Disclaimer: Severus and Remus do not belong to me....but I wish they did. :-( I'm just borrowing them for my own sordid purposes.
Dedication: This is dedicated to everyone who reads this series! It took me a while to get up the courage to tackle a slash fic between these two, and I'm glad I did. Thank you everyone!
Author's Note: This is the fourth installation in my 'Someday Out of the Blue' series. I still have absolutely no idea where this is going. I'm leaving it up to the characters, really. They're really speaking to me on this one, and I'm glad for it. :-) And Kitten, yes it's still going on! A bit stronger in this one...
Someday Out of the Blue
Chapter 4
//Some day out of the blue//
//Maybe years from now//
//Or tomorrow night//
//I'll turn and I'll see you//
//As if we always knew//
//Some day we would live again, some day soon//
It was cold at night. Remus Lupin curled up under his thick blanket, pulling it right up below his chin. He could hear the wind howling outside, and the shutters rattling. It didn't, overall, create a calming atmosphere to fall asleep in. In fact, it made it very difficult to sleep. Lupin sat up, yawning. He pulled the blanket around him and slipped out of bed, to see if he could do something about the shutters. He was on the second floor, in a spare room. It was rather sparse, but that was really Lupin's fault. He didn't have many things to *put* in a room.
//Damn it...// He thought to himself, peering out the window. He would have to open it to secure the shutters, and that was not something Lupin wanted to do. It was raining hard outside, and the rain was pelting against the window thanks to the wind. He supposed he'd just have to put a silencing charm around the window, so he couldn't hear it. Holding the blanket tightly around him, he padded back over to the bed where his wand sat on a small bedside table. He picked it up, and preformed the simple charm. The sounds of the storm were immediately silenced. Lupin reflected that was almost as bad as the storm.
"I can't win, can I?" He asked aloud. He shook his head, crawling back into bed. He sank into the mattress, closing his eyes. He wasn't all that tired now. He tossed and turned for nearly half an hour before giving it up as a bad job. There was no way he was going to get a decent night's sleep tonight. He climbed out from under the blanket, shivering in the cold night air. His nightshirt was rather thin, and he fumbled for his bathrobe, pulling it on clumsily. It was brown and worn and faded in places, and the tie was tattered. It was much like everything else Remus owned. Old, worn and faded. When you spent most of your life wandering, you didn't have much time or money to buy things that were new and fresh.
The castle was slient and dark as Remus padded along the empty corridors, not entirely sure what he was doing. Maybe he'd run down to the kitchen, and grab a bite to eat. Though food right before bed was generally never a good idea. A mug of hot milk? That usually did the trick. But Remus wasn't exactly anxious to go to sleep. he had been, when he was actually tired. But now he was fully awake, and had no intention of sleeping. He was a night person anyway.
//Just like old times, eh?// He asked himself with a dry chuckle. It had been a very long time since he prowled the corridors at night. Though he had rarely been alone. Unless he was slipping out to meet Severus. Oh, that had always been a bit tricky. He had never, ever told anyone about the relationship, though he was nearly certain James had figured it out. There were plenty of times when Remus had bumped into Severus in the hall and exchanged brief pleasantries, and looked up to see James regarding him with curious, knowing eyes. But that was all. Nothing was ever said, which Remus was quite thankful for. If James, Sirius and Peter had been upset over a friendship with Severus, how would they have reacted to...what it had been? Hell, Sirius didn't even know that Remus was as partial to men as he was to women. It was the werewolf in him, that drew no line between genders.
//We can't be picky.// Remus' feet had brought him to the front hall. He leaned against the wall, looking out a window into the storm that was still raging outside. Now that he wasn't trying to sleep through it, he found it to be quite pretty. The rain was coming down in hard sheets, flattening the grass outside. The trees were painted black, and the lake was a dull silver. And the moon was covered...
He felt a familiar twang in his heart. It was usually late at night like this when he got to missing Severus. How many moonlight meetings had there been? Too many to count...almost every night. Except of course when he changed. He was actually surprised Severus never figured it out for himself. But Remus had been careful. He had taken other nights off, not just the full moon. Using the excuse that he didn't want his dorm mates to get suspicious. Severus had understood that. He had been as scared of being found out as Remus was.
Wrapping his arms around him, Remus sank down against the wall. It was cool and somewhat comfortable, sitting on the floor there. He leaned his head back against the stone, wondering if there was any chance Sirius was still up. He doubted it, and decided he really didn't want his friends' company. Sirius would ask questions, like why Remus seemed so sad. And what could he tell him? //Oh, I'm sad because I fell madly in love with Snape in our fourth or fifth year, and I can't ever fall in love with anyone else, but he hates me now.// Oh yes, that would go over quite well with Sirius. The reaction he would get if he told him, however, was humorous. Almost enough to take his mind off Severus.
//He still hates me.// It wasn't a painful thought, not anymore. He had had two years to come to terms with the fact. Now it was just something cold inside of his mind. He had thought that maybe, maybe after all of these years the hate would have faded some. But it was as strong as ever. Probably stronger, considering Lupin had gotten the position Snape was after. And nothing Remus could do would change the other mans' mind. He had been the same as ever. Even after the...incident, he had been as cordial to Severus as before. That had been the hardest...before and after. Seeing him the halls, in class...and being distantly polite Friendly, as he had not tried to hide the fact that they were friends of a sort, but nothing more. It had been hell. Neither Peter nor Sirius had had any clue. Peter never would have even thought about something like that, and Sirius...well, Sirius just didn't think much. James though...if he had only been a bit more discreet...oh, James had known all right.
~5th year~
Remus and James were paired with Severus and another Slytherin for Herbology class. Professor Sprout always teamed up out of house. On that particular day, the other Slytherin was absent-asleep in the infirmary after a nasty accident in potions class. Remus had placed himself diplomatically between Severus and James. They were pruning Wing-Bushes, so called for their long, wing like leaves. They grew at an alarming rate, and had to be pruned then charmed to prevent the leaves from growing back too soon and too many.
"Pass me the clippers?" James said, frowning down at his plant. "I messed up the charm..."
"Sure." Remus leaned over Severus to pick up the clippers, his arm brushing against him. He could smell Severus quite clearly, thanks to his enhanced sense of smell. He had always likened the Slytherin's scent to that of snow and rain. It was a very crisp, clean smell. He realized suddenly he was taking far too long to retrieve a pair of clippers. He pulled back suddenly, blushing furiously. Severus paid no heed, his face thoughtful and intense as he clipped his bush. Remus handed the clippers over to James, mumbling something unintelligible.
"Thanks..." James voice said everything. He was suspicious. Neither one said anything for a few moments. Severus rarely talked, something Remus was quite used to by now. From what he had heard, Severus had learned the hard way that it was better to keep his mouth shut. "Damn it! I just can't get this right..." James sighed, shaking his head. Herbology wasn't his best class.
"Here..." Remus turned his attention to James' plant, picking up the clippers and demonstrating the charm. But his mind was still off thinking about Severus, and he misplaced an inflection. "Whoops!" he blanched, attacking the rapidly sprouting leaves with the clippers, mumbling the incantation as he went.
"Ha!" Sirius Black-who was ignoring his Slytherin partners-looked over and saw the trouble they were having. "James Potter, beaten by a bush!"
"Oh, shut up." James said, good naturedly. That started an across the green house verbal spar between the two. Remus shook his head, chuckling at his friends, and turned back to his own bush.
"I hate these things." he moaned, attacking the plant savagely with the clippers.
"It could be worse." Severus said, and Remus was surprised. The Slytherin had said nothing other then monosyllables since the class started. "It could have teeth or thorns. Be happy it doesn't."
"Adds excitement." Remus said with a grin. Severus only made a noncommittal noise. Remus shook his head, and patted Severus' arm in a friendly manner. He rested his hand on the other boy's arm for a moment, squeezing gently. He had a sudden, insane urge to hold Severus' hand. He was near certain the other boy would not appreciated that. Whether in class or out. Severus had tensed a bit when Remus laid his hand on him, but that was normal. Remus suspected he was not well taken care of at home. He knew not to push though, that Severus would open up when he was ready. Besides, it wasn't as though Sev was the only one keeping secrets in the relationship. Remus looked up shyly, giving Severus a small smile that he hoped was comforting. He heard James clear his throat politely, and jerked his hand away. He felt his cheeks flushed, and returned his attention to his plant.
*****
That night, Remus sat underneath a large tree on the grounds, legs tucked up under him. He was waiting for Severus. He hadn't bothered to get dressed really, had just thrown on his robes over his pajamas. They were, he decided, probably the most expensive thing he owned. They had been a gift from James. White and silky and best of all, brand new. His parents never spent that much money on him for anything other then school supplies. He much prefered these to the old sweats he had worn beforehand.
"I thought we had agreed to be careful?"
Remus jumped up as Severus' voice alerted him to the other boy's presence. He was wearing a black sweater and faded jeans, and was smoking a cigarette. It seemed to Remus that Severus was almost always smoking.
"Sorry..." Remus muttered. He hadn't meant to be so...obvious. Severus shrugged, sitting down beside Remus. They sat there, in silence, until Severus finished his cigarette. The air still held a taste of winter, enough that when a slight breeze stirred, Remus shivered slightly and pressed himself against Severus for the warmth he offered, as much as to be close. Severus did nothing, just sat with his head tilted back and his black eyes looking towards the sky. Remus rested his head on Severus' shoulder, his eyes studying the column of the black haired boy's throat.
"I shouldn't be here." Severus said, and Remus chuckled. He was used to this. Severus couldn't let a meeting go by without complaining about it. Or listing the reason's why they shouldn't be together. But he never left, and he never ended it. Remus was pretty sure Severus' complaints were more habit then anything else. "I shouldn't be with *you*."
"But you are." he said. "And I'm glad you are." He nuzzled Severus' neck, his lips brushing over the pale skin. He felt Severus' arm go around him, resting hesitantly on his shoulders. He always seemed so nervous when Remus touched him intimately. He straitened, moving so he was straddling Severus' lap. "Just getting comfortable." He said softly, seeing Severus tense and draw back slightly. "Is everything okay?"
"Fine." The word was spat out like a bullet, but Remus only nodded. He rested a hand on Severus' shoulder, tilting his head to look at the other boy. He shivered again, and Severus put his arms around him again, hands resting on Remus' back. "You're cold." He said, flatly. Remus only shrugged, leaning forward to rest against Severus' chest, his head tucked up under his chin. Severus left his hands on Remus' back.
"This is nice." Remus said, sighing contentedly. Didn't Severus think so? He only made a small noise in his throat, either 'hmmm' or 'mmm'. Remus couldn't quite tell. He tilted his head upwards, licking his lips to moisten them. They were dry from the cold night air. Apparently Severus took it as an invitation, because he kissed Remus gently and briefly. His kisses were always brief and chaste. Remus frowned slightly, his hand reaching up to stroke Severus' cheek gently. "What?" He asked, puzzled.
"'What' what?" Severus asked, raising his eyebrow.
"It just..." Remus paused, trying to put to words how he felt. "It seems like you only kiss me because you think you have to." He finally said. That was exactly what it was. It was as if Severus kissed him only because it was what he was *supposed* to do, not because he wanted to.
"I don't." Severus snapped. "I don't *have* to do anything."
"Then..." Remus frowned again. He didn't want to insult Severus. But his kisses were so...lacking. So cold, and distant. He sucked in his lower lip, thinking how to phrase all he wanted to say. He knew there had to be reasons for Severus' distance, and he accepted that. He had to! It wouldn't be right to pressure Severus, when Remus was keeping his own secrets. But Remus had a few ideas. He knew Severus' mother was a drunkard, and he knew that when people got drunk they sometimes go violent...
"Oh, be quiet." Severus snapped. He narrowed his eyes, one hand coming up to cup Remus' face lightly. The tawny haired Gryffindor blinked in surprise. He hadn't even said anything! He opened his mouth to protest, but Severus silenced any words with a rather savage kiss. His lips closed over Remus' harshly, his tongue darting out to slide into Remus' mouth possessively. That was a surprise! Remus leaned into the kiss, Severus' hands running over his back, neck, shoulders...his tongue caressed Remus' lips, before sliding between them again. Remus recovered, returning the kiss with a fervor. His tongue battered against Severus', his hands tightening on his shoulders. His mouth tasted of smoke and lemon, and his scent overpowered Remus. He tangled his hands in Severus' hair, running his fingers through it.
They stayed like that for nearly half an hour, ending up lying together on the ground, Severus spread over Remus. Both were tired and Remus for one was quite content. He wrapped his arms tightly around Severus, pulling him closely against him. He liked the comfortable weight of him on his chest and hips, and his hands ran along Severus' spine. He was certainly not cold anymore.
"I have to go." Severus pushed himself up, his raven black hair falling into his face. Remus nodded, rolling his shoulders as he sat up as well. He kissed Severus again, lightly, before pulling away and allowing the Slytherin to stand. "I'm sorry." Severus said, his eyes dark and glittering. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Severus was gone before he could. What had that been about? Was he apologizing for kissing him, or for leaving right afterwards? Remus pulled his bathrobe about him-they had been using it as a blanket-and returned to the school.
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Stay tuned for Chapter 5!
