come
the challengers!"

[The Authors' entrance is remarkably spectacular... though
rather dangerous as an out-of-control Doomtrain comes rolling
onto the field. At the skull-shaped engine, Chaos (complete with
a conductor's hat) is frantically trying to locate the brakes.
The other authors, who were originally sitting atop the cars, are
now clinging to Doomtrain's roof for dear life!]

Enju: "And look, they're riding in style atop the Whoop-Ass Express!
Such confidence!"

Beans: [terrified li'l mame-chan!] "I don't wanna die!"

Quandry: "Yo yo, that goes double for me! I'd rather grind train
tracks, not be grinded on them!"

Chaos: [rummaging through Doomtrain's glove compartment] "There's
got to be a driver's manual here somewhere. How do you stop this
GF anyways?!"

[Suddenly Doomtrain choo-choo's right through the crowd and
smashes into the side of Balamb Garden!]

Enju: .=( [summoning a GF!] "DIE!!!"

Chaos: o.O;

*SQUISH!!*

Ohta: [wince!] "And Kei's Alexander has just flattened Chaos like
a Funguar pancake! Speaking of, I find that if you add chocolate
shavings--"

Dr. Kadowaki: "Will you cut that out? What are you still doing here
in the first place?!"

Enju: [oblivious to Kadowaki's protests] "Ohta, I think you'll
agree with me that Kei's attack didn't look like a contracted hit.
Of course, if the attack was personal it may be because of that
'A Galbadian Werewolf in Garden' fic Chaos wrote last week."

Headmaster Cid: [blowing his whistle] "Penalty against the SeeD
team! Kei, I'm afraid that was very unprofessional of you as a
SeeD... no matter how much the little twit deserved it."

Chaos: @.@ "She may be aligned with Justice, but where's
the love?"

Quandry: [scratching ears] "Hey Beans, he ain't a member of
Poison Jam, is he? His brain's all messed up like theirs are,
ya know?"

Beans: "You think they'd take him? He may be a raging idiot, but
better his butt get kicked than ours."

Quandry: "I hear ya there."

Helen: "Can I go home *now*?"

[And so Kei is red carded for blowing up another player.
SeeD Skye is pulled into the game for Kei.]

Skye: [nodding to Xu] "Yo."

Chaos: [bouncing back!] "Okay, I'm alive! I just had to restart
myself in the game! So how are we doing?"

Quandry: "Welcome back from the dead, bro. According to the game
clock we've burned nearly 4 minutes."

Chaos: ^-^ "Cool! We're doing better than I thought."

Enju: "The game is resumed with SeeD Kei now on the sidelines.
The ball is back in play from Nym to Skye... who is just standing
there idly. Wait, she sees the ball by her feet! And she kicks it
over to Xu without so much as actually moving from her spot! That
Skye's so... so..."

Dr. Kadowaki: "Apathetic?"

Enju: [shrug!] "More or less. I was going to say 'statuesque' but
yours works."

Dr. Kadowaki: "With the way Skye's evidently not taking the game
seriously, she's playing just like Helen Fong. That does even the
teams out some."

Xu: [charging towards the authors' net!] "Golden Bird Holy Flower
Dragon Tooth Glory Kick!!"

Helen: [blink blink!] "Golden Bird what?"

Kei: [blink blink!] "Holy's my department, cousin..."

[The ball soars past a confused Helen and a goal is scored
for SeeD!]

Xu: ^^v "Wai!"

Enju: "With that goal scored, the timer buzzes to announce the
end of the first half of the game. It looks like the halftime
show's about to begin!"

Ohta: "You know, there's this great recipe for Ruby Dragon haggis I
can whip up during the halftime. I did it last month on Iron
SeeD, and the judges loved it!"

Enju: ^^;; "Sounds... delicious. Kadowaki, baby, I'm sure you'd
love to try it!"

Dr. Kadowaki: [erk!] "Wha? Me?!"

[Kadowaki helplessly turns to Enju... only to see a
dissipating dust cloud left in his wake. And so, as Ohta prepares
his Ruby Dragon haggis, the halftime show begins! Cue the line-up
of Tonberry cheerleaders, complete with pompoms!!]

Tonberry cheerleaders: [doing a victory cheer] "Doink! Doink!
Doink doink doink!"

Fujin: [watching the Tonberries in disbelief] "DRINK. NOW. CAN'T
TAKE OMAKE SOBER."

Quistis: [flipping through a Tonberry For Dummies book] "There
has got to be a concise Tonberry/Standard dictionary in the Garden
library somewhere..."

Xu: [regrouping with the SeeD team] "Okay, we've got one goal
against them. If they keep playing the way they have been, we're
sure to blow them out of the entire Final Fantasy series!"

Nym: [filing her nails with a shuriken dart] "Any strategies we
want to work on for the second half?"

Xu: "We should each take a player and stick it to them!"

Skye: "Don't you mean 'stick with them'?"

Xu: "Gee, let me think: no! Quistis, you're goalie so you're in
the clear. But if anyone--especially Chaos--comes within striking
distance, use your rante. Skye, while I'm impressed with your
total lack of enthusiasm, I need to you to challenge Quandry. Nym,
you take down Chaos the first chance you get. The Bean girl is
mine."

Quistis: "You're not... actually going to hurt the author who gave
you life, are you?"

Xu: "Nah! Just maim her a little, then cast Cura on her. It's been
a long enough break without her writing anything about us. Paybacks
are a bitch!"

[Meanwhile, at the Author Team's goal area.]

Beans: [regrouping with the authors] "Don't worry. We're still in
the game; they're only one point ahead of us. And more importantly:
we're still in the game. Chaos, I figured you would have been
clobbered before the football was even dropped."

Chaos: "Technically I was. Got in a fight with some Sphinxaur
after he hoarded all the hot dogs. And trust me: when they step on
you, it hurts."

Helen: "You are a strange little author, you know that?"

Chaos: ^^v "It comes with practice."

Helen: [exasperated groan!] "Beans, why are we doing this?
It's ridiculous and uncalled for. Hell, I'm not an author. I
shouldn't even be here. All I did was draw some pics for your
fanfic."

Beans: "But we needed someone else, and no one wanted to
volunteer their services as cannon fodder."

Chaos: [raising his hand] "Hey, what about me?"

Beans: "Chaos, your presence implies that you're automatic cannon
fodder."

Chaos: ^-^ "Anything to help out!"

Helen: [blink blink!] "Is he usually like this?"

Quandry: "He's a bit strange, yo, but I'm teaching him some of
my better tricks. Just you wait, soon he'll be grinding like a
lifelong GG!"

Helen: [...] "You're strange too..."

Beans: "Okay, back to the game plan. All we have to do is stay
alive until the last two minutes of the match. I've got a secret
weapon that will guarantee our survival and victory against the
SeeDs. Until then, do whatever you must to keep us in the game.
Questions?"

Quandry: [raising his head] "Just a little one, yeah, why is the
Tonberry King doing Elvis impersonations?"

Beans: o.O; "He's what?"

[The authors turn to the Tonberry float in the middle of the
football field. There, dressed up like Elvis, is the sideburn-
covered Tonberry King gyrating his hips and doinking to
'Jailhouse Rock'.]

Chaos: [shouting] "The King is dead! Live with it!"

Tonberry King: *glare!*

Beans: "Oh no, clear the field! He's going to launch 'Everyone's
Grudge'!"

[The authors immediately vacate the area, with Chaos looking
around in confusion!]

Chaos: [???] "Everyone?"

[Cue the Everyone's Grudge!!]

Chaos: "OW!!! Hey, that hurt! And it left a stain on my uniform
too; damn, there goes my cleaning deposit."

Nym: [pointing to the twitching fanboy in the field] "Um,
technically that attack should have killed him. What gives?"

Skye: [sigh!] "He's too much of an idiot to actually take the
hint and die."

Xu: "Oh, you mean like Seifer?"

Seifer: [stomping out onto the field!] "I heard that!"

Xu: [punting Seifer over to Trabia!] "We'll have none of your
lip here, nancy boy!"

Quistis: [mouthing] "Nancy boy?"

Kei: [grin!] "Contact sports always brings out the aggressive
side in Xu. She was a terror when the Anshin kids used to play
tiddlywinks. It's a good thing Triple Triad isn't full contact,
otherwise she'd leave a pile of corpses in her wake."

[Back up in the commentator's booth!]

Enju: ^-^ "I'm back! What did I miss?"

Dr. Kadowaki: [looking sick] "My lunch coming back to haunt me."

Ohta: "Hmph! You RPG characters have no stomach! My Ruby Dragon
haggis is a delicacy in some Final Fantasy games. In fact... I've
never actually seen any of you people eat during gameplay."

Enju: "You think that's bad? You should try finding a bathroom in
the Garden. They just don't seem to exist. Neither do our
bladders for that matter."

Dr. Kadowaki: .