AN: once again, thanks to the wonderful beta, JayBee-Bug.

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Jack let out a long breath as he allowed the warm water to cascade down his body. His eyes were shut as he enjoyed his shower. He didn't know how to feel. The anti-climax of their latest mission somehow disappointed him. But why exactly, he didn't know.

He was supposed to be glad. Sure they lost the ship, but they managed to get quite a lot of doohickeys for Carter to play with, blow up another mothership, and get back home without any extra casualties. He should have been happy. It was much better than any other mission that went wrong (and boy, how wrong this mission could have gone). But why did he get this nagging feeling that something was not right? That something was missing.

"Jack, are you done yet? We got a debriefing in 10 minutes," Daniel yelled from the outside.

"I'll be done in a minute," he shouted back, fighting the noise of the shower.

Reluctantly, he turned off the water. Grabbing the towel, he rubbed it roughly throughout his body, letting the material soak in the extra moisture. When he reached the locker room, Daniel was already gone. He said that he had to go to his office first to get some materials for the briefing. Wasting no time, he put on his BDU and headed towards the briefing room.

Unsurprisingly, the rest of his team was already there, together with the other senior officers involved in the mission. Doctor Fraiser was also present, to keep them appraised on the conditions of those who were injured. Greeting the occupants of the room, he then proceeded to take his seat next to his 2IC. He took a pencil and twirled it around his fingers absentmindedly while he watched the others. Daniel and Carter were talking animatedly with each other while Teal'c listened to them with his usual Teal'c's face. Fraiser was having a conversation with Major Grant in the corner of the room, next to the coffee machine. They were waiting for the General to start the debriefing.

And when the General arrived, they wasted no time. Carter was the first to give a report, she spoke about the SG-Alpha mission, followed by the others to complete the whole picture of the mission. The Doc gave her information about the Goa'uld that they had. Because the stasis jar was broken, she had to put it in a water tank to keep it alive. She hadn't had the time to study its physiology yet, but she recommended asking for the Tok'ra's assistance. She didn't really know what to expect from this 'advanced' type of snake, so she was hoping that their allies could shed some light onto it. And then somehow the discussion wandered towards the direction of the Goa'uld queen herself.

"Are you sure that she's gone?" General Hammond asked.

It was Daniel who answered, "Well, we all saw her stabbed from behind. Unless Kali managed to get there and put her back inside a sarcophagus, then it's safe to say that she is ... gone."

"She is." Without even thinking, Jack let everyone know his opinion about the matter.

Madden frowned. "How can you be so sure, Sir?"

"Called it a gut instinct, but I'm quite sure that that Shiva guy will make sure that she stays dead." It was not a gut instinct, somehow he just knew. There was something in the man's eyes that looked familiar.

The General nodded. He was satisfied with the Colonel's reassurance. "Anything else?"

"Ah, Sir. What about the NID? Have they heard about Sekhmet yet?" Carter expressed her concern. And he could relate to her anxiety, the NID didn't really have a good record concerning 'valuable' SGC findings.

"Not yet. But they will soon. I'll talk to the President and make sure that we have the priority to keep it here. But we might have to give them something in return."

"I'll work out the list for the technology that we managed to get from the mother ship. We could give some of it straight away to the NID, the ones that we are already familiar with," Carter agreed but was still wary. No alien technology could go out of the SGC without being preliminarily tested by her scientist club.

Jack studied her cautiously as she talked with Hammond. Without her even realizing it, little by little she took on more responsibility and now he could see that she was completely ready to be the next SG-1 leader. It'll be good to the team. A little change in it would only strengthen them.

And suddenly, the reality kicked him hard.

He would miss all of it. He would miss all the struggles and fighting. He would miss the briefings, the debriefings and the post mission check ups. He would miss the sound of the klaxons barking in the middle of the night with Davis's voice echoing 'Unauthorized Gate Activation' though the corridors. He would miss the red and green lines on the floor. He would miss Thor and his little friends. He would miss bugging Daniel and Carter as well as conning Teal'c into doing something 'fun'. He would miss the mess hall's Jell-O and pies.

On the other hand ...

He wouldn't miss the opportunity to never ever have to talk to the Tok'ra anymore (except Jacob). He wouldn't miss dealing with the NID. He wouldn't miss Daniel's and Carter's technobabble, although they had the tendency to do that anyway in everyday life (he *definitely* was staying in contact with his teammates). He wouldn't miss calling Carter 'Carter' (... maybe he would miss it a little, since it will be a little odd to call her a different name at first).

And yet ...

He couldn't help but feel that something was slipping through his fingers. He was proud of his team and knew for certain that they would do well without him. Now he could truly understand how parents felt about their children growing up. She will make her own mistakes and learn from them, while he watched from afar. It was a hard thing to do, but he wouldn't let the apprehension control him.

"Dismissed." The General's voice took him back to the present. The briefing was over. As he watched the older man walking towards his office, he put all his qualms aside like he always did. He stood up, informed his team to go ahead without him, walked towards the General's office and knocked.

"Come in," shouted the voice inside the room.

He reached for the doorknob and gripped it tightly. He had to do it. It was the right thing to do.

And then he opened the door.

***

Sam held the glass closer to her side nervously. Colonel O'Neill was sitting right in front of her, in the middle of O'Malleys. He said that he wanted to talk about something. She was aware that he had just had a conversation with the General, but she didn't want to jump to any conclusions just yet.

"I talked to Hammond..."

She concentrated on the table's surface in front of her and pursed her lips. She had sensed that something was bothering him during the debriefing. Here goes.

" ... you'll be the new SG-1 leader by the end of the month."

The glass that she was holding jumped a few centimeters, spilling some of the contents on the table.

"Wha … what did you say?" She stuttered when she asked the question. The grip on her glass tightened.

He looked at her in amusement. "You better put down the glass."

She glared at him. He made it sound like she was going to hurt the glass. He just smiled under her scrutinizing and enjoyed the sight of his 2IC following his advice and wipe the spill on the table with her napkin.

"I wanted it to be as soon as possible, but there's a stack of paperwork that needs to be dealt with. Why are you so surprised with the news?" He asked.

She put the wet napkin aside. "I thought ... since we lost the ship ... you know."

"What does the ship have to do with any of this?"

"It was supposed to be your retirement present, remember? And I blew it up."

"Wouldn't be the first one, would it?" he snorted playfully.

"Sir?"

"What about 'The O'Neill'? You blew that one as well."

She blushed as he reminded her. "I had to."

"Just like this one. You had to."

"But ..." she started to protest.

"Ah, ah, ah. No buts," he cut her off. His expression softened. "I thought you wanted this too."

"I do, but --" The glare in his eyes made her stop.

"Carter, I wouldn't do this if I wasn't completely sure."

She slumped back and rested her back against her chair. He made up his mind and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. But ...

"Back in the briefing room," she started in a low voice, "there was something that worried you. And for a moment I thought..." She didn't finish the sentence, but they both knew what she meant. "Anyway, I just want you to know that I understand if you don't want to go through with it."

He laughed. "There's no hiding from you, is there?"

She was confused by his laughter as she didn't find it amusing. Trying to get her message across, she raised her eyebrows at him.

When the laughter subsided, he continued, "You were right. Back in the briefing room I thought about missing so many things after I retired. But then I realized that it wasn't about the things that I will miss, it was about letting go."

Letting go? Of what? "What do you mean?"

She could see his hand tighten into a fist.

"I was afraid to let my life go. You know when you've been doing something for so long that you just can't remember exactly why you're doing it? And then when the reason is no longer a reason and you have a cause to stop, but you don't want to because you just don't know how to live a different life?" He paused. "It was like that." He took one of her hands into his. "There's some important things that I have to let go of so that I can gain. And I just know that you'll be worth whatever I'm giving up ..."

The emotion on his face caught her off-guard. And so did the sincere admission. It was frightening and yet exciting at the same time. She always knew that he was a deep kind of person behind the ignorant mask that he put on.

"... I know you'll be a good leader. Teal'c told me about Halle requesting to be on the rescue team. You have an effect on your subordinates; you make them want to do better..."

And he trusted her more than anyone had.

"... You are *you*."

He made her feel so precious. His compliment meant a lot more than a dozen of roses or gifts. Suddenly, her vision was blurred as she was fighting to keep her tears on hold.

"Thank you."

***

He watched her cough blood as her condition weakened. She was lying on the ground while he supported her head in his lap. He wiped the blood away with the end of his robe. The knife still rested inside her body.

"I've told you that I would never let you take my Ravi from me," his voice was steady, but not threatening.

Her eyes flashed, but the face softened as brown eyes met brown. "She is weak. And so am I. She's trying to repair the damage, but I don't think that she will succeed," she told him.

His eyes lightened up in expectation. "It is you? Tell me, is it really you?"

She raised her hand and reached for the symbol on his forehead. "I can't believe you did this. You always said that you'll never serve them."

He grabbed the stretched hand and held it close to his heart. "I also told you that I would never give you up. No matter what."

She laughed but then she coughed. "But at what price?" Her voice was getting lower and lower as she was getting weaker. "Serving a master that you despise, captured and tortured by the creature ... by me."

He cut her off straight away, "It wasn't you. You'd never do that to me."

"It was me. I killed you over and over again. With these hands ..." she trailed off as she stared at their joined hands that were covered in her blood. "It was me who made you suffer."

"But my suffering will not be for nothing. I'll free you from the creature."

He went to Ra and was his priest because of her. He told Ra of Durga's betrayal because of her. He asked to be the guard of Sekhmet because he knew that she would come back looking for her. He knew how special Sekhmet was to her. He purposely let Durga know where to find him, Ra had never really had any use for Mata for a long time, so he rarely visited it. He refused to give what Durga wanted because it was the only thing that chained her to him. He might be Durga's prisoner, but she was the one who was trapped. He waited for a chance for so long and finally it came and he took it.

"And for that I am grateful, but you shouldn't have. No one is worth that much sacrifice." Her eyes reflected gentleness that she hadn't shown ever since the creature took over her body.

"You are," he let his palm touch the side of her head. "You are."

They could hear the Jaffa approaching. Kali's troops had finally reached the planet's surface and were searching for their queen.

A look of panic flashed in her eyes. "They're coming for me. That's why she let me have control, so that she could concentrate on staying alive until they came for us."

"Shhh, don't be afraid. I won't let them take you away from me again." He cradled her like she was a fragile little infant. "And that's a promise."

She heard the Jaffa were closing their distance, but his voice had always had a calming effect on her. Always made her believe in the impossible.

His hand was trembling as it traveled to the handle of the knife.

"Sleep now. For the bad dream will soon be over," he whispered to her ears, his tears were flooding like an open dam.

And then he pulled the knife out with all his might.

"ARGHHH," she screamed in pain as her body tried to escape his death grip. But he was stronger. The white sari that she wore now started to turn into red.

He tried to block her cry to no avail; his heart was shattered into a million pieces. But he had to make sure that the creature was damaged beyond repair. The edge of the knife touched the back of her neck.

He planted a kiss on her hair. "My Ravi. No one can take you away from me."

And with that last word, he thrust the knife upwards.

Her eyes went wide for a brief second.

He could feel it went though the creature that resided inside her body. He twisted it as the body in his arm convulsed wildly. With that last movement, her body went rigid and then went limp. He left the knife where it was and held her tightly. The creature was history.

He sobbed and sobbed like there was no tomorrow. His Ravi had finally gone to a better place. He barely realized the rough hands that separated him from the still warm body of her. His brain didn't register the pain as his head was hit by the end of the staff weapon. His ears didn't hear the anguished holler that he had let out from his own mouth as he crumpled to the ground.

All that mattered was his Ravi was gone.

And without the sun, there was no life to live.

***

to be continue

The epilogue will soon follow, ;)