[Cue the SD FFVIII fic characters dancing across the screen!]

All: ^-^ "omake Omake OMAKE! WAAAIIIIII!!"

[Suddenly Balamb Garden goes zooming by the characters, causing

everyone to duck for cover. Chibi-Cid is frantically trying to figure out

how to steer the thing. The Garden comes to an abrupt halt when it crashes

into an oversized tree.]

Chibi-Cid: "We're insured for that, right?"

Sowing the SeeDs:

OMAKE THEATRE!!!

[Chibi versions of the three authors carefully sneak around the

crash-landed Garden. Everyone is too busy dealing with their sudden stop to

take notice of the notorious troublemakers. After sneaking into one of the

Garden's many classrooms, Chibi-Corvus turns on the wall display, and

Chibis Beans and Chaos attentively sit at desks to listen to his lecture.]

Chibi-Corvus: "Today's Omake Theatre is about the best innovation in the

Final Fantasy series!"

Chibi-Beans: "Airships?"

Chibi-Chaos: "Fanservice?"

Chibi-Corvus: "No, Tonberries!"

[Chibi-Beans and Chibi-Chaos facefault!]

Chibi-Corvus: [naive look] "What? They're cute, they're green, they're--"

Chibi-Chaos: o.O; [lifting up a Tonberry's cowl] "--not wearing any pants!"

Chibi-Corvus: [irate] "Of course not! They're Tonberries! Carbuncle doesn't

wear any pants either, I might add."

Chibi-Xu: [busy prying Cid off the control stick!] "Leave my Carbuncle out

of this!!"

Chibi-Enju: [fetching the crowbar] "The thought of a Chibi-Diablos in GAP

jeans somehow just doesn't work."

[Back to the classroom....]

Chibi-Corvus: "Okay class, first question: Why do Tonberries carry lanterns

with them?"

Chibi-Chaos: ^^v "The lantern holds the souls of Travelers who are

transitioning between this world and the next. In a way, the Tonberries are

like a Motel 6. They give the souls a room to rest in until they're ready to

continue on. Unfortunately, they don't have cable TV or a heated swimming

pool, so Squall and the gang should rely more on a Best Galbadian

franchise."

[Chibis Corvus and Beans slowly turn to Chaos.]

Chibi-Corvus & Chibi-Beans: [are you on crack?] "......"

Chibi-Chaos: [sinking down in his desk] "Was I wrong about the cable TV

part?"

Chibi-Beans: o.O; "I thought they had the lantern so that they could read

the baby Tonberries stories before bed."

Chibi-Corvus: "There are no baby Tonberries."

Chibi-Chaos: "So that's why I haven't been able to sell any of them Huggies

pampers!"

Chibi-Beans: "But aren't they all babies compared to the Tonberry King?"

Chibi-Chaos: "Elvis is a Tonberry?! Then my Motel 6 theory isn't so

far-fetched after all! Of course...that means the King really is dead."

[Cue the rather frightening disagreement with Chaos as the Tonberry King

angrily crashes through the wall!]

Tonberry King: [with whip] "Call me The King!"

Kool-Aid guy: [crashing through the wall right next to the Tonberry King!]

"Oh yeah!"

Chibified Authors: [cowing in a corner] "KYAAAAA!!!!"

Tonberry King: [???] "Are you frightened of me, or the giant talking pitcher

filled with fruit juice?"

Chibified Authors: [frantically pointing to Mr. Kool-Aid] "The talking juice

pitcher! The talking juice pitcher!"

Tonberry King: [cracking his whip] "Looks like I'll have to go 'It's Sharp'

on your ass, buddy!"

Kool-Aid guy: o.O; "Oh no!"

[The following melee has been censored from this Omake, so as not to

permanently traumatize the minds of any young readers out there. We

apologize for this inconvenience and now return you to a slightly damaged

Garden classroom.]

Chibi-Beans: [looking down at the floor] "I hope the janitor comes along

soon. There's glass and tropical punch all over the place."

Chibi-Chaos: [scratching his head] "And here I thought Tonberries only went

'Doink'. Did someone dub that guy's voice?"

Chibi-Corvus: --; "Moving along to our next question: Why do Tonberries

carry a Sacred Knife?"

Chibi-Chaos: [immediately raising his hand] "Because you never know when

you'll run into a wild piece of toast that needs buttering?"

[Chibi-Beans smacks Chaos with a baguette of French bread.]

Chibi-Chaos: x.x [twitch twitch!] "Sacrebleu!"

Chibi-Xu: [still prying!] "The bull in this Omake is thick enough that you

need a knife to cut through it."

Chibi-Aucifer: "Want me to get a Gunblade to do that?"

Chibi-Corvus: "Actually, everybody knows that Tonberries carry the Sacred

Knives because if they got their hands on swords, they'd do silly things."

[Cue a Tonberry with a katana facing off against the wall!]

Tonberry: "Doink doink doink...doink, doink doink!"

Badly dubbed samurai voice: "Ya-hah, evil bricks. This will be a fine

service for you, you wall of scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove

your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to

eat."

[The Tonberry then goes running past with a katana screaming "BANZAI!"

and runs into a brick wall. Rather painfully too. The stunned Tonberry falls

over, with Chocobos now running around its head and warking.]

Chibi-Chaos: "This is like that 'Don't run with scissors' rule, isn't it?"

Chibi-Corvus: "Um...right. Something like that. Next question: Why do

Tonberries appear in the Centra ruins?"

Chibi-Beans: "Because they like to be in the...Centra...of all the action?"

[Chibi-Corvus facefaults!]

Chibi-Chaos: [looking down at Corvus] "It would have been funnier if I had

said such a bad pun."

Chibi-Goggleboy: [from the back of the room] "Glad I'm not in the middle of

that mess."

Chibified Authors: "Who is that guy?"

Chibi-Beans: "Moving along. Why would the Tonberry King work for the people

who beat up his followers?"

[Screen shot of Squall, Quistis, and Zell as mobsters running a racket on

the Tonberry King.]

Squall: [doing a BAD Marlon Brando impression] "My fine green friend, let

SeeD make you an offer you cannot refuse."

Quistis: ^-^ [tugging on her rante] "Can I knock the [beep!] [beep!] outta

'em yet, boss?"

Zell: [sulking] "I coulda been a contenda'."

Chibi-Corvus: ^^; "Whoops! How did that get in the Omake? Heh...."

[Dead silence.]

Chibi-Corvus: "Next question: Why does the Tonberry King's crown float?"

Chibi-Chaos: "Simple. You just have to be well-versed in quantum

para-magical physics. It's all about the inner energy quanta that the

Tonberry King, being a very magically-inclined creature that he is, has a

lot of. Whereas humans need to gather a tremendous amount of mental focus in

order to get their aura of magic to reach a critical mass and then detonate

in the desired manifestation on an attack, the Tonberry King naturally

exudes such an aura. Therefore making his crown hover comes as easy to him

as it is for us to breath air. He probably doesn't even realize that it's

floating half the time. Mind you, this is the Brekenridge-Lovecraft theory.

There is another theory, not so different from the aforementioned one, that

was pioneered by some Odine guy. He advocates that since there is so much

quantum magic in the Tonberry King that it acts like a massive

electromagentic field. The air around him is so saturated with this magical

charge that his crown is lifted off his head by this EMF. And interestingly

enough, this same EMF is what keeps the crown from being catapulted off or

lingering in the air whenever the Tonberry King turns and walks around. The

crown is caught in this quantum magic vacuum of sorts and is pulled along

wherever the King goes. Everybody with me so far?"

Chibi-Corvus: o.O; "......"

Chibi-Beans: --;  "Simple, he says."

Chibi-Chaos: "Well, it's either that, or the Tonberry King is really the

reincarnation of illusionist David Copperfield. Maybe we could book him for

a couple of shows in Galbadia and Balamb City."

Chibi-Beans: [eyebrow twitch!] "Frighteningly enough, even though I didn't

understand the first answer you gave, I like it a lot better than what you

just suggested."

Chibi-Quistis: ^-^v "I understood it."

Chibi-Enju: "How about you come over to my place and...(^^) teach it to me?"

Demonic Chibi-Kei: :( "HENTAI!"

[The evil raging demonic she-bitch that is currently Chibi-Kei proceeds to

jump on Chibi-Enju. Fists, feet and dust fly, interrupted occasionally by

Chibi-Enju shouting for someone to call Doctor Kadowaki!]

Chibi-Corvus: "When did this classroom fill up?"

Chibi-Beans: ^^; "Um...next question! Does the Tonberry King have any

singing talent?"

Tonberry King: [singing Jingle Bells] "Doink doink doink, doink doink doink,

doink doink doink doink-doink!

Chibi-Chaos: "I'll take that as a big 'no'."

Chibi-Corvus: "I think I like the badly dubbed samurai Tonberry better."

Chibi-Beans: o.O "I fear."

[Chibi-Kei and Chibi-Enju stop fighting long enough to puzzle over a

Tonberry singing Jingle Bells.]

Chibi-Kei: [aside to Chibi-Enju] "This game is doomed if he decides to try

out for The Three Tenors."

Chibi-Enju: o.O; [ack!] "I can't feel my arms anymore!"

Chibi-Kei: "Oh, quit being such a baby. I only hit six of your body's seven

vital pressure points. Take it like a man."

[Cue the great fanfare, ripped off of Nobuo Uematsu's soundtrack to FFVI!

Chibis Quistis, Enju, and Kei are suddenly standing behind Jepoardy contestant

podiums, each with a buzzer in their hand.]

Chibi-Beans: "Final Question Time!"

Chibi-Corvus: [hey, he could be Alex Trebek] "For 3000 gil, can you name

Tonberry's ultimate attack? And remember, you have to give your answer in

the form of a question."

Chibi-Quistis: ^^v "SeeD classroom sessions should always be this fun!"

Chibi-Kei: [clicking vehemently on her buzzer] "I think mine's broken."

Chibi-Enju: [sprawled out limp on the ground] "Kei, do mind un-paralyzing

me? Or else just drape me over the podium so I can press the buzzer with my

tongue?"

[Before anyone can buzz in the door slides open and a VERY pissed off

Chibi-Xu comes in!]

Chibi-Chaos: o.O; "Uh oh, I think we're about to get it demonstrated."

[Chibi-Xu chases the authors off!]

Chibi-Quistis: [clicking on the buzzer, but no one is there to tell her to

answer] "Anoooo...What is Everyone's Grudge?"

[End!]