Notes to my faithful reviewers:
LilyBaggins: "Fellowship in modern times" fanfics have got to be the best. Glad you like it.
Valarauko: thanks for reviewing, what tells me I'm writing this properly is that you seem to like it and you say you don't usually read slash, so that means I'm doing it right, right? Right?
Angel 1: I'm writing more soon hopefully. Thanks for reviewing, reviews best things I can get. Except possibly vanilla coke.
Anelith: wow, brilliant! You like it? That's good. I don't go for slash much either, but I just decided to give it a try. Hopefully I'm writing it properly cos you seem to like it.
Kayloo: you reviewed Aragorn's Bachelor Party, one of my other fanfics didn't you? Glad you like this and you liked How to teach a dwarf to swim. I'm busy writing chapter four of ABP.
Harlequin: yay! Somebody else who's reviewed before! You dropped your laptop on yourself? Hopefully you didn't kill yourself. RIP Harlequin, killed by a falling laptop. Doesn't sound good. Glad you like this one.
Thankyou everyone for reviewing! And review again! Please! I like reviews.
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Legolas and Sam went back inside and prepared themselves for a lot of smirks, looks and nudge nudge wink winks, but went they got back to the hall they found it strangle deserted. There were all the signs of a meal (namely, discarded forks and plates and two-minute noodles spilt on the carpet) but the people in question were nowhere to be seen.
"This isn't good."
"Of course it isn't good, there's noodles mashed into the carpet and if we don't clean it up soon it'll go mouldy and start to smell."
"I'm not talking about the carpet, I mean the fact that we don't know where Merry, Pippin and Aragorn are isn't good."
"Well where would they be? They'd better not be playing a prank."
"They could be in the loft with that poster of Sarah Michelle Gellar they think we don't know about, they could be in Gandalf's bedroom, in which case that's their problem because there's no way in hell I'm going in there, or―" Just then they heard a voice.
"Left foot green!"
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!"
"Hurry up and spin it somebody, this is bloody painful!"
"Why are you complaining, you're not the one who's almost doing the splits!"
"―They could be playing twister."
Since Frodo was occupying the lounge room (which contained the tv) the rest of the Fellowship had had to find other methods of amusement (that is not meant to be taken in a dirty way!). As a result, the hobbits' bedroom was strewn with various board games, which made moving around rather difficult, especially since Merry and Pippin had moved their mattresses onto the floor so they could play Scrabble in their sleep (although rather amusing the first time, the novelty had worn off for the rest of the Fellowship after they had discovered that they were likely to drool on the board as well).
Sam and Legolas entered wearing very grim faces, although it was hard to look grim when they saw Aragorn, Merry and Pippin's rather humorous situation, being tangled together with the bedclothes and the twister gameboard. "Aragorn, I think Anduril's getting a bit cold." Legolas knew Aragorn's psychology and was not disappointed.
"WHAT?! Andy! Don't worry, I'm coming!" The lump in the sheets currently known as Aragorn attempted to run at full speed down the hall and into the bedroom that he and Legolas (with much protesting) shared, but he only got as far as the end of the bed before Merry and Pippin acted as a suitable anchor. This made Aragorn almost strangle himself with the sheet, slip on the twister board and fall headfirst into a pile of very strange-smelling pieces of material that might have been clothes at one point. Some muffled words emitted from the pile that now contained Aragorn, the only comprehensible word being "sod".
Half an hour, a lot of swearing, several questions along the lines of "what have I done to deserve your company?", and a pair of scissors later Aragorn was in his room administering what seemed like every cold-and-flu tablet, drink and nose-spray in existence to Anduril. Merry and Pippin had also been freed from the clutches of the sheet, although both the bedclothes and the mattress had suffered considerably and were now existing as a lot of torn up pieces of fabric. Well, at least there was a lot of stuffing to patch up the mattress with.
"So why do you want to talk to us?" was the first thing that came out of Merry and Pippin's mouths, apart from "where's the Scrabble?".
"What?" Sam was preoccupied with trying to work out exactly where he'd put the scissors, and Legolas was busy getting away from the pile of dirty clothes.
"How stupid do you think we are?" Legolas and Sam looked at each other and silently agreed not to give their honest answer, "we know you're planning something."
"We will explain everything in the cupboard under the stairs, so go there."
"But we're hungry!"
"Go there via the kitchen then." The two hobbits trooped off to said kitchen, followed closely by Sam. Legolas cautiously entered Aragorn's bedroom and found him sitting next to the bed, which contained Anduril with a hot-water-bottle.
"How's it going?"
"I think he's getting better, but he just looks so weak. What if I can't cure him? What if he doesn't pull through?" If Aragorn had been any less butch he would have been crying, but as it was he just looked like he was near hysterics.
Legolas was about to point out that swords were inanimate objects so they weren't alive in the first place and therefore couldn't really die, but he decided that this was a point that Aragorn would not appreciate. Instead he tried to find some comforting words and almost succeeded. "Try not to think like that, it'll be fine but it needs know that it's loved, so I think you should stay with it for the rest of the night."
"Yes, that's a very good idea. Thankyou Legolas." Aragorn beamed and turned back to Anduril. Legolas rolled his eyes at the ranger's back, left him to it, and went off to find Gimli as he was needed in the house meeting. As if on cue Gimli appeared, in a good mood apparently and giving the Elf a friendly "och".
"Hi Gimli, there's a house meeting now and you have to come."
"But I'm hungry!"
Legolas saw a sandwich sitting conveniently on a shelf and handed it to Gimli. "Come on, you can eat it while we talk."
The meeting was started by Legolas and Sam explaining the situation to the others, all of whose responses were "words fail me". The group sat in silence for a while.
"How could it happen? I'm not sure about men, but with hobbits it's the girls who get pregnant." Pippin looked confused.
Merry looked thoughtful. "Maybe Frodo's a girl."
Sam grabbed the nearest thing he could reach (which happened to be a pencil) and implied to Merry that it could be inserted somewhere rather painful.
"No offence, but he is sorta girly. I mean, he's the one who usually cooks around here and he's never got married or anything, and he does look a bit girly."
Pippin came up with another explanation. "He could've had a sex change, I mean he's got lots of spare time and surgery's become so advanced…"
Sam was looking rather explosive and the mental pictures Legolas was getting were not pleasant. "It doesn't matter how it happened, the fact is that Frodo is pregnant and we have to do something about it."
"Aragorn?"
"He doesn't have a clue. We need a day to get everything sorted out and Aragorn needs to be out of the house while we're doing it. That's where you two come in," Legolas looked at Merry and Pippin. "You need to get Aragorn out of the house and keep him out of the house for a day."
The two hobbits in question looked like they'd been asked to stop liking Sarah Michelle Gellar. "And how exactly are we supposed to do that?"
Sam handed them three pieces of paper. "These are all-day passes to get into the water-park about two hours' drive from here, plus free food and drink. It has the largest slides outside of Euro-Disney." Merry and Pippin gibbered appreciatively.
At this point Gimli made a surprised/disgusted noise and held the sandwich as far away from him as possible. "I've heard of strange food cravings, but this is just scary…"
"What's in it?" Merry was looking interested.
Gimli showed them what appeared to be a cheese, two-minute noodle and peanut butter sandwich. Realization suddenly dawned on Merry's face. "Hey! That's mine!" Since Gimli didn't look like he wanted it anymore, the hobbit in question grabbed the sandwich and bit into it with apparent relish, while the others looked on with badly-concealed disgust. Even Pippin looked slightly queasy.
The awkward moment was ended by Aragorn's voice echoing through the near silent house. "Guys? Everybody? Where are you?" Upon realizing the gravity of the situation they all attempted to get out of the cupboard at once, which was a rather stupid idea as they all got stuck in the doorway. Their combined efforts was too much for the carefully stacked miscellaneous items, and a small avalanche resulted, pinning them down and making a considerable amount of noise. Aragorn opened the door and was greeted with the sight of all five of them in a rather uncompromising position (complete with sandwich), half buried under various cleaning equipment and an umbrella (Aragorn tried not to laugh, but it was very difficult as the mop hanging over Legolas's hair made him look like he had dreadlocks). The meeting was pointedly adjourned after that, and to prevent Aragorn from suspecting anything they all joined him for what was fast becoming the nightly 'Scrabble, Monopoly and Twister Marathon, Brought To You By The Sobs And Rustling Of Chocolate Wrappings Coming From The Lounge Room'.
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Sorry, this is a bit short but I haven't written any more yet and I don't want to keep you waiting. But the updates might take a bit longer from now on because on Tuesday I go back to school! Oh, the horror, the horror! Okay, school isn't so bad but there's a lot less time for writing fanfics. Sorry about that, if only there were more hours in the day… okay, I could skip school but I do like it most of the time and education is very important. Gets you a proper job in the big wide world because as much as I like writing fanfics the pay's atrocious. But the hours are good. Pity they don't pay you, otherwise I'd be a full-time fanfic writer. Hate to think what the electricity bill would be like though…
I promise the next chapter will be longer, I just have to write it first. Will probably contain chocolate, madness, tears, strange food combinations, Gandalf, and Elves. Possibly not Elves in the next chapter, but they will feature in the fanfic. Legolas (my favourite Elf) is in already, and I plan to include Elrond, Arwen and Haldir. If you want me to write in other Elves tell me in reviews. I like reviews. Reviews are good. Almost as good as sprite for getting me hyper. Hehe.
~Enelya
